‘What Red Army?’ muttered Natasha.
Suddenly, on the corner of Lva Tolstogo and Vladimirovskaya, Lisa came to an abrupt halt. Natasha, who was only a couple of steps behind, bumped straight into her sister. ‘What—’ she started saying and then stopped. Her mouth assumed the shape of an astonished ‘O’ but no sound escaped. All she could do was stare. From the direction of the river, hundreds of soldiers in grey were marching towards them.
Wide-eyed, the sisters and Alexei backed into the park and hid behind its tall fence, watching in fear.
The wait was finally over. The enemy were no longer at the gates. Surrounded by crowds of confused men, women and children and accompanied by barking dogs, the enemy were right there, inside their city, their grey uniforms a perfect fit, their green helmets sparkling, their motorbikes roaring, their footsteps echoing in the tranquil autumn air.
*
When they thought it was safe, the girls and Alexei ventured cautiously from behind the fence. The streets that were busy only moments earlier were now deserted. The silence was tense, expectant. And only occasionally, as they walked down Tarasovskaya Street, did Natasha hear loud voices coming from Lva Tolstogo Boulevard. Natasha felt a chill run through her body because they were not Russian voices but German. The unfamiliar sounds spoken so assertively on the streets of Kiev seemed to defy the natural order of things.
At the entrance to their building, Alexei tried to say goodbye but Lisa grabbed his hand. ‘Where do you think you’re going?’
‘Home,’ he said, making a half-hearted attempt to break free.
‘It’s too far. And too dangerous.’ Alexei lived three short tram stops away. Since the tram was no longer running, it was a twenty-minute walk.
‘I’d rather face the Nazis than your father.’
But Lisa was adamant. ‘Don’t go back to an empty house. Come home with us.’
Together the three of them climbed eight flights of stairs to the sisters’ apartment. Natasha dawdled on the stairs, taking forever to find her key. She realised she didn’t want to be the one to give the terrifying news to her family.
‘Girls, is that you? We’re in the kitchen.’ Mother’s voice sounded unusually shrill. Natasha took her time removing her shoes, hesitating before walking down the long corridor. Would Mother cry when she heard? And what would Father say when he realised that, despite his specific instructions, they were out when the Germans entered Kiev? A captain in the militia, he ruled the household just like he did his subordinates at work. He was strict, brusque, devoid of emotion, and everyone who came into contact with him was in awe of him. Everyone, that was, except her mother, who with a couple of well-chosen words could defuse even the biggest storm.
It was dim in the kitchen. The radio was playing Tchaikovsky’s Swan Lake, Natasha’s favourite. The familiar chords never failed to make her smile, but today the music was accompanied by German shouts coming from the window, as platoon after platoon of soldiers in grey marched through the city. Lisa hid behind Natasha, all her earlier bravado forgotten. But Father barely glanced in their direction. His face ashen, he was bent over the table, every now and then barking short sentences into the telephone receiver that he cradled with his shoulder. ‘Heavy losses? Southwestern Front destroyed?’
Natasha shivered.
‘We saw—’ Lisa started saying, her eyes wide.
‘Have something to eat,’ said Mother. She looked as if she had just stepped out of bed. Her hands, her long musician’s fingers were fidgeting, picking up cups, wiping the table that was already clean. ‘Alexei, please, come in. Would you like some soup?’
‘We’re not hungry, Mama,’ said Lisa. ‘We saw German soldiers outside.’
Father rose to his feet and, still holding the telephone, started pacing from one wall to the other. It took him three strides to cover the distance between the two walls. His steps resonated ominously in the quietened kitchen. Finally, he reached for a cigarette, even though he already had one in his mouth, and put the phone down.
‘Bad news?’ asked Mother.
Father didn’t seem to hear. ‘They’re finally here. There are thousands of them in the city.’
Lisa nodded. Mother gasped. Alexei collapsed into a chair and said, ‘Thousands?’
‘I hope Stanislav is okay, wherever he is,’ exclaimed Mother. Natasha’s older brother Stanislav had been drafted into the Red Army in June. The family hadn’t heard from him since.
