by Stone, Anna
Yvonne took Ruby’s chin, tilting Ruby’s head up to look into her eyes. “It’s not silly at all. If it makes you happy, you should do it.” She leaned in and gave Ruby a brief kiss.
Ruby’s heart fluttered, the tenderness in Yvonne’s lips unexpected. She’d gotten that same fluttery feeling when Yvonne had stuck up for her at dinner. She didn’t need anyone to defend her. She could hold her own.
But it felt good, knowing that Yvonne had her back. Ruby was starting to see that her Mistress had a softer side. Hearing Yvonne speak of her mother, her childhood, filled Ruby with emotion. She’d never seen Yvonne so naked and vulnerable.
Ruby couldn’t deny it any longer. The feelings she harbored for Yvonne, they went far beyond what she should feel for a client. She was losing herself in Yvonne, and it scared her. Ruby didn’t want to feel the things she felt for Yvonne. Not when everything between them was so complicated. Not when Ruby had been here before, with someone so like Yvonne, and had gotten hurt, badly.
But Yvonne was nothing like him . Yvonne wouldn’t hurt her.
Could it be different this time?
Chapter 20
Y vonne raked her eyes along Ruby’s body. Ruby was stretched out across the playroom bed, clothed, for now, in a loose, casual dress. Her wrists were handcuffed to the headboard above her, and she was lying on her stomach, her head turned to the side, looking up at Yvonne expectantly.
Yvonne flicked the flogger she was holding against her palm, to Ruby’s obvious delight. After returning from Yvonne’s stressful family dinner, they’d both felt the need to blow off some steam.
And what better way to do that than this?
“What should I do with you?” Yvonne drew the flogger up the back of Ruby’s thigh, letting its many tails trail over the other woman’s skin. “Now that I have you bound and at my mercy, I’m overwhelmed by all the possibilities.” She let the tails of the flogger slip between Ruby’s thighs. “Should I keep you on the edge, denying you release until you beg me to allow you to come? Or should I make you come over and over and over until you beg me to stop? ”
Ruby said nothing, but a red flush crept up her cheeks.
“I’m in the mood for a little delayed gratification.” Yvonne dragged the back of Ruby’s skirt up her thighs. “On your end, that is. This is going to be immensely satisfying for me.”
Ruby buried her face in the pillow before her. Yvonne gave Ruby’s ass a testing flick with the flogger, eliciting a shudder from Ruby. Yvonne relished Ruby’s reactions. She wanted to spend the entire night getting lost with Ruby, forgetting about the rest of the world and all her problems.
But it was hard for her to forget about her problems when her biggest problem was Ruby herself.
Ruby. Her submissive. Her ‘wife’. But she was so much more than that to Yvonne. And it was becoming impossible for Yvonne to ignore that fact.
Ruby peered back at her. Presumably, she thought the delay was because Yvonne wanted to torment her, as usual. Did she have any idea of the battle going on in Yvonne’s mind? Did she realize how much she was tormenting Yvonne?
Did Ruby feel the same way Yvonne did?
Yvonne pushed the thought aside. “No peeking.”
Ruby bit her lip. “I just…”
“Well? What is it?”
“Nothing.” She buried her face in the pillow again.
“Oh? Don’t tell me you’ve gotten shy all of a sudden.” Yvonne drew the flogger along Ruby’s ass cheek before giving it another flick. “Don’t pretend you don’t want this.”
As Yvonne raised the flogger again, the air in the room iced over. She paused. A moment ago, Ruby had been squirming on the bed with anticipation. Now, her body was stiff, and she was breathing hard. A chill washed over Yvonne.
Something was very wrong.
She dropped the flogger and put her hand on Ruby’s shoulder. “Ruby?”
Ruby’s voice was so quiet Yvonne could barely hear her. “Get these off me.”
The cuffs. “All right. Stay calm.”
Yvonne grabbed the key to the handcuffs from the top drawer of the nightstand and unlocked the cuffs around Ruby’s wrists. Ruby sat up, pulling her hands in close to her and curling her legs up to her chin.
