What didn’t they understand? I didn’t need a friend. I just wanted Kennedy to get the help she deserved. She had once been so vibrant, so bright and full of light, and now? Her light had faded, which was a fucking shame, because she was the kind of light that made even the darkest soul feel bright.
I brushed my hand over my mouth. “It’s unfair. She’s good, Eddie. She’s so good. She doesn’t deserve that kind of suffering.”
“No one does, Jax, including you. When we can’t lean on ourselves, it’s nice to have others to lean on, too.” I gave him a broken smile, and to my surprise, Eddie called out once more. “I’ll check in on her. You know, as a neighborly gesture.”
My frozen heart? Holy shit, it started beating again.
“Really?” I asked, my voice cracking.
“Yeah. I’m pretty sure we haven’t taken her any food like the rest of the people in this town have. I was trying to avoid being that cliché but it can’t hurt.”
“Thank you, Eddie,” I said, more sincere than ever.
He nodded once and turned to head back into his house.
“Chocolate chip cookies,” I called out. “They were always her favorite.”
“Chocolate chip—a classic. Good night, Jax.”
“Night, Eddie.”
After my visit with Eddie, I stopped by the nursing home to read my father his chapters. He was much more aggressive that night and irritated with everything and everyone—including me. I didn’t get to read much to him that night, and when I got home, I couldn’t stop recalling the ways he used to get so irritated at me for the strangest things. I wished I could turn off my thoughts. I wished I could make my memories fade away, but I couldn’t. By the time I got home, I poured myself a glass of whiskey before I crashed hard into my bed, and exhaustion swallowed me whole.
19
Jax
Twelve years old
Year two of summer camp
“That’s a cardinal!” Kennedy shouted, pointing up toward the sky as we used our binoculars on the last day of summer camp. Half the time she pointed out a bird, it was the wrong bird, but I didn’t correct her. She was too happy about finding it, so I let her think what she wanted to think.
Besides, by the time I explained the actual bird sighting, she’d already be on to another. Her mind moved so fast, and I couldn’t always keep up with it, but that was okay because I just liked having her around.
I hated how fast the summer went, and if I could have, I’d have made Kennedy my neighbor so we could see each other all the time. How was I going to make it another whole year without seeing her?
Maybe my mom would drive me to visit, or Kennedy could come visit me.
When it was time for us to get our bags, I had a knot in my stomach. I didn’t want her to go. For the first time that summer, Kennedy was quiet, too. I didn’t know if I should ask her about her quietness because I didn’t want to bring it up if she didn’t.
Honestly, all I’d been thinking about was if I would be able to kiss her again before we left, and I didn’t want to kiss her in front of her family or mine, because gross. Derek would probably make fun of me forever if he caught me kissing a girl, even if that girl was Kennedy.
“Are you okay?” I finally asked as we sat on top of the big rock in front of the main entrance to the camp, waiting for our parents to come pick us up.
“Yeah,” she mumbled as a tear fell down her cheek. “I’m just going to miss you a lot more than last time because now I know a lot more about you, which means I have a lot more to miss, and that just makes me sad.”
“Oh.” I wasn’t as good at explaining my feelings as Kennedy. She was good at saying words. I was good at writing them.
Instead, I just hugged her. “You’re my best friend,” I whispered.
She squeezed me and said the same back to me.
“So you’re the boy making my daughter become a better writer,” a voice said, making me let go of Kennedy. I looked up to see a grown-up who looked kind of like Kennedy in some ways and kind of not like her in other ways.
“Dad!” Kennedy leaped up and wrapped her arms around him, and he lifted her up and began spinning her around and around in circles. “I missed you!”
“I missed you, too, babe!” he said, sounding just as excited as his daughter.
“I’m sure you have some more love to give to your mama and sister, too,” Mrs. Lost said, leaping in with Kennedy’s sister for hugs.
I couldn’t wait to hug my mom that same way. I liked seeing Kennedy a lot, but I still missed Mom a lot, too.
“Jax, we’ve heard wonderful things about you,” Mrs. Lost said, looking my way. She really looked like Kennedy. Maybe it was the smile that was the most similar. “And since you and Kennedy had another successful year of summer camp, I was thinking maybe you should add a memory to the Lost-mobile.” She pulled out some Sharpies, and Kennedy squeaked with joy.
“Yes!” she hollered, snatching the markers from Mrs. Lost’s hand. Then she gripped my hand in hers and pulled me over quickly. “Come on, Jax! Let’s make something!”
I laughed. “You really want me to draw on your car?” I asked, nervous. Dad would’ve killed me if I drew on a car. Once, I accidentally spilled a soda in his back seat, and I got a spanking like no other.
“Yeah! It’s our memory car. Here.” She handed me a marker. “Draw however you want this summer to be remembered, okay?”
I bit my bottom lip and took the cap off the marker. After some thought, I began to draw a heart, and I put both of our initials in it.
“There,” I said, handing her the Sharpie.
Under it, Kennedy wrote Friends forever, and I knew it was true.
Forever and ever.
As we were standing by her car, laughing with Kennedy’s family, my Dad’s truck pulled up to the campsite.
The moment he saw me, he began beeping his horn, and hollering at me. “Jax! Get your ass over here so we can go.”
My stomach started hurting because I was embarrassed. Where was Mom? Why wasn’t she picking me up? I made the stupid mistake of asking Dad that question, which forced him to get out of his car. He was cussing under his breath as he walked over toward me.
