by Talya Andor
"I'll pay for it," Soren said.
"Huh?" Lucas scowled. "You don't need to do that; you already paid earlier today…"
"It's okay, I want to," Soren said, returning the look with a firm one of his own. "I don't have expenses the way you guys do, and we're getting paid this Friday…I have a little extra. Get two pizzas."
"Great, I think Papa John's has a special right now," Brandon said, thumbing the speed dial.
With their course charted for the night, Lucas dragged Soren over to the couch while Brandon and Lisa lingered in the kitchen. It was a little odd for a moment, settling with Soren behind him. He hadn't fallen this hard, this fast for anyone since…best not to think of it. "You pick," he told Soren, throwing his other arm across the back of the couch. "I've probably seen it all, anyhow."
He was possessively glad to get a moment alone. He wanted to keep Soren next to him.
"You okay?" Lucas murmured.
Soren glanced at him out of the corner of his eye. "Huh? Yeah." He fixed his attention on the television and flipped channels.
"Okay…" Lucas kept looking at him, but Soren seemed either intent on ignoring him, or was really invested in finding something on television.
Sex changed things, and though Lucas hoped it would be for the better, he couldn't be sure. It seemed like there was a lot of things he wasn't sure about, when it came to Soren. It had been exciting at first, but right now Lucas just felt uneasy.
It starts with little things, a corner of Lucas's mind spoke up, and he squashed the thought. He'd already established the fact that Soren wasn't remotely like Stephen.
Stephen had always been quick to speak his mind, where with Soren, it was a great deal more of a mystery. He was likelier to get a straight answer out of him through chat or text. The weight of things unsaid could bring a relationship down.
Lucas drummed his fingers along his knee and wished the two of them were still alone.
By the time Brandon and Lisa joined them, settling into the fuzzy blue couch, Soren had cycled through all of the channels and stopped on the TV guide.
"There's nothing good on," he proclaimed, tossing the remote to Lisa.
She caught it neatly. "We could put something on," she said, trying the cable movie channels. "Augh, Jean-Claude Van Damme. He's still making movies? I'd rather play a board game."
"I can haul out something from my measly collection of DVDs," Lucas suggested. "I've got some action flicks, some comedy…"
"No romance?"
Lucas snorted. "One or two." Those were makeout movies, the kind he put in the player when the apartment was empty or he'd taken a girl back to his room. He didn't want to associate those memories with Soren. He glanced at Soren again, but he was still gazing at the television, arms folded.
Did Soren regret going further? Lucas hadn't pushed. In fact, Soren had been the one to initiate, but even willing, he might not have been ready. Now that they were past the afterglow, he seemed stiff and a bit blank.
Lisa kept flipping. "Oh, God, if Runaway Bride airs one more time…I used to like Julia Roberts."
"There's nothing good on?" Brandon said, taking the remote from her.
"I think we already established that," Lisa said, poking him. "How long until the pizza gets here?"
"Twenty minutes."
Lisa sighed. "I guess we'll flip channels until it gets here, unless some miracle happens."
Lucas reached for Soren's hand as Soren gathered himself to rise from the couch. "Where are you going?"
"Gotta get my wallet," Soren replied, pulling his hand from Lucas's grasp. His lips twitched in a smile that didn't reach his eyes. "I'll be right back."
"Cute," Lisa cooed at the same time Brandon chimed in with, "Has Scream taught you nothing?"
Soren waved a hand at them both as he retreated from the rec room area. "Yeah, and only the virgins survive. I guess we're all in trouble."
Lisa turned bright and speculative eyes on Lucas.
"Shut up," Lucas muttered by way of pre-empting whatever comment she might have made. He was pissed at himself, briefly, for going further with Soren. He'd given Soren veto power, hadn't he? How was he supposed to know if Soren didn't say something?
This is how it starts.
Lisa gave him a knowing smile. "So Julia Roberts…hot or not?"
"Not," Brandon said at once, and tousled her hair. "You're the only hot redhead for me."
"Diplomatic." Lucas set his Coke down and wished briefly for a beer, but then, drinking on a week night was never the best of ideas.
