The meeting came to an end, and as they prepared to leave the conference room, Kilmer asked whether he could speak to Silla in private. She stayed back as Art and Lane exited into the hallway.
She walked over to him. “What is it, Kilmer?”
“It’s a few things, actually, but I want to address just one of them right now.”
He paused to collect his thoughts, and to gather the courage to look her in the eyes as he spoke.
“I know that when I go home tonight, Silla, all of this—everything from the last few hours—is going to weigh on me. It’s completely overwhelming, to be honest. And I know that tomorrow, when I get to the White House and see even more people that I’m supposed to know, it will be even worse. I feel lost… and scared, to be perfectly honest. These aren’t things I’m used to feeling, but—and here’s what I wanted to say… That having you here…it really helps. It makes me feel less alone. And a little less afraid. I know you’re someone I can trust. So, thank you for that. For being here. And for your patience. And just… for everything.”
Silla stood quietly for a moment, meeting Kilmer’s gaze, unsure what to say. She didn’t want to say too much, nor regret having said too little.
“You’re not alone, Kilmer. Not anymore. Whatever else might have happened in there, you found your way home. I knew you would. I never stopped trusting you either. Maybe some things are not so easy to erase.”
They looked at each other a while longer. Silla could feel her heart beating faster. But it was joy, and not anxiety. There was nothing left to feel uncertain about—she knew exactly where things stood. She just hadn’t felt this happy in a long time. The aliens had said Kilmer would never return. And when he did come back, the doctors said he might never recover. Now he was standing in front of her. He had no memory of her, but he was still Kilmer—in every way. They could talk. They could work together. And they still trusted each other. It was far more than she had allowed herself to hope for during the last many weeks.
She brought the moment to a close. “Okay, Kilmer. Let’s get you out of here so you can get some rest. Tomorrow will be a busy day.”
And then—before she could think twice about it—she took a step towards him and gave him a light kiss on his cheek. The look of shock on his face almost made her laugh.
“I hope you won’t read too much into that,” she declared as she stepped back into proper formation. “That was only because you kept your promise and came back. Don’t get used to it.”
Kilmer was trying not to read into it—but found himself struggling. It felt… familiar?
No. Comforting. Like a helping hand. Or a light at the end of a tunnel. Or the feeling of coming home to a warm fireplace after being outside on a stormy night.
Maybe some things are not so easy to erase.
“That was sweet of you, Silla. But don’t worry—I won’t expect anything like that again. I also know I didn’t really deserve it. I didn’t come back the way you would have wanted—or the way everyone needed me to.”
She patted him on the shoulder like a commanding officer consoling a young recruit. “Trust me, Kilmer,” she said with only a hint of a smile. “I already took that into account. If you had come back with your memories intact, that would have been an entirely different kind of kiss.”
~ 105 ~
It was after four in the morning when Agent Lane drove Kilmer back to his home in Brookline. They discussed all sorts of things along the way, but only one of them rendered Kilmer speechless—and it had nothing to do with aliens.
“I think I should probably apologize to the president when I see her,” Kilmer had said. “You know, for going to ET-1 without her permission. What do you think, Agent Lane?”
“It’s not for me to say, Professor. But I know that she’s very fond of you. I can’t imagine she would hold it against you. The way I hear it, she was furious—and felt extremely guilty—about what they did to you in ET-1. She visited you in the hospital every week. Vice President Nielsen visited even more often.”
“It’s hard to believe I was in a coma for so many weeks. It went by in a blink of an eye.”
“Well, then you’re the lucky one, Prof.”
“Lucky? And how is that?”
“I’m sorry. That was callous. I didn’t mean you were lucky, exactly. I can’t even imagine what you had to endure inside ET-1. I just meant… well, the last few weeks…they went by for you in a flash. You didn’t have to see yourself struggling every day. You didn’t have to worry about whether you would ever recover.” Lane hesitated, but then decided to just say what was on his mind. “It wasn’t like that for Ren. It wasn’t so easy for her. That’s all I meant.”
“Oh…” said Kilmer, almost in a whisper. “Did she visit me in the hospital… pretty often?”
Lane glanced over at him. “I guess you could say that. You could also say that she never left your side. As far as I can tell, if she wasn’t at work, she was in the hospital with you. Every day, and just about every night. Even after she found out you had no memory of her. She’ll never tell you that, of course. But it’s only right that you should know.”
Kilmer had no words. Even after a minute, he found only a few. “Thank you for telling me, Agent Lane.”
When he arrived home, Kilmer found that Triad had restored his electricity. He turned on the TV to find sporadic news and talk-show coverage devoted to the aliens. But whatever President Whitman planned to tell him was apparently classified, because he didn’t hear anything that even hinted at an impending attack. He spent the next hour organizing his thoughts about what he had learned in Apate 3 and thinking about the messages he had written on his arm. By the end of it, he felt he’d made at least some progress on the clues.
Only when his head hit the pillow did he stop thinking about aliens and war. Instead, his thoughts found their way to Silla. He could feel the kiss on his cheek. He could see her smile. He could hear her voice. His last thought before he fell asleep was practically juvenile.
