by Talya Andor
Now, Soren was getting to the point where he was comfortable with what he and Lucas did together, but he was still overcoming inhibition. There was that little voice in the back of his head ready to inform him it was a sin, or remind him of his mother's disapproval.
Soren greeted Lucas as he got out of his car. They had settled on a quick, cheap place nearby campus to meet up for the evening. Sometimes the weekends were so full, they simply grabbed time where and when they could.
Lucas headed for Soren with a jaunty step. "Hey, you. Why don't we put that bulky bag in my car?"
Soren agreed, hefting the duffel over his shoulder. It got inconvenient sometimes, carrying all his things around throughout the day, but with the tension at home with his Mom, it was easier to leave in the morning and pass up making a return trip for his things.
They stowed Soren's duffel in the trunk. Lucas locked the car and dropped his keys in his pocket, and they turned toward each other.
"Missed you," Soren said. It had been a couple of days since they'd seen each other in person, though they texted or chatted all the time. He wondered if this was typical, craving someone this much when they weren't together.
Lucas leaned in and brushed his lips against Soren's mouth. "Me too."
Soren smiled and let their fingers twine together as they headed into the restaurant. He was accustomed to being physically expressive with Lucas, now—even in public. He did have two places where he wouldn't allow affection in public, though: work and school. Lucas had agreed so readily, it made Soren uneasy.
There was still a repertoire of sex acts they hadn't even begun to explore. Soren enjoyed the hand jobs, the kissing and the closeness, but was it enough? Lucas had way more experience, and the fact that they'd stuck to that first level made Soren wonder if Lucas would continue to be satisfied only with that.
Soren couldn't make himself ask. He was afraid of the answer, and after the argument they'd had weeks ago about meeting the parents, a wrong move on his part would make Lucas realize he'd made a mistake. If Lucas really looked at him, got a better grasp of the hang-ups that were strangling Soren's ability to move further with him, he'd decide he was wasting his time and break things off between them.
It was stupid, and Soren knew thinking that way had made for some awkward moments when they were shifting from kissing to removing clothes and caressing one another. He was self-conscious and he didn't know what to do about it.
He was also woefully unable to bring the subject up with Lucas. It put Soren in mind of the advice Sloane had tried to give him. She'd urged Soren to speak up for himself.
Sometimes he got stuck on the words. He couldn't force it if the words weren't there.
"You seem faraway today," Lucas said, giving his fingers a light squeeze as they stood in front of the restaurant board.
"Hmm? Oh, sorry," Soren said, shaking his head a bit to clear his thoughts. He gave Lucas a reassuring smile. How was he supposed to bring that up in casual conversation? I want to go further with you, but I don't know how, and I'm actually not sure if I want that? He would sound completely mental. "I've got a lot on my mind."
"Ugh, I know, I've got three classes that have been busting my ass lately…" Lucas went off on a rant after they'd placed their orders.
Soren listened with half an ear, part of him enjoying little things like Lucas's hand in his, the warmth of the shop compared to the chilly outdoors, and the fact that he wouldn't have to go home tonight.
"Hey," Lucas said out of the blue, loud enough to surprise him.
Soren blinked. "Wh-what?"
"Something bothering you? You're about half here."
"I'm here," Soren said, frowning and sidling closer to him.
Lucas nudged him. "So, tell me about your day? Either you've been quiet, or I've been doing all the talking."
Soren grinned. "What do you think?" he replied. "You've been doing all the talking, as usual. Haven't left me a second to get a word in edgewise."
Lucas looked staggered, and Soren leaned in and kissed the corner of his mouth.
"Have I really?"
"You're right, I'm a little distracted," Soren admitted. "But you do talk a lot."
Lucas gave him a sidelong glance as they collected their food and sat together in a booth near the back, as had become their norm. No one had ever given them trouble sitting together like that, but Soren was always expecting someone to speak up and give them shit for it.
"What's on your mind?" Lucas asked. He reached for his fries again. He'd gotten a French dip.
