Her fingers swiftly covered his lips. “For goodness’ sake, you certainly have a hangup about that,” she said crossly. “Look, I’m sorry I’m grateful to you. You’ve done so much for me, I’d be a callous monster if I weren’t. However, I certainly didn’t offer you my untouched body on any sacrificial altar.” She took her hand from his mouth. “This untouched body wanted to be touched by you, so I went about getting what it wanted in the most logical way I could think of.”
“Seduction.”
“Exactly,” she said with a satisfied smile. “And you needn’t think I’m paying you for Briarcliff, because I’m going to deed it back to you as soon as possible.”
“No!” His frown deepened stormily. “That’s completely stupid. I don’t care anything about the blasted place, and you do. It’s yours, dammit.”
“It will be someday,” she said serenely. “After I win the gold and accept a contract with an ice show, I should have enough money to buy it from you. Until then it’s yours, Anthony.”
“I won’t take it back,” he growled, and for a moment he reminded her of a sulky little boy.
“You’ll have to,” she said lightly. “I’m a very independent lady. I only accept candy and flowers from my gentlemen friends.” She fluttered her long lashes coyly. “Unlike another of Beau’s southern literary ladies, ‘Ah will not be dependent on the kindness of strangers.’ ”
“Strangers?” His lips curved sardonically. “After fourteen years, not to mention the intimacy we’ve known tonight, I’m scarcely a stranger, Dany.”
“But you are,” she said quietly. A beloved stranger, a stranger whose body excited her, whose mind challenged her, whose very presence drew her like a magnet, Dany told herself. “We’ve always been strangers, Anthony, because you wouldn’t let me be anything else. Because I was too intimidated by you even to try to be anything else.” She paused. “Past tense, you’ll notice. I’m not afraid of you now. That’s why I wanted you to make love to me tonight. I want to know you, Anthony.”
“In the carnal sense?”
“In every sense.” Her voice was grave. “You’ve dominated my life so long in so many ways. I feel so many things for you. I want to be able to sort them out, and I can’t do that now. I need to do that.”
“So you intend to become my mistress as some kind of psychological therapy?” She could almost feel the veil that surrounded his emotions harden and solidify. “I can’t say that’s exactly what I had in mind.”
“I didn’t think you did.” Her eyes were clear and direct as they met his. “I think you wanted to retain your dominant position in our relationship because that would be the only way you’d also be able to maintain that barricade you put up between yourself and the rest of the world.” She smiled a little sadly. “Oh, yes, you intended to encourage my independence, keep me content sexually, give me a small portion of yourself. Perhaps I would even have been happy for a little while. Until I realized what I was missing. Wasn’t that the plan?”
“There wasn’t any plan,” he said absently, sitting back on his heels. He seemed supremely oblivious to his own strong, graceful nudity. “Though I might have had subconscious leanings in that direction.” A tiny smile tugged at his lips. “And I’ll promise you I’ll keep you much more than content sexually. In case you didn’t notice, we’re pretty terrific together.”
“I noticed,” she said softly. Heavens, he was beautiful, Dany thought. The strong line of his thighs was pure singing grace, and the muscles of his chest and shoulders, while powerful, had a sleek suppleness that was a warm, tactile invitation. Suddenly she wanted to be back in his arms with an urgency that shocked her slightly. So soon? She drew a deep, steadying breath. “But it’s not enough. I’m going to ask more from you than that.” Her lips tightened determinedly. “No, I’m going to demand it.”
“Demand.” He repeated the word as if it left a sour taste on his tongue. “I don’t believe I like the nuances in that word. You’d get a great deal further with me by asking. I don’t particularly appreciate that touch of aggressiveness in you, Dany.”
“Don’t you? Jack likes it very much,” she said with deliberate provocation. “He appreciates a good many of the more liberated facets of my personality.” She watched the swift frown that darkened Anthony’s face with almost objective curiosity. “But then, we’re very open with each other. That has a way of breeding”—she paused before adding—“intimacy.”