Natasha whispered, ‘What’s going to happen to us? Papa, what are we going to do?’
Father startled as if her words woke him from an unpleasant dream. He narrowed his eyes on Natasha and said, ‘It won’t be for long. We just need to sit tight and wait for the Red Army to come back.’ As usual, his stern voice allowed for no arguments. And only his hands were shaking.
Natasha didn’t know what to think. She didn’t know what to expect. German occupation, what did it mean? She turned to her mother, who was fidgeting in her chair and not looking at Natasha. She turned to her father, who was smoking grimly and not looking at Natasha. She turned to Lisa and Alexei, who were staring out the window in stunned disbelief. Natasha suspected that her sister, who thought she knew everything but knew nothing, and her mother, too afraid to think straight, and even her father, who ruled their family with an iron fist, didn’t have any answers.
The only thing Natasha Smirnova knew for a fact on 19th September 1941, when Hitler entered Kiev, was that life as she knew it was over.
*
All was quiet in the city at night, and Natasha, who had become accustomed to the distant sound of war, couldn’t sleep. For three months she had dreamt of being able to go to bed and not hear the buzz of the cannonade, and not hear the explosions and the mortars that were getting closer and closer, as if seeking her out. But now, as she lay in bed with her eyes wide open, she didn’t rejoice at the peace in Kiev. She didn’t rejoice because of what this peace signified. The silence meant there was no Red Army, no planes with red stars on their wings and no chance of a Soviet victory. Instead, the enemy troops were finally here. Like an oppressive shadow, Natasha could sense their presence, even here in the safety of her bed. How would they treat the local population? What if right now, while Natasha was asleep, someone marched through the door and – and what? She didn’t know what exactly she was afraid of, but she was afraid all the same. It was an abstract fear of things to come, a fear that pulled on her chest and made her heart ache. From this moment on, Kiev was a city oppressed, occupied and enslaved. And no one she knew and loved was safe.
The clock in the corridor chimed midnight. Natasha, who was sleeping on a small folding bed in her grandparents’ room, could hear Lisa tossing and turning in her bed in the room next door. Natasha got up and crossed the small space that separated the two rooms, peering in. Her eyes were used to the dark and she could make out Lisa’s shape as she curled up in bed. Instantly she felt less lonely, and her heart felt lighter. The weight she was carrying wasn’t hers alone. She had her sister to share it with.
‘Lisa, are you awake?’ she whispered, and her voice came out eerie and unfamiliar. She perched on the edge of her sister’s bed.
‘I am now.’ Lisa didn’t sound scared or uncertain. Just annoyed at being disturbed. ‘What is it, Natasha? It’s late.’
‘What do you think is going to happen to us?’
‘I guess the same thing that’s been happening to us since June.’
‘But now they’re here.’
‘There’s nothing we can do about it. We’ll just have to learn to live with it.’
‘How do we do that, Lisa? How do we learn to live with it?’
‘You heard Papa. It won’t be for long,’ said Lisa. ‘Before we know it, our army will come back and boot the Nazis out.’
‘Yes, but what if they don’t? What if it takes months or even years?’ Natasha shuddered under her warm blanket. Years under German occupation? She couldn’t imagine living like this for another day. Al
though she didn’t know what to expect, her whole being rejected the idea.
‘Let’s take it one day at a time. Don’t think about it now. Think about it tomorrow. Try to get some sleep. Goodnight, Natasha.’
‘Goodnight, Scarlett O’Hara.’
It had always been like this. Natasha would be upset about something, and Lisa would tell her not to worry. Although a year younger, she never showed weakness, never opened up. But this wasn’t another teenage drama. It wasn’t a fight with her best friend Olga or a failed geometry test. It was the end of their life as they knew it.
Back in her own bed, Natasha dozed off, a troubled sleep with dreams of being pursued and lost. When she woke up, it was still dark. She wondered what time it was. What was it that had woken her? Footsteps! There they were again, soft and careful. Petrified, Natasha curled into a ball, trying to make herself smaller, less noticeable. She wished she was invisible, so that no one could find her and nothing could hurt her. And then she thought, Is this it? Is this what my life has become? Is this what I have become, afraid of my own shadow?
