JEFF: hopefully the weather stays calm today
JEFF: i went over to the complex office to get me an expresso and they had cupcakes. I walked out with two and one in my mouth. One is in the fridge for you if you want to stop by.
JEFF: Not the one I had in my mouth.
KAREN: Change the subject away from cupcakes.
JEFF: I've been seeing a lot of people talk about Gus sounding really pretentious in the movie, do you...
KAREN: Also thank you for the non-regurgitated cupcake
JEFF: I could see in their eyes when I walked out "Did he just take 3 cupcakes." I was laughing so hard outside I almost choked on my cupcake. And I don't care if they stop putting the snacks out. I'm going over there every day and getting coffee and a snack.
JEFF: Oh, and I finished the laundry with the tragic towels.
KAREN: do it
KAREN: cause they charge you enough
KAREN: And thanks. I didn’t want those towels going into our machines at home.
*****
Gail, ‘Just because a lifeform is binary doesn’t mean it can’t gender identify as female.’
Karen, ‘….’
Jeff, ‘….’
Fox, ‘….’
*****
Jeff, ‘I’ve always wanted to fuck my own clone.’
Fox, ‘What?’
Karen, ‘Don’t get him started.’
Jeff, ‘Well…’
Karen, ‘I’ve heard this so many times before. The philosophical and metaphysical implications of that sort of one night stand is a rant you don’t want to hear.’
Jeff, ‘Would violate The Laws Of Time And Space.’
Fox, ‘I think I’ve heard this before?’
Jeff, ‘Yes, I’m already right there, inside your head is me.’
Fox, ‘Joy.’
*****
Karen, ‘And his weird things? His Jeff like Jeff ways don’t bother you? I love the guy but dudes kind of off sometimes.’
Fox, ‘I can handle off.’
Karen, ‘His I’m being edgy asshole talk?’
Fox, ‘His way of dealing with the world.’
Karen, ‘His new obsession with Taylor Swift?’
Fox, ‘I can chill with uplifting anthems.’
Karen, ‘His…’
Fox, ‘Why are you trying to direct me away from him?’
Karen, ‘Because he doesn’t human that well and that’s why I love and worry for him.’
*****
Karen, ‘I belonged to this mom group online…’
Stares from Fox and Jeff.
Karen, ‘I use a fake name and go on there for the laughs. Annd I have three imaginary children. And one me and my husband Dan lost due to illness at birth.’
More stares.
Karen, ‘Anyways, there’s this thing now where mom’s are trying to say “stupid” is a curse word. They harass librarians about books with stupid in it and try to keep their kids from hearing it at any cost.’
Jeff, ‘Now that’s stupid.’
Fox points at Jeff dramatically, ‘Curserererer!’
Karen, ‘The other day this lady said she left a note for the librarian at her local library about “the S T U P I D word” being in a DVD her daughter checked out.’
Fox, ‘Quick, what’s the one word that auto makes you cringe a little? I say, Cunt.’
Karen, ‘Yea, Cunt gives me that reaction too.’
Jeff, ‘Ninjago.’
Stares.
*****
Karen: The restaurant is being overrun by mommy bloggers.
Karen: This lady today- “Please don’t say the P Word.”
Karen: Mom- “The P Word?”
Karen: Stupid Asshat- “We don’t use the word peanut in our household because our son is allergic.”
Karen: Mom- “Wait, what?”
Fox: I love your mom.”
Karen: Oh, it gets better. Mom- “So your great plan for protecting your child is to make them stupid to the existence of something that could kill them? You can’t Voldemort peanuts dipshit.”
Karen: Stupid Asshat- “I want to see the manger.”
Karen: Mom- “You’re looking at the owner so go fuck yourself.”
*****
JEFF: There should be a time in the morning, a sort of bugger you, when you don’t have to deal with stupid people.
KAREN: Agree
KAREN: Maybe people in general.