I get to see her again tomorrow—how cool is that.
~ 106 ~
Day 57. Afternoon.
Kilmer was wearing a tie when he arrived at the airfield, but Silla suggested he take it off.
“It’s a nice tie, Kilmer, but you look like you’re trying too hard. Remember, these people already know you. No one expects you to have discovered professional standards while you were in a coma.”
Kilmer frowned and looked over at Art, who weighed in with a squint and a nod as if to say, She’s right. Lose the tie.
At 2:30 p.m., the plane landed at Joint Base Andrews, and an hour later, Kilmer walked into the White House for what felt like the first time. Knowing that it wasn’t made the experience even more surreal.
He had noticed the looks. The first was from the officer who greeted them when they exited the plane. He saw the same expression on the faces of their driver, the guard who waved them through, and the agent who opened the door at the West Wing entrance. They all looked at him the same way. As if he were a ghost. Or a celebrity. Or a starving child. Shock. Awe. Pity. All combined into one.
Kilmer wasn’t the only one who noticed. Art turned to Silla as they entered the building. “It’s like the Beatles are holding a reunion tour and John Lennon just came back from the dead to perform the encore.”
“Does everyone know what happened to me?” Kilmer asked.
“Not out in the real world, Professor. But around here? Yeah. Rumors spread. None of these people know what actually happened, but they all have some version that gets the sentiment mostly correct.”
“And what sentiment is that?”
“That you gave much more than you had been asked to give. Beyond that, there’s no limit to the stories one hears. My favorite is the one where you went into the alien spacecraft with guns blazing and brought them to their knees. That’s why we have peace on Earth.”
“But we’re still expecting a war.”
“We are. But these people don’t know that.”
They walked past the offices belonging to National Security Advisor Garcia, Vice President Nielsen, and Chief of Staff Perez. Silla pointed out the office that had belonged to Kilmer; it didn’t look at all familiar to him. As they neared the Oval Office, his heart started to beat faster.
Why am I so nervous?
Oh yeah... Going to see the president… who’s supposed to be my friend… whom I can’t remember at all… and whom I disobeyed.
Silla put her hand on his arm. “It’s okay, Kilmer. They’re your friends. You’re going to be just fine.”
He was surprised that she had sensed his anxiety. “Was I this nervous last time?”
“According to President Whitman, yes—but only for a little while. Then it was like you flipped some switch and felt completely at ease.”
“She told you that?”
“She did.”
“Well, that’s encouraging. Did she happen to mention where that switch is located?”
~ 107 ~
Nielsen rushed over to Kilmer the moment he stepped into the Oval Office. Kilmer was just about to say hello when the vice president put him in a bear hug and almost lifted him off the ground.
“Hi… Zack,” Kilmer said, struggling to breathe. But he was relieved to see him—Nielsen was the only person at the White House that Kilmer had known before he came to Washington on Day 14.
“It’s really great to see you here, Professor. I’m so sorry about what happened.”
“It’s okay, Zack. Don’t apologize. I have no memory of what took place.” Kilmer stole a glance at Silla. “It was harder on the rest of you.”
As President Whitman walked toward them, Kilmer’s mind went blank. He tried to recall how he had planned to start the conversation with her—and couldn’t even remember whether he had intended to introduce himself again.
“Madam President… I’m… uh… this is a little awkward, as you might imagine. I’m not sure where to begin. Maybe I should start by apologizing for what I did. I know I went against your orders… when I ran off, and—”
“Please, Professor Kilmer. Allow me to start. Hopefully, it will make this a little easier.”
“Yes, ma’am,” Kilmer said, very much appreciating her offer to take the lead.
“I know you don’t remember meeting me, or any of our conversations, but I hope you’ll believe me when I say that we had a close relationship. I can’t speak for what was in your mind during the time you spent here, but to me you were a trusted adviser. If we were closer in age, I would consider you an old friend. As it happens, your age puts you closer to the age of my children. And when we lost you, I felt like I had lost one of them. Zack will attest to the fact that I’m not one to exaggerate.
“I don’t expect any of this to jog your memory, and I don’t expect you to suddenly see me as less of a stranger. Our relationship will remain asymmetric for a while—and maybe forever. But I want you to know that nothing you did requires forgiveness. You ended up saving a lot of lives that day; we owe you a debt of gratitude that is not easy to repay. And I’m afraid we’re not going to try to repay it. Instead, I’m asking you for the same thing I’ve asked of everyone else—to give even more. I’m grateful that you’ve agreed to do so.”
Kilmer wasn’t sure how to respond. He felt like a specter, floating high above the crowd, playing both audience and actor in the dream-like sequence that was being enacted below and in front of him. He reminded himself that he needed to say something—to play his part—even if he’d never been handed the script.
“You’re being very kind, Madam President. Whatever impression I made on you the first time around, I can only hope to match it again. But please don’t feel like you owe me anything. I’m sure I knew the risks before I did the things I did. And given what was at stake, anyone else would have done the same thing.”
“I’m not so sure about that, Professor. And even if they tried, not just anyone would have been able to pull it off. We expected a war. We were told that Earth was in imminent danger—that we were doomed, no matter what. Thanks to whatever you did in there, we’re still around. At least for now.”
