Dammit.
She let her head sink back onto Owen’s chest in defeat. Again, she was trying to get away from Owen when the only place she really wanted to be was in his arms. He made her feel safe and cared for and hopeful when nothing else around her did. Her parents were a mess. She was in denial. She’d been at the MCC almost every evening with Katherine, avoiding her mom’s phone calls.
A tear burned its way down her cheek and dropped off her nose onto Owen’s shirt. A moment later his hand was stroking her head. He wiped her tears away with his thumb and his big chest rose and fell slowly. Should’ve known he wasn’t asleep.
“What is making you sad?”
“It’s just a lot. You. The creepy dude. My dad. Being alone at the store all day every day.” Tara sniffed and buried her face in Owen’s neck. “Then I wake up and I’m like this. It freaks me out a little. I’ve never felt safer, than when I’m with you, but realistically the first time I talked to you for real was only a couple days ago. And now I’m lying on top of you in your bed in your house and I’m crying. I make friends really easily and everywhere I go, but this is a really big leap. Even for me.”
“You feel safe and scared?” He tightened his arms around her and rolled to his side, taking her with him so that she was in the center of the bed. Still cradled in his arms, but able to look up into his eyes in the dim light of the room. There wasn’t a lamp or anything. So it was just the fading light of the sun through the thin curtains.
“I can’t explain why you make me feel safe when I barely know you. When I know that you aren’t even human, but I do. There’s something inside me that just knows you would do anything for me. I know you keep saying you’ll protect me, but I know you will. You don’t have to tell me. I think I’ve known for a long time. The way you watched my life from just outside like an invisible bodyguard.”
“Your soul glows for me, shuarra, I mean…Tara.” He dropped his gaze and sighed again. “It has been everything I could do not to just come barging into your life and carry you off to make you mine.”
Tara couldn’t stop the giggle that slipped from between her lips. “You make it sound like you’re some kind of Viking warrior and I’m a medieval maiden to be claimed.”
“I am a warrior. I was a leader of my Tribe once. This mid-ee-val thing you speak of I don’t recognize through the language magick. You are not evil.”
“Language magick?”
“Our kind was blessed with a magick ability to instantly learn and understand any language we encounter.”
“Shut up!”
Owen drew back in surprise. His eyes widened. “I—forgive me?” He asked, his voice hesitant.
“No, sorry. It means “wow” or “holy crap”. Of course, you probably don’t know what that means either.”
“I have heard Leif at the garage say holy shit. I think I understand. Shut up is more confusing though.” He smiled. His shoulders relaxed, and he stroked her cheek with his fingertips again. “So, you weren’t telling me to stop talking, though.”
She shook her head. “No. I wasn’t. It’s just so cool. So you can speak anything then. Any language. How long does it take?”
“A few minutes. The person has to speak enough for the spell to take hold and create the language in our mind.”
“And the animals? The bear? Is that a spell too?” Listen to me talking like magick is a normal thing. Although after seeing a man change into a bear my level of tolerance is considerably higher.
“No. We are born with our animal spirits inside us. The only ones without an animal in our world—in Reylea—were the magick-benders. They are the equivalent of what your language calls a priest or priestess.”
“You said your world burned. That’s why you and your sister came here. And the others. How many came through?”
Owen shook his head. “I’m not sure about the total. Not many made it from what I’ve seen. There were hundreds in our valley. When my sister and I went through, the mountain below the portal was already starting to break apart from the lava.”
Another tear burned halfway down her cheek before Owen’s thumb intercepted it.
“You have a kind heart to cry for a people you didn’t know.” He wrapped his arms tighter around, pulling her close to his chest. “When the wolf started showing interest in you. Coming to the store…I’ve never been more worried. Not even when I took my sister’s hand and leaped through the horizon of the portal into a new world I knew nothing about.”
“I’m not sure I could’ve done that. Left everything.”
