by April Henry
She shaped Dr. Paris’s words to her own use. “It’s not like you were making it up. We all react to stressful events differently. There’s no right or wrong way. The only wrong thing right now is the fire. You’re having a normal reaction to an abnormal event.” Getting to her feet, she offered him her hand. “We are ahead of the fire, and we are going to stay ahead of it. We will get out of this. We just have to keep moving and keep breathing.”
“AJ’s going to be okay,” she announced to the group, hoping she was right.
While she was speaking, Jason was dropping to his hands and knees. He was the first to scuttle under the two-foot-high gap. Once past the gate, he got to his feet and walked the rest of the way across.
As the others began to crawl one by one under the tipped-sideways gate, Wyatt came back to Natalia. “Is AJ really okay?”
“I think so,” she said. “The pain got better when I had him focus on other things. I think it was a panic attack. But even if I’m wrong, it doesn’t change anything. We still need to get out of here.”
As Wyatt nodded in agreement, Lisa came up to them. “I don’t think there’s enough room for you to crawl under there with Trask on your back. Maybe if we take him out of the carrier, I can get him to crawl ahead of me and I’ll hold on to his foot.”
They all looked at the bridge. Except for the handrails at the top and a single lengthwise board about knee-high, the sides of the bridge were open between the supports.
Marco took Blue’s leash from around his neck and held it out. “What if you clipped the end onto the back of his overalls and then looped it around your wrist?”
“Thanks.” Lisa took it. “That would work.”
Because Wyatt wasn’t needed to help with Trask now, he hung back to help the others get through. Pushing her pack ahead of her, Natalia went first. She wormed on her belly until she got past the gate. Then she got to her feet and put on her pack to walk the rest of the way. Even once she was on solid ground, she still felt tenuous.
Lisa nudged Trask ahead of her and then got to her feet and gathered him in her arms. Once she was on the other side of the bridge, she came up to Natalia.
“Do you mind holding him while I help my husband get under?”
“Sure,” she said, holding out her arms before she could think better of it. Lisa handed him over and then unsnapped the dog leash.
Trask was warm and slightly sticky, too tired to even go stiff in her arms. He smelled a little bit sweet and a little bit sour, a mix of baby shampoo and urine from what had to be a soaked diaper. When he started to fuss, she automatically jigged up and down, rocking him lightly on her hip, ignoring the slightly squishy feeling of it. He slumped against her.
Memories came flooding back.
CHAPTER 10
WHAT CAN HAPPEN IN TEN MINUTES?
SIX YEARS EARLIER
NATALIA LIFTED CONNER FROM the car seat and set him on her hip while her mom unloaded the groceries. Conner slumped against her, warm and heavy and more than half-asleep. With her free hand, she pulled his green plaid blankie from the car, shook out the Goldfish crumbs, and tucked it between him and her side. Heaven help them all if it ever got lost.
Her brother was two, nine years younger than she was. Natalia’s parents sometimes called him their miracle baby. Maybe they didn’t realize how that sounded. Like she was just the normal, boring kid. Like she hadn’t been enough.
Today at the store an old grandpa type had praised her, calling her “little mother.” It had made her feel both grown-up and resentful, all at once.
Natalia loved her little brother. Of course she did. But a little baby needed a lot of attention. When he was brand-new, it had been rough. During the day he was fine, but that first year Conner barely slept at night. She and her parents endured endless hours of him red-faced and screaming. Which meant none of them slept.
Then one night: a miracle. The screaming stopped. Natalia tiptoed into his room. Her parents were already there, staring down at his crib. Conner was in some state between sleeping and waking, sucking his thumb while the fingers of his free hand rubbed the satin binding of one of his million baby blankets. This one had been made by one of her mom’s work friends. Plain yellow flannel on one side and green plaid on the other, it was bound together with a wide green strip of satin.
And from that night on, it was Conner’s special blankie, the one thing he had to have to sleep or just calm down.
Most of the satin was now little more than dirty threads. Once, while Conner was napping, her mom had snuck it away and added new binding. When he woke up, he’d gotten so upset her mom had been forced to rip it back off.