Through the paper-thin wall, she heard an urgent whisper. ‘Lisa, wake up!’
‘Alexei! What are you doing here?’ Lisa seemed happier to be woken up by Alexei than she was by Natasha. She sounded honey-sweet. Natasha wondered if their voices would wake their grandparents but no, they continued sleeping, their breathing regular.
‘I can’t sleep,’ said Alexei.
‘I can’t sleep, either.’
‘That folding bed is so uncomfortable. And it’s cold in the kitchen. The window is open.’
‘Have you tried closing it?’
‘No, I thought I’d come here instead.’
‘So sleep here with me. I’ll keep you warm.’
‘Are you sure? What if your father finds out? He’ll kill us both.’ Lisa’s bed creaked once, and then again, as Alexei climbed in.
‘Who’s going to tell him?’ asked Lisa.
‘He’ll come into the kitchen in the morning and find my bed empty. What is he going to think?’
‘You’ll just have to wake up before him, won’t you?’
‘What about Natasha?’
‘She’s a sound sleeper. Besides, she’d never tell on me. She’s my sister.’
There was a moment of silence that lasted far too long. Were they kissing? Natasha felt her cheeks flush in embarrassment. Maybe she could go and sleep in the kitchen on Alexei’s folding bed. But that would mean admitting she had been awake all this time, listening in. And what would Father say if he found Natasha in the kitchen? Alexei and Lisa wouldn’t be the only ones he would kill.
A pitiful sound reached her, like a kitten meowing. Lisa was whimpering softly and blowing her nose. It had been years since Natasha had heard her sister cry.
‘Are you okay?’ asked Alexei. ‘Why are you crying? Do you want anything? What’s wrong?’
‘Everything,’ said Lisa. ‘Everything is wrong. What are we going to do?’
Natasha felt a wave of affection for her sister, who tried to comfort her and give her strength, even though she herself felt weak. Lisa was being so brave, and only now, in front of Alexei, did she show how she really felt. Natasha wanted to hug her sister, hold her in her arms and tell her everything was going to be alright. But Alexei was already doing that.
‘Please, don’t cry,’ he was whispering. ‘The most important thing is that we have each other.’
‘That’s all that matters to me, you know. That we are together. Nothing bad can happen to me while I’m with you. You’ll protect me, won’t you? From everything?’
‘Of course I will.’
His voice cracked, and Natasha knew instantly something was wrong. But Lisa didn’t seem to notice. ‘We’ll get married,’ she was saying, ‘and we’ll start a family. We’ll be so happy.’
‘I have to tell you something,’ said Alexei. All of a sudden, he sounded short of breath, as if he were walking fast up a steep mountain.
‘What?’ she prodded.
‘I’ve been thinking and thinking about it.’ He paused.
‘Tell me.’
‘I might have to go away for a little while.’
He waited for Lisa to reply but she was silent. The clock chimed three in the morning.
‘I can’t stay here and do nothing, Lisa. It’s war. I need to do my bit for our country. I keep hearing rumours about the partisans. I’m going to find them, make my way east, join the Red Army. Before you and I can be together, we need to beat the Nazis. You do understand, don’t you?’
‘No, I don’t understand,’ Lisa sobbed.’ I don’t understand why you’d want to leave me.’
‘I don’t want to leave you. It’s the last thing I want. But how can we be happy while Hitler is in the Soviet Union? First we fight and then we build a life together. A happy, married life with children and grandchildren.’
‘Grandchildren? Really?’
‘I’m just thinking ahead. I love you, Lisa. I want to grow old with you. I want everything with you. But first, we fight. We can’t take this lying down. We can’t turn the other cheek.’ Alexei’s voice grew louder in the dark. ‘Before we can start our lives together, we fight and we beat this,’ he repeated.
‘If you leave, you’ll never come back. I can feel it! I’ll never see you again.’
‘Of course I’ll come back. How could I stay away?’ said Alexei. ‘How could I stay away from you?’ he added.
‘Don’t go!’ Lisa pleaded. ‘I don’t want you to go. I can’t imagine living without you.’