“I know what you’re doing, you know,” he said curtly, his eyes flashing. “Jealousy is the oldest ploy in history, and you’re not being overly subtle.”
“I’m not trying to be. I’m just pointing out that if you’re not willing to give me what I want, there are other men who will.” She looked away so that he wouldn’t see the tenderness mixed with pain in her eyes. She didn’t want any other man. Only Anthony—for the rest of her life. Only Anthony. “Men who are willing to give more of themselves than a token.”
“The bottom line, Dany?” The crispness of his tone was belied by the smoldering flicker in his eyes. “You’re leading up to something. I want the bottom line.”
“The bottom line is that I’m going to own you body and soul,” she said simply. “And if you’ll let me do that, I’ll let you own me in the same way.” Her gaze returned to regard him steadily. “And if you don’t, we’re going to have to say good-bye. I wouldn’t be able to bear it any other way.”
“You make it sound so damn easy,” he said harshly. “I told you I’m not a generous man where my feelings are concerned.” His face was shadowed with strain. “I can’t give you what you want. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to. There’s something inside me that won’t let go. Don’t you think I’d like to be as open and uncomplicated as that son of a bitch Kowalt?”
Oh, dear heaven, how she loved him. She felt a rush of maternal tenderness so intense, it was almost painful. She wanted to take him in her arms and soothe away the pain she felt in him, to tell him it was all right, that she’d accept whatever he could give her. No. She mustn’t do that. She’d be cheating them both of their chance to have it all if she gave in now.
“Then I’ll teach you,” she said, keeping her voice steady with an effort. “You’ve taught me any number of things over the years.” She smiled shakily. “After all, turnabout is only fair play. It’ll work.”
“And if it doesn’t?” His voice was rough. “If you think I’m going to let you go, you’re sadly mistaken.”
“Let me try. At least let me try,” she whispered. “Just promise that you won’t get angry and close up when I probe, when I won’t let you shut me out.”
He was silent for a long moment, and she could feel the tension in him reaching out to her. “You’re a determined little thing, aren’t you?” he asked jerkily. “Okay, I’ll do my best.” Then, as she smiled delightedly, he added, “But you’re not getting everything your own way. I’m taking out a little insurance just in case you can’t turn me into Mr. Warm and Wonderful.”
“Insurance?”
He nodded. “Propinquity, intimacy, and sex constitute an umbrella policy that’s pretty darn unbeatable. You just might find after two weeks of constant inundation that you may not want to be quite so adamant in your demands.”
“Two weeks?” Her brow knotted in puzzlement. “I still don’t understand.”
“We’re going away together for the next two weeks,” he said coolly. “I have a lodge in the White Mountains I use occasionally. It’s very small and completely isolated. There’s not even a telephone. There’s a pond on the property that always stays frozen this time of year, and we can use it to keep you in shape and correct those rough places in your routine.” He smiled slightly. “I can assure you, you won’t overtrain up there. You’ll be spending too much time in bed.”
“Do you think that’s wise?” Dany asked hesitantly. “I’ll have to leave immediately for Calgary after those two weeks. Will I be ready?”
“It’s a little late to think of that
now. I told you where my priorities would lie if I ever made love to you.” His eyes were moving over her, lingering on her pert breasts beneath the black wool of the sweater. “You first, the gold second. You made the choice.”
“You don’t mean that,” she said quietly. “You want that gold as much as I do. You wouldn’t let me lose it this late in the game.”
“Wouldn’t I?” His lips twisted. “How would you know what a ‘stranger’ would do?” Then he shrugged wearily. “I hope to heaven I wouldn’t. I think I’m right about the overtraining. If I am, this is the best move you could make.” His eyes met hers. “On the other hand, I could be rationalizing to give myself an excuse to put you where I’ve wanted you for the last six years. You’d better consider that.”
She shook her head. “I won’t consider it,” she said firmly. “Not for a minute. I trust you, Anthony.”
“That’s more than I do myself,” he said dryly. “I hope you won’t regret it.”
“I won’t,” she said with a serene smile. “When do we leave?”
