by Maisey Yates
“Because I’m old,” his dad said. “When you’re old all you do is sit around and think about all the shit you fucked up. I fucked up big. I didn’t call you just to ask about the rodeo. I called and I didn’t know what else to ask about. Because you’re right. I don’t know anything else about you. I tried to connect with you in that way that I knew how.” It was on the tip of Dane’s tongue to tell him the fuck off.
To tell him to go right to hell and not bother.
But he thought he’d come here for one reason. To get rid of the show. Any desire to have it. The Dane Parker Show wasn’t what he wanted to offer. He intended to offer Dane Parker, and he’d do what he had to, to be able to do that.
To burn it all down and have his say, and that was what it would look like when he walked to Bea a free man.
But he was wrong.
“I...I can’t speak for Lindy,” he said. “But I don’t know. I might not be totally opposed to figuring something out.”
“I don’t care if you go back to the rodeo or not,” his dad said. “I just want a chance to fix some things.”
Dane had fixed things without his father. He had fixed things because of Bea. She had mended things inside of him that he had broken, much worse than his knee or his thigh, or any of the other injuries that he’d sustained.
He didn’t need reconciliation with his father. If he could have Bea, that would be enough.
But Dane realized something. That there was strength in accepting what he’d convinced himself he didn’t need. That forgiveness was pretty damned powerful when you gave it because you chose to, not because you needed to.
Anger was what you needed when you had to have some fuel to motivate you. It had gotten him this far in life. That whole life that was him demanding his parents face how wrong they were about him. That he mattered.
But suddenly he just felt that he did. Maybe because Bea thought so. Or maybe it was something deeper. But either way that burning need to prove it was gone.
And with it the need to be angry. The need to perform.
“Maybe I’ll call you later,” Dane said. “And we can set up another time to meet. Right now I have something very important to take care of.”
Dane Parker had never chased after a woman in his life, and he had certainly never been this pathetic for one. But Beatrix had loved him, had had a crush on him for a lot of years and he had done nothing but hang around oblivious to the fact.
So if he had to make an ass of himself a couple of times, he would consider that fair. Yeah. It was more than fair.
He would do anything for her. Crawl across broken glass, maybe. And as someone who’d had a hell of a lot of stitches, he knew exactly what that would mean.
But for her, it was worth it.
For her, anything was worth it.
Risking himself, his heart. It was all worth it.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
BEA STOPPED OUTSIDE the front of the cabin and eyed it all warily. Usually when she arrived home she felt a sense of peace. This place had been her sanctuary. It had been her escape. For so long. And now it just felt hollow. The place itself didn’t have any power at all. Those feelings that she used to have for this place seemed to have been transferred.
To Dane.
As if he was the keeper now. Of her peace. Of her sense of belonging. She needed to see him, suddenly. And she needed him to know. That she felt broken. That everything she had accused him of...of hiding, of being in denial... She wasn’t any better.
But she loved him.
Imperfectly. With a bit of fear at the moment. But she did.
She let out a swift breath and flung herself at the door of the cabin, opening it wide and then stopping in her tracks when she saw him standing there at the center of the room.
Broad shouldered, wearing a black T-shirt and a black cowboy hat, a big belt buckle, tight jeans. Dane Parker, her rodeo cowboy fantasy made flesh right there in her living room, where she had discovered that he was as good as a dream, but much better as a reality.
Much better as a man.
“You won’t answer my phone calls,” he said.
“I’m sorry.”
“Evan was at the door, so I figured I should let him in.”
Bea frowned deeply. “Evan is the source of much of my sorrows.”
“And yet, you haven’t gotten rid of him. Unlike me.”
“Hey,” she said. “That’s not fair. Evan didn’t accuse me of being a coward while hiding under the furniture. So.”
“You’re right about that. And I’ve come to some conclusions. I think having to go be alone and heartbroken helped with that.”
“Heartbroken?” She despised the little thing in her voice that sounded slightly hopeful.
“You did a number on me, Beatrix. I haven’t had so much to drink since the accident.”
“As long as you didn’t mix it with pain pills.”
“What if I did?” he asked.
“I’ll hit you over the head with a stick.”
He raised a brow. “Out of great concern for me?”
“Yes,” Beatrix said. “Yes. Unfortunately.”
“It’s unfortunate that you’re concerned about me?”
“I think so.”
“I recall not that long ago you said you didn’t care if I dropped dead where I stood.”
“Well. I lied.”
“I would love the chance to hear about what a liar you are,” he said. “But first, I’m going to have to tell you some things. I don’t need to go back to the rodeo. At all. I was worried, Bea, that I wouldn’t have anything to offer you if I didn’t. No money, no glory. What I understand now is how it looks to you. Like I’m hedging my bets. Like I’m waiting to see if I’m going to become dissatisfied with what I have here. And that’s not what it is. I don’t want you to think that. And I also... I saw my father today.”
“You did?”