“Ruby, are you okay?”
Ruby looked up at her, her eyes vacant and quivering. “I thought…”
“You thought what?” Yvonne kept her outward demeanor as calm as possible for Ruby’s sake. “Ruby, what is it?”
“I thought you weren’t going to let me go.”
Yvonne flinched. “Why would you think that? Ruby, I would never, ever, ever do anything like that.”
“I know.” Ruby shook her head repeatedly, as though she were trying to shake free a thought. “I know. It was stupid, I know you’re not him , I just…”
“Him?” Yvonne put a hand on Ruby’s arm. “Ruby, what’s going on?”
Ruby pulled away, her eyes downcast. “It’s nothing.”
“Ruby, talk to me. Who do you mean?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
Yvonne stifled a curse. Ruby was shutting down on her. That was the worst thing that could happen right now, given that Ruby had been in such a vulnerable state moments ago. She’d be feeling raw and emotional. If Yvonne didn’t do something soon, things would get much worse. But it was impossible for her to do anything when she didn’t know what was going on.
Yvonne changed tack. “You don’t have to tell me what’s going on. Just tell me what you need from me right now.”
“I just want to be alone,” Ruby said.
Yvonne shook her head. “Ruby, you need to understand, you can’t be alone right now. You’re not yourself. You’re having some kind of reaction to what we were doing. Ending a scene like this, so abruptly, it means you’re going to crash. You need aftercare. You need me.” She looked into Ruby’s eyes, pleading with her. “Let me help you.”
“I’m sorry,” Ruby said, her voice shaking. “I just, I can’t.”
Without another word, Ruby got up from the bed and fled the room.
A flood of dread consumed Yvonne. She wanted to go after Ruby, but Ruby had made herself clear. She sat down on the edge of the bed. She felt so helpless.
Not a minute later, she heard the front door slam shut.
Ruby was gone.
Ruby wandered through the park absently. She’d been walking aimlessly for who knew how long now. She didn’t know what she was doing or where she was going. It wasn’t like she had anywhere to go in this stupid city. She’d just felt the urge to escape that tiny room, that apartment.
She steadied herself. Her thoughts were spiraling, along with her emotions. It hadn’t taken long for the initial fear she’d felt to pass, but it had been replaced with a deep gnawing within her, like she was being eaten from inside.
Ruby collapsed onto a nearby bench. She felt awful about how she’d reacted toward Yvonne. Ruby hadn’t truly believed Yvonne would hurt her. Yvonne’s actions tonight had made that even more clear. Ruby hadn’t even used her safeword, but Yvonne had stopped anyway.
Yvonne wasn’t him . Ruby knew that. But at that moment, when Yvonne had said those words, she’d gone right back to that nightmare of her past, a past she’d thought she’d finally overcome.
But she just couldn’t escape it.
She swallowed back her growing tears. Her thoughts were going to dark places. What was wrong with her? Was this that ‘crash’ Yvonne had warned her about, that drop that came after the high? Her emotions felt out of control.
Yvonne had been right. Ruby needed her. But she didn’t think she was capable of walking home without collapsing into a puddle of sobs.
Her hands trembling, she took out her phone and called Yvonne.
Yvonne picked up instantly. “Ruby. Where are you?”
There was something comforting about Yvonne’s firm, steady voice. Ruby couldn’t stop her own voice from quivering when she finally spoke. “I’m at the park.”
“I’ll be right there. Don’t go anywhere. I won’t be long.”
Ruby hung up the phone. All she had to do was keep it together until Yvonne arrived, but the prospect seemed impossible. She felt so miserable and alone. She was glad there was no one else around. It was taking all her effort to keep the despair she felt from overwhelming her.
Yvonne arrived five minutes later, but it felt like so much longer. As soon as she spotted Ruby, she hurried over and pulled Ruby into her arms. The next thing Ruby knew, she was sobbing uncontrollably.
“You were right.” A tremor went through her. “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay,” Yvonne held her tightly. “I’m here. You’re all right.”
