A frown landed hard on Eddie’s lips. He used to be better at holding his frowns in during our therapy sessions, but the older we grew and the more we became like family, Eddie couldn’t hide his worry about me.
“If you need to talk…” he started.
“Your couch is always open—yeah, Eddie, I know.”
I headed outside to meet Connor at the truck, but to my surprise, I found him standing at the fence, talking with Eddie and Marie’s newest neighbor—the trespasser.
He was holding one of his business cards out toward her and talking way too much—like always. “So, yeah, I am the founder, owner, and CEO of Cuber Incorporated, and as a new member you get your first ride for free. But, as you appear to be a diamond in this town of coals, I’ll let you have two rides free. Just download the app and enter the code ‘diamond’.” He paused and scrunched up his nose. “Okay, don’t enter that code yet because I have to update the app before that will work, but after like sixteen hours, I’ll be free to give you a ride.” He wiggled his eyebrows in a suggestive way.
“Connor,” I called out, making him snap his head to me. “Let’s go.”
He held up a finger. “One sec, partner, I’m conducting some business. Speaking of businesses, I have more than just Cuber going on. I am a partner at Kilter and Roe Plumbing and—”
“You’re not a partner, you’re an employee, and currently even that is hanging by a thread.”
Connor laughed me off and waved a dismissive hand my way. “Don’t listen to him, he’s just a grumpy old man before one in the afternoon. Takes him a while to wake up and be a decent human like the rest of us,” he joked.
Trespasser smiled and chuckled a bit, looking my way. “I could see that being true,” she said.
I grimaced, unimpressed by where this conversation was leading. “Connor, truck. Now.”
“All right, partner—”
“Again, not my partner.”
He rolled his eyes. “Some people and their resistance to titles, am I right?” he said, grinning, and Trespasser laughed once more. Screw her laugh for being beautiful. “But, anyway, let me get going before Grumpy McGrump pops a blood vessel. Remember, if you need a ride, you got Connor on your side. Also if you have any plumbing issues, don’t be afraid to hit me up at the second number on this card.” He handed her another business card then winked. “I’ll be more than happy to snake your pipes.”
Oh good Lord. The innuendos coming out of these kid’s mouth were painful.
“Connor, get your ass in the truck,” I barked.
“Grumpy McGrump indeed.” Trespasser smirked, which annoyed me even more because her smirk was kind of beautiful, too. I walked back to the truck and hopped into the driver’s seat.
A few moments later, Connor joined me, buckled his seat belt, and then rubbed his hands together. “Couldn’t miss the opportunity to get new clients. You understand, boss.”
I cocked an eyebrow. “Oh, so now I’m your boss?”
“Listen, Jax, you gotta understand—women respect men who have their own businesses. It makes me look more professional when I say I’m your partner.”
“Or it makes you look like a liar.”
“Potato, potahto.”
“Let me see this business card you’ve been handing out for us.”
He reached into his pocket and pulled it out.
I glanced at it and shook my head instantly. “Kilter and Roe Plumbing: Same Shit, Different Toilet. That’s your tagline?” I groaned.
“It was either that or We Pump Your Dump,” he explained. “I feel like the one I chose rolls off the tongue better. Now, since I scored some new clientele and assisted with the removal of anal beads, I think it’s a perfect time to stop by the café to grab lunch before our next job,” he suggested, wiggling his eyebrows.
“We just ate breakfast before stopping at the Jeffersons’.”
“Yeah, like two hours ago. I know you’re old and probably already hit your prime and all you have to look forward to in the future is anal beads, but I am a growing boy, Jax! I need all the carbohydrates I can take in.”
I turned the key in the ignition. “We’ll eat lunch during our break at the office. I already packed food for us.”
Connor grimaced in disgust. “Please don’t make me eat another peanut butter and jelly sandwich and your disgusting protein shake. I’m so sick of that.”
