Shae refused to look at either man and forced herself out of the vehicle and to the cottage door. The suitcase was taken inside and lifted onto a small table, and the doctor pulled the zipper and opened the case. He turned back to her and she averted her gaze. She wanted him gone so she could collapse.
“We will be here. You don’t have to go through this alone.” The doctor’s soft voice sent daggers through her nerves. Of course, she had to go through this alone! They didn’t understand what she’d been willing to expose that day and she could never tell them.
Shae rubbed her arms and stared at the ground, waiting for them to leave. The Doctor drew a deep breath and exhaled a sigh. “I know you are hurting, and we want to help. Doing nothing and giving you space you are demanding is hard. Every last one of us here at Guardian are the type to rush in and fix the world. I understand we can’t fix what’s broken in your world right now, but if you need us, no matter what time it is, you call us, and we are here.” He placed a cell phone on the counter. “My number, the number to the main house, and the number for your new psychiatrist are programmed in here. I’ll be back to check on you first thing in the morning.”
Shae felt a tear fall and watched in utter despair as it splashed on the hardwood floor where her eyes were fixed. She rubbed her arms harder, hoping like hell he’d leave but not wanting him to go. Boots scraped against the wood floor as he departed the small space. Shae waited until she heard the door latch behind him and gave in to the emotion that she’d been holding back. She was free from the confines of the hospital, but she wasn’t home, either. She had nothing back in Israel to return to. No job, no man… no reason to go back.
Shae walked slowly to the medicine kit in her luggage bag and took out the p.m. edition of her drug cocktail. She shook the required pills into her hand and stared at them. The assortment made the feelings go away, took the edge off her pain, and numbed the reality of her life to a dull hum. She went to the kitchen, pulled out a bottle of water from the small fridge, and took the drugs. She didn’t want to face herself or anyone else.
John glanced out the window when the ATV pulled up to the cottage. The woman who carefully lifted herself out of the vehicle was the woman they’d found nearly dead months ago. He leaned against the sink and watched as Doc Cassidy took her into the small cottage, but he was inside only moments before he exited. That was unusual as he could talk the paint off a house. The guy was friendly. Obviously, the woman had sent him packing.
A nudge at his ankle brought his attention from the cottage door to his own world. John glanced down at his boot and chuckled at the antics of Drake’s cat. The thing was uglier than sin, half its ear was gone, and it had a bobbed tail with a crook in it. Hell, even its damn purr was broken. It would get to rumbling and then a hitch in the procession would make the cat squeak before it would start the wind up all over again. He’d made the mistake of feeding it when it would stop by. Now, it made the rounds to his house on the regular. It and that puffball of a dog Joy kept were constant visitors. The animals came and went as they pleased. Whatever; he was a sucker for a sad story, and by the looks of Cat, it had the saddest of sad stories. John reached down and ruffled the mousy brown fur at Cat’s neck and chuckled at the squeaky purr. “Let me get a shower then we’ll split a can of tuna.” Cat turned and trotted off toward his bedroom. The damn thing was uncannily smart. Either that or John was losing his shit because it sure seemed like the animal understood just about everything he’d ever said. That poofy dog, though? Not so much. Pretty thing, but no brains to be had.
He let the warm water wash his day away before he padded back to the kitchen in nothing but a pair of jeans. Cat sat on one of the chairs at the table and watched him putter around the kitchen. He opened a packet of food that he’d bought for the damn animal. He’d actually gone to town and bought it and Sasha treats and food. Stupid, but the animals were constant visitors so what the hell. It was the only time he’d gone off the ranch that wasn’t absolutely necessary. But he’d be damned if he’d ask anyone to buy treats for Cat or Sasha. Nobody needed to know that he had an affinity for either animal. Not very manly and he wouldn’t give any of the ranch hands ammunition to dole out a ration of shit. Nope, he’d made the trip, bought the food, and brought it back. So what if he unloaded it in the middle of the night? Not like it was anyone’s business that he’d decided he liked the little animals.
