“Can you blame me? You’re ‘The Axe’, you know? You’re a pro football player with a lot of money and even more fame. I guess it’s bad to judge, huh?” She crossed her arms and turned to look at me. I couldn’t figure out the expression she was making, but there was something like warmth and understanding in it.
“Guess not,” I conceded. I was sure a few years ago I would have lived up to the superstar image. Molly changed everything, but there was no way I would give that up for the world. I smiled and my gaze traveled to the playroom. Even if Larry was annoying and tried too hard to act like a high-roller-cool-guy, only coming off as a middle-aged wannabe, he treated Molly well and she enjoyed his company. He was a walking and talking cliché with his razzle-dazzle chains and his balding head, but he had a good heart.
Molly didn’t care about the man’s hair plugs or what his silly gold chains said about him; all she cared about was that he was nice to her.
“I used to be into the superstar lifestyle until my ex burned me,” I said with a rueful smile. My eyes flicked to the ground. It wasn’t the first time I had been open with Mira, but it was probably most vulnerable; anything relating to Molly was. “Yeah, her mom. She doesn't know her as mom or, well, she actually doesn't know her at all.” I grimaced, “I intend to keep it that way.”
“It’s tough to trust the wrong people,” Mira said with a soft voice. I looked at her and she could see the question marks in my eyes. “I trusted the lead doctor back at my old work place. I really did,” she said.
“Listen, sorry about last time when you mentioned that situation.”
“Yeah, well,” Mira said woefully, “It is what it is, right? I trusted him; looked up to him, even. But little did I know the more I trusted him the more dangerous it was. He took advantage of that bond I had forged with him and he pushed me. He pushed a little each day until he took things too far. His propositions started off benign, just asking for coffee in the break room. Eventually it was clear what he was really after and he wasn’t letting up. I finally broke, told him off, and got the hell out of there.”
“Sounds like you did the right thing,” I told her. She nodded. “I know it’s tough getting out there on your own, but you’re really great at what you do. Plus, it can’t hurt to have a name like ‘The Axe’ on your list.” I grinned smugly, but it was obvious I was at least half-joking. “Sometimes I wonder if I’m making the right choice but when I look at her I know I’ll do anything to make sure she’s happy and healthy and safe.”
Mira reached out to place her hand on my forearm. I turned to look at her, the warmth of her fingertips flooding through my veins at once.
“I know,” she said.
Just then Larry walked out of the playroom and Mira jerked her arm away, resting it on the massage table. “That massage all about done now?”
I could see the panic in Mira’s eyes.
“I haven’t felt this good in years.” I turned to look at Mira and there was a charge between us; we both know I wasn’t just talking about her massages.
I called Zak the following night. I couldn’t stop thinking about Axel and how we connected. It was all so unexpected and moving, so quickly I found it hard to believe it was actually happening. I had spent all day thinking about the fact that this guy used to be my older brother’s best friend. It felt weird to see him so often and get close to him. Still, I knew I had to leave certain details out when talking to Zak.
“What’s up?” He sounded lazy, like always, but I was glad he actually answered.
“Wow, I managed to get you on the phone,” I said dryly.
“Gotta answer once in a while or else you’ll blow up my phone,” he shot back.
“Like you’re that important,” I laughed.
“You know it,” he said confidently, and I could already picture the look on his face. It had been a while since I saw him, but I was sure that friendly smile of his hadn’t changed.
“Yeah, whatever. So what’s Mr. Important got going on right now?”
“Building a tree house,” he said like it was the most normal thing in the world. I chuckled. He was quick to shut me up, “new neighbors, new kids. These people are friendlier and they’re paying so why not?”
“Oh my gosh, remember when dad tried to build a tree house?”
