“John, that girl is strong. Stronger than you give her credit for. Talk to her and ask her if she’s ready, let her know it is important.”
John nodded at Frank’s comment.
The rattle of a diesel engine coming from the worn path that led to the ranch was the final straw to shift and ease the tense situation. Frank walked his horse down and looked at the manual effort to cover the exposed dam material. “Came down to help with that. Looks like the three of you handled it well enough.”
John threw his shovel into the trailer and took off his cowboy hat, wiping the sweatband with his handkerchief. He watched the brothers as they headed back up to the ranch.
Frank leaned on his saddle horn and looked down. The shade his horse threw was a welcome relief. “You knew it was coming. Being a little overprotective with her, aren’t you?”
“I have no fucking clue what you’re talking about.” John shoved his hat back on his head and stewed at the audacity of these men.
“Well, that’s a load of cattle dung.”
John glanced at the backhoe and the truck lumbering behind it. “Frank, I’m in a fucking no-win situation. Shae trusts me and you know how she’s responding to Velvet. I’ve seen you watching us.”
Frank nodded.
“Doc Wheeler told me pushing her from my perspective could be bad and that I need to tread carefully and segregate myself from anything Guardian. I care for her. I see glimpses of what she must have been and then those moments are snuffed out by the demons that haunt her. She has good moments and they are getting longer. She’s eating, exercising, and she looks forward to seeing that colt. He’s got her wrapped around his hoof and he’s working it.”
Frank chuckled, “Yeah, saw that the other night. I was in the tack room working before dinner. I heard the two of you. You’re good for her.”
“Tell that to them, would yah?” John muttered almost to himself.
“They are between a rock and a hard place. I’m probably talking out of turn, but lives are on the line and they need to talk to her. What’s the real issue here, son?”
“Shit. I guess I’ve been trying to run from the inevitability of her getting better. Chief reminded me I’m not the safest bet for her going forward.” John glanced up at Frank. “I get that. I can’t offer her a future, but I can give her a little peace right now.”
The backhoe lumbered around the back end of the stock pond, effectively ceasing all conversation. John lifted a hand at Frank, who turned his mount and headed off. John whistled sharply, catching Monty’s attention in the cab of the machine. He motioned toward the area that needed shoring up first. Monty nodded and spun the massive hoe. John glanced back at where the men had disappeared. It seemed his and Shae’s attempt at grabbing a piece of normal was done.
Chapter 13
Shae pulled the comb through her hair and shook her head in disbelief. When she’d asked Amanda to come down to cut her hair again this morning, it had surprised them both, but the result was freeing. The new style was a short bob that brushed the nape of her neck and angled longer toward the front. It was sleek and she really liked the result. Jeremiah had wandered toward the cottage from the Guardian side of the ranch as the women visited. The normalcy of the afternoon was rejuvenating.
Shae slid her sock-covered feet into her cowboy boots and stood, stomping into them. She grabbed a shirt to put over her tank top and smiled at the sound of John’s truck pulling into the drive by his house. She left the cottage and walked over toward his. He must have gone inside the house because Cat ambled out the front door and meowed when she saw Shae. The little piece of ragged fur was round now. With Cat on the raised porch, she stood and looked straight into the animal’s eyes. “You, my dear, have found a softy and are milking him for everything you can get.”
Cat’s eyes closed slowly as her squeaky purr started to roll out of her. Shae tickled the little beast under her chin for a couple minutes. Shae made her way to the front door and knocked. She heard a thump from the back of the house and a mumbled comment. “I’ll take that as a come in.” Cat meowed her approval from the shade where she laid.
She’d never been in John’s house before and was pleasantly surprised at the warm colors and deep, rich textures of the leather. They blended into a comfortable environment but nothing that screamed ‘man cave.’ “Hello?” Shae heard the same noise toward the back of the house and headed that way. “Hello?” She sing-songed the word as she turned the corner.