*****
KAREN: You will shit yourself when you see dad.
KAREN: He’s dress like a fucking white Irish wannabe black panther.
KAREN: Do you have a ride here?
JEFF: I’m riding with Fox.
KAREN: Ok
JEFF: He looks like a poor cosplay of Jamie from Myth Busters.
KAREN: He says he’s from “The Highlands”?
JEFF: Just be glade he isn’t traditionally kilting it.
*****
JEFF: Lady at library to two other people “I’m not really interested in your conversation. This is a library. Your both stupid”
*****
JEFF: Me and Karen got you something
FOX: Me???
FOX: Why???
FOX: Why???
FOX: You guys make my heart warm and fuzzy!
FOX: Triumvirate
JEFF: You
JEFF: Because you’re you
JEFF: Because you’re you
JEFF: Fuzzy hearts can get itchy
JEFF: For the win
FOX: LOL
*****
KAREN: My sister is torturing all of us by listening to Taylor Swift over and over and over.
JEFF: I’ll be over in a minute. I have the new CD.
KAREN: I hate you both.
*****
KAREN: Dad’s here, but dishwasher broke down, health inspector is here, it’s chaos. I need a drink already!!!
JEFF: You don’t drink.
JEFF: Do you?
JEFF: I’m sorry it’s so crazy
JEFF: We’ll drink tonight
KAREN: U still in Cocoa?
JEFF: No, I’m in Sat Bch
KAREN: Leaving now
JEFF: Oh, ok, I don’t think I can get away until 5
KAREN: That’s cool. I’ll meet you at your car
JEFF: Oh, did you get a ride?
KAREN: Yea. Sorry. I should have said that. Sorry
JEFF: No, that’s good
KAREN: I had to write an incident report today
JEFF: You ok?
KAREN: Yea, one of the cooks caught his arm in the backdoor
KAREN: He’s a dumbass
JEFF: Isn’t he a distant cousin?
KAREN: Gene pools aren’t perfect
JEFF: Yea, the rest of your family is nice
KAREN: Screw you Mr. My Relatives Are Mountain Folk
JEFF: Were
*****
FOX: I just had four burritos with sirracha
FOX: And my mouth is burning like Hell
KAREN: My mom-”Too much Sirracha isn’t good. A cook has to be careful. It’s like fishing with TNT if you’re stupid.”
FOX: I love your mom
FOX: LOL
FOX: It was from Taco Bell
KAREN: Mom-“See I have this book, a guide if you will. I’ll make her some good Sirracha food.”
FOX: Love it when your mom pushes her books.
FOX: and yes please.
KAREN: Ok, now I want Taco Bell
KAREN: Wonder if I can convince Jeff to go with me?
FOX: Shouldn’t be too hard to do
FOX: Tell him I say he needs 4th meal
KAREN: I got an empanada. So good.
KAREN: Now I’m so fat.
KAREN: Fatter
*****
Going through stuff at Jeff’s place.
Karen, "Do you really need your baptism certificate?"
Jeff, "Yes, in case of rapture."
*****
JEFF: HEY, here at Karen’s.
Took me a few gas stations but I got gas. I hope you have a good time in Orlando. Be safe, love you,
FOX: Hey, I didn't get this until just now. Keep forgetting to check gmail lol. Just wanted to say though ….I LOVE YOU!
*****
JEFF: I love you, Sorry I keep calling you and bugging you tonight but the phone keep cutting off before I could say bye and I love you. Just when you mentioned hot dogs it went bye bye and 13 calls later I finally got to say I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! which I do.
BREAKING NEWS: Hoax or real, hero calling himself Booming Ben releases footage of himself in action online.
BREAKING NEWS: The Mallard, steam powered car appears at car show.