Soren had noticed that Lucas ordered that whenever they were at a place that had French dips on the menu. It amused him, along with the decidedly sloppy way Lucas ate. He dipped his spoon into the soup in his bread bowl, stirring it around but not eating yet.
"Oh, a lot of things." It was true. There was so much going on now that he could barely keep up with whether he was coming or going.
He could feel the familiar heat creeping into his face. When he was with Lucas, he was definitely coming.
"Tell me one of them?"
Soren stirred his spoon around some more as he waited for his soup to cool. "Ugh, well, Aaron's really been creeping me out lately whenever we have a shift together." As he said it, he hadn't even realized that was one of the things swirling around in his list of issues, but it was always present in the background. "He's been spending more time out front, staring at me. And he puts me on tills even when I'll cashier maybe once or twice while I'm covering for someone's break. I hate that."
Lucas shook his head. "That guy…I hope he has a performance review coming up. And I hope I get asked for feedback."
"Don't make trouble."
"Sometimes you've got to make a little trouble to avoid worse."
Soren sighed and dug into his soup. It was like Sloane telling him to stick up for himself. It was sound advice in theory. Problem was, he'd never learned how.
"Hey," Lucas murmured, nudging him. "We should have the place to ourselves, this afternoon."
Soren gulped and nodded. "Good," he managed.
He wanted to move further, but he wasn't sure how. It was turning into a knot of anxiety inside him, inhibiting him even with the familiar things they did together. He had to say something, or it was going to end up like their blow-up over meeting his parents.
Later. Once they were in private again.
*~*~*
Not two steps inside the apartment, Lucas had Soren reeled in against his side like a precious treasure. With no thought for who might be within view of the door, he pulled Soren close and kissed at his jaw and throat, nudging the coldness of his lips into the hollow between Soren's collarbones as he struggled to kick his shoes off at the same time. Soren squeaked as Lucas's frigid nose tracked against his skin.
"Jesus Christ, really?"
Soren went stiff in his arms and Lucas sighed. He straightened, keeping an arm loosely around Soren's waist as he met the eyes of his least favorite roommate. He'd expected to be alone with Soren, so it was cold water thrown on his libido to find Jack there.
"Deal with it," Lucas said, holding Jack's searing blue eyes until he snorted and looked away. Lucas continued, knowing he might be pressing his luck but wanting to make it clear. "I'm with Soren now. We touch, and kiss, and do stuff. And I don't really give a shit whether it makes you uncomfortable, because we're not going to stop."
Jack opened his mouth.
"But we can keep it in our room. So if you have a problem with that, you can fuck right off, all the way out of this apartment for a while."
Jack made a low noise but said nothing more as Lucas led Soren off through the apartment, past the kitchen and shared study area, down the hall and toward his door. Lucas kept a hand loosely wrapping around Soren's wrist, afraid that he might disappear of sheer mortification.
When Lucas's door clicked shut behind them, they dumped Soren's bags. His face was bright red and he wouldn't quite meet Lucas's eyes.
"What is
it?" Lucas said, nervous now like he hadn't been while confronting Jack, or even when facing down Soren's parents. He let go of Soren's wrist and brought his hands up to frame Soren's flushed face.
"'Our room?'"
"Oh. That's not okay?"
"It's okay!" Soren said, eyes going wide. He stood for a moment, grinning over an adorable lip-bite at Lucas, his whole face shining. "And…we're here now, and that's awesome."
"You're awesome," Lucas said, pulling Soren off-balance into his arms.
Soren sighed and all the tension went out of his body as he lay his head on Lucas's shoulder. "The way Jack treats us is the way I expect most people to be all the time, I think," he murmured against Lucas's neck.
"It's not, though. Haven't the past few months taught you otherwise?"
"Yeah, but…I guess I'm always expecting the worst."
They stood for a moment like that, wrapped up in one another. At last, Lucas shifted a little, putting some distance between them.
"Hey," he murmured, "want to try something new?"
Soren bit his lip and looked at him with wide eyes. "Uh, like what?"
He looked so young and innocent sometimes, it made Lucas feel as though he was older, though he was nineteen to Soren's twenty.