Holy shit! John stood in the middle of a massive bedroom, still wet from the shower, wearing only a small, dark blue towel. She froze, her greeting stilled abruptly. She’d never been shy, and she used to like sex. A lot of sex. And the body that man had hidden beneath the work shirts and loose-fitting jeans was fucking mouthwatering. Her gaze dipped down to his towel and the wet outline of his…
Shae jerked her eyes back up, wide and apologetic. “I, ah…” She pointed back toward the front of the house and did her best Olympic speed-walking imitation out of the house. She put her hand over her mouth and sat down abruptly on the porch steps. Shae stared out at the expansive view but saw nothing except hard, cut muscle, a deeply defined Adonis belt, and oh, my God… that cock. She dropped her head into her hands and rubbed her face. Wow. She couldn’t unsee that. Not that she’d want to because he was a fine specimen of a man. But how in the hell could she look at him now without seeing all of him? She chuckled at her thoughts and then stopped short.
Cat meowed and ambled over. Shae reached out and stroked the attention monger. She stared off into the distance. Oh man, would she have something to talk to Jeremiah about tomorrow. Not about seeing John naked, but about suddenly seeing John as someone she was attracted to. That was a good thing. Right? It should be? Holy hell.
A cowboy boot and a jean-covered leg appeared beside her. Shae glanced up and couldn’t help taking in the bulge in his jeans that she’d somehow never noticed before. She dropped her eyes and shook her head. “I’m so sorry.” If she were the type of person to be embarrassed, she’d be blushing.
“Yeah, me too.”
Shae’s head whipped around toward him. “Why? You didn’t walk in on me practically naked.”
The blush that flourished across the man’s cheeks was adorable. He nodded and looked out over the ranch. “I was covered in mud. We were working on the dam and Monty caught a cement block in the hoe, it pulled out, and we had a breach. He was able to plug it quickly, but I was ass-deep in mud. I lost my right boot, my hat, and ruined a damn good pair of jeans. I ahh… needed to shower before we headed back down to the barn.”
Shae nodded, trying not to laugh at the picture he painted. “I heard you moving around in there and I just didn’t think.”
“No problem. We can just agree to forget about the entire situation.”
“Yeah, that will never happen.” Shae swiveled her head toward him and noted the deep crimson that had overtaken his normal skin tone. She smiled and felt lighter than she had in… well, one hell of a long time. John was safe, sweet, and yes, very attractive. A glimmer of her former self lifted from the shadows. She looked down at her boots. Perhaps she’d allow herself to flirt—just a bit—and enjoy the small victory of acting almost normal.
He caught her attention when he moved and motioned toward the truck. “Do you want to drive or walk?”
Shae stood with him and started down the porch steps. She’d been making huge strides physically. Eating regularly and exercising was making an impact, but she still had off-days where she felt tired. Today was turning out to be a good day… on a lot of fronts. “Walking is fine.” She waited for him and fell into step beside him.
“I ahh… like the… haircut.” He glanced over at her and away quickly.
“Thank you. I had Amanda cut it. I didn’t want to deal with it anymore and it was time for a change.” She’d talked to Jeremiah about that, too, after Amanda left. She was trying to find a new ‘normal’ and he’d encouraged her to take positive steps
toward that goal. Maybe that new normal included allowing herself to feel feminine. Maybe even to feel wanted. Oh, man, that would be something.
She’d never really felt wanted or needed. She was a ‘responsibility’ for her mother and as soon as she finished school, her mother expected her to make her own way. Her mom wasn’t abusive. She had food and clothes, but that persistent longing to be valued or needed was one that had never been filled. Jeremiah’s ever-present questions chased the thoughts around in her mind. She did want to feel needed. She stared at the distance, and yes, she wanted to feel needed by the man next to her. How had that happened? Would he return the feelings? Her mother never had, no matter how hard she tried.
“How was the visit?” She snapped her head up and blinked back from her musings. John’s question wasn’t unexpected. They generally talked about her day and how she was feeling, but she’d been lost in thought.
