Accept Me

by Marion Ueckermann

  Haddie slipped into Perdy’s stall.

  The Appaloosa snorted then ambled toward her, the whites of the horse’s eyes reflecting in the reflected light.

  Haddie wrapped her arms around Perdy’s neck then leaned against the mare, her palms brushing over the familiar silvery mane. “I am going to miss you so much, girl. B–but I have to do this. Hopefully, I’ll be home soon.”

  It all depended on what she found in Chapel Cove.

  “Are you sure you want to do this?” Dad’s voice floated toward Haddie, buckled up in the passenger seat of his SUV.

  Despite the cabin being dark, Haddie nodded. If she spoke, she might just give an entirely different answer.

  Dad exhaled, his sigh heavy. Sad. “All right. But don’t stay away too long. Hurry home, okay?”

  “I will, Dad. Soon as I can, I–I’ll be on a flight back to Lexington. I promise.” She struggled to push the words past the tightness constricting her lungs.

  Haddie eased her hand into her coat pocket and pulled out her rescue pump. All this stress—her mother’s death, finding out she was adopted at birth, heading off on her own for the first time to find a family who might not exist…a mother she may never find. And even if she did, what if she didn’t like the woman?—well, it was all too much for her. She’d been struggling to get a decent lungful of air since returning from the stables.

  She inhaled two puffs.

  Dad reached for her free hand and squeezed it. “You don’t have to do this. You know that.”

  Haddie shrugged. “I know.” Her answer was to appease her father alone. She did need to do this. She didn’t want to, but she had to.

  “Hey, thank you for at least letting me talk you into flying to Portland and renting a car from there instead of your first crazy idea of driving across the country.”

  Well, she’d wanted to take her mother’s sewing machine with her. Sewing helped her to relax, and she might need that outlet in Chapel Cove. Besides, what else would she do with her time? But Dad had been right to talk her out of taking the days-long trip across America, what with the shorter winter days, the cold, the snow... Slippery, icy roads would be hazardous, serving only to add to her stress and her worsening asthmatic symptoms. Ha, she would’ve needed an oxygen bottle on the passenger seat as her travel companion if she’d attempted the drive, and Dad had already returned her late mother’s tanks to the hospital. Hopefully she wouldn’t be away for too long, otherwise she’d run up a pretty steep car rental bill.

  “Sure, Dad. It was the wise thing to do, I see that now.” Haddie inhaled, thankful the oxygen was reaching her lungs again. “And your idea is better. Potentially more expensive, but way better.”

  “I told you, Haddie, don’t worry about the costs; I’ll help you. Just go and do what you have to do, then hurry home.”

  Haddie nodded. As much as she would’ve loved to prove that she was brave enough to make the solo long-distance journey, she couldn’t be stupid about this venture either. Besides, she didn’t need a road trip to show that she had the backbone to face her past—just going to Chapel Cove was evidence enough she wasn’t scared to find answers.

  Except, she was.

  She was petrified. But she wouldn’t give her father another thing to be concerned about. He had enough on his plate with an empty house, although perhaps being alone would help him in his grieving process. Well, as alone as he could be between work and Chester and Eula Blandford popping in as often as they could to keep an eye on him.

  And she hoped that being alone would help her to grieve too.

  Frankly, she didn’t know.

  Chapter Six

  LAPTOP AND tote slung over her shoulder, Haddie grabbed her carry-on bag from the overhead storage bin then slowly inched her way off the Boeing behind a trail of passengers. How fascinating that she could leave Lexington at 6:16 a.m., fly for ninety minutes to Detroit, stop over for an hour, fly for another five hours, and arrive in Portland four and a half hours after she’d left Kentucky. She’d never crossed time zones before. Did this mean she was now in her past?

  If only being in her past was that simple.

  After picking up her rental, Haddie set the car’s navigation system to Chapel Cove then followed the voice prompts out of Portland and onto the open road heading west toward the coast.