“Why do I feel like this? I’ve never felt so awful before.”
“I know. It’s just subdrop. You’ll start to feel better soon. Why don’t we go home so I can take care of you?”
Ruby sniffled. “I think I need a minute.”
“That’s okay. We have all the time in the world.”
Yvonne pulled Ruby down to sit on the bench, drawing her close again. Ruby closed her eyes and buried herself in Yvonne’s shoulder, letting everything she was feeling flow from her. Eventually, her tears dried up, and she stopped shaking, but she was still left with a hollow, sinking feeling in her chest.
She pulled away. “I’m so sorry for how I acted.”
“You don’t need to apologize,” Yvonne said.
“I didn’t mean it. It wasn’t you that I was running away from. I don’t think you’d ever do anything to hurt me.”
“I know. And we don’t need to talk about this now. It can wait till later.”
“But I do want to talk about it,” Ruby said.
“Are you sure? All your emotions are heightened right now. It isn’t the best time to talk about something sensitive.”
“I’m sure. I need to tell you the truth.” Ruby drew in a slow, deep breath. “There’s something I’ve been keeping from you.”
Yvonne was silent for a moment. “Is this about ‘him?’”
Ruby nodded. “He was a client. At least, he was at first. Then he became more.”
“You were in a relationship with him?”
“Yes. But not just any relationship.” Ruby hesitated. “He was my Dom.”
Yvonne’s lips tightened, a visible flash of anger behind her eyes.
“I know! All along, you thought I was new to this, and I let you think that. I lied to you, even after you told me over and over how important it was for us to be honest with each other. I’m sorry. I messed up, and I know it.”
“Ruby, it’s not you that I’m mad at. This man, this so-called ‘Dom.’ He mistreated you, didn’t he?”
“Not at first.” Ruby’s voice faltered. “When I started seeing him as a client, he seemed so charming and kind. We clicked instantly. I’ve been doing the escort thing for a long time, and until then I’d never had feelings for a client, let alone considered a relationship with one. So many clients tried to win me over, to ‘save’ me, to buy me away from my life of escorting.
“But he wasn’t like that at all. He seemed so genuine. And I was so drawn to the power he radiated, even before he told me he was a Dom. I’ve always had a submissive side, but I’d never truly explored it until him. The more we explored together, the harder I fell for him, until eventually, I realized I was in love with him. So when he asked me to move in with him, to be his girlfriend and submissive, and to give up my job, I agreed. Everything was great at first. But it didn’t take long before things began to change.”
Ruby swallowed. “He wasn’t like you. He wasn’t careful. He didn’t care about safewords and limits, let alone aftercare. He said we didn’t need any of that. He said that we trusted each other, and that was all that mattered. And I believed him, until he…”
Yvonne put her hand on Ruby’s. “You don’t need to talk about this if you don’t want to.”
“No, I do.” Ruby drew in a deep breath. “It started when he became controlling in subtle ways, with small, mundane things. He’d dictate what I was allowed to do, how I was allowed to dress, all in a way that made it seem like it was part of our power games. I didn’t think anything of it at the time. Then, he started crossing lines in a physical way. He’d push my limits, do things he knew I didn’t like, and he’d apologize after. But then he started taking things even further. He wouldn’t listen when I said no, wouldn’t stop when I said stop.”
She cast her eyes down, not wanting to face Yvonne’s reaction. “He never forced himself on me in the typical sense. It was everything else that he’d take too far. He’d hurt me, or he’d keep me tied up when I wanted him to let me go. And when I protested, he’d tell me that I wanted him to do those things, that I’d asked for it. It made me doubt myself. I’d wanted all those things, hadn’t I? So I couldn’t complain when he was just doing what I wanted, what I’d agreed to. And most of the time, everything else between us was good, so I just let his treatment of me slide.”
“Oh, Ruby.” Yvonne’s voice trembled.
“I know that he was manipulating me, abusing me, but back then it was so hard to see it. I’d just become this shell of a person, this empty, formless vessel with no desires of my own. I became nothing more than what he wanted me to be.”