“It’s a good thing he tested it before he let you climb up there with your princess gear,” Zak laughed. I cracked up remembering how I stood there in my dress, crown, and this little bag I insisted was only suitable for my royal getup. I had dragged my favorite teddy along and a book, all ready to spend my time locked up in a tower. “He came tumbling down faster than someone could yell ‘timber.’ That was classic.” The two of us had a good laugh before he told me all about how the treehouse project came up.
“That sounds pretty cool,” I said. I was glad he took on a fun project and was getting friendly with the neighbors.
“Speaking of cool,” he said, “How’s that super Zen friend of yours? Does she know all about your caffeine addiction and affinity for big, juicy steaks yet?”
I laughed, “No chance. I mean, she knows stuff I like, but she’s hell bent on getting me to ‘moderate’ everything. I’m into it, though. Moderation is–”
“Says the girl who drinks her weight in coffee each day,” Zak snorted.
“Hey! I don’t do that. Not anymore, anyway. Kind of. Shut up, Zak. At least I’m trying to find inner peace here.”
“And depriving yourself constantly of what you really want achieves that how?”
I stayed quiet, but only because my mind was on Axel now. I really wanted him, but I had to deprive myself. He wasn’t allowed even in moderation. I let out a heavy sigh. I wanted to bring him up, but didn’t want Zak to get suspicious of anything. Then I remembered how Axel had picked up the broken pieces of wood and leaned them against the tree for a makeshift tree house... on the ground. I started cracking up.
“What’s so funny now?”
“You remember the time Axel made his own broken ass tree house. He called it ‘The Axe House’? Sounds like a bad horror movie.”
Zak snorted and I took the chance to guide the conversation, “He was fun.”
“Of course you’d say that, you were so gaga for him that you failed to realize what an annoying kid sister you were being, always butting into my friendships.”
“Oh, come on, all kid siblings are annoying. That’s our job.” I laughed with him. I knew he was rolling his eyes on the other end of the phone. “When was the last time you even talked to him?”
“Don’t start this up,” he teased. “You were so totally in love with him, it was embarrassing. Please put that memory away,” he pleaded with a laugh. I felt myself blush and I hurriedly mumbled something about having to meet up with a friend before getting off the phone.
I wondered how Zak would react if he found out about Axel and I? It was weird to think about the past again. I knew I was crazy for Axel when we were younger. And back then the feelings weren’t reciprocated. But now I wanted to think the feelings weren’t totally one-sided. I sat in silence for a second.
“This is all too fucking weird,” I mumbled.
I was so consumed in my thoughts that I nearly jumped a mile when my text message alert went off. I quickly grabbed the phone. It was Shellsea. The text message read:
-I’m outside. -
I blanked for a moment then realized I had totally forgotten that we were supposed to brew kombucha together. My heart sank at the thought of having to drink that nasty sludge again. I remembered how I reacted to it before and even though some time had passed, I wasn’t keen on drinking it again any time soon. Like ever.
But the time was now and Shellsea was outside with the ‘kombucha mother’. I had to will myself not to throw up in my mouth a little and I hadn’t even tried it yet.
I went to the door, ready to put a brave face on, but Shellsea busted in with an uncharacteristic rage before I had a chance to open it. I watched as she sla
mmed down a reusable fabric bag full of something heavy. She tugged down the fabric to reveal a bunch of liquor and not the gut wrenching kombucha tea I was expecting to see. I said a little prayer under my breath. Anything but that stuff would have been welcome. But now things were even more confusing.
“Uh, Shells, what’s this?”
“Chocolate martinis,” Shellsea responded like she couldn’t believe I didn’t know.
“You don’t drink,” I reminded her with an off expression. Shellsea rounded on me with such rage in her eyes that I actually took a step back.
“I do when I find out that Jude stopped fucking me, not because of some enlightenment bullshit, but because he's too tired after his ‘five-hour tantric sessions’ with some D-list bimbo with bolt-on boobs.” She pulled out several bottles of top-shelf liquor and a bottle of chocolate syrup from her bag before turning to look at me. I was staring at her in total disbelief. “What?” She shrugged, “I'm getting a colonic tomorrow anyway. This doesn't count.”