“It’s packed with protein, and it will help you build muscle.”
“You know what else would help me? A number nine from McDonald’s.”
I smirked. “You can spend your paycheck on that stuff during your own time, but when working with me, you get the sandwich and a protein shake.”
“With grass in it.”
“It’s not grass. It’s kale.”
“I don’t mean to take away your man card, Jax, but adding kale to your protein shakes makes you look a lot like those chicks who wear Ugg boots and are addicted to Starbucks and Target.”
“Are you calling me a basic bitch?”
He parted his lips to reply but paused, arching an eyebrow. “Are you going to tell me to watch my language if I call you a basic bitch?”
“Yes.”
“Well then stop being a basic bitch and eating kale. Next thing I know, you’ll be Instagramming avocado toast while drinking kombucha.”
“What’s kombucha?”
“Oh, thank God.” Connor sighed and wiped his hand across his forehead. “You still have your balls.”
“Don’t say balls,” I ordered, pointing a stern finger his way. “And don’t say basic bitch.”
He sat back in his seat and placed his hands behind his head, propping his shoes up on my dashboard before I quickly knocked them down.
“Okay, I won’t say basic bitch. Anyway, can we take a minute to talk about the hotness that is the Jefferson’s new neighbor?” he asked.
“No.”
“Come on, Jax. You had to have noticed. She’s smokin’ hot! And did you see her eyes? She has the most stunning eyes I’ve ever seen. They were like…caramel. Did you see, Jax? Did you see her eyes?”
“Yes, Connor.” I saw her eyes, and he was right—they were damn beautiful, but that had nothing to do with me, and it definitely wasn’t any of my business…which was why it confused me that the thought of her eyes weighed heavily on my mind.
* * *
The day of plumbing tasks continued, and Connor didn’t stop talking the whole time. I swore that kid talked about nothing at all twenty-four hours a day. I’d become pretty good at tuning him out because half the shit that came out of his mouth was just teenage gibberish. Maybe that was why I liked him, though—because he was nothing like me. He was warm, inviting—and a complete idiot, yes, but still, I liked having the kid around. Of course I’d never tell him that because he’d never let me live it down.
As we pulled up to his house at the end of the evening, Connor’s color drained a little as he glanced toward his home. The bright, chatty kid lost all of his light in an instant as he looked into the house and saw his mother walking around inside.
It was only the two of them, and his mother was currently fighting cancer, which was extremely hard on them both. I knew Connor worked as hard as he did because he wanted to be able to take care of his mother. He had a heart of gold, and she was lucky to have him.
I lowered my head as my hands stayed gripped on the steering wheel. “If you guys need anything,” I offered, feeling awful for the poor kid. I wished I could take away his struggles.
He shook his head. “Nah. We’re good. We’re getting through it. Tonight, I’m going to watch a Disney movie with her to try to up her spirits. She loves that Disney stuff.” He always tried to act like the cancer wasn’t getting to him, but I knew better than to believe that.
It wasn’t fair that Connor was being forced to grow up faster than he deserved.
“Text me if you need anything,” I said.
“Will do. I’ll see you tomorrow. Hope
fully the day involves more anal beads,” he joked, but the paleness to his face was still there as he tried to hide his hurting with humor.
“Doubtful.”
“Night, Jax.” He hopped out of the truck and dashed toward his front steps. I waited until I was certain he’d made it into his house.
Instead of heading home like I wanted to, I went to the one place I wished I didn’t need to go to see the one person I wished I knew how to get over. I went straight to the nursing home to see my father.
I knew he would probably be sleeping when I arrived. He’d been sleeping a majority of the days lately as his body fought to either preserve his life or move him closer to death—I wasn’t certain.
All I knew was that ever since he ended up in the nursing home, I was there every night, sitting at his bedside while he was in his deep slumber.
I noticed a bike parked outside the nursing home, and I knew it belonged to Amanda, one of Dad’s caregivers who just so happened to be my ex-girlfriend.