"Oh, and what about you, bisexual boy? Your taste in girls runs…"
"It doesn't run to women like Julia, that's for sure," Lucas said, shaking his head. He dragged his thoughts back to the conversation. His taste in girls ran to the slim and slight-breasted, scruffy or slicked-up glam bordering on androgyny. He thought again briefly of Sloane, who was certainly cute enough to be an actress. "No, Julia's teeth are too big. She's not hot."
"She's a girl-next-door type," Soren said as he returned, sinking to the couch beside him, tossing his wallet on the coffee table. "Sisterly, not sexy."
"What do you know from sexy?" Brandon asked, amused. "There aren't any girls that seem sexy to you, are there?"
"Well, I have three sisters, and I know how I feel about them," Soren said, shaking his head as he put an arm around Lucas. "And I know how I feel about…well, people that are sexy."
"Oh, yeah?" Lucas murmured, looking at Soren with interest. Maybe he'd been misreading Soren's signals. It seemed like he was comfortable enough, now.
"Yeah." Soren gave Lucas a sultry little smile.
Lucas's misgivings dissolved. He was over-thinking things already. He'd had problems in his relationships before, but that didn't mean they had to follow him into the next one. He had to trust Soren, and do something that might be even more difficult—trust himself.
Lucas put his lips close to Soren's ear. "All in good time," he murmured, settling his hand on Soren's knee.
The door banged open, and Lucas squeezed down on Soren's knee reflexively. It wasn't Jack who sauntered in, though. It was Alec with a shit-eating grin. He had a plastic bag tucked under his arm, waved it in the air. "Thanks for the other day, Lucas! It bankrolled me for pot and a couple of movie rentals!"
"Oh, God," Lucas muttered, then said, louder, "I don't know who this is…I have no idea what he's talking about."
Brandon and Lisa were twisting this way and that to look between them. "Just what is going on?" Lisa was first to demand.
"I scammed twenty bucks off Jay!" Alec said proudly, dumping his movies on the coffee table and heading for the open couch. "Bet him a long time ago that Daye here isn't straight. So, who wants to watch Austin Powers and toke up? And who's gonna feed me?"
"I'll take the Austin Powers," Lucas said, "but I think you're going to have to get high on your own." He glanced at Lisa and Brandon.
"Oh, I don't know, I might take a couple of hits," Lisa said.
"Good thing we got two pizzas," Soren murmured.
"With Alec? Ramen's good enough."
*~*~*
A hand was brushing softly through his hair. Soren shifted closer to the warmth beside him. "No," he murmured, sleepy and half-aware. "Little longer…"
A mouth brushed over his brow. "Come on, I don't want to carry you unless I have to."
Soren twitched and woke with a jolt. He gazed up at Lucas, and realized he wasn't home. "I fell asleep?"
"Toward the end of 'The Spy Who Shagged Me,'" Lucas replied, sounding amused. "You can sleep a lot longer in bed." Strong arms dug beneath him, lifting him up from the couch into Lucas's embrace.
"Mmm…" Soren got to his feet, groggy and accommodating. He was too tired to think, let alone resist. Opening both eyes fully, he looked around. The empty pizza boxes were gone, as were Brandon, Lisa, and Alec. Someone had turned the TV off and there were a couple of spent matches lying in a glass ashtray on the table. "I feel funny…not
funny, ha-ha, but funny-strange…"
Lucas looped an arm around him. "It's the weed. They smoked enough for you to get high second-hand if you've never been around it before."
"And you?" Soren mumbled, leaning against Lucas for support.
"I dabbled. In high school. I'm done with it; doesn't do much for me."
Soren looked at the closed doors along the hallway as they went. "Glad Jack didn't drop in."
"He has other places to crash," Lucas said. "We keep hoping he'll rush a fraternity some day and give us an open space in the apartment."
With Lucas ushering him to bed and sleep fuzzing the edges of everything, Soren had the feeling he was forgetting something, but it was a memory beyond reach. He moved in slow, dreamlike motions as he pulled off Lucas's borrowed shirt and stripped to his boxer briefs.
"Everything okay?" Lucas asked him, sitting beside him.