“Yes,” he said. “I saw my father because I needed things to be said between us. I needed for that to be out of the way so that you wouldn’t think I would be tempted to go back because of that. So that you wouldn’t think anything I was doing was a reaction to something. I told him. Plain and simple, how I joined the rodeo in hopes that he’d see me. And how I’m over that. Bea, I’m not going to live my life for a man who may or may not care for me anymore. The life that I have here is what matters. And I want to live for you. For us. And I don’t know that I’m a particular prize. I think I felt like I might be when I had championships. When I had endorsement deals and money. Those things made me feel real. But you know, being with you... That makes me feel the most important of all. If you could care about me, Beatrix, then I must be all right.”
“Oh, Dane...”
“I love you,” he said. “I was afraid to say those words before, Bea. But they were always true. I told my father I loved him like those words were magic. Like they’d make it so he wouldn’t leave and he did, anyway. And I felt...there’s nothing quite like what I felt then. Powerless. I decided to take action. Take control. And I let anger drive me. I was determined to show him. And I think... I think talking to him maybe I did. But knowing that didn’t make me happy. It didn’t fix anything. Loving you did. You loving me when I had nothing. When I was nothing. I was pretty determined to try not to learn from that, but losing you made me.”
Bea’s eyes overflowed, tears streaming down her face. She closed the distance between them and wrapped her arms around him. “Dane, I’ve been such an idiot.”
He put his hand on the center of her back, stroking her delicately, whispering in her ear. Sweet words. Dirty words. And she loved them all, because they were all him.
“Why is that?” he asked finally, the words hushed and husky.
“Dane, I like broken things. But it isn’t because I’m kind. It’s because I’m scared. It’s because I know
how to mend broken things and make them feel... I don’t know. Obligated to me even. Because I didn’t trust that anything else could possibly make anyone or anything care about me. And the thing that scares me the most is that I need to be taken care of. I’m afraid to want that. I’m afraid to need that. I’m afraid if I can’t give...if I can’t give enough why would anyone stay? Because for all I know that’s what drove my dad away. Not money. But that he didn’t want some needy kid following him around. But Sabrina said...”
She swallowed a choked breath. “She asked what if he didn’t feel good enough. And that was why he walked away. And I realize that in some ways that’s more awful. Because it’s just fear. It’s fear and selling the other person short. I also realized it’s what I did to you. I took all of my insecurities and I put them on you. I didn’t trust you when you said you wanted to be with me. Because I was afraid. But I don’t want to be afraid anymore. I want to be yours.”
“Beatrix,” he whispered, stroking his fingers through her hair, his lips soft and sweet on her temple. “You’re mine, princess. There’s nothing you can do to change that. And I will live wherever you want to live. I’ll stay here forever. I’ll be a ranch hand. I don’t need anything but you.”
She swallowed hard. “But you can have more than me. And that’s another thing. Expecting anything else is selfish. And it’s a misuse of your feelings for me. I have to trust you enough to believe that if you want to go away sometimes, I have to believe you’re going to come back. That you’re going to choose me.”
“I will,” he said. “If every option in the world were laid out before me, you’re the one that I’d choose, Beatrix. If my leg was healed tomorrow I wouldn’t go back to riding. I want to be here. With you. My dream was never to be the most famous, the richest. At the end of the day, my dream was to be loved. And if I can be loved by you... Honey, that’s a better dream than anything else.”
Beatrix nodded vigorously, throwing her arms around his neck. “I love you,” she said. “Dane, I love you. I don’t think I really knew what that meant until you. I thought love meant making yourself more interesting than anything out in the world. I thought love was all about currency. Or obligation. And nothing in between. But it’s not. I thought that I could protect myself that way. But I need... I need what you give me,” she said. “And that’s not me tending to you like a wounded animal and accepting your gratitude. You help me. You came into my life, and you understood me. And you...you helped me with the sanctuary. You believe in me. You don’t think I’m insane for having a raccoon in my house.”
“Well, more like I tolerate the insanity that comes with you doing things like having a raccoon in your house. But, sure.”
“I was so angry at you,” she said softly. “Because this place didn’t feel like a safe haven anymore. Because I couldn’t take shelter here like I once could. It didn’t feel like a respite. It felt hollow. Because this cabin, these woods, they are not my shelter anymore. You are, Dane. You are the place where I can be broken. The place where I can be small. The place where I can be me. I didn’t know that could ever be a person. But it is. For me, it’s you.”
He took hold of both of her hands and raised them to his lips, and kissed her. “If I’m your shelter, then honey, you’re my glory. You make me feel like the man I always wanted to be. I’ve got a bum leg, but I can stand taller next to you than I ever could before. You are my value. You are my heart, Beatrix Leighton. I love you. I love you because you’re strong. Because you’re determined. Because you care with a force that should terrify the whole world. I love you because you showed me who I was. Because you make me want to be as brave as you are. Do things like call my father, and let go of rodeo dreams that didn’t even matter to me anymore.”