“It’s not that, Shells.”
Shellsea frowned, “I know.” She crossed to the kitchen and pulled out two glasses before walking back over and dropping down on the floor, cross-legged, in front of the coffee table. She opened the liquor bottle first and poured a copious amount into each glass, then opened the chocolate syrup and squirted some inside each. “Come on,” she said. I shrugged and joined her on the floor.
“So Jude,” I said after my first sip of the very strong, unsavory drink she had handed me.
“That asshole,” Shellsea corrected with a scowl. “All those stupid parties I went to with him and his so-called celebrity connections. Do you know how ridiculous some of those were?” Shellsea practically downed her drink and immediately fixed herself a refill.
I sipped mine quietly thinking that, yes, I did know how ridiculous some of those parties were. I was glad Shellsea only dragged me to one because that was enough to reaffirm my decision to stay far away from them forever. Jude had somehow managed to be friends with C-list actors and low-level reality stars. Most of them shared a common love to be choosy spiritual and physical health nuts.
“He met her at one of those parties,” Shellsea grumbled into her glass. She took a huge gulp before going on, “She isn’t even pretty, you know? She’s definitely not smart or interesting. I don’t know what the hell he sees in her, but whatever she does when fucking him must be amazing if that’s all he wants.” She downed her second drink and poured more alcohol into her glass, this time with a lot less chocolate.
I was still on my first glass but I decided not to let my best friend get drunk alone. I downed the rest of my drink and fixed a second one, making sure to make it a little more palatable this time since I was my own bartender now.
“Tonight we can get a little reckless and have fun, but I won’t let you get off track.” I said with a reassuring bump of the elbow.
“Off track of what?”
“You can keep calm and achieve a higher state and you know it,” I told her.
“But sometimes something else is in order,” Shellsea objected, raising her glass.
“I know but that’s only sometimes.”
“I’m the one who taught you about moderation, or are you already forgetting that?”
I laughed and clinked my glass to hers before downing the rest of my drink in one gulp. The two of us spent the next couple hours drinking before we ended up singing our favorite songs from a decade ago. It was fun and therapeutic in its own way. By the time Shellsea passed out on my couch, I was completely plastered.
I grabbed a blanket out of my closet and threw it over Shellsea before walking over to bolt my door shut. I drank a glass of water then poured a glass for her and left it on the coffee table. Then I walked to my bedroom and took off all my clothes to climb into bed.
“Fuck it,” I whispered. As I thought about all the kombacha tea, yoga, deep breaths, and Zen states.
Moderation and professional decorum could go fuck themselves. I did enough to suppress everything I wanted and like my older brother keenly pointed out, what did that really help? I didn’t feel any closer to being ‘Zen’ just because I had stopped myself from eating and doing and acting how I truly wanted to.
Maybe what I really needed to moderate was how I defined ‘moderation’ itself. I had always wanted to fuck Axel Montgomery. There was no question about it, even if my young teenaged mind had thought about it being all cute and sweet like in a movie. Now that I had gotten the real thing, and damn was it amazing, I wanted it again. I didn’t want to stop myself from everything, especially not from this.
I shut my eyes and remembered what we did in the massage room. I thought about his muscular body, slick with oil and shining under the lights. His skin felt so smooth and hot. Then I thought about his manhood—all throbbing and thick and thrusting into me.
I reached down and brushed my fingertips between my legs, thinking about how amazing it felt to have him inside of me.
Moderation be damned, I wanted more.
I was running across the field, holding the football in my hands. The sun was beating down on me and a line of sweat ran down from my forehead, but I was feeling good. I heard some angry yelling from one of my teammates, but it didn’t concern me. I kept going until the whistle blew and I made my way back over to the water cooler where the coach was standing.