Lucas stroked over Soren's back, leaned in, and nuzzled a kiss against the corner of his mouth. "What's your stance on blowjobs?"
Soren took in a quick breath and his eyes were a little more heavy-lidded. Lust was an expression on Soren's face that Lucas was happy to recognize.
Lucas grinned, tightening his grip on Soren and keeping him upright. "Sound okay?"
"I…I've thought about it. I'm not sure…"
"I wouldn't want to push you too fast." Lucas licked his lips. "Like I said, you get veto power. If you're uncomfortable, we stop. But if you want…"
Soren surged forward and kissed him.
Lucas grinned into the kiss, tightening his arms around Soren. So far they had done kissing and hand jobs, and it was probably slower than Lucas had ever moved in his life but it was Soren and therefore worth it.
They parted long enough to shed their shirts, and joined up again to sink to the bedspread together. Soren was so into it already, giving him little gasps in between kisses, exhaling a series of small, sexy noises that went straight to Lucas's cock. He climbed right onto Lucas's lap and ground against him until they were both panting. Lucas kept his hands on Soren's ass.
"You're so beautiful," Lucas murmured against Soren's neck, clasping his ass in both hands and flexing his fingers. "I want you so much." He kissed lower, nibbling his way along the line of one collarbone.
Soren hummed, appreciative, and let Lucas lower him to the bedspread. His eyes were wide and dark-dilated and vulnerable.
Careful. No sudden moves. He stroked his hands down Soren's bare chest and kneeled up over him.
"Can we just…" Soren bit his lip.
Lucas was already nodding, shifting himself into position beside Soren on the bed and getting an arm around him. "Why don't we stay like this for a while?"
Soren nodded, turning and pushing his face against Lucas's neck.
"Hey," Lucas said. He smoothed a hand over Soren's back. He was surprised, but not very. He'd been hoping, since Soren seemed so comfortable and eager with what they'd been doing, he might be ready to go further. "Hey, it's okay. We don't have to."
Soren huffed softly against his throat.
Lucas smiled. He thought back to when they'd first done intimate things together, and how conflicted Soren had seemed at first. "You want to?"
After a long pause, Soren gave a tiny nod.
"But you're nervous."
Soren sighed. "I feel stupid."
"Don't," Lucas said quickly, hugging Soren to him. "Seriously, don't. Everyone needs to go at their own pace, you know? I mean, mine was fast. Probably too fast."
"Let's try it," Soren said. "In a little bit."
"Yeah, you feel really good right now."
After long, drowsy moments, holding one another closely turned into caresses, and Soren lifted up and kissed him. They traded kisses for a long time until that gave way to more. Lucas began to shed his clothes, and Soren followed his lead.
They took the next step together, in fumbling touches and false starts, and Lucas showed Soren an entirely new way to share their pleasure. In turn, Soren settled across his thighs and gave it back to him in full.
Lucas reached down and drew him close. "Come here," he whispered, and kissed him. Soren tasted like pure sex.
"Good?" Soren murmured back, fitting himself against Lucas in a comfortable sort of way.
"You know it was."
"I don't know; I've never done it before." Soren gave him a demure smile. His expression was satisfied, his posture entirely relaxed.
Lucas smoothed a wing of dark hair out of Soren's face and over his shoulder. "Orgasms are good," he said with a grin. "I don't know about you, but I'm not skilled enough to fake one."
"Hmm, point."
"And yes," Lucas added, giving him a delighted smile. "That was really damned good."
They lay together in a hazy silence, decompressing and nothing more. Soren was remarkably easy to please; his body responded ardently to just about everything Lucas tried with him after overcoming his initial shyness. It was gratifying. It was also a little frightening, how easily and naturally they had moved into a relationship—the longest one Lucas had held down in years.
"You're going to have to start bringing some clothes over if you keep spending the night here," Lucas said, running a hand over Soren's hair again, passing down over his bare shoulder and side. "Or maybe you should move in, semi-officially like Lisa has."
Soren shifted against him, aiming a kiss at his mouth and hitting his cheekbone. "You didn't even want to meet my parents," he said, fingers stilling on Lucas's sternum. "Now you're suggesting I move in?"