“Really good. I was actually thinking of calling my mother. She still lives in Israel.” Shae shoved her hands in her pockets. “She didn’t return my call from the hospital. It was really hard to realize that she might not care.”
“Don’t do that, Shae. Focus on how far you’ve come. Who you are now and what you need now.” John stopped and faced her.
“How did you know?” Shae blinked back the tears that inevitably started when she fell into the cycle of self-condemnation.
“I’ve spent enough time around you to know when your thoughts turn dark.”
John chucked her under her chin and waited for her to lift her face to him. “One day at a time. Trust yourself.”
Shae nodded and lifted her palm. “Take my hand?”
John’s eyebrows rose in surprise. He cocked his head and extended his hand to hers, allowing her to hold his hand. Shae smiled at the feeling of safety and comfort that simple gesture provided. She held onto his hand and started toward the barn. “Did you know that several of your employers are here? The big guys.” Her step faltered at his words. She made a sweep with her eyes back toward the big ranch house.
“I… no. I didn’t.”
They walked in silence for a moment before John spoke again. “I was thinking about going down to Orman Dam this weekend. Monty has offered to let me use his ski boat. I thought I’d take it out and have some fun. There are a couple of Airbnb’s down there where I can hole up without seeing much of anyone. You’d be welcome if you think you’d enjoy it.”
Shae dropped his hand as he reached for the gate to Velvet’s pen. The little colt lifted his head, his ears twitched forward, and he chuffed out a breath of air at her. Shae stepped in and extended her hand. Her little boy walked directly to her. She reached out and started scratching his neck. He extended his head past her shoulder and lifted his lip into the air, wiggling it in delight when she found his spot. She cooed at him and spoke softly all the time she moved her hands over him.
John leaned against the rail. He’d go get Velvet’s feeding set up in a minute. He needed to see this, to watch her interact with the young colt. He’d had a bitch of a day. The damn visit he’d had from Jacob and Jason had been replaying in his mind when he’d taken a shower. The more he thought about it, the more he realized they were actually asking for him to step in because Shae had told Jeremiah she didn’t want to answer questions.
“You don’t have to rescue me from them.” Her words caught his attention. She was talking in the same smooth soft voice that she spoke to Velvet with, but the content was for him.
“I had a visit from them today.” She glanced over her shoulder at him. The puzzled look on her face pushed some of his concern away. “Seems they think I could convince you to talk to them…” He tried to play it off with humor when he really wanted to throat punch something. She didn’t respond. Instead, using a soft curry brush, she smoothed the colt in small, short strokes to get him used to being handled just like he’d shown her. “Am I stopping your healing by spending time with you?” Why he needed to know the answer to that question wasn’t something he was willing to delve into, but he’d asked it all the same.
Shae turned, her newly-cut hair swinging along her neck. She walked over to the gate he was leaning on and stared at him for several moments. He took the time to examine the depths of her brown eyes. She tipped her head to the left and smiled. “I need to answer the questions about what happened sooner rather than later. You aren’t stopping me, you’re helping me. I’ll talk to Jeremiah in the morning. But…”
“Yes?” He wanted to reach out and brush that blunt fall of hair along her chin.
“When I talk to them, I want you there. I need to do this, but I need to know I have you there if it becomes overwhelming.” Shae placed her hand on his. He dropped his gaze down to their hands and locked it on her long, slim fingers. She drew a breath before she spoke, “I’m working on me. They mean well and they have responsibilities, I’m sure, but I’ll never be the woman who can work an operation again. I’ll never be her again. I’m slowly coming to terms with that fact. I’ll answer their questions and make arrangements to pay for the care they’ve provided. But I won’t be working for any agency again.”