John rinsed off the plate and startled when a light in the cottage turned on. He glanced down at the sink and shook his head. That girl was having a rough time of it. He got that but denying herself the people who could help her wasn’t smart. He bristled against the idea of talking to her. He didn’t do small talk and he figured she didn’t either. Not sure why the hell Frank thought she’d welcome any conversation period. He finished cleaning the sink and put his plate into the dishwasher. The small lamp by the window in the living room of the drover’s cottage extinguished, leaving the cottage in darkness. He nodded. There had been many nights where he’d sat in the dark and prayed the demons that haunted him wouldn’t be able to find him. He didn’t know the particulars about the woman and didn’t care to, but he’d make the effort. Somehow. John turned away from his window and waited for Cat to join him before he headed for the living room, the evening news, and a chapter or two in the latest Clancy book.
Chapter 6
Shae carefully opened the cottage door and hobbled outside. She’d started going out to sit in the sun. Not for long, just a couple moments between naps. She’d been using the sleeping pills she’d been prescribed. They worked to help her fall asleep, but the haunted memories that shrieked and awakened her at night prohibited more than an hour or two at a time. The only benefit she could find to the sleeping pills was that they ruined any appetite she had. Not that she’d cooked anything. The food in the kitchen sat untouched and spoiling. The nurse had stopped by with food twice. She’d eaten a few bites the nurse had brought with her and then ended up throwing away the remainder after the woman left.
The sun felt good against her skin. She was always cold now. The cottage was dark and cool, and she drifted from moment to moment on a haze of drugs. Shae closed her eyes and let the warmth soak through to her bones.
“You missed our appointment.”
Shae tried to draw a deep pull of air into her lungs and peeked through her lashes at the man standing in front of her. He had long black hair, a snake tattoo on his neck, and full sleeves of ink showing out of the t-shirt he was wearing. He held a motorcycle helmet under his arm. The specter of fear seized her. She lifted off the seat and tried to reach the door. The pain in her ankle shot through her leg and she lost her balance. The man reached out for her and she screamed, tumbling back away from him.
Shae pulled into the fetal position and covered her head with her arms. She couldn’t breathe, the terror lodged in her throat stealing her ability to beg. Her mind and body were back in that hole, and she was going to die. The roar that followed her to the ground consumed her and took her further down into the darkness.
“Holy fuck, why didn’t her doctors tell me she was this bad?” Jeremiah Wheeler paced in the small living room as he rifled through her medical files. He’d picked her up after she’d passed out and put her on her bed. The first call he made was to Adam Cassidy, the second was to the referring psychiatrist. “How the fuck did they release her?”
“Do you think she should be institutionalized?” Adam sat on the couch fuming about the lack of information flow, not only to Jeremiah but to him, too.
“What? No, I mean… Hell, I don’t know, I haven’t had the opportunity to assess her.”
“Physically, she’s doing well, they put her together and discharged her, which is usually best for a patient. But now that we know they pushed her out the door, let’s start with the obvious.” Adam pointed toward the kitchen counter and the array of medications lined up along the counter. Jeremiah nodded and flipped her medical records to the correct page. He glanced from th
e bottles on the counter to the list of antidepressants, pain killers, and mood stabilizers. Fuck, the woman was a walking cocktail of overpriced medication. Jeremiah held up a bottle of particularly nasty meds. The side effects had prevented him from prescribing it in his last practice at the maximum-security penitentiary in Lompoc, California. Adam lifted a bottle and handed it to him. Holy fuck, whoever prescribed the pain medication didn’t consult with the doctor treating her mental issues. Those two drugs should never be taken in combination. Jeremiah threw the folder at the table and swung his gaze to the woman lying on the bed. He felt like a complete moron. Someone should have been overseeing the volatile cocktail that she had been taking. Switching her meds was a priority. He pulled out a chair and gestured toward the other seat at the small dinette. “Let’s get to work, Adam. We need to redesign her treatment and get her off this combination.”
