by Leaona Luxx
"Hmm, we have two left." I glance at Doc as I slide one piece into place. "We'll have to go shopping for another later."
My doctor, the human one, says the day I finish one, I'll be ready for the next steps of my life. He doesn't have a clue what the hell he's talking about. I don't want to move on with my life. I'm perfectly content living with the one I have now.
"We need to box this up and head out to work." I smile at Doc as she waits patiently by my side. Once I break the puzzle up, I toss the pieces in the box and securing the lid.
I slide the container off the surface, walking over to leave by the door. Doc follows my every move; she even lies on the bathroom floor while I shower. I dry quickly and grab some clothes.
Doc sits up when I start brushing my teeth. She senses when I'm close to leaving. I side-eye her when I take my comb out, running it through my hair - her body lilts with disappointment.
"BAM! Two seconds." I toss the comb on the counter, and she jumps up. "Alright, let's hit the road."
I grab the puzzle on the way out with Doc by my side. Once we reach the truck, I open the back up for her to climb into the backseat. She's been my lifesaver for the past two years.
After they released me from the hospital, I got a job at Veterans Affairs in Virginia Beach. I work as a liaison for them and the rehabilitation center for vets. I love working there, even though I had a tough time at first.
Twenty minutes later, Doc and I are walking toward my therapist's office when I run into Liam. "Hey, what's up?"
"Visiting Aaron." He motions toward the open room ahead of us. "What're you doing?"
"Shrink." I half shrug, not wanting to say more.
He stops in the hall across from Aaron's. "Alright, hit me up later, and we'll see if we can get into something."
"We need to throw a few back soon, I hear Lee wants to see me." I hold my fist up.
"Sounds good, but you have to stay away from my lady." He bumps my fist and heads in the room. I glance around him to look at Aaron, I'm not sure how Liam visits with him after all the things he's done. I suppose redemption isn't hard to find with people that love you.
"Let's get to movin' girl." Turning my attention back to my appointment, I pat Doc and start toward his office. I pause at the entrance when my nerves get the best of me, I still hate this.
As I turn the handle, Doc pushes through the door. She, on the other hand, loves it here. The therapist spoils her rotten, totally against the rules, but who listens to me, anyway.
"He's waiting, you can go on in." The receptionist smiles as she tucks her blonde locks behind her ear.
"Thanks." I wave, passing by her without another thought and pause long enough to tap on the frame before entering.
"Come on in!" A voice calls from the other side, so we open the door and make our way in. He's sitting at his desk, typing on his phone with a grin. "Just one second, I'm on with my girl."
I hold my hand up to stop him. "I don't want to hear!"
"I think you might enjoy having someone, but that's a personal decision, I suppose." He chuckles.
"I'm making sound and informed choices," I argue.
He raises his brows. "Okay."
When I met Drew Hamilton, I was utterly against any type of therapy. I convinced myself everything was perfectly fine, and I refused to meet with him. So, he came to me.
Now, he's one of my closest friends but have no doubt, he keeps it real, and I stay honest. I've never found sharing your deepest thoughts and darkest moments with anyone comfortable, but Drew finds a way.
"You're early." He quips, sliding his phone into his desk.
"Are you kidding me? You've been on my ass for close to two years to be on time, and when I am, you're gonna complain?" I stroke Doc's back, helping her to relax. Fine, I'm the one that needs help to settle my nerves.
He taps his pen off the file in front of him. "Are you going to tell me what's on your mind, or should I start the fifty questions?"
"When did we decide this type of therapy was the right one for me?" I loathe he can read me so well, I'm ready to bolt rather than discuss this like I thought I could.
He pushes back from his desk, mulling his words over as he studies me. Drew is continuously studying me, completely unnerving at times. "Right around the time I met you and realized how hardheaded you are."
"Point taken." I rub my finger into my temple. My headaches come and go now, usually when I'm stressed.