“Tomorrow morning,” he said absently. “Late morning. We aren’t going to get much sleep tonight.” He reached for the bottom of the sweater that was hugging her thighs. “I can see these pretty nipples standing up and pushing against this. The wool is irritating them, isn’t it?”
“I didn’t noti—” She broke off as the sweater was pulled swiftly over her head and tossed aside.
Then he was leaning forward, his dark head bent, his warm tongue gently moving over the tips of her breasts. “Does this make them feel better, Dany?” he asked thickly, nipping and suckling at the sensitive tips. His hand was between her legs, petting her with a deliciously sensual skill. “Is that what you want?”
She jerked as he touched her with sudden erotic force that sent her rocketing into a volcano of heat. “Yes, that’s what I want.”
He was bearing her back on the cushions, his expression intent and heavy. “Just relax. I want to make it last a long time this time. I want to give you so much pleasure that you’ll go crazy with it.” His hand shaped and molded one firm breast with lazy skill. “I’m going to find out what you like and what you don’t.” His lips lowered and he blew on the moist, rosy tip. “Everything.”
She felt a fire shoot from his manipulating hand to the center of her womanhood and the tingle of urgency begin. “Insurance?” she gasped faintly.
“Oh, yes,” he agreed as his hand moved over to the other breast and clasped it with the same exciting possession. “Insurance, Dany. Insurance of the very best kind.”
Chapter 6
The snowflakes were beginning to fall at a much faster pace now, no longer star-shaped flutters that glittered here and there on the ice. It was time for Dany to come in, dammit.
Anthony jammed his hands in the pockets of his sheepskin jacket and called again from the snow-covered bank. “Dany, that’s enough. We’ve got to get back to the lodge.” He knew how Dany always got wrapped up once she hit the ice. Look at her, he mused—whirling and leaping as if the surface were glass-smooth instead of becoming increasingly rough with every passing minute. He’d just opened his lips to call again when she turned and waved and the words died unspoken.
God, she was lovely; all fire and grace and vitality. The navy blue of the skating skirt and matching ski sweater made her auburn hair, caught back in a ponytail, come alive with sparkling highlights as she whirled. Her face was glowing with exuberance and a touch of that dreamy exultation he’d seen on it so long ago. He felt something melt deep inside him, and he knew an aching tenderness. Dany was gathering stars again. Perhaps just a little longer wouldn’t hurt. A triple, a double axel, a layback spin, and then she was suddenly skating toward him. The snowflakes were drifting around her like a curtain of stars, but she wasn’t reaching out for them now. Her dark eyes were alight with mischief as she skated to a stop before him with a little flourish.
“Hi, I know who you are. You’re Anthony Malik and you won a gold medal. I’m going to win one someday too.” She paused. “And then everybody’s going to love me.” Her face was almost luminous. “Isn’t that the way it went, Anthony? And then you said … ?”
He knew what she wanted him to say. Oh, God, he did love her. It was as if that little girl she had been and the desirable temptress she was now had merged into one. He loved her in so many ways that sometimes he felt as if it were consuming him. Why was it so hard to tell her?
“We’d better get back to the lodge,” he said gruffly. “The radio predicted heavy snow for this afternoon and evening. You’re not going to get any decent practice for the rest of the day.” He reached out, lifted her onto the bank, and knelt to quickly unlace her skates. “The temperature is falling too. You should have worn your jumpsuit.”
“I like to wear skirts,” she said absently, looking down at his dark head bent over the skates. There had been something so open and vulnerable in his eyes as she’d skated toward him that it had caused her heart to leap with hope. Now he was closing up again. It had happened a dozen times in the week they’d been at the lodge, and she supposed she should be used to it. Just when she could see the barrier between them melting, he would erect another defense. It was only because she’d been so happy that the rejection meant so much today. Her voice was sharp as much from pain as exasperation. “I’m not cold. You’re the one who’s cold.”