Adam Cassidy pulled out the small chair and straddled it backward. “Right, first things first.” Jeremiah nodded, and they started at the front of her recent, extensive medical history.
Shae woke on her bed. She blinked through the fog that was her constant companion. Her watch beeped again. It was time for her meds. She pushed herself off the mattress and pulled her hair out of her eyes. She froze, blinking back her shock and surprise. “Why are you here?” She recognized Adam Cassidy but the other man… oh, fuck… he had… Shae’s sense of humiliation and remorse had found a new depth. Not that it mattered because no one would ever understand that pain.
“I came by to find out why you weren’t at the clinic. You were supposed to meet me for your initial appointment. I’m Jeremiah Wheeler, your new psychiatrist.” Shae blinked as she tried to assimilate the information. Her mind stuck at the part that the long-haired, leather-clad, tattooed mountain of a man was a shrink. She peeked at Adam, who nodded his confirmation. “When you had your panic attack and passed out, we took a look at the medications you are on. Obviously, the right hand wasn’t talking to the left when you were being treated. The medications you are on are fighting each other and could be causing some side effects that you shouldn’t have to deal with.”
Shae pushed back and leaned against the wall, pulling her legs up and wrapping her arms around them. She leaned her forehead against her knees.
“We have changed up your meds, Shae.” That was from Adam. Shae shrugged her shoulder as a response. What did she care? She’d take whatever they gave her and force herself to make it through another day. Hell, she’d stopped thinking about days as a unit of measure. Now she pushed herself to make it from one dose of medication to another.
“You’ll feel a lot better once some of that shit they gave you is out of your system. One of the drugs we have to gradually reduce, or you might suffer withdrawal symptoms.” Adam stood and took the two steps it took to get to her kitchenette. “I’ll deliver the doses every morning and I’ll get someone to bring down your evening meds. You aren’t eating, you aren’t taking care of yourself, and if you try to fight me on this, Jeremiah and I will have you admitted to a private clinic in Denver.” Adam grabbed a bottle of water and walked over to her, extending his hand with the medication in his palm.
Shae stared at his hand. She wasn’t a child. She could take her own meds. No, you’re weak and worthless. Shae closed her eyes at the searing accusations of her own mind.
“Shae, take the meds.” Adam’s voice brought her back to the small cottage.
She sent a furtive glance at his hand and shook her head. “Put them down.” She flinched as he moved to put the pills on the blanket beside her. He set the water bottle down next to them and backed up. Shae waited until she was sure he wasn’t coming close to her again and picked up the meds. She popped them into her mouth and swallowed them dry. She lifted the heavy water bottle and struggled with the cap. She finally got the perforated edges to release and took a small sip.
“When was the last time you ate?” That came from the tattooed man. Shae shrugged again. She didn’t have a clue.
Adam sidestepped to her kitchen and pulled a can of soup from the small cabinet that served as her pantry. He opened the can and put it into a saucepan before he turned on the heat and started to warm the soup. Shae closed her eyes, trying to hide from the fear of both of the men being so close to her.
“Shae.” Her eyes popped open at Adam’s voice. A small mug of soup and a slice of toast were on a plate beside her on the bed.
She glanced from it to the two men sitting across the room. She turned away from the offering, her stomach revolting at the thought of eating.
“Eat, even if it is just a small amount.” The biker doc’s voice seemed to bounce off the walls of the small house.
Shae lifted the mug to her lips and took a sip. She grimaced and sat it down again.
“We need to discuss who will be bringing you your evening meds.” Adam held up a hand when Shae physically flinched. “The foreman for this ranch, John Smith, lives in the house just down the drive. You can see his home from your front door. I’ll have him stop by and bring you your meds. John was actually on the team that found you.”
Shae closed her eyes. God, she just wanted them both to leave. She wanted to sleep and to get lost in the haze of the medications and forget… just forget.
“Shae, are you all right with John bringing your meds?” Adam’s voice grated against her nerves.