Lucas chuckled. "Those are two entirely separate things. I met your parents a few days after you came out. Anyone would be nervous under those circumstances." He was silent for a moment, thinking about Claire again. He was no prophet but he could see hard battles ahead, with her. "But you spending more time with me…That's easy. I want you with me all the time."
"Why?"
Lucas rolled over, pinning Soren beneath him and giving him a mischievous look. "Why do you think, Soren? Easy access!" With that outrageous statement he began to kiss his way down Soren's throat.
It hadn't been all that long since his first climax, so Soren wasn't going to be able to do much more than make appreciative noises beneath him and sport a half-hardon. It was enough to be close to him, to enjoy the lazy sensuous feeling of kissing, of licking and nibbling the sensitive spots on neck and between collarbones and down without the leaping tension of sex.
"Have you ever been in love with a girl?" Soren asked.
The question hung in the air and Lucas looked up from the hollow of Soren's neck. "Hmm?" Soren's were closed, one hand tangled in the hair at the base of Lucas's nape.
"Yeah…I thought I was, once," Lucas said, sliding a hand down Soren's side and past his hipbone in a move guaranteed to distract him from conversation. He kissed his way down Soren's throat and over to one of his firm, barely-defined pectorals.
"Have you been in love with a boy?"
"Yeah. I have," Lucas answered, pausing by a nipple, waiting for the question that had to be coming. It didn't, and Lucas smiled against Soren's skin, preparing to resume his work with busy hands and mouth. He paused. "Why?"
"I just wanted to know. That's all."
They jumped in unison when someone pounded on the wall.
"Shut the fuck up in there!" yelled Jack, followed by the slam of the bathroom door.
Lucas blinked at Soren, who was crimson. "I didn't think you were that loud."
"I don't quite remember," Soren admitted, red to his earlobes. "I remember making some kind of noise…"
Lucas laughed and kissed him on the mo
uth, on his hot cheek, and nudged his ear. "He's just being his Jack-ass self again. Even if he did hear anything—and I don't think he did—Brandon and Lisa make way more noise and he's never complained about them."
"I know, I've heard them."
"They have comparable libidos. Someday they'll have a happy marriage." Lucas sighed and held Soren a little closer. "I wish we could go to sleep right now…"
"Why can't we? You said you have a morning class…"
"Can't," Lucas said with another sigh. "There's some homework I still have to finish."
"You haven't done your homework yet?" Soren sat up, stomach muscles rippling under Lucas's hand.
Lucas sought to draw Soren back to his side, disgruntled, but of course he was stronger than he looked. "Yeah, I have a lot of homework. I haven't had time between work and classes and dinner to do it, and some of it is actually due tomorrow."
"Well, what are we doing in bed?"
Lucas couldn't help it. He grinned.
Soren flushed. "Shut up," he said, though Lucas hadn't said a word. "You know what I mean."
"You needed it," Lucas said softly, tugging at his hand. "Come on, you know you did."
Soren didn't answer that, but his lips curved. He began to climb out of bed, despite all Lucas's efforts to keep him there, and flaunted his backside for a moment before pulling on clothes.
"Your dad," Lucas said, thinking back to dinner, "is way cool." He had wondered if he would be invited over again, but Alan had promised, so he was sure it would happen.
Soren paused, shirt pulled halfway over his head, then resumed dressing. "He is, isn't he? I'm sorry my mom flipped out on you."
They hadn't talked much about it. Part of Lucas wondered if it had been Claire's reaction that had held Soren back from going further with him, but he hadn't wanted to push too soon after the disastrous dinner.
"Let me guess," Lucas said. "You've been really close to your mom."
"In high school, yeah." Soren sat on the edge of the bed after pulling on his clothes. He looked uncomfortable for a moment, then shook his head as if dismissing the subject. His hands delved below the comforter, exposing Lucas to the air and making him shiver and dive for the nearest warmth. "Come on, get dressed!" Ruthless, he outpaced Lucas in the struggle for more comforter and Lucas ended up latching onto him, instead.