  Her heart beat faster as excitement washed over her. She’d never seen the sea, except in photos and movies. How had she let herself get to twenty-eight and not experienced more of her country? Or the world, for that matter. She should’ve caught a flight to Ireland years ago, gone to visit her best friend, travelled. Instead, she’d cocooned herself between the creamy, book-lined walls of the beloved library where she’d worked and the dark fences of the Bluegrass Stud Farm.

  But it wasn’t only excitement that had her reaching once more for her rescue pump and administering two puffs to ease the growing tightness in her chest. Fear filled her too. So did stress, uncertainty, and a bunch of concerns she hadn’t even thought of until now. What if she did find her mother? What if she discovered she had a family in Chapel Cove? Would they accept her? Would they want to get to know her? Or would they reject her as so many had throughout her life?

  Her chest wheezed as she exhaled.

  She couldn’t think about that now. She had to cross that bridge when she got there. If she got there. This entire trip might still boil down to nothing but a wild goose chase…a dead end with nowhere else to go. For now she’d do well to bear in mind the Biblical truths she’d grown up with, even though she didn’t want to be on speaking terms with God just yet. All those worries were for another day. Today would have its own concerns which she should focus on, like where would she stay tonight…and just taking her next breath.

  The ninety-minute journey from Portland to Chapel Cove stretched an extra hour thanks to the traffic tie-ups getting out of the city. Haddie ended up driving way slower than planned down the winding forest road that led to her destination.

  She slowed her rental—a small, light blue Nissan from Alamo—to read the wording beneath the green “Welcome to Chapel Cove” sign.

  Where Life Begins.

  Pfft. More like “Where Life Ends.” Or “Where Life is Given Away.” Not that she was given away in Chapel Cove. No, that had happened in Portland.

  How could a mother not love her baby enough to keep her?

  Haddie had felt so lost since her mom had whispered the awful truth to her not long before she’d passed away. It was as if she no longer knew who she was. And she had to find out. Hopefully Chapel Cove would offer up its secrets.

  Not that she could complain about how she’d been raised. She’d had a wonderful mother and father. Still did…a father, at least. And she’d grown up in the most beautiful surroundings. She had lacked for nothing—except friends. And siblings.

  What would her life have been like if she’d been raised in Oregon?

  As she steered the vehicle slowly through the streets of this small town that in another life could have been her home, Haddie took another two puffs from her rescue pump. Once again, her chest had tightened. And this incessant coughing… If she wasn’t careful, she’d have a full-blown attack.

  She discarded the pump on the empty seat beside her, next to her steroid inhaler—twins, though not identical, that had been her constant companions for as long as she could remember. She knew she was only supposed to use the steroid inhaler twice a day for maintenance, but she’d been struggling to get a decent breath since before the plane landed, so she’d decided shortly after leaving Portland, to use it again. Maybe she just needed to find a hotel or a B&B and get some sleep. She’d had precious little slumber last night. Tomorrow, after a good night’s rest, she’d surely feel better.

  Chapel Cove was a neat town. She’d already passed a large park and a cemetery, the grounds of both places clad in the dull greens of winter. Towering maples and alders stretched their bare arms to the heavens. Haddie could only imagine how beautiful it
would all look come summer.

  Not that she’d be likely to see it. She didn’t plan to be here that long. She wanted to find her birth mother as quickly as she could, get the answers she sought—the most important being why she’d been given away—and then head back home. To Perdy. To her dad.

  But if she found her mother, what if the woman was remorseful? What if she’d had good reasons for doing what she did so long ago? What if she wanted to get to know Haddie now? What if Haddie discovered she had a brother, or a sister, or more than one of either?

  Could Chapel Cove become a home away from home?

  Pulling the Nissan to a stop at a red light, she glanced through the windshield. Her heart skipped a beat. To the right of City Hall ahead, she spotted a sign to the public library. She made a mental note to come back as she turned the car left, the only way to go. First she needed to find a place to eat. She was starving. And thirsty. A cup of calming chamomile tea would go down well right about now.

  Without giving a warning to the car driving behind her, Haddie yanked the steering wheel and took another left turn, this time far too sharp and sudden. Her inhalers flew off the seat, clunked against the console, then disappeared. Drat. She’d have to find them later. Wasn’t as if she’d need them too soon.