He picks his pen up, making a note in my file. "Seriously? Are you going to make me analyze you, or are you going to tell me what you decided?"
"I've thought long and hard, and I can't find a way around, I can't go." I lean forward, resting my elbows on my legs.
Drew's pen falls to the desk. "You're avoiding them, and that's not right."
"The dreams are back." His eyes snap to mine, and I immediately turn my attention to Doc on the floor.
"How often?"
I chew on my lip, avoiding the answer. Besides, all he's going to do is over analyze and ask me how I feel about them. My insight to them is as dark as my memory, they mean nothing because they have no meaning.
But without a doubt, if I don't tell him, he'll never let me rest. It's kinda his job, I suppose. "Hit and miss. I'll have one every other night and then nothing for days. Sometimes both in one night. I wake up drenched in sweat and disoriented. Wash and repeat."
"We discussed when you first came to me, these may frequently happen, much like your migraines. Are you having flashbacks?" Drew pins me down, pushing for more. Although I have to admit he's right, I don't have to like it.
"No." I run my hand over my face. "Sometimes I wish I would have them, maybe I could make out faces or understand what's happening. Basically, loud noises, dark places, and I can't see anyone's face. I can tell there are several male voices, but only one female. Her voice is unique, fleeting, and so incredibly haunting; I'm left bereft. As if I'm missing something or...someone."
"Maybe we should consider going a little deeper; it might surprise you where your answers will be." His words echo the other times we've delved into my dreams and the lack of memory.
A sharp pain shoots into my hip, and I stand abruptly, moving across the room to work the kink out. He studies me as if I'm going to fall to pieces or burst into a dead run from his office.
I wish life were that easy. I've worked on building a new life for quite some time now, only to learn I can't run from my past one. A life I may never fit into again, and one I'm not sure I want to.
"What if I go, and I'm hit with a flood of memories? Everything I've put away comes crashing in, and I don't know how to handle it? Do I fear what I'll discover? Yes. But I worry more about the things that have been buried for a reason. What if those are the things that make me lose control? Haven't I lost enough of myself? Why would I ever want to destroy what little of me there is left?"
"Fear isn't exclusive; everyone suffers in their way. Regret is something you might want to consider being more harmful to your psyche. I never took you for someone that would rather run than face a damn thing." Drew throws a solid punch. But this one was a tad below the belt.
A tingle runs through my body and out to the tips of my fingers and toes. My anxiety brimming, ready to spill over as my faceless demons stare me down. "This is different, and you know it! What if something triggers me? I have no idea if I'll have a flashback or a full-on meltdown."
"We've discussed this, that's why you have a plan and a ton of support. You're not going to another galaxy, you're a few hours away. Your family has literally followed every guideline and suggestion which has been made to circumvent any possible issues."
"Will you try to find a new argument or at least a better way to approach me about my parents or the lack of me wanting to go back?" I lean back against the wall, crossing my arms over my chest.
"You can posture all you want, but at some point, you have to discuss things. We've been at this same impasse for a year. At first, I put
myself in your shoes and could understand your hesitation, but now, it's a choice."
Damn him, he makes my blood boil. "This is your way to get me to talk about everything?"
"Yes. Is that a problem? Let's discuss how you feel." He narrows his eyes at me. Problem number one of your therapist becoming a good friend, they can read the hell out of you. "I can understand you're scared, but maybe the time has come for you to go home. Even if just for a short visit."
"What if I go, and something triggers me?" I'm reaching for every excuse I can conjure. The bad part is, he is too.
"Boone's there, he can help." He smirks. Fucking know it all he is.
I nod, shifting in my weight. "I'm afraid when I show up there, they won't want me back."
"Why would you think that Creed?" Drew steeples his fingers, gauging my words. Honestly, I am too.
"In all the photos they've shown me, even Boone's, they have a ton of photos everywhere. The old me on display for this me," I pound my chest as it tightens. "to fail to remember the picture or the particular moment. Something to remind us all, I'm not the son they used to have. I'm what's leftover, and even I recognize it's not enough."