BREAKING NEWS: The word “Mayerthorpe” keeps popping up all over Canada in graffiti on government buildings
Notes From The Author
What I learned While Writing This: Not to freak when I can’t release something on the date its meant to be released. Sometimes life happens: need to watch Bob’s Burgers, search for new apartment, food…
Thanks for reading,
Brian C. Williams
https://twitter.com/hangofwednesday
https://underthetrainingbook.blogspot.com/
Other Stories by this author
Tin Universe Middle Grade Series
{Yearly middle grade series}
Tin Universe Middle Grade Series #1
Tin Universe Middle Grade Series #2
Tin Universe Middle Grade Series #3
Tin Universe Middle Grade Series #4 *COMING 2016
Tin Universe Middle Grade Series #5 *COMING 2017
Tin Universe Middle Grade Series #6 *COMING 2018
Tin Universe Middle Grade Series #7 *COMING 2019
Tin Universe Monthly
{Monthly series that birthed the Tin Universe. More adult stories on a sort of, not so sort of monthly basis}
Tin Universe Monthly #1
Tin Universe Monthly #2
Tin Universe Monthly #3
Tin Universe Monthly #4
Tin Universe Monthly #5
Tin Universe Monthly #6
Tin Universe Monthly #7
Tin Universe Monthly #8
Tin Universe Monthly #9
Tin Universe Monthly #10
Tin Universe Monthly #11
Tin Universe Monthly #12
Tin Universe Monthly #13
Tin Universe Monthly #14
Tin Universe Monthly #14b 2014 April Fools Special
Tin Universe Monthly #14c 2014 Easter Special
Tin Universe Monthly #15
Tin Universe Monthly #15b Extra Stuff In April Special
Tin Universe Monthly #16
Tin Universe Monthly #16b Memorial Day Special
Tin Universe Monthly #17
Tin Universe Monthly #18
Tin Universe Monthly #19
Tin Universe Monthly #20 A First Shot Fire, Part Two
Tin Universe Monthly #21 A First Shot Fire, Part Three
Tin Universe Monthly #22 A First Shot Fire, Part Four
Tin Universe Monthly #23 A First Shot Fire, Part Five
Tin Universe Weekly
{A 2015 experiment in micro fiction. The series will return but for now these stories will be incorporated into Tin Universe Monthly… When it comes out}
Tin Universe Weekly #223 *RETURNING 2017
Tin Universe Tales
{This series of full length novels will be self-contained stories focusing on a certain part of the Tin Universe}
Tin Universe Tales #1 *COMING 2017
Tin Universe Presents
{A every other year Tin Universe story collection. Will feature stories set in the Tin Universe from all genres and all possible ways of storytelling.}
Tin Universe Presents #1 *COMING 2018
READING ORDER
Tin Universe Monthly #1
Tin Universe Middle Grade Series #1
Tin Universe Monthly #2
Tin Universe Middle Grade Series #2
Tin Universe Monthly #3
Tin Universe Middle Grade Series #3
Tin Universe Monthly #4
Tin Universe Monthly #5
Tin Universe Monthly #6
Tin Universe Monthly #7
Tin Universe Monthly #8
Tin Universe Monthly #9
Tin Universe Monthly #10
Tin Universe Monthly #11
Tin Universe Monthly #12
Tin Universe Monthly #13
Tin Universe Monthly #14
Tin Universe Monthly #14b 2014 April Fool’s Special
Tin Universe Monthly #14c 2014 Easter Special
Tin Universe Monthly #15
Tin Universe Monthly #15b Extra Stuff In April Special
Tin Universe Monthly #16
Tin Universe Monthly #16b Memorial Day Special
Tin Universe Monthly #17
Tin Universe Monthly #18
Tin Universe Monthly #19
Tin Universe Monthly #20 A First Shot Fire, Part Two
Tin Universe Monthly #21 A First Shot Fire, Part Three
Tin Universe Monthly #22 A First Shot Fire, Part Four
Tin Universe Monthly #23 A First Shot Fire, Part Five
Tin Universe Monthly #22, A First Shot Fired: Part Four Page 2