“We tried to go back. Every road was on fire or the ground had split open to breathe smoke and ash. I live with the guilt of leaving all my people behind. My sister was visiting the trading grounds. It’s the only reason she was with me. I’m not sure I would’ve been able to leave if I hadn’t been so focused on saving her.” He leaned back a little, meeting her gaze again. His eyes flickered and glowed with just a little gold, looking deep into her soul. Seeing her. All of her.
It was everything she’d ever wanted in a man. No one had ever looked at her the way Owen did. Like she was the only woman that existed on the planet. Like she was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen in his life. Like he really was the soulmate he claimed to be.
“We wouldn’t have ever met.” The realization hit her like a spilled cord of firewood falling off a truck. An emptiness in her chest sent a sharp pain through her heart. Not having Owen in her life. Not being here with him right now. Her eyes welled with unshed tears. “I’m sorry you lost your world, but I’m so grateful to have you here. With me. Right now.”
“Even though I’m a bear.”
“Yes. I’m not saying that I’m not going to pee my pants a little if you suddenly become a bear, but I’m getting there.” She wiped the tears from her eyes with the back of her hand and gave Owen what she hoped was an encouraging smile. “You know you can’t just go around telling people what you are, right? Or changing in public like you did in the store. What if someone else had seen you?”
“I’m careful. We all are. Col’s mate informed my sister that it would be hazardous for our health if the general public knew what we were.”
“Col’s mate. You mean Naomi Li’Vhram?”
“Yes.” Owen’s body wilted next to hers, just for a second, but she felt the shift. The tension between them had instantly become palpable. The comfort of his arms had turned to strain. Then he’d pushed past it. He’d hidden it, but it was still there. Still flowing beneath the surface like an underground river that might burst forth from the ground at any moment.
The thing he wouldn’t share.
The reason he’d stayed away.
It was back, baring its teeth and threatening again to keep them apart.
She wasn’t going to let that happen. “You said you’d tell me why.”
“I—” Owen tried to turn away from her, but she tightened her hold on his arm. Not that she could’ve realistically stopped him from doing anything he wanted. But he did stop. He didn’t move away from her. He let her hold him in place.
“Tell me.”
“I am an outcast. In my world it is a banishment. The mark you noticed on my neck is my brand of shame. I failed as an alpha. My tribe was taken from me.”
“What does that have to do with me?” Tara swallowed, a sick feeling lodging itself in the back of her throat.
“I’m not allowed to take a mate.”
“What the hell does that mean? You’re not on your world anymore. New life. New rules.”
Owen smiled and stroked her hair again. “You sound like my sister, but Col disagrees. He is alpha here. And he—”
“Said you couldn’t be with me?” Tara whispered. “But why? Why can’t you fight it?”
“He is too powerful. I would die if I fought him and I will die when he finds out we are together.”
“What! No!” Tara’s chest constricted. She couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t think. Lose Owen. She’d just gott
en him. Just found out all these things and now he was saying they couldn’t be together. “You are going to leave me. You’re going to ignore me again after this, aren’t you?”
“I will protect you until I die, my sweet Tara.”
“You’d better not be planning to die. What about the wolves. What if they come back? What if something happens to me? My parents? Col doesn’t care about me or my family. You can’t die.”
Owen’s chest rumbled and his eyes flashed with gold. Tara held her breath, not afraid, but in awe of the power inside the man holding her calmly in his arms. “I am aonkan—an outcast—this is my punishment.”
“Then we need to be careful. We can be sure no one sees us when we are together.”
He sat up and turned, letting his legs hang off the side of the bed. “It won’t work. You will smell like me. The first time one of them is near you, they will be able to tell. It’s bad enough that I was in the store when Kann and Tor were there. They will report to Col. He’s already threatened me once. He won’t let it go.”
“We have to try. There has to be something.” Tara’s words choked in the back of her throat. There was always a way. A loophole. Minds could be changed. Surely Col could be made to see reason. “Please don’t leave me.” She reached out and grabbed the sleeve of his shirt and tugged.