“I’m not sure that I did all that,” she said.
“You did, Beatrix. You did.”
“Well, I love you, Dane Parker. Not because you were famous. Or because you’re hot. I mean, you are. Hot. And you’re not really all that famous unless people watch a lot of bull riding.”
“Some people do,” he said.
“Not that many.”
“Enough.”
“But,” she said, feeling laughter rise up inside of her. “I love you because you’re the reason I’m not hiding anymore. You made me see myself differently. And that made me want to show other people what all I could be. I love you because... I love you because you opened up my world.”
“Me? I’m just a broken-up cowboy,” he said.
“Yeah, but it took a broken-up cowboy for me to see that maybe it’s okay if I’m a little bit broken too. Especially if he can love me, anyway.”
“Bea, I don’t know if you’re broken. Hell, I don’t even know if I am. Right now things feel just about perfect. But maybe that’s the point. Maybe the point is that all the things we’ve been through made us fit together perfectly. Maybe we wouldn’t have hung out in high school. I don’t know. Though, I still think we would have. Because I think we would have found that even then all of our pieces fit.”
“You’re right. Together, I think we fit so perfect it’s like being unbroken.”
“All I need is you.”
“I feel the same,” she said. “Why don’t you take me to bed?”
“That sounds exactly perfect.” He held her up against him and began to walk them back toward her bedroom.
She pressed her hand against his chest, and he stopped. “I don’t mean there.”
“Where then?”
“The big house,” she said. “The main house.”
“Bea,” he said frowning. “You don’t like it there.”
“I didn’t like it there. I didn’t like all the things that it represented. But you know what it represents to me now?”
“What?”
“Where we got started. My first time being with you. Being with anyone. That house, you staying in it... It’s the reason we got closer.”
“By that rationale I should find the bull that stomped the hell out of me and make him a pet.”
“We could,” Bea said.
“We cannot,” he responded.
“As I’ve said many times, Dane. There are no bad animals.”
“I don’t care for that one,” Dane said. “Let’s just agree that I don’t have to like that particular one.”
“Well...”
“Bea,” he said. “You are not seeking it out, you are not giving it a spot in our sanctuary.”
“Who knows, Dane, who knows? Maybe when you’re out agenting you’ll run across the bull again and have a change of heart.”
“You really don’t mind me agenting?”
“I want you to do it,” she said. “I want you to do all the things that make you happy.”
“I don’t need to do it. I don’t need it to be happy. But I might like to do it. And it will make it easier for me to buy the house from Lindy.”
She blinked. “You’re going to buy the house?”
“Hey, if you want to live in it with me, I’m going to make it permanent.”
“You don’t have to...buy it.”
“Sure I do. Because we’re not going to take any guff from her on whether or not Evan is allowed inside.”
“Really?”
“I’m kinda fond of Evan now.”
“Why is that?”
“Because this is his fault.”
Beatrix laughed. “I guess... I guess it kind of is.”
“All right, Beatrix,” Dane said. “Let’s go home. To our home. Which will be filled with love, and as many animals as you want.”
She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him, deep and hard. “That sounds like a deal.”
Beatrix Leighton was a friend to all living things. She cared for creatures large and small, domestic and wild, nearly every day of her life.
But the bes
t patient that she’d ever had was one big strong cowboy. Because in the end, she loved him. And he loved her.
And not only did she take care of him, he took care of her right back.
EPILOGUE
A little farther down the road...
BEATRIX’S ANIMAL SANCTUARY was an unquestionable success—as Dane had always known it would be. When his wife wanted something, she got it.
From thriving animal sanctuaries, to a busted-up cowboy...to a bull.
“I really, honestly can’t believe you talked me into taking this asshole bull,” Dane said, walking up the fence and staring out at the gray-and-white beast that had nearly stomped him to pieces only three years earlier.
And he wasn’t angry. Not at all.
His life had changed in a thousand ways because of that accident. Yes, his body had changed, but he couldn’t begin to separate those changes from all the others.
From owning his home, sharing a life with Bea, to being around to be an uncle to Lindy and Wyatt’s brand-new twins.
He could ride a horse just fine, and he could make love with his wife whenever he wanted. That was enough.
In his estimation, that was more than enough.
“Dane, come back to the house with me,” Bea said, her eyes shining. “I have something to show you.”
“You don’t have a vole in your backpack, do you?”
She scowled and hit him. “No!”
“Do you have a—” he lowered his voice and made a suggestive face “—vole in your backpack?”
Bea stared at him blandly. “I don’t even know what that could mean.”
“I would love to find out.”
He followed her back up to the house, through the doors and inside. It had been heavily redecorated in the past few years because neither of them liked the stuffy, starchy quality of the rooms before. And Bea had wanted it to be much more like her cabin.
“It’s only a very small thing!” Bea said, disappearing into the living room.
He closed his eyes. “Badger? Smaller? Marmot. Rat. I still think it might be another vole.”