It was the first practice I was able to participate in after what had felt like an eternity. It felt amazing to be back on the field, it didn’t matter if it was only practice. I was just glad to be out there, crunching the grass under my feet rather than sitting my ass on the bench. My shoulder ached some but that was to be expected. What mattered was that the sharp pain was gone and I could power through pretty much anything now.
I knew it was especially thanks to my time with Mira. Firing that old hippie-type massage therapist was one of the best decisions I had ever made. Pestering Larry to find me another massage therapist sure had paid off. From the first massage I knew she was the one for me. But I never thought I would think of her as more than a therapist.
I tossed the ball in the air and caught it. I didn’t wince. I quietly thanked Mira under my breath. It wasn’t just about the massages she gave me with her magic hands. I smirked, thinking about how I told her she was magic. It was strange how just sitting next to her on my couch was so fulfilling. That was something I never felt with my ex. With her I was always on edge.
The coach caught my attention and snapped me out of my rambling thoughts. I jogged over to him, football tucked securely under my arm. “Yeah?”
“Go easy on the shoulder, Axe, you look rough out there,” the coach advised as he handed me a cup of cold water.
I gulped it down gratefully, “Yeah, things are still really tight. I need to be sure to get that massage in so things keep going in the right direction.” It was mostly a lie, I just wanted to keep seeing her. She was supposed to be there later that day and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Thinking of her kept me distracted during practice.
“Alright well go ahead,” the Coach nodded and dismissed me early. I turned away, ignoring a call from one of my annoying teammates.
I turned to check on the locker room area and saw Mira already standing there. A huge grin spread across my face. I walked over to her, paper cup now crumpled up in my hand. The thought of her watching me as I played gave me a little spark of energy. I was happy she finally had a chance to see me in my element, even if it was a weak practice. I picked up my pace until I was jogging, making my way quickly up to her.
I didn’t give a damn about my sweaty uniform or who might be loitering in the area. As soon as I walked up to her I backed her into the tunnel going underneath the stadium and pressed her up against the wall with a kiss. I pressed my lips against hers, sidling her body between me and the wall and enjoying every second of it to the fullest.
To my surprise, she didn’t hesitate. She fell into it and kissed me back. She stilled her body aga
inst mine and wrapped her arms around me. I wanted to make a snide remark about how she said we needed to stay professional, but I couldn’t bring myself to stop kissing her. She tasted sweet and her body was warm. I loved the way she felt against me. I took a moment to catch my breath and cracked my eyes open to look into hers. They were bright with excitement.
“Hey,” I mumbled, my lips brushing against hers as I spoke.
“Hey.” She smiled back
It was new and exciting to hear her talk like that. It was all I needed. I grabbed the back of her head and kissed her again. She sighed softly against my mouth and wrapped her hand around the back of my neck.
That was all the invitation I needed to take her to the massage room and lock the door behind me.
My mind was in a haze. My skin was on fire with Axel leaving a burning trail everywhere he ran his fingers. My decision to let go of moderation, professionalism, and everything else holding me back had not wavered; and the more Axel kissed me and pushed me up against the door, the stronger I felt about being with him. The doorknob dug into my back and I yelped.
“Sorry,” he muttered before landing his lips on mine again.
I opened my eyes and leaned my head back, breathing heavily as he kissed my neck and ran his hand under my shirt. I loved the way it felt when he grabbed my waist and touched my stomach. I lifted my leg up instinctively and jutted my chest out, prompting him to bury his face between my breasts even though they were covered by my shirt. I loved the fact that he found me so irresistible. I rolled my hips forward and felt his hardening bulge push against me. We both groaned with pleasure.
This time there was more urgency to our movements. It was like we both kicked down a figurative door to fun and adventure and not the reserved professionalism we tried to maintain. Now we weren’t willing to wait to walk through it. We charged forward. We wanted each other so badly. There was heat and want and need generated between our bodies. I spotted a chair in the corner and pushed him back.
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