“Are you hungry? I’m sure the soup is warm by now.” Owen asked, an obvious attempt to change the subject.
Tara shook her head. “Just hold me.”
“I can do that.”
For now was the unspoken omen of foreboding in his tone of voice. For now he could hold her. For now they could lie here and be safe. But what would happen tomorrow? What would happen once she left his house and the others could smell Owen on her. Maybe there was some really strong soap she could use that would confuse their noses? Perfume? There had to be something. She would figure out a way.
10
The next time Tara opened her eyes, morning was peering through the white threadbare curtains covering Owen’s bedroom window. He had one arm over her waist, but she was able to slither to the side and sit up on the side of the bed. He stirred just a little but didn’t act like he was awake.
Her eyes adjusted to the light and she noticed for the first time how bare the room was. A bed. No dresser. A small table stood next to the bed with an old brass lamp and worn out shade—like something a person would get at the flea market across town for a buck. A couple of things hung on the wall. Owen’s big brown coat. His shoes were still where he’d kicked them off last night.
She stood and walked to a narrow slatted-folding door and gently pulled it open. The closet was empty except for a pair of jeans and… a folded leather kilt laying on a shelf? She traced her fingers along the soft leather, trying to imagine what Owen would look like. Probably much sexier than Jamie Frazier on that new TV show Katherine was obsessed with. There was another flannel shirt, and three pairs of socks. No underwear? The thought of Owen commando under the jeans sent a flutter of excitement straight through her belly. Still, surely there should’ve been a pair of long-johns or something. How had he survived the winter? This place had walls like paper. No heater in the bedroom.
Tara closed the door softly, slipped her feet into her boots without tying them up and headed for the bathroom he’d said was down the hall.
She found it.
Nothing more in the bathroom than she’d seen in the bedroom. He and Ava were barely getting by. There was a pack of bar soap on the counter by the sink. The cheapest brand her mom and dad’s store carried. A couple of toothbrushes and tiny tube of generic toothpaste.
Given where they’d come from only four months ago, Tara had to give them props for even getting as far as they had. Leif wasn’t too picky with renters as long as they paid. She knew via her mother that Owen worked at Leif’s garage and she’d seen Ava waiting tables in Lily’s more than once when she’d stopped to grab something for dinner.
Tara finished up in the bathroom and headed down the hall through the living room. It was mostly empty except for an old couch and worn brown chair. A couple of cinder blocks held up a board functioning as an end table next to the chair. The coffee table was the same set up—cinder blocks and scrap wood. The nook of the kitchen was next. Plain wood table with four chairs. Everything was clean but sparse.
The kitchen was the same. No color. No decorations. Not even a toaster sat on the bare beige countertops. Owen’s sister, Ava was standing at the stove with her back to Tara, wearing jeans and the classic yellow uniform t-shirt from Lily’s.
“Morning,” Ava said. She pulled a kettle off the stovetop and turned to Tara with a gentle smile. The woman shared similarities with her brother. They both had brown hair. Ava’s was much longer. Even in a ponytail, the glistening brown waves reached nearly to her waistline. Her eyes were the same whiskey brown. Tara was shorter than Ava by several inches, but Ava had to be close to six feet tall.
“Morning. I—um, kinda remember you from last night. I’ve seen you at Lily’s a couple of times. And in the store.”
“I would’ve been friendlier, but Owen wanted us to keep a low profile with you.”
“Col and the others,” Tara answered, walking up to the counter. “I heard. There has to be a way around this stupid outcast rule.”
Ava snorted just a little. “Right to the point. I like you.” She held up the steaming kettle. “Tea? How’s your head?”
“Yes, thank you.” Tara leaned against the counter. “Head feels good.”
Ava put a paper tea bag in a blue mug and poured hot water over it. Then pushed it toward Tara. “The only way around it is through Col. He’s the one who’s threatening to enforce it.”