Ruby’s hands curled into fists. “I don’t remember exactly when I came to my senses, I just remember this moment when I looked into his eyes, and I realized there was no love in them. I realized that if he loved me, he wouldn’t hurt me. I realized that I was just a thing to him, someone he could use for his own sick, twisted needs. So I left him.”
Yvonne took Ruby’s hand and squeezed it. “I’m so sorry he did that to you. He wasn’t a Dominant, he was an abusive, evil person. No Dominant would treat their submissive that way.”
“I know that, now. But after what he did, it made it hard for me to trust anyone with my heart, with my body, with any part of me. That side of me that craved submission was still there, but I couldn’t imagine ever submitting to anyone else again.”
Ruby looked up at Yvonne. “Not until you. Since then, you’re the first person I’ve felt able to be vulnerable with. I don’t know why, but from the moment we met, I felt like I could trust you. And now I’ve screwed everything up.”
“You haven’t screwed anything up,” Yvonne said. “I understand why you got upset tonight. I can see how what we were doing hit too close to home. I should have been more careful.”
“No, it was on me. I was distracted. I was thinking about him, about everything I went through with him.” Ruby didn’t mention that the reason her former client had been on her mind was that she was worrying about falling for a client again. “And then, when you said those words that reminded me of what he used to say, it threw me, and suddenly I couldn’t handle it. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. And thank you for opening up to me about this. I wish you’d told me sooner, but I understand that it must be difficult to talk about.”
Ruby shook her head. “That’s not why I kept this from you. It’s not that I find it hard to talk about. It’s because you’re so careful about everything we’re doing together. You take it all so seriously, and you trusted me to be honest and open with you, but I thought that if you knew the truth, you’d want to end what we were doing. You were already so reluctant to do this with me, and you were so afraid of hurting me. You said so yourself, that night when I found your playroom.” Ruby’s voice faltered. “I was afraid that if you knew about what I’d been through, you’d think I was too broken for this.”
“Ruby.” Yvonne stared at her. “How could I ever think you were broken? Sometimes you’re so perfect, I don’t know what to do with you.”
“So you don’t want to end things between us? You don’t want to stop what we’re doing?”
Yvonne was silent for a moment. “Perhaps we should take a step back.”
“Please don’t say that! Yvonne, being your submissive has meant so
much to me. You’ve shown me what it’s like to have a Dominant who really cares. I always knew that was how it was supposed to be, but I’d never experienced it. It doesn’t matter that our relationship is just an arrangement. You’ve shown me that I can trust someone with my desires, and that you won’t break that trust. I’ve always found joy in submission, in serving, but he took that from me. You’ve helped me reclaim that part of myself. You gave me a safe haven to pick up all the pieces of my life. That means the world to me.” Ruby’s voice caught in her throat. “I don’t want to lose what we have. I don’t want to lose you .”
Yvonne took Ruby’s cheek in her hand. “You won’t. I promise you. But we need to change how we approach things. We need to be more careful, more open and honest. Both of us.”
Ruby nodded. “Okay.”
“There’s something I need you to do for me,” Yvonne said. “When you feel ready, I want you to write down something you want me to do with you, something you want more than anything else. Your deepest, most hidden desire.”
Ruby shook her head. “There’s nothing I want from you that you don’t already give me. And I like it when you take the lead.”
“No,” Yvonne said. “This is about you, not me. You’re going to have to take the lead for once. You’re going to have to tell me what you want. Once you figure it out, sit down and write it down for me. Be specific and detailed.”
Ruby frowned. “Why do I feel like you’re giving me homework?”
A slight smile crossed Yvonne’s lips. “I suppose I am. And for good measure, there will be no more games between us until then.”
Ruby sighed. “Okay.”
Yvonne squeezed Ruby’s shoulder. “Are you ready to go home? We’ll take a nice long bath, then cuddle up in my bed together. How does that sound?”
Ruby smiled. “That sounds perfect. ”