I walked into the center and noticed her sitting at the reception desk, reading a novel. She was always reading some book about knights in shining armor saving the day.
I figured it was because of those books that I’d never lived up to what she wanted me to be. Even when I tried to be fully into our relationship, I always knew deep down that something was missing. Passion? A deeper connection?
Who knew.
Maybe I was too fucked up from my past traumas to know how to love someone right. All I really knew was after two years of dating and no engagement, she grew tired of it all. When she mentioned us having a baby and skipping over the marriage step, I knew it was time to cut the cord.
“Hey,” I said, nodding in her direction. She hadn’t even noticed me walk in. When her eyes were locked on those pages, she was distant from the rest of the world, fully immersed in the words on the page unless a patient needed her help.
She shut the book and gave me a half-smile. “Hey.”
“How’s he’s doing?”
“You know, same ole, same ole.” She stood from her chair and hugged her book to her chest. Her brown hair was pulled up into a messy ponytail, and she looked exhausted. I had a feeling her job wasn’t the easiest to perform.
It was clear that Dad didn’t have much time left, and to be honest, I wasn’t certain how to feel about it all. My father wasn’t a good man. He was cruel to anyone and everyone he came into contact with.
A few glances around my house demonstrated what my father had been like toward me when I was growing up. He’d put enough holes in the walls from when his drunken rage emerged through his fists. When those fists hadn’t connected with walls, there was a good chance they’d collided with my face. I couldn’t count on both hands the number of times he’d beat me in every single room of that house for the most mundane things.
If the washer didn’t finish before the evening news—beating.
If strangers were found wandering on our property—beating.
If he heard me snoring too loud—beating.
If he missed my mother—fucking beating.
I always tried to piece together when my father had become the monster he was. He had been cruel and violent before Mom passed away, but Dad lost his mind when she died. I didn’t blame my brother for leaving town. I should’ve done the same thing except I could never build up enough courage to leave Dad on his own.
Maybe a part of me felt the need to take care of him.
Maybe a part of me felt I deserved the beatings.
Either way, I stayed.
I should’ve filled in the holes in the walls, but a part of me didn’t want to forget the damage that my father had done.
Amanda folded her arms, and her stare grew gentle. “How are you holding up?” she asked.
“You know, same ole, same ole,” I muttered, giving her the same words she’d delivered my way. I pulled out the paperback from inside my jacket and held it in the air. “Can I go back?”
“Yeah, of course.”
“Okay. Thanks, Amanda.”
Lightning lit up the sky outside, and within seconds, there was a deluge of rain falling.
“Crap,” she muttered, rolling her shoulders back. “It’s really coming down out there, and I rode my bike to work.”
“I’ll give you a lift home when I’m done here if you want.”
I saw the spark of hope in her eyes as I said the words, and I wished I could’ve been the kind of dick who didn’t notice a woman’s emotions. It had to be easier than seeing every feeling that shifted their features.
“Yeah, that would be great,” she said, trying to hold in her smile.
Don’t smile for me, Amanda. I’m not worth it.
I headed to Dad’s room, and when I walked in, he was sleeping, which was good. If he hadn’t been asleep, I would’ve considered turning around and walking away. Sitting on his deathbed, he still had the ability to be full-blown cruel—even when he didn’t recognize me as his own son. When he was resting, though, I could look at him as more human than a monster.
I pulled up a chair beside his bed and began reading War and Peace—his favorite novel—to him. I’d been reading him a few chapters each evening, even if he couldn’t hear me. That novel was one of the only things he and I had in common. Outside of liking the same book, I was the complete opposite of the fragile man who lay across from me.
I read for about forty-five minutes before shutting the book and rising to my feet. Dad looked so broken down and tired. Sometimes I’d count his breaths to make sure they were all being taken fully.
Other times, I’d lay my hand against his chest to feel his heartbeats.