“Will he really hurt Owen?”
“He’ll do more than hurt him.” Ava’s face was long and solemn. Her brown eyes shadowed and dark with worry. “I wanted Owen to talk to you before this, but he refused. I don’t think Fate should be ignored.”
“He held out until Raish.”
Ava nodded. “Yes, the alpha canine coming around tipped the scale. Owen said he sees the soul call in you. I thought it might be enough to get Col to change his mind, but according to Owen it wasn’t. Still, now that Raish is in the picture, I worry that Owen will be careless, and Col will catch on. The Tribe doesn’t come into town a lot, but it’s enough that it wouldn’t be more than a few weeks before they figure it out.”
Tara frowned. Probably sooner. Kann came into town with Penny every few days. They were building cabins and ordering special deliveries through the store regularly. “What does the soul call look like?”
“Not sure. I haven’t seen one. But people said it’s like a person is glowing from the inside out. Your skin is illuminated with magick, but only the one the magick calls can see the glow. And from what I’ve heard, humans can’t see it in us.” She poured herself a mug and put the kettle back on the stove.
“You make me sound like I’m some kind of magical lightbulb.”
Ava snort laughed. “I suppose you probably are.” She took a sip of tea and her eyes glazed over, like she had descended deep into thought. “I never really considered it like that before. People from Reylea just call it a glow. Magick-benders call it soul magick. Then again, we didn’t have electricity in Reylea either. So the comparison is new.”
“Can I disguise Owen’s scent with something?” Tara sipped the tea, enjoying the flow of warmth through her body from the drink settling in her stomach.
Ava raised an eyebrow and then frowned. “Maybe. But probably not with anything pleasant. We had this one small animal on Reylea that emitted a terrible musk. No one could smell anything for days after it came around.”
“I’m not wearing skunk.”
“Skunk. No, it was called a happlo.”
Tara bit her lip and tried not to say anything. There’s weren’t any skunks in Alaska, anyway. But she’d run across more than one while hiking near Seattle. Any musk-producing animal was going to smell like death
. “So, taking an extra shower or wearing really strong perfume wouldn’t help?”
“Perfume might, bathing won’t. Soap isn’t strong enough to remove Owen’s pheromones. At least not any soap I’ve come across.”
“Well, I can at least raid my mom’s stash of perfume and try it. What do we do when they find out?”
“Pray they don’t.” Ava finished her tea and rinsed her empty mug in the sink. “I have to get to work. I’ve got prep work to do before the lunch crowd shows up. Sorry, there’s not much to eat here…we do have some sausage and eggs in the fridge. You’re welcome to anything.”
“Thank you. I should probably just head home though.”
“Don’t leave without waking him up. He’ll be pissed.”
Tara nodded and followed Ava to the front door. The taller woman turned around suddenly, like she’d forgotten something. “Be careful.”
“Of what?”
“I know you’ve just barely met, but my brother has been falling in love with you for the last four months and fighting tooth and claw with his bear to stay away. He would never hurt you, but his bear is so on edge. If anything were to happen…I’m not sure he could control the change. And if it comes down to a fight with Col, he’ll die fighting to have you rather than hiding.”
“I’ll—” What was she supposed to say? How was anyone supposed to respond to a statement or warning like that? In her heart she knew she was attracted to Owen. More than just a regular crush. She’d had dreams of having his babies. Of growing old with him. Sitting on a porch and watching their grandkids play outside.
But was it love? It was so soon. She couldn’t call it that…except when she tried to imagine what her life would be without Owen in it, she couldn’t. All these feelings had snuck in while she wasn’t paying attention.
“You’re a good person, Tara. I can tell you mean him no harm. I know the attraction is strong. The soul call comes with more than just a glow. But…I just need you to be prepared.”
Bearly Hanging On: Soulmate Shifters in Mystery, Alaska Book 3 Page 9