Soren turned his head to look at Lucas. He tried to gather enough of his scattered thoughts to figure out why Lucas might be asking…oh. His face got warm as he remembered what they'd done earlier. By Lucas's standards it probably wasn't much, but….
He was slow to reply. "Yeah…"
Lucas was quiet. He got up and went to the dresser against the wall, pulling out a drawer. He started stripping.
Soren watched him take his shirt off, but was too embarrassed to keep watching while Lucas stripped to change into pajama pants.
"Want to do it again?" Lucas asked, the question somewhat muffled as he spoke through the shirt he was pulling over his head.
"Right now?" Why was Lucas putting a shirt on, then, if he wanted sex? He looked over at last, and Lucas stood beside the bed in a short-sleeved top and loose sleeping pants. He didn't expect to feel disappointed that he hadn't watched Lucas changing, but he did. He'd touched, but he hadn't actually looked. He'd been occupied with other things at the time.
Lucas shrugged. "Yeah, I mean, if you want to."
"You want to…?" Soren was still fuzzy-headed. He didn't know if he wanted to do it again, or go to sleep. Actually, he was pretty sure sleep was winning, but he didn't want to put Lucas off, either.
"Forget it, you should probably sleep." Lucas climbed into bed beside Soren, turning down the bedspread that was still disarrayed from what they'd done earlier.
Looking at the rumpled bedspread made Soren think back to what they'd done, and his cheeks got hot again. It had been good. Easier than he'd thought it would be, once he'd finally let go of his inhibitions. Touching Lucas had been like doing that to himself, but exponentially more exciting. He wasn't sure if he was ready for more, or needed to stop and process what they'd done before he could handle that much pleasure again.
As he thought about that, the feeling that he'd forgotten something intensified, and wordless anxiety made him bite his lip. He shook his head.
"I don't know," he said aloud. He looked over at Lucas, and his chest felt tight. This was everything he'd imagined he'd wanted, and he was just going to tuck himself into bed beside him and go to sleep? "No, we should. What time is it? If you're up for it…"
"You awake now?" Lucas prodded, leaning into him, curling a hand at Soren's nape and pulling his head up for a kiss. "'Cause I'm always up for it, but you look like you're ready to fall asleep again."
Soren's head was fuzzy. "I can be. I do, I want to."
Lucas tilted his head and looked at him intently for a moment. Long enough that Soren wanted to ask what, but Lucas shifted in bed beside him to reel him close and kiss his jaw and throat. "Good," he purred.
A steady staccato thump-thump-thump came from next door, then a feminine squeal followed by low masculine laughter.
Soren jumped and pulled away like he'd been burned. "Okay, but not with that going on." He wanted to burrow under the bedclothes and disappear.
Lucas made an exasperated noise and got up from the bed.
Soren pulled his knees up to his chest, looking away so that he wouldn't have to see the annoyance on Lucas's face. He didn't know if that annoyed look was for Brandon and Lisa's loudness, or Soren's prudish response to it. Either way, he didn't know how to deal with it.
Lucas crossed the bedroom and thumped on the adjoining wall. "Hey, keep it down!"
Now Soren's face was blazing. "No, don't—"
Lucas switched on a fan beside his desk. "Better?" he asked Soren over the noise of the busily whirring blades.
Before Soren could answer, there was more thumping against the wall. It was solid enough that it had to be a headboard. It was easier to focus on that rather than what the thumping indicated. He brought his gaze to Lucas in time to see him roll his eyes.
Lucas reached for a stereo on the hutch mounted on his desk, and turned that on too. He fiddled with the volume until it was loud enough to mask any sounds from next door. That done, he returned to the bed.
Soren bit his lip. If Lucas was already irritated, what he had to say was going to make it worse. "I can't…with them next door like that."
"It's okay."
"Sorry." Soren pushed the bedspread down and wriggled his way under the covers.
"It's not your fault."
*~*~*
The morning brought with it enough frost to make breath steam on the air. The moisture in the grass had frozen it into icy white spikes, glittering in the early hours with the illusion of dew. As Lucas drove them through the quiet, dark streets, they passed the trunks of black trees and houses dimmed of all or most light.