“Then there’s more work still to be done. Just let me know how I can help.”
Whitman smiled at Silla. “Well, Agent. He looks like the same guy to me. What do you think?”
Silla didn’t miss a beat. “I’m not sure we have much choice in the matter, Madam President. He’s the only Professor Kilmer we could find on such short notice. He’ll have to do.”
As the others laughed, it occurred to Kilmer that Whitman and Silla had a personal relationship. There was a degree of informality between them that he hadn’t expected. He wondered why that would be.
They moved to the sitting area, where two carafes and six cups were already on the table. He noticed that Whitman looked at him warmly when she asked everyone to take a seat, and that Silla, who had many options to choose from, chose to sit right next to him.
The meeting was off to a fine start.
~ 108 ~
After a few minutes of banter, Whitman brought the meeting to order. She told Kilmer that decisions would need to be made very soon, and she wanted his thoughts on the situation, however preliminary they might be.
“There’s a reason I’m making time for this discussion, Professor. Anyone can give you an update, but I need us to get back to the working relationship we once had, as soon as possible. You have to feel comfortable with me, and I need to know that you’ll speak your mind openly and without hesitation—the way you used to.”
Kilmer nodded, then poured himself a cup of coffee, feeling uncertain about doing so before it was offered.
“Not bad,” Whitman announced as he finished pouring. “It could have been worse. I was wondering how long it would be before Professor Kilmer helped himself to a cup. Looks like we need to knock about five minutes’ worth of hesitation out of him. Other than that, he seems to be his old self. The aliens didn’t do anything that should be too hard to undo—like teach our boy here some proper etiquette.”
Kilmer had decidedly mixed feelings about the president of the United States using his lack of decorum as a way to measure the extent of his healing, but he didn’t let that get in the way of taking a good long sip of his steaming hot coffee.
Whitman started the briefing by picking up where Art had left off the night before.
“You went into ET-1 on Day 24 and came out two days later. We tried, multiple times, to ask the aliens what had happened, what they did to you, why they sent you back, and what they were planning. They answered none of those questions. All we have are the bits of information and hints as to their intentions that we’ve gleaned from their subsequent behavior.
“The most notable change in their behavior, after you came out of ET-1, was the sudden absence of threats. We were no longer being told we were doomed, or that our days were numbered, or that we would suffer. It was like that entire chapter had suddenly ended—which is why we think you had something to do with it. We asked them why their tone had changed and what we might expect in the days and years ahead.”
Art handed Whitman a document, from which she then started to read.
“Here was their answer:
You are correct to note that some things have changed. There is no additional information that we can provide at this time. You will wait to hear from us as to what happens next.
“We asked how much time they needed—but they wouldn’t say. We asked whether the two sides could meet and jointly decide what happened next—but they rejected the offer. All this time, ET-1 was still parked at Station Zero, and the three reserves held their positions in space. Over a week went by in this way.
“We had known from your first night at the hospital, when you regained consciousness for a short while, that your memories had been severely damaged, and possibly wiped clean. Nine days later, on Day 35—which would be May 31—we brought you out of your induced coma just long enough to see if you had recovered your
memories. It was clear that you had not. We reached out to the aliens again, demanding an explanation. They responded on Day 36 with the following.
Whatever the fate of Earth, or the future relationship between our two races, we are pleased to hear that D. Kilmer has survived. He served admirably as your ambassador. We wish that he could have avoided all harm. We harbor no ill will toward him. Consistent with our laws and values, nothing was undertaken in relation to Ambassador Kilmer without his approval.
“Their complete disavowal of responsibility for what they did to you was noteworthy—but so was their acknowledgment in this message that there was more than one way our relationship might develop. Day 36 was a day of hope, Professor. We weren’t out of the woods yet, but it looked as though we might be moving in that direction. That night, Zack, Perez, Strauss, and I came to visit you in the hospital and raised a glass for what you had accomplished. Agent Silla was there as well, of course.
“On Day 39, the reserve spacecraft retreated to a distance of 600 million miles from Earth—as far away as they were when we first detected them. The following day, we received another message:
ET-1 will depart Station Zero today. When we return, we will again land at this location. In the interim period, our good wishes to Planet Earth, and to its humans. Every civilization has a story, and every story must end eventually. May your humanity flourish until that date arrives.
“We tried to engage them again. I asked them to send a representative to meet with us before they leave, or to suggest some way for us to continue communicating after they depart. Their response was brief:
There will be no more communication until we return. It is not known when that will be.
“By Day 41, we could no longer detect ET-1 or the reserves. For all we knew, they had returned to their home planet. After a few days, it began to look like a new normal, but tremendous anxiety remained. The last few messages weren’t as threatening as what they had said prior to your encounter with ET-1, but they still hinted at possible trouble ahead. So, despite the respite, we continued to prepare for what might come. The level of resources—time, money, people, and expertise—devoted to military and defense planning increased tenfold around the time you disappeared. That continued even after the aliens departed. It was like the height of World War II, when, we were spending over forty percent of our GDP on national defense.
The Peacemaker's Code Page 37