‘It’s only for a little while.’
‘I can’t imagine living without you even for a little while.’
‘And I couldn’t live with myself if I stayed here and did nothing. Even you wouldn’t respect me if I did.’
‘I just want you here with me. I want you safe. I love you.’
‘And I want to be with you. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. But we can’t be selfish, Lisa. Boys as young as fourteen are running away to enlist. To fight, to make a difference. How will it look if I do nothing? Please, try to understand.’
‘You would walk away from me, say goodbye and leave me in Kiev?’
‘What choice do I have?’
Lisa sobbed and said nothing.
‘Will you wait for me?’ asked Alexei.
‘What choice do I have?’ she replied, and Natasha heard heartbreak in her voice.
‘You could forget about me and marry someone else.’
‘Not if you marry me first.’
‘I’d marry you tomorrow if I could.’
They were silent for a while. Then Lisa said, ‘Do you remember the day we first met?’
‘When you refused to dance with me and pretended you already had a sweetheart? How could I forget?’
‘When you told me I was the most beautiful girl you’d ever seen. And I did dance with you eventually.’
‘Not before you made me beg for it.’
‘See, that’s why I could never marry anyone else. Who would put up with me?’
For a few minutes all Natasha could hear was Lisa’s sobbing and Alexei’s ‘sh-sh-sh’, like he was comforting a child. Then the sheets rustled, and suddenly Lisa was no longer crying. Alexei whispered, ‘Lisa, what are you doing?’
‘What does it look like I’m doing?’
‘Are you sure about this?’
‘Positive.’
‘I thought you wanted to wait till our wedding night?’
‘That was before.’
‘Before what?’
‘Germans in Kiev.’
A minute passed, then another. ‘Are you sure?’ repeated Alexei.
‘We don’t know what will happen to us tomorrow. We don’t know if we have a tomorrow. I’m sure.’
Natasha squeezed her eyes shut and put a pillow over her head. Where was sleep when she needed it? If only she could summon it at will, then she wouldn’t have to think about the grey uniforms flooding the streets of he
r childhood and she wouldn’t have to hear her sister’s bed creaking-creaking-creaking.
Chapter 2 – The Barbaric Hordes
September 1941
Early the next morning, Natasha opened the bedroom window. Four storeys below, Kiev looked like it always had, with its lush chestnut trees embracing the nearly empty streets and the autumn sky an unblemished blue. Nothing indicated that something out of the ordinary had happened. She could almost believe that she had imagined the devastating event of the day before if it wasn’t for the occasional German soldier making his way down the street, if it wasn’t for the fear on the faces of the handful of Soviet citizens who dared venture outside.
Their fear was contagious. Natasha closed the window.
Lisa burst into the room, grabbing Natasha in a bear hug and attempting to dance with her around the room. ‘You’re never going to believe it!’
‘Let go of me,’ exclaimed Natasha, extricating herself from Lisa. ‘What’s gotten into you?’
Lisa brought her face as close to Natasha’s ear as she could and said in a theatrical whisper, ‘Alexei and I. Last night we finally did it.’
Natasha couldn’t help but smile. ‘Did what?’
‘Did what?’ Lisa mimicked. ‘Are you serious?’
Their younger brother Nikolai poked his head through the doorway, looked around to make sure their parents were nowhere to be seen and said, ‘They had sex, silly.’
‘Hey!’ Lisa shouted indignantly.
‘You’re fifteen. What do you know?’ exclaimed Natasha.
‘Clearly more than you.’ He poked his tongue out.
Lisa grabbed Nikolai’s collar with both hands. ‘Are you spying on us, you pest?’
Although shorter than his sister, Nikolai was stocky and well built. It didn’t take him long to break free from Lisa’s clutches and escape down the corridor. ‘Come back here right now!’ screamed Lisa.
Father’s stern voice was heard from the kitchen. ‘Quiet, girls. What’s all this nonsense? This is not the time for silly games.’
‘You can’t tell anyone,’ Lisa whispered to Natasha. ‘Not even Mama. She’ll just tell Papa and he’ll kill me.’
The Story of Us Page 2