Now Natalia’s mom unlocked the door and pushed it open with her foot. She walked through the mudroom and set the bags down on the kitchen counter.
Natalia carried Conner inside. He had gotten cuter once he was finally able to talk. And asleep, he was always adorable, with his flushed cheeks, brown cowlick, and rosebud mouth.
“See if you can put him down without waking him up,” her mom whispered.
Natalia tried not to jostle him as she started upstairs. Her feet made soft shushing sounds on the tan carpet. But he didn’t stir as she laid him on his toddler bed, covered him with his blankie, and then gently closed the door.
Back downstairs, Natalia helped put things away. Her mom suddenly muttered a swear word under her breath. “I can’t believe it! I forgot the Parmesan.”
“Do you have to have it?”
“It’s like the main part of the recipe.” Her mom frowned. “You can’t have cacio e pepe without Parmesan.”
Her mom was right. Without the salty, tangy strands of Parmesan tangling the pasta, it would just be starchy strings dotted with pepper. The pasta and a premade salad were supposed to be their dinner tonight. They had bought ingredients for other meals, but they all took much longer to cook.
They looked at each other. Natalia thought they were both picturing the same thing. Waking up a cranky Conner. His back arching, his face turning red. Trying to force him into his car seat. His ear-piercing screams as they drove back. Her mom would probably want Natalia to wait in the car with the doors locked while she ran in. Strangers would walk by, staring at her and the screaming toddler beside her.
“Why don’t you just go back?” Natalia said. “Let him sleep, and I’ll finish putting away the groceries.”
“But you’re not twelve yet.” In Oregon, twelve was the age when a child could be left alone without an adult present. Natalia thought she and her mom were both looking forward to it, for different reasons.
“But I’ll be twelve in six months.” She straightened up, trying to look taller. “Besides, how long will it take? Ten minutes? I’ll lock the doors. I have my cell phone. What can happen in ten minutes?”
“I don’t know,” her mom said slowly. But Natalia could tell she was torn. Finally, she picked up her keys. “I’ll be back in a flash.”
After she left, Natalia felt so grown-up. Maybe if she demonstrated how capable she was, her mom would loosen up. After all, who cared that she was not exactly twelve? Just as long as she was able to handle things. And wouldn’t her mom be happy if she came home and the pasta was already cooking?
Natalia ran the faucet until the water was as hot as it would get, then filled the big metal pot her mom always used. She already knew pasta tasted best if you cooked it in salted water, so she added several shakes. After setting it on the burner, she covered it with a lid, the way her mom did, so it would boil faster. Then she turned the knob on the gas stove all the way to the right, until it started making a clicking noise.
And she waited for the flame to flick on.
CHAPTER 11
THE COLOR OF BLOOD
10:03 P.M.
“HERE, I’LL TAKE HIM,” a voice said. Hands started to pull the toddler from Natalia’s arms.
With a start, she opened her eyes. Everyone was across the bridge now. It was an effort to relax her grip, to let go, to le
t Lisa take Trask. How long had she been standing there, eyes closed, half imagining she was holding her baby brother? Remembering a time that didn’t exist anymore, except in her imagination?
“He’s so relaxed with you,” Lisa said as she guided Trask’s dangling feet into the leg holes of his carrier. “Normally Trask doesn’t like strangers. You must have a lot of experience babysitting.”
“Actually, I don’t.” Natalia didn’t elaborate. “He’s probably just too tired to care.”
Even more than fires, she had spent the last six years avoiding toddlers. If a family with a little kid came into the Dairy Barn, she always let one of her coworkers wait on them. And she would never, ever babysit.
Not that anyone who knew her would actually ask. Who would trust her?
People were taking sips of water or buckling up their packs with stifled groans. Susan tucked her hat in her backpack and took out a headlamp. With the help of his own headlamp, Wyatt checked his map.