"What brought you to this conclusion? I know your family; they love you and being present with them will mean more than any memory before now. Besides, making new ones is more important." His deepened insight of me helps him to discern every damn thing I want to hide from the rest of the world.
I distract myself by picking at the imaginary lint on my pants. "There's a chance, they'll not want to get to know this me. What then?"
"Who are you trying to fool? Your family loves you and accepts you as you are, and from what I can tell about them, they always have. You're the one afraid of accepting who you are, and that fear drives you in not wanting to remember who you were. Or who you may become."
I fight to steady my breathing, as anxiety grabs me and holds me hostage for longer than I can allow. "Have you considered going back may cause me to have flashbacks or cause me to completely lose my grip on all reality?"
"Of course, I have Creed. I'm your friend first, but as your doctor, I think of nothing else. You tend to forget; you're choosing to stay where you are. Until you try to move past, you'll never know what'll happen."
I blanch at his pointed words. "Are you saying I'm using this as an excuse?"
"No, I would never trivialize your health in such a way. My job is to help you move forward and to manage what's in your best interest to do so. Eighteen months ago, I would've never suggested for you to go home. The trauma from being thrust into a world your body itself has blocked could've been detrimental. But you're a different man now, you've healed from your physical injuries, and I'm hoping we can help you move on from here." His brows knit, probably mirroring mine as I let his words sink deeper.
"I'll think about it." I pat my thigh for Doc to join me by the door. "Give me a few days, I'll hit you up later."
He releases a heavy sigh. "You know where to find me."
I practically bolt from his office. Yes, he more than touched a nerve, but as he reminded me, that's what he's here for, whether or not I like it. I need a distraction, and I spot one ahead, Liam, as he walks out into the hall after visiting with Aaron.
"Hey, you leaving already?"
He turns, throwing up his hand. "I'm going to the office; I need to finish up some paperwork."
"Mind if I tag along, it's been a minute since I've seen everyone."
He slaps me on the back, grinning. "Absolutely! Let's go bug the shit out of Mark."
I follow him from the building and on to Cole Securities. Once I'm parked, I grab Doc and head in. The place is busy as usual, sending my pulse racing. They're always moving, ready for the next mission. Their energy excites me like nothing else.
From the time I returned stateside, this place has been home to me. Liam's wife Lee helped me to find the right training, so I could work at the veteran's center. This group is one big family, and I'm proud to be one of them. Besides, they'll never let me forget.
"Duckling!" I wince as Mark punches me in the arm as I round the corner. "Pansy ass, you need to get back on the course."
"I might be, but Charlie would still do me!" I dodge his next swing with a smile as I do. All I need to do is mention his wife, and he rises to the occasion—every damn time.
Quinn falls back in his chair, laughing his ass off. "I don't know what's better, his face, or your confidence!"
"I'm not sure either, why don't you ask Ashton, I guarantee she can tell you." I wink as I pass him by looking for Lee.
"In your dreams, Hatch." He flips me off while Mark is doubled over, cracking up at our exchange. The first thing I learned with this bunch is they love hard; the second was they will bust your ass every chance they can.
"No, that would be in your wife's wet ones," I smirk, knowing I just dropped the bomb on both of them. I turn the next corner and run into the one person I was hoping to see.
"You realize they're going to beat you down one day, right?" Lee giggles as I wrap her in my arms.
I catch a glimpse of Liam over her shoulder, narrowing his eyes at me. "Maybe, but I doubt you'll let them."
"Keep your chicken lips off my wife, Hatch." Liam grunts as I press them to her cheek.
"Don't you worry, they're all just jealous." She squeezes me tight before letting me go.
I half shrug. "They'll get over it."
"I'm happy to see you. Everything good with you?" I trail behind as she walks back toward her office.
"Yeah, I'm alright." She side-eyes me. "Tough session. I needed a distraction."
