Axel opened his mouth to protest, but Dr. Killian stopped him. “Don’t even try to deny anything,” he said shortly. “The security cameras caught you and her in the hallway. So even if what I heard won’t stand up, that footage certainly will.”
I was aghast. The dread reached every part of my body and I went numb. I lost all feeling and it started to feel like the ground was slipping out from underneath me. Looking into the doctor’s eyes I could tell he had every intention to take this all the way. I wondered if he had always had it in for me for some reason. Or maybe he had it in for Axel?
I thought of everything I had to sign but, more importantly, the way Dr. Killian talked to me during our meeting. I distinctly remembered feeling like he thought I was some idiot woman only after one thing—to get ahead by using Axel’s name, never mind our complicated past. Did Dr. Killian always suspect me of doing something wrong? Did he have a strange vendetta against me? None of that mattered. The end result would be the same anyway.
I thought of all the work I had put into being my own boss and the reason it all started. That was when I found myself glaring at Dr. Killian; like it was back at my old place, there I was at the mercy of some tight-ass doctor. I felt so many strong emotions at once that my head started to spin. I thrusted the paper back into the doctor’s hand and placed mine flat on the wall to hold myself steady.
“So, you’re saying...” My voice trailed off and I looked away from Dr. Killian. I couldn’t even bear to look at him. This was too much. What was I supposed to do now? I didn’t know if this was worth it, but it was too late now. Horror overtook me, flooding my system until it slowly changed to anger.
That was when I had the awful, sinking realization that this really could cost me everything. From one moment to the next, everything I had worked so hard for could be over. My license was on the line. As my mind raced a million miles an hour I heard Axel growl. My instinct was to turn and look at him, but I couldn’t even do that. I felt frozen.
“The team can't fire her. She is mine.” Axel said with clenched fists.
“Oh, I’m sure she’s all yours Mr. Montgomery, but that’s the problem to begin with.”
I knew the doctor was testing Axel, taunting him, but I couldn’t take my focus off Axel’s words. I really hated the way he referred to me as ‘his’. Being hired by him wasn’t the same thing and I thought of what Zak had said earlier. Maybe my older brother was right and Axel was just incapable of knowing the difference.
“You know what I mean,” Axel snapped. Dr. Killian made a snorting laugh, almost as if he was delighting in causing me pain. “She is my personal employee and that means I’m the only one with power over her.”
And that was when I snapped back into the moment at hand, despite the panic and surge of emotions flowing through me. I turned to look at Axel. He was completely serious. I couldn’t believe my ears. I couldn’t believe it even though I was standing right next to him and heard it for myself. Now I knew that was how he saw me. It hurt and I hated to admit it, but after what Zak had told me, there was no two ways about it. My brother warned me and now, there I was, just one day later and I couldn’t believe just how right he was.
I ran through the series of events quickly in my mind and I grew livid. I was ashamed and disappointed in myself. I fell for Axel’s act, let myself get carried away by an old crush and how sweet he was with his little girl.
It had to have been the stupidest thing I had ever done. I berated myself. Even today he decided to treat me like a high-priced babysitter and I gave in. Axel didn’t know what the word ‘no’ meant because nobody ever said it to him. I was guilty of never saying no to him also. I hated that about myself. Standing there in that moment, I knew it had to be the truth. He was an even bigger asshole than I remembered him being.
He finally turned to meet my gaze.
I looked at him, utterly stricken with shock before turning around and walking away as fast as I could.
I watched Mira rush off. It took only a second for me to realize I had fucked up. It took a couple seconds longer for my mind to kick into high gear and try to run after her; but I was stopped by Molly. I couldn’t leave her and now she was getting extremely fussy.
“Molly,” I said seriously, crouching down in front of her.
I had no effect on her as she continued twisting and turning her wrist, trying to escape from my grasp. I wondered if she wanted to run after Mira or if she just wanted to get carried to have a nap. Either way, Mira was gone but I was still determined to find her. I couldn’t leave things like that.
“We need to go, Molls.” Molly whined and muttered something; that was when I saw the tears well up in her eyes and I knew what was coming.
Please not now. I needed to get away from Dr. Killian and chase after Mira with the small hope that I could fix what I had royally screwed up. With no time or patience, I scooped up the protesting Molly.
“We’ll talk later.” I said curtly to Dr. Killian.
I turned on my heel and jogged off toward my car, screaming toddler in my arms and the bag I had packed for her bouncing against my thigh. I packed her into the car, throwing a soft fleece blanket over her and letting her cradle her doll in her arms. She promptly fell asleep in the car seat by the time I was buckled up and ready to go.
“Yes,” I whispered with joy, checking her one last time in my rearview mirror before peeling out of the parking lot.
For some reason the only place I could think to check for Mira was at her office. I had no clue why she might go there now, but I figured it couldn’t hurt to stop by. I drove to her office while fighting crosstown traffic, hell bent on not giving up. I thought of the way she reacted to me when I asked her to watch Molly and her reaction to what I had told Dr. Killian. All I could hope for was that everything wasn’t lost. I needed to fix things.