  She hoped.

  Thank heaven she’d spotted that sign before whizzing right past. Ivy’s on Spruce – Great Books. Great Food. Books and food—her two favorite comfort words. And she needed a little comforting right now as doubts once again sought to take root in her soul. What was she doing so far away from home, searching for a woman who never wanted her in the first place? She should’ve stayed in Kentucky with her father. If getting away was what she’d needed, she could’ve gone to Ireland and Cara.

  Haddie pulled up outside Ivy’s on Spruce then switched off the engine. “Oh wow!” she whispered as she glanced through the window at the old, two-story Victorian house with its moss-green timber cladding. Now that was the kind of house she’d love to own one day. Straight out of a fairytale, it was.

  But what was the use of a fairytale house without a Prince Charming’s laugh resounding in the hallways, his love filling her heart.

  Her stomach growled while her heart ached at the thought.

  Food.

  And a new book.

  In that order.

  Maybe.

  Haddie wrapped her jacket around her shoulders then headed up the path to the house. She took the steps up to the front door. Hand on the doorknob, she opened to the chime of a bell and slipped inside.

  The slightly musty aroma of paper mingled with the smell of freshly brewed coffee. What a great combination, except she needed that calming chamomile right now. Tomorrow would be another day to enjoy a cup of coffee. She’d definitely be back to this quaint little bookshop.

  An elderly lady, purple-haired and purple-clothed, hurried toward Haddie, a smile stretching wide across her wrinkled face. No guesses what her favorite color was.

  “Hello there, dearie. I haven’t seen you before. You new in town?”

  Haddie nodded. So much for creeping in unnoticed.

  “Welcome to Chapel Cove then.” She rubbed her aged hands together. “So, how can I help you?”

  “Squawk. How can I help you?”

  Haddie’s head snapped to the left. Perched inside a large birdcage that stood beside the counter, the talking green and red parrot ruffled its colorful feathers then scraped its sharp, hooked beak on the wooden perch.

  The elderly lady chuckled. “Oh, hush, Oscar.”

  The bird squawked again, bobbing its head up and down. “Mateo and Naomi. Mateo and Naomi.”

  Hmm, a matchmaking parrot. Was this Naomi? Mateo her husband perhaps, or at her age, maybe even her late husband?

  “Pay no mind to the bird,” the woman said, waving her hand in Oscar’s direction. “He needs to learn the names of some other prospective soulmates now that Naomi and Mateo are finally married. They should’ve tied the knot years ago…they were childhood sweethearts. Wasted so much time, they did. Only married a few months ago at the age of forty. Forty! Way too long to wait for love.” She shook her purple head then focused her gaze on Haddie. “How old are you?”

  “Twenty-eight.” Hmm, had she just bumped into the town gossip? This woman would be someone good to get close to. It was entirely possible she might’ve known her mother.

  “Ah, that’s a nice age to fall in love—not too young to make silly mistakes, and certainly not too old. You’re not married, are you?” Her gaze fell to Haddie’s left hand.

  Married? She should be so lucky.

  Haddie shook her head. “No.”

  “I haven’t seen you around Chapel Cove. Are you new in town?”

  Then again, could this woman even remember nearly three decades ago if she’d already forgotten she’d just said that to Haddie?

  Haddie nodded. “Just arrived.”

  “Well, I hope you’ll have a wonderful stay here. Are you planning to be here long? Visiting family?”

  How much did she tell this early?

  Nothing would be best for now.

  “I hope to be here for a while. Um, would you happen to know if there are any job openings at the library? I’m a qualified librarian—have my BA in English and a Master’s in Library Science.”

  “Wow! That’s impressive.” The old lady’s eyes widened as her gray brows shot up.

  Haddie couldn’t help wondering why they weren’t a shade of purple too. She smiled at the woman. “Thank you. I’d really like to use my skills in Chapel Cove.”

  “And I hope that you can, dearie, but the library…” She shook her head. “My younger sister, Coral, has been the librarian there for years, and I know she has no intention of retiring any time soon. Of course, she doesn’t have the fancy degrees that you have, but I guess thirty-five years in the same job has to count for something. Right?”