The sight of the headlamps reminded Natalia that she had also bought one at REI, in addition to the first aid kit. She dug it out, still in its packaging. Oh crap. It ran on batteries. Her panic was quickly followed by relief when she realized they were included. After opening the package, she pulled the band over her forehead. The moon was rising, but the huge disk the color of blood wasn’t providing much light. Natalia knew the color was due to the smoke, but it still seemed like an evil portent.
They were in a small clearing. Marco shone his phone’s flashlight on two carved signs nailed to a tree. One read, “Cougar Creek,” and pointed to the left. The other read, “Twisted Trail,” and pointed to the right.
Lisa looked up from the buckle she was snapping across Trask’s chest. “Cougar Creek? Isn’t that where the other fire is?” Her eyes were wide.
“Yeah.” Wyatt looked up from his map. “So we definitely don’t want to take that trail. Which leaves Twisted. The name’s pretty accurate. It twists back and forth.”
“How long until we get back to civilization?” Darryl rubbed Zion’s drooping shoulders.
Wyatt pinched off distances with his fingers. “It’s at least twenty miles before we connect up to another road.”
Twenty miles. People exchanged shocked glances. They had already hiked two to Sky Bridge. This was going to be like completing a marathon, only on steep trails. At night. With a fire at their back and the air hazy with smoke. By now Marco wasn’t the only one coughing.
AJ made a face. “That will take forever.”
“Probably all night.” Wyatt folded up the map. “The average person hikes about two miles an hour. And that’s in daylight and without an elevation change. Twisted is more of a, um, technically challenging trail.”
Natalia wondered if she was the only one who noticed the hesitation in his words. Her stomach churned.
“But you can’t really expect us to hike all night,” Darryl objected.
“I’m not sure we have much choice, at least not right now. Maybe we can rest a little farther on. But we still need to put some distance between us and the fire.”
“If that trail cuts back and forth, then why can’t we just ignore it and use your compass to go in a straight line?” Ryan’s face was drawn. “Wouldn’t it be faster?”
Wyatt shook his head. “It might seem like it’d be faster, but by the time you climbed into and out of some slot canyons, forded a few streams, and bushwhacked your way through some heavy brush, it would take a lot longer than just staying on the trail.” He looked back at the horizon, silhouetted by the fire. “My one worry is that the Cougar Creek fire could have spread all the way to Twisted. We don’t want to get caught between that fire and the new one.”
“That sign said Trail closed due to fire,” Beatriz said, tying her beach towel around her shoulders like a cape. “It didn’t say trails.”
Basing a decision on the lack of an s on a hastily scrawled sign did not seem like the best idea. Natalia pictured the two fires curling around them like the fingers of a fist. And then the fist squeezing closed. When she tried to swallow, her tongue felt like a piece of leather.
“I don’t think we have any choice.” Marco pointed at the flames, creeping ever closer. “One blown spark and the fire could jump the canyon.”
Natalia’s dread was expanding to include anything and everything. In addition to the fire, she was also afraid of the dark. Of tripping or slipping again, only this time really getting hurt. Afraid of getting lost. Of being abandoned. Of wild animals. Of deep water. Of watching someone get hurt and being unable to help.
Five things you can see, she told herself.
But the first thing she saw was Trask, rubbing his eyes, his little mouth bunched into a frown. She couldn’t look at him, and she couldn’t stop looking at him. Even so, she helped Lisa lift Trask’s carrier onto Wyatt’s back.
They had just set off into the cover of the trees when AJ abruptly stopped.
“Wait a minute.” His head swiveled back and forth. “Where’s Susan?”
CHAPTER 12
WHATEVER DOES KILL YOU
10:14 P.M.
“DID SUSAN EVEN MAKE it over the bridge?” Ryan asked.
“Yeah. She was ahead of me.” Marco scanned the murky darkness.
“So she’s got to be nearby,” AJ said. “She doesn’t move that fast. Maybe she just went off to pee or something.” He cupped his hands over his mouth. “Susan! Susan! Where are you?”