She moves around the desk, sitting at the computer. I take the first chair by her, as Doc lays at my feet. "Is he pushing you to visit your parents again?"
"Same song and dance, different day."
"For someone that talks a ton of shit, you sure are scared to face stuff." Mark drops into the seat next to me. My ears ring from hearing the same thing over and over, I'm fucking sick of it.
"I'm not scared." I grind my jaw. "I have a lot to consider that could happen if I go."
Lee raises her brows. "It's home, Creed. Nothing more or less."
"How the hell will you know what's going to go down until you go and figure it out?" Mark adds a little more pressure than Lee.
"Have you two been talking to Drew behind my back?"
Lee smiles, shaking her head. "No, this has been a topic for a long time, you just refuse to discuss anything."
"I do not refuse." I protest, earning me a sharp glare from Mark.
"I was right, you're a pansy-ass."
This time, I get a turn to flip him off. "Isn't Bella looking for you?"
"I agree with Lee, you've made enough excuses."
Lee holds her hand up to interject. "I did not say he was making excuses, but I am saying you're using them."
"Damn straight." Mark leans in, fist-bumping her.
"I could've stayed at Drew's and been subjected to this kinda judgment," I grumble as they chuckle.
"Just remember we love you," Lee starts.
"Speak for yourself." Mark cuts in, drawing a fiery glance from Lee.
"What Mark wants to say is we love you, and you'll always have a home here. Maybe it's better to face this now than have remorse for time lost." Lee's right, I hate to admit it, but I know she's only giving me advice she'd give Liam or any of the guys.
Mark leans over, scratching Doc on the head. "It'll also give me time to plan your payback for talking about my wife."
"Hey, old-timer. I'll give you as much time as you need to think, but at your age, you might not have a lot. "
"Little Duck is leaving the nest before I can drown him in the pond." Mark's smile gives me chills. He's always trying to intimidate me.
I shake my head, playing him off. "Just remember, while I'm gone, if Charlie is late for anything, you'll be wondering if she's with me, big guy."
"Don't worry little man, I'll leave a trail of
crumbs, so you won't forget how to get back." Mark's chest puffs out, proud of himself for piecing that zinger together.
"I appreciate it, but you don't have to go to so much trouble, Charlie will get us home." I bound from the chair, punching him in the arm as I race by, headed for the door, leaving Lee bursting with laughter.
Chapter Five
Creed
I drop my bag into the chair when I walk in, scanning the place one last time before I start on the road. The trip is a little over five hours to my parent's house, and I want to be there by sunset, considering I have no idea where I'm going.
"Let's go grab your stuff, Doc." She follows me to the kitchen and sits by her bowl. "I'll be taking that too, just until we get to their house."
Doc's ears perk up, announcing someone is here before they can even knock. I raise my brows, snapping my fingers as she races in front of me. I take her by the collar before answering the door.
"You're running late, get your ass moving." Mark barrels through, spouting orders as he does.
Quinn's right behind him. "We're here for support, no backing out this time."
"I'm packed, and I was just getting her things ready."
Mark and Quinn have had my back since I got stateside. The bond I've built with them has kept me sane over the last two years. I can't recall anything from my time in captivity, but I remember the day Mark showed up, and he's never left.
"Do you have everything?" Quinn roots through my bag sitting on the floor, ready for me to leave.
Mark quirks his brow, studying him. "What in the hell are you looking for... his underwear?"
"No, asshat!" Quinn flips him off. "This is a big step for him, I'm trying to be supportive."
"Well, you sound like a woman." Mark quips.
Quinn narrows his eyes, ready for the kill. "Just trying to make you feel at home, you big pussy."
"Y'all better not start nothing in my house!" I glare at them from the kitchen. "You break it, you buy it."
"What are you going to do, tell our mom? Oh, yeah. Quinn's already here." Mark chuckles, grinning like an opossum.