John turned his hand up and cupped her hand in his. “I like the companionship we have. I’ve missed having someone to talk to since… Anyway, I didn’t know who you were before we found you. I don’t have any expectations, but the woman you are now? I like the part of her that you let me see.” He’d admit that much to her. His favor for Frank and Doc Wheeler had turned into a friendship that he truly cherished. She allowed him to care for her. They would never be intimate or have that complication. He was good with that. It was a solid fact she was a gorgeous woman. The new haircut framed her face, and her beautiful brown eyes, high cheekbones, and fine features were the classic example of timeless beauty. The frailness she had when she first arrived had for the most part vanished. She still had bad days, but the good days now outweighed the bad, at least as far as he’d witnessed.
“Are you really going to the lake or were you just offering to get me out of here?” Shae traced her finger down his palm and tapped his wrist with it, putting an accent on her question.
“I had no plans to leave the ranch. Never do.” He admitted the truth because if there was one thing he did not want it was to drive outside the property lines of the ranch.
“Thought so. No, I don’t need you to take me away. But if one or more of my current employers can’t abide by my boundaries, I do reserve the right to invade your privacy again and hide inside your house.” John popped his eyes up to her at the taunt.
“I promise to shut my bedroom door when I take a shower.” His embarrassment at being caught in a small-ass towel while dripping wet and fuming mad would not abate. Well, not anytime soon.
Shae pulled back and sighed, “Well, now, that would be a shame.” She turned back to the colt, who was nibbling on her shirt, her voice once again soft and lyrical as she moved around the stall.
John spun on his heel and headed toward the back of the barn to prepare the colt’s meal. His cheeks were hot and his mind spun at her teasing remark. He stopped and went back to the stall. “Are you flirting?”
She glanced at him and chuckled, “It has been so long, I’m not sure, but I was attempting to do so, yes.”
Pole-axed, he blinked and then muttered, “Oh.”
She continued to brush Velvet but looked at him. “Is that all right with you?”
There was a hesitancy in her voice that smacked him upside the head. He was such a fool. It had been so long… “Yes, but…”
She cocked her head and lifted an eyebrow. “But?”
“I’ll never take advantage of you.” He wanted that out there and upfront. “You lead. In flirting, and ahh… in anything else… that… that happens between us.”
She smiled at him and then laughed. The beautiful, melodic sound filled the stall. “I believe Jeremiah would say the reason I’m flirting with you is that I know you are safe and I’m comfortable around you. Your warni
ngs weren’t needed, but I appreciate the graciousness.” Velvet nickered and tossed his head. “I believe this baby is ready for his milk.”
John felt his face heat again. Damn fair skin. He spun on his heel. Lori had loved teasing him until he was as red as a lobster. His dad told him he could never be a true grifter because he wore his emotions on his sleeve, unlike Lori. He did prefer to be behind a keyboard or detailing a cover. As a matter of fact, toward the end of his time in Washington, he’d been the one creating all the covers. Lori had started working with their father on something before he’d been murdered and continued whatever it was after the police had found his body. She’d abandoned all of the cover work to him. Not that he minded. He filled his hours with work, and when he needed it, he struck out and found some female company. But he’d never been in a serious relationship before.
He measured out the powdered milk into the bottle before he damn near dropped it. Was he in a relationship? His head snapped toward the stall where Shae was talking to the colt. No. Maybe? Shit. He was, wasn’t he? He pulled out his phone and tapped a text out to Jeremiah.
John: >Need to talk to you, non-emergency. Can you call in the morning?
The text from Jeremiah hit him back immediately.
Jeremiah: >You got it.
Good. That was… good. He finished mixing the formula for the colt and capped the bottle with the nipple. All in all, the fucking shitty day he’d been having had turned around, hadn’t it?
Chapter 14
John heard a truck pull up outside but didn’t pull his head out from under the hay baler he was working on. The damn thing needed all the belts replaced. Sitting over the long, cold winter had cracked the rubber and he would be damned if he’d change a belt out in direct sun on a hot-as-fuck July day when he could do it inside before they got started.
John (Guardian Defenders Book 3) Page 10