The others joined in. After locating her whistle, Natalia gave several short blasts. Then Wyatt held up his hand, gesturing for silence. The only sound was the distant crackle of flames and the churning rush of the water at the bottom of the canyon. The horizon behind them was silhouetted by the fire, turning some trees along the ridgeline into black cardboard cutouts and others blazing torches. Not only was the fire moving toward them, but it was also spreading out.
Deep inside herself, Natalia just wanted to run away into the darkness. Or lie down and curl up, tighter and tighter, until she disappeared. How long could they even afford to look for Susan?
“We can’t leave her behind,” Beatriz said. “She’ll die.”
Jason made an impatient noise. “This one-for-all-and-all-for-one crap is going to end up meaning we all die.”
To Natalia’s surprise, Darryl agreed. “Jason’s not one hundred percent wrong. We can’t afford to hang around here for too long.” The fire reflected on his sunglasses, making it hard to read his expression.
“I hate to say it,” Lisa said, “but hasn’t she seemed confused?”
“She asked me if anyone had a hand clock,” Natalia admitted. “I think she meant a watch.”
“My grandma says things like that,” Zion volunteered. People turned to stare. It was the first time Natalia had heard him speak. “She has Alzheimer’s. Sometimes she forgets words or uses the wrong ones. And sometimes she runs off and hides.” As his grandson spoke, Darryl bowed his head.
Letting go of Darryl’s hand, Zion walked over to the dog. “Hey, maybe Blue can find her!” He bent forward. “Blue, find Susan! Find Susan, Blue!”
It was true that the two had seemed drawn to each other. Blue tilted his head. For a second, everyone stared at the dog as he stared back at the boy.
Marco put his hand on top of the dog’s head. “Look, Blue’s one of the greatest dogs I know, but he’s not some special breed trained to perform amazing tasks. He’s just husky mixed with pit bull and maybe a little German shepherd. He probably doesn’t even know what you’re saying.”
“How about this?” Wyatt offered. “I’ll look for her. The rest of you go on ahead and then the two of us will catch up with you.”
Beatriz shook her head. “You’re the one who was saying we shouldn’t get separated.”
“Beatriz is right,” AJ said. “And you’re the only one who really understands how to get us out of here.”
Wyatt sighed. “Everyone’s right. We can’t leave Susan, but we also can’t afford to stay here. Let’s
spend just ten minutes looking for her. The fire can’t make that much progress in ten minutes. And if we don’t find her, then we’ll leave a note on the bridge.”
No one objected to his plan. The fire made it clear they didn’t have time to debate.
Darryl, Zion, and a half-asleep Trask were left in front of the bridge. Zion wanted to join the search, but was persuaded his grandpa needed him. Wyatt gave Darryl Natalia’s whistle, with instructions to blow it after ten minutes. Then the rest of them fanned out. The dark was lit up with the bobbing lights of Wyatt’s and Natalia’s headlamps and the others’ phones.
Natalia took the edge of canyon, but this time she kept about thirty feet away. Alone in the dark, her fears came crowding back. What if someone really had pushed her earlier? After all, she didn’t know any of these people except Wyatt. What if someone was following her now? In the dark, they could do anything with no witnesses.
Behind her, a stick cracked.
With a shriek, Natalia whirled around but saw no one. The cone of light cast by her headlamp just lit up millions of smoke particles right in front of her, floating like flecks of dust. Her imagination was clearly getting the better of her. Putting her hand on her chest above her racing heart, she ordered herself to focus on finding Susan.
“Susan!” she shouted through cupped hands as she turned back. “Susan!” Farther away the same call echoed from other mouths. But what if Susan had forgotten more than words? What if she had forgotten her own name?
It was hard to see through the smoke. As an experiment, Natalia flicked the switch on her headlamp to off. The fire cast enough light that she could still see. It was like walking in a red-tinged twilight. She made sure to stay well away from the drop.
Every strange noise still made her start, in the hope that it was Susan, in the fear it was someone else. The space between her shoulder blades was itching, like someone was watching her. The sensation grew stronger and stronger, but each time she spun around, there was no one there. They were all searching in the same general area, she reminded herself. Any strange noises weren’t strange at all, just another member of the group.