I turned into the parking lot, parked the car, and hastily grabbed Molly from the back seat. I just carried her because convincing her to walk would take too long. She was a bit subdued from feeling worn out. I walked fast until I reached the door to Mira’s office. I knocked, but there was no answer. I jiggled the door to no luck. I knocked louder, but still nothing.
I muttered a few curse words under my breath and carried Molly back to the car seat. I muttered a few more choice words when I realized I didn’t even know where Mira lived.
“Shit,” My eyes darted immediately to the rearview mirror to make sure Molly wasn’t listening. I racked my brain for answers. Her address had to be on one of the forms she signed, but I knew there was no way I was getting anything from Dr. Killian. I leaned my head back and sighed. There was only one person I could call.
I pulled my cellphone out of my pocket and opened up my old email account to fish out a number from my contacts, one I hadn’t called in years. I braced myself before hitting the call button. I had no idea how this conversation was going to go down, but I didn’t feel great about it. A few seconds later there was an answer.
I cleared my throat, “Hey Zak, uh, it’s me, Axel. Axel Montgomery?”
There was a moment of silence followed by a simple but dry, “Yeah?”
I counted my blessings. I was relieved that he hadn’t started off with a slew of cuss words. I couldn’t just jump into asking for him for his little sister’s address though.
“Hey man, look, I’m sorry.”
Zak laughed mockingly, “Of course you are now that you need something. Never thought you’d seek help from us commoners, huh?”
I let out a long, quiet breath. As annoying as it was, Zak had a point. When I thought of my past behavior I actually cringed; and then I realized I wouldn’t have had that type of reaction were it not for Mira’s influence. I turned to look back at Molly, but she was sleeping peacefully in my car seat, in the comfort of the air-conditioned car, so I had nothing to worry about.
“I can’t argue with you on that. I was an ass. I know. It took me a long time to even realize it. Too long actually. I can’t tell yo
u how sorry I am. And yeah, I need something, but I’m not full of it.” I paused, trying to think of a way to get Zak to believe me. “Think about it, man. Would someone like me really call and say these things?”
I heard an audible sigh come through the phone. I knew I had at least gotten him to hear me out. “Probably not. You were a real son of a bitch but, from where I stand, not much has changed.”
“Guess not,” I said. I debated how much I should actually tell Zak. I had no clue if Mira had filled her brother in on all that had gone on between us. “Well, I hadn’t changed. But then I did something to make myself realize I needed to.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah,” I breathed out, the image of Mira glaring at me before she rushed away burned into my brain. “I’m finally realizing it’s not all about money and fame. There’s more to it, especially when dealing with people. There are those like my manager who see me and only care about dollar signs and then there are others who I need to treat better than I have been. But the most important of all are the people I love.”
“The people you love,” Zak repeated flatly.
“Yeah.” I looked in the rearview mirror at my sleeping daughter. A smile curled around the corners of my lips. “Money doesn't do shit when you fuck up and don't have the people you love in your life. I’m sorry if I wasn’t a good friend Zak. I miss hangin’ with you. You were the only person in my life that didn’t run around kissing my ass. You were genuine and that means something.”
“And this realization came suddenly?”
“Isn’t that how it happens though? I mean it started slowly, but the realization happened a little while ago.”
“I know about you and Mira.” Zak said in his same flat tone. My heart dropped a level.
“I figured she told you. I fucked up, man. I really like Miranda and I fucked up. I just need to talk to her. Can you give me her address so I can go apologize in person and set things right? I drove out to her office on the off chance I could find her, but she wasn’t there.”
Zak stayed quiet for a long time. I could only hope he was considering helping me out. I couldn’t have been more sincere. Now I was left clutching to the tiny chance that he’d forgive me for all the times I was an asshole in the past and give me the opportunity to set things right. There was nothing else I could do. I had never felt more helpless. All the times I had treated people badly in the past was finally catching up to me. Now all I could do was wait and hope Zak would show me some kind of forgiveness.
“She must mean a lot to you,” Zak finally said. He didn’t sound nearly as harsh or dry anymore.
“She does,” I admitted, my chest swelling with a deep breath.
“You know how I know? You finally called her Miranda instead of Randy.” The two of us busted out laughing.
“I like how that’s what really convinced you and not the whole pouring my heart out speech,” I laughed.
“Cheesy speeches can be ripped off from movies, but a detail like that requires some brains to pull off. And we all know you don’t have those, so you must be genuine.” Zak joked.
“Damn, man, pretty harsh,” I laughed. It was refreshing to be joking with Zak again. It felt like old times.
“My sis is gonna kill me, but here you go.”
As soon as he gave me the address I kicked my car into drive and was eager to hang up the phone. “I can’t thank you enough!”
“Axel!” Zak barked before I had a chance to end the call.
“Yeah?”
“You’ve always been the best at everything you do. So be the best for her. She deserves it.”
My heart sank and a lump lodged in my throat. His words hit me harder than any sprinting linebacker ever could.
“I will.”