  Right. There went any hope of finding employment there. She might have to end up waitressing at a local restaurant.

  The thought had her airways squeezing shut again. She didn’t like crowds or interacting with too many people. The blessed quiet of a library suited her just fine.

  Maybe she could go over Coral’s head, speak to the public library director. Heck, the mayor if necessary.

  The woman must’ve seen the disappointment on Haddie’s face because she quickly added, “But I’ll be sure to keep my ears open for anything suitable. I know a lot of what goes on around Chapel Cove. Be sure to leave me your number before you go.”

  I’ll bet you do.

  Haddie tipped her head in a slight nod. “Thank you.” She allowed her gaze to roam the filled bookshelves. How she’d love to pause for a while, but she needed food in her stomach.

  “So, a nice romance novel for you?” The woman took Haddie by the elbow and started leading her toward the shelves with “Romance” marked overhead.

  Haddie put on the brakes. “I’d love to browse, but a little later. First I need something to eat and drink.” Seeing the woman’s smile fade, Haddie quickly added, “I will be back— Sorry, I didn’t get your name.”

  The woman beamed. “Violet.”

  Violet. Of course. Purple clothes, purple hair…what else would it be? Haddie wondered if her sister, Coral, had pinkish orange hair. “I’m Haddie. Haddie Hayes.”

  Haddie pivoted then paused. She twisted around. “By the way, do you have Nicholas Sparks’s new novel?”

  Violet nodded. “Of course.”

  “Great. Then I’ll definitely return to these shelves.” Haddie waved then strode toward the coffee shop attached to the bookshop. She first admired several watercolors hanging on the coffee shop walls before choosing a table beside the window. She slung her jacket over the back of her chair then sat down. As Haddie set her tote bag down on the floor, she started to cough. Her chest squeezed. Should she use her inhaler again? The rescue pump? No. She just needed to give the last puffs time to work. That’s all.

&n
bsp; She straightened then allowed her gaze to roam to the wall beside her where a beautiful watercolor portrait of a woman, not much older than her mom had been, hung. The artwork was signed “C”. Nothing more.

  Intriguing. Who could this be? Too young to be Violet, and she didn’t really look like Violet. The woman had a kind face that drew Haddie in, making her miss her mother all over again. Not that she’d ever stopped missing her mom. Or ever would.

  A young girl in her late teens or early twenties appeared beside Haddie. She smiled. “Good afternoon. Welcome to Ivy’s on Spruce. I’m Cas, and I’ll be serving you today. Can I get you something to eat or drink?”

  “Yes, please…” Haddie drew out the please. “Do you serve grilled cheese sandwiches? And chamomile tea?”

  “Yes. And yes.”

  Haddie coughed again. Her chest wheezed. “T–then I’ll have one grilled cheese sandwich and a pot of chamomile tea,” she managed.

  Cas nodded.

  “Tell me, who is this?” Haddie pointed to the portrait she’d been admiring moments ago.

  “Oh, that’s Ivy, the owner of this establishment. She’s such a honey. She’s hovering around here somewhere.”

  Haddie smiled. “She looks it. And the artist? Someone local? This portrait is phenomenal. I can’t imagine it would be easy to do portraits in watercolors.”

  A blush tinted Cas’s face. She lowered her gaze and wiped her hands on her apron. “They’re my artworks. And thank you. I usually paint landscapes, but have done the odd portrait here and there.”

  “You’re very talented, Ca—” Another cough brought Haddie’s sentence to an abrupt halt.

  “I’ll bring you a glass of water. It should help ease your coughing.” Cas turned to go.

  “T–thank you.” Not that Haddie was certain water would help. Her lungs continued to constrict.

  A short while later, Cas returned to the table with the water she’d promised. Haddie sipped the cool liquid, but it didn’t help. By the time she’d emptied the glass, she was still coughing. She pushed the tumbler to one side then reached down and lifted her bag onto the table. She started digging inside. It didn’t take long for a vision of the two inhalers rolling off the passenger seat of her rental and disappearing into some dark nook or cranny to surface in her oxygen-starved mind.