He took her skates and placed them carefully in the skate bag, his head still bent as he slipped her boots on her feet. “I’m fine. This jacket’s very warm,” he said, deliberately misunderstanding her. His hand had moved from her ankle with slow provocation up her leg to rub her inner thigh with a teasing sensuality. His hand was warm on her cold flesh, and it sent a shock of heat through her. She went still and felt her breath catch in her throat. His voice was silkily seductive. “Don’t worry, you’ll be warm, too, when I get you back to the lodge.” He bent forward to brush his lips to the flesh he’d just sensitized. “But then, you’re always warm”—his teeth nipped gently—“and sweet and …”
No, she wouldn’t let him do this to her. It always ended this way when they came too close to a confrontation. He used sex with a blinding skill that made her forget everything but the pleasure he gave her. But not today. Her hand went to his head and pulled it back, the thick crispness of his hair on her palm giving her another little tactile jolt. “Yes, I’m warm,” she said deliberately. “I’m warm because you mean so much to me. I can’t help myself.” Her eyes were grave as they looked into his. “Do you want me to say it first? Will that help you? I love you.” She could see his eyes flicker with an emotion that could have been either joy or surprise. Perhaps a little of both, Dany thought. “But it’s lonely standing out here on a limb by myself. I need company.” Her voice had the slightest quaver in it. “I need you to say you love me too.”
She could see the struggle that brought the strain back to his face. He glanced away as he asked evasively, “What’s not to love?” He got to his feet and picked up her skate bag. “You’re gorgeous, intelligent, and more responsive than any lady I’ve ever slept with. I’d be an idiot not to love you.”
“Damn you!” Her voice was shaking with the force of her feelings. She felt as if he’d slapped her. Her eyes were bright with unshed tears. “I’m tired of your blasted evasions and your charming little sexual insurance policies. Just once, couldn’t you have given me something? Damn you!” Then she was running up the hill, her booted feet slipping on the new snow. The snow felt wet on her face—or was it tears? No, she wouldn’t cry. She wouldn’t let him hurt her. He didn’t mean to, she knew that. She should be more patient. She always meant to be, but sweet heaven, how long could she batter against that wall of reserve without breaking apart herself?
Then she was inside the small redwood chalet, almost running down the hall to the sauna area. She was freezing, shaking more from the chill of frustrated emotions than the temperature. Anthony hadn’t followed, and it didn’t really surprise her. He knew
that, as upset as she was, she’d never allow him to avoid another confrontation. He’d probably wait for her to calm down, then step in and attempt to soothe her with humor, and gentleness, and that universal panacea he was so damn good at.
And she’d probably let him! Once the first agony had worn away, she’d be willing to try again. She’d discovered in the past week that the little Anthony gave her was better than no Anthony at all. Any threat to the effect of leaving him now would be pure bluff. She could only hope he wouldn’t realize that. It was the only weapon she had.
She stood in the combination bathing–sauna area now, shedding her clothes swiftly and leaving them where they fell on the cream-and-jade ceramic tile floor. She’d pick them up later. She had a sudden poignant memory of Anthony’s meticulousness as opposed to her own haphazardness. He’d quietly pick up her clothes and hang them up with simple matter-of-factness. She’d thought her carelessness would grate on his nerves, but he’d never shown by word or expression that that might be the case. He’d accepted every facet of her personality without question or criticism. Why couldn’t she do the same? It would be a hell of a lot less painful.
Dany decided against going into the pine-enclosed sauna cubicle and chose the hot tub instead. It would warm her more quickly, and she needed that. Lord, she needed that. She felt frozen to the marrow. The water was blessedly hot as she settled onto the bench and leaned her head back against the side of the tub. Her eyes closed as she let the swirling waters ease and comfort her as the tension loosened and flowed away with the heat and the steam. She wished the pain could flow away as easily. Perhaps it would in time. Maybe it wouldn’t matter as much next month or next year.
“Dany.”
Anthony was suddenly beside her in the tub. She could feel the water ebb as he settled himself beside her. She hadn’t heard him, but that wasn’t surprising. Anthony always moved with such swift, silent grace.
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