I was lying in the middle of my living room floor with loud music blasting through the speakers I rarely used. Occasionally I sat up only enough to slurp more of the chocolate martini I was drinking, which had far more liquor than chocolate syrup.
I took another slurp, not giving a damn about moderation or decorum. I tried moderation, messed it up and got screwed over, and now I was done with everything. I needed to be done with everything for at least one night to move forward. I had to get it all out of my system before I went absolutely bonkers.
I sang along obnoxiously and rolled around a bit before I noticed my drink was running low. I pushed myself up off the floor and poured more. I was mid drink and knee deep in chocolate martinis when my intercom buzzer went off. I turned sharply to look at it, but then remembered I didn’t have one of those fancy video intercoms like Axel. I laughed before taking another huge gulp of my drink and stumbling over to push the talk button on the little white box.
“Who’s here?” I asked, not thinking that my voice probably wasn’t heard over the loud music. I was slightly drunk, or maybe a bit more than that, and decided to throw caution to the wind. There was only a handful of people who would be stopping by anyway; probably Shellsea. I pressed the button to let the mystery visitor in only for my intercom to buzz annoyingly less than a minute later.
“What the fuck!” I was already mad, but I smacked on the open button again, only for my intercom to buzz three times in a row. “Oh, come on!” I pushed the talk button again, “Stop fucking around! What do you think this is? Get a life, loser.” It was totally unlike me, but I had too many emotions and too much alcohol coursing through me to give a damn.
“Come meet me outside,” a loud voice came in over the little white speaker.
I froze, eyes wide. “It can’t be,” I mumbled. I stared at the intercom as if it would magically sprout a video feed and show me if it really was him standing outside. Then I got an idea. I was only on the third floor and I could see down to the building’s entrance form my bedroom window. In a flash I did an awkward run and stumble to my bedroom. I fidgeted with the window for a moment, before slinging it open and sticking my head outside.
“Axel?” I yelled out, peering down to the covered patio of my building’s entrance. Axel stepped back and looked up at me. Even though I knew it had to be him, my heart still lurched the moment I saw him. There he was, standing below my window. Even at home I couldn’t get away from him.
“Just give me three minutes, one chance,” he pleaded as he stared up at me.
My heart started to race and suddenly the liquor I had downed was gurgling inside my stomach.
“How the hell did you find me?” I asked with an awkward yell-whisper. I didn’t want to disturb any of my neighbors and yelling out the window would probably do just that.
“I’m sorry,” was all he said back with hands outstretched to his sides. He sounded genuine; it tugged at my heart and I hated it, but I couldn’t find it in myself to ignore him. “Can we talk?”
“I’m not coming down.” I said as I glared down at him. His shoulders dropped as he stared up at me with disbelief.
“How did you get my address?” I asked.
“Don’t kill Zak,” Axel said.
I glared at him and reached for my phone only to realize I had left it in my living room. “Mother fu...” My eyes widened and I looked around wildly for Molly, and then sighed in relief when I saw the precious little girl napping in the car with a running engine.
“Miranda,” Axel said.
“Oh, I’m going to kill him,” I interrupted, talking out loud more so than to Axel. “Once I sober up, I’m going to kill him.”
“I’m going to fix this for you,” Axel said loudly. He was trying to sound reassuring, but that only set me off further.
“Stop trying to fix me like I’m something you own!”
“I’m sorry! That’s not what I’m doing. I promise.”
“Oh, you promise? That must make it true!” I nearly clawed at the windowsill with clenched fists. I tried to regulate my breathing so I didn’t get too worked up. If I flew off the handle now it wouldn’t be any good. I looked back down at Axel; I didn’t know what nerve he had hit, but I was getting s
et off in ways I didn’t even know I was capable of.
“It is true,” he said calmly. “But I get if you don’t believe me. Look, Mira, I’m not trying to fix you. I’m trying to clean up the mess I helped create. I don’t want you to lose your livelihood on account of me. And I thought—”
“Just shut it Axel. Give it a rest. You were always an ass to me and when I saw you standing outside my office that day I nearly had a panic attack. Then I got to know you again and I saw you with Molly and I thought maybe you had changed. But you haven’t. All you care about is your money and what you can buy with it. Well you can’t buy me! There’s more to life than that and some dumb jock like you will never understand that! Now can you please fuck-off and leave me alone.” I was so angry I was panting for breath.
Axel just looked up at me with his shoulders slumped and hurt in his eyes. I had gone too far and I instantly felt regret. But I didn’t have it in me to apologize. I couldn’t stand looking at him anymore, not because of how angry he made me, but because I was so ashamed of how cruel I just was.
I quickly ducked my head back into my bedroom and fell to the floor with tears in my eyes. I leaned my head against the wall and tried to take a deep breath in.
“Mira! Can we please just talk.” I heard Axel call out from the open window. “Can you give me a chance?” I didn’t dare poke my head back out. I just sat on the floor, trying to fight the tears welling up in my eyes.
“I’ll stay here for as long as it takes until you at least talk to me.” Axel called out again. For all he knew, I had already left.
I drew in another long breath as I tried to make sense of my mixed up emotions.
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