Soren had gone to bed upset, and woken disgruntled. He had been irked with Brandon and Lisa for doing something they'd done many times before, with Lucas for seeming annoyed at Soren's reluctance to do anything intimate despite knowing they'd be heard, and most of all mad at himself for handling the situation poorly. He knew he should have asserted himself with Lucas, but he was no good at this. Like Sloane had said, he didn't have any practice standing up for himself.
They had gotten off to a late start that morning when Lucas had hit his snooze too many times and Soren had been slow to wake him. As a result, they had agreed to go straight to the store instead of stopping by Soren's house. It had been a terse exchange, making Soren second-guess everything that was going on between them.
"I hope no one notices I'm wearing the same work clothes." Soren fretted as the streets gave way to urban sprawl, and to the blocks leading up to their store.
In the dim interior of the car, Soren could feel more than see Lucas's glance in his direction. "Don't worry. No one looks past the apron. At any rate, it doesn't matter, work clothes are work clothes."
The floodlights were on inside the store as they walked up the sidewalk side by side. Soren missed the warmth of their closeness from the day before. Lucas fished out his keys.
Soren peered about. Past the glass windows, the store inside was empty, despite the floodlights. He knew he was the other opener that morning, but couldn't remember who he was working with. "God, it's early," he said, shivering and rubbing at his arms as Lucas worked his key in the lock. "And getting colder. Hurry up."
"Yes, your Highness." Lucas pulled the door wide.
Soren glanced at him. He wasn't sure if Lucas was teasing or being sarcastic. He wanted to say something, but now was definitely not the time.
He preceded Lucas into the store, his cheeks faintly pink more than the cold weather. It was as though Lucas had unleashed the inner pervert that had lurked inside of Soren for years, too guilty to ever actually do anything about his desires with anyone else. He thought of Lucas's hand moving on him, slow, steady and shook his head as the sensation welled up inside. There would be time later to think of sex. First, there was work. Second, he didn't know if he ought to ignore Lucas's behavior or call him on it.
Soren strode through the door to the back room. Lucas followed close behind. Though it had been cold inside, it was always warm in back from the heat the equipment radiated.
He glanced at the schedule as he reached the apron pegs, but it was no longer necessary
when a voice spoke up, making him jump.
"Soren. Good, you're here," Michelle's voice reached him from the furthest reaches of the rear office.
Soren took an apron in hand and walked into the rear office. "Good morning," he said, forcing himself to sound cheerful.
Michelle looked up from her desk. She was in her late thirties, a solid, short woman with dark hair that she kept back in a severe bun that made her look even more like a stern mother. She was heavyset but moved like a woman less than half her weight, and she'd taught Soren everything he knew on the espresso bar. "I need to…eh? Is that Lucas behind you?"
"It's me," Lucas said, putting a hand on Soren's shoulder and edging into the narrow space beside him.
"Thank goodness. I was about to call you, Lucas. Can you clock in early and open the store with Soren?"
Soren felt Lucas's elbow dig into him. He kept a straight face and nudged back. It was hard to be mad, or whatever he was, with Lucas being playful beside him.
"I think I can manage," Lucas replied. "What's up?"
"The regional manager needs me to handle something out in Hillsboro today," Michelle said, annoyance crossing her plump face. "She's up in Seattle otherwise she'd do it herself. If you can, I'd like you to take over here…it's a week day, so it shouldn't matter that you're one person short and Danice will be in at three so she can handle the paperwork. But the two of you will be alone for a couple of hours until Becky gets here."
"Oh, I don't mind," Lucas said with a grin, then turned to grab an apron.
Michelle stood. "Good. I'll leave the store in your capable hands. It should be quiet but if it's not, don't panic…Soren, you're one of the best on bar and Lucas is good at the register with the customers. You'll be fine."
"Thanks, Michelle," Soren said, touched by the unexpected compliment. Michelle didn't hand them out often.
"Go." She made shooing motions.
"I should say the same to you," Lucas said, and sidestepped for the time clock.
Because of his class schedule, Soren ended up closing the store more often than opening, but it was the stillness of the morning hours he liked best. Working to get the store ready in the dimness, alone with his thoughts, gave him the illusion that he was the only person in the world.