My cold heart didn’t know how to deal with what was happening to the man I’d always known to be hard and rough. Seeing him so broken down was harder than I could’ve ever imagined.
After I finished my visit, I headed toward the reception desk where Amanda was already waiting. “Ready?” I asked.
She nodded as she gathered her things.
We walked out to my truck, and she was quick to change my radio from the rock station to her pop music. “Thanks for the ride. I didn’t know it was supposed to rain,” she explained, running her hands down her thighs.
“No problem.”
“Did you see the invitation for Alex and Morgan’s wedding?” she asked. “I mean, it came to our old place, but Morgan said she’d send you another one since we aren’t each other’s plus-ones anymore. Unless…” She bit her bottom lip, and fuck, all I wanted was a cold beer and silence. “Unless you want to still go together.”
I raked my hand through my hair. “I think we both know why that’s not a good idea.”
“It could be a good idea if we tried it, though. I mean, really—how about we give that exes-with-benefits thing a go? I think I’m healed enough from the breakup.” She said it in a playful tone, but I knew she was serious.
“Amanda…you just drunk-dialed me sobbing last weekend.”
“That was the alcohol’s fault. It makes me a mess.” She laughed, but I knew it was a nervous laugh. I felt pretty shitty about the breakup, not because it wasn’t right for us—because it was—but because she was having such a hard time with it all.
We pulled up in front of her apartment building, and I put the truck into park. “Amanda, come on. We’ve talked about this. It’s just not going to work between us. You already know I think you’re a great girl and—”
“Please don’t belittle me with your empty compliments,” she muttered. “It doesn’t make it hurt any less.”
I lowered my head. “If having you work for my dad is making this split too hard, I can look into having him transferred—”
“I can do my job,” she snapped. “I don’t need you questioning if I can handle my work because of my feelings for you. Besides, I was kidding about being exes-with-benefits. Just drop it. I’m sure you’ll be dating soon enough anyway, and it’ll be as though I never existed.”
“I’m no
t seeing anyone.” If only she knew how wrong she was about her theory. Dating was so far off my radar. I figured if a girl like Amanda couldn’t make me a family man, maybe I wasn’t meant to be one. She was a good person with a kind heart.
There was just some unknown part of me that didn’t see myself falling in love with her and raising her children, and I wasn’t going to be the asshole who strung her along. I was going to be the asshole who broke her heart.
Talk about a lose-lose situation.
“Did you ever love me?” she asked, and fuck did that question suck. She knew the answer. I didn’t know why she was doing this to herself.
I glanced over at her and witnessed her eyes filling with emotion. “I’m sorry, Amanda.”
“Maybe you’re just like your father,” she stated, and those words made my skin crawl. “Maybe you’re just so messed up in the brain that you can’t love another person—or even let them love you.”
My jaw tightened as I tried to shake off what she’d said.
Maybe you’re just like your father.
That was a low blow, and Amanda knew it. The only thing in life I never wanted to be was like my father.
“Good night, Amanda.”
“Really? That’s it? You’re not going to try to argue that?”
Of course I wasn’t. She was setting up a trap I didn’t want to mess with at the moment. She was trying to force some kind of reaction out of me, but I had nothing to give her. I’d keep my irritation to myself, because the truth was, I was nothing like my father. I never allowed my anger to overtake me.
She hopped out of the truck without a word and hurried into the apartment building.
A sigh rolled through me as I turned the radio back to the rock station.
When I pulled up to my family’s property—over one hundred acres of land that had been pretty much unkempt for years—I released a sigh of relief. I could’ve worked on the landscaping, but whenever I offered, Dad made sure to tell me not to touch shit until he was dead and gone. He said once he died, it would all be mine, and I already knew what I wanted to do with it. Mom had dreams way back when about what she wanted the lot to look like. I was going to do my best to make her vision become a reality.
Southern Storms Page 5