“I don’t care.” She whispered the words, but she assumed they heard her when they both moved, their weight making the small chairs groan in protest.
“I’ll be back tomorrow morning. I’ll bring breakfast. My sister owns the diner in Hollister and makes some kick-ass cinnamon rolls and breakfast biscuits. Which would you prefer?” Biker Doc rose from his chair. He towered over her, and unlike Adam, who she knew, the man terrified her.
Shae pushed back further into the corner and shook her head. No, she did not want this man to come back.
“We will sit outside and visit. I understand that you aren’t comfortable with me yet. I won’t force you to be alone in a small space with me.” Shae nodded if only to get the man to leave. Thankfully, he did. Adam, however, remained.
“I can vouch for him, Shae. He’s a great doc. Eat some more of your soup.” Adam leaned back and the chair moaned in protest.
Shae lifted the cup to her lips and took a sip. The warmth of the liquid down her throat was soothing. She took another sip and put the cup down.
Adam leaned forward. “Eat a couple bites of that toast for me.” Shae picked up the bread and held it in her hand.
“Shae?”
She closed her eyes and lifted the bread to her mouth. It was easier to do what they wanted so they’d leave. She nibbled at the toast and put it down on the plate with the cup. She leaned to the left and let her body slide to the pillow while still tucked into a ball. The soup sloshed out of the cup and landed on the plate. Shae didn’t care. She’d sleep around the wet spot if it spilled out of the plate. She closed her eyes and prayed Adam would leave.
“We’ll get you feeling better. We have a plan in action now and you’ll feel better soon. I’ll check in on you later and then be back in the morning.” Adam’s voice was far too close and Shae jumped, tucking further into a fetal position. She heard him set the dishes on the counter and then rinse them out. Finally, the door opened and closed. Shae reached for the blanket and pulled it over her. She was so damn tired of fighting the darkness around her. Why wouldn’t they just leave her alone? A tear trickled out of her closed eye, across the bridge of her nose, and landed on her hand. She didn’t wipe it away. What was the sense when there would be so many more to follow?
Chapter 7
John headed up to his house. He was later than usual tonight, but he’d been down at the barn with the vet. One of the horses had gotten tangled up in a loose strand of barbed wire. The bottom strand of one of the old fence lines had snapped and Sugar had somehow gotten it wrapped around her hock. The cut wasn’t too deep, but infection was a real concern. He and
Frank had made plans to order new wire and fence posts for the lower pasture where the working horses were held this time of year. They’d move them over to the smaller pasture when it was time to start replacing the fencing. With all hands on deck, they could replace posts, concrete them in, and stretch barbed wire around the pasture in three or four days. It wasn’t the best time to be repairing the fence line, but the animals’ safety was paramount, and that old section of fence needed to be replaced. The patches had been patched. John chuckled at the thought. With an operation as big as the Marshall Ranch, you had to set priorities, and that fence had just became one of the top three. Sugar was Amanda’s horse and Frank wasn’t too pleased to have to tell her about her mare’s injury. Miss Amanda was Frank’s world. Well, her and his extended family.
John came around the corner of his house and stutter-stepped when he saw Adam Cassidy setting on his porch. “Hey Doc, what’s up?” John walked up the steps and dropped into one of the Adirondack chairs he’d built.
“Need to ask you a favor.” The clipped tone of his voice told him Adam wasn’t happy about asking him.
“Sure.” This was getting to be a thing lately. First, Frank asking him to talk to the woman when or if he saw her, and now, Doc.
“Shae Diamant is the woman who you and Sierra Team rescued in Canada. She lives in the drover’s cottage.” Adam leaned forward and ran his hand down Cat’s back as the feline headed to John. It catapulted into John’s lap and put both its front paws on his chest and rubbed her cheek against John’s jaw. The loud, rumbling purr-slash-squeak pulled a smile from Adam’s somber presence.
John (Guardian Defenders Book 3) Page 4