“She’s sick, does it matter? I told you to get the fuck into the car. Let’s go,” he barked.
Kennedy’s dad stepped forward with a smile. “Now, come on. That level of anger isn’t really necessary. The kids were just saying goodbye, that’s all.”
Dad eyed him up and down. “How about you mind your own fucking business?”
“Okay, Dad,” I said, my body shaking. “Let’s go. I’m coming.”
I could see the look of shock on all of Kennedy’s family from the way Dad was acting. How didn’t he see it? How didn’t he see how he was embarrassing me? How didn’t he see how mean he was being?
He grabbed my luggage and dragged it away before tossing it into the back of the bed of the truck.
I turned and gave Kennedy’s family a weak smile. “It was nice meeting you all. Have a good day,” I said.
Kennedy’s dad tasseled my head and gave me a grin as he lowered himself to me. “You okay, Jax? Are you okay with your dad? I’m sure we can get you a ride home if you need or—”
“Jax! Get your ass over here!” Dad hollered, making me jump out of my skin. I knew the more I upset him, the worse it would be for me.
“I’m okay, Mr. Lost. Thank you. I h-have to go,” I stuttered. At that moment I wished he could’ve been my dad. Kennedy didn’t know how lucky she was to have someone nice like him. Someone who didn’t yell at her and call her names.
Kennedy ambushed me in a tight hug and squeezed me. She smashed our cheeks together, and I felt her tears against my skin. “I’m sorry that he’s so mean, Jax.”
“It’s okay,” I whispered. “I’m okay.”
She held me tighter before softly speaking. “If you need to run away, run away to me.”
20
Jax
Pre
sent day
There was a knocking on my front door, and I got up quickly to answer it. Standing in the pouring rain was Kennedy with the most intense stare in her eyes. She was soaking wet from head to toe, wearing only a white tank top and shorts.
“Hi,” she said breathlessly, shaking the water from her loose curls. “Are you okay?”
I raised an eyebrow. “What?”
“I heard about your dad. People were talking in town. I just wanted to check on you and make sure you were doing okay. I can only imagine what you’re dealing with.”
I scratched at my beard. When had it begun to rain? When I’d gone to bed, it had been nice and warm outside. “Uh, yeah. I just saw him. He’s fine. You came over to check on me?”
“Of course I did, Jax. I wanted to make sure you were okay. Can I come in?”
What the hell is going on? I wanted to ask her that, but truthfully a bigger part of me wanted her in my house with me. I’d been alone in it for way too long; some company would be nice.
I stepped to the side and she came in, shivering from being soaked.
“I can get you some—” Before I could finish my thought, Kennedy crashed her body into mine. Her hard nipples pressed through her tank top as she pulled me into a hug, and I tried my best to ignore the sensation having her wet body flush with mine was sending to me—or, more so, sending straight to my throbbing cock.
“I’m so sorry, Moon,” she whispered, wrapping her arms around my neck, pulling me tighter against her. “I’m so sorry.”
Before I could respond, her lips pressed to my neck, and she gave me small kisses. “I’m sorry, I just…Jax, I missed you.” She kissed the base of my neck again, this time rolling her tongue across my skin. “Did you miss me, too? Did you miss me, Jax?”
Her words dripped with care and wonder as I wrapped my arms around her and lifted her up against me. I pressed her back against the wall and closed my eyes as my forehead fell to hers. “Kennedy, you shouldn’t be here. We shouldn’t be doing this…”
Her lips brushed mine. “I know, but still…” She took my bottom lip between hers and sucked on it gently. “I want to do this. Please, Jax…after all these years…after losing you for so long…I can’t stop thinking about you. Do you think of me, too?” She opened her eyes and stared into mine. “Do I cross your mind like you cross mine?”
“Yes.” I sighed as my hands stayed clasped under her ass cheeks. “God, Kennedy, you’ve crossed my mind so damn much.”
“Show me your bedroom,” she whispered against my earlobe before sucking it. Sure, my heart was still frozen, but my cock grew three sizes that night. What is she doing to me? Hell, I didn’t care. I just wanted her to keep doing it.
I carried her to my bedroom and lay her down on my sheets. Hurriedly, she tossed her tank to the side of the room and unbuckled her shorts then slid them down her long, toned legs, along with her pink panties.
Me next.
I tossed my clothes to the side, and before I moved in on her, I studied her carefully. The girl I used to call my best friend was no longer a girl. No, she was a grown-ass woman with the most perfect body I’d ever seen in all of my time. Her tits were perky and round, her nipples hard, and her curves—damn. The way her body curved looked like a piece of artwork that deserved to be displayed in a museum.
Yet it was all mine.
Her eyes wandered to my throbbing cock, which I was stroking in my hand as I studied her body. She crooked her pointer finger and gestured for me to come over with a devilish smirk upon her lips. I did as she commanded, towering over her as I lowered myself onto her body. My lips danced across hers, and she moaned as she placed her hands on my back and pulled me in closer. My dick brushed her core as she spread her legs for me.
“Please,” she begged, her honey eyes staring into me, into my soul. “I want all of you, Jax. Every piece, every inch.” Her voice turned into a whisper filled with desire. “Fuck me with your darkness.”
Didn’t have to tell me twice.
I slid myself deep inside her, and she cried out in complete pleasure. “More, more,” she begged, pleaded, demanded.
I couldn’t deny her any of her wants and needs, because her needs were my wants. I wanted her more than I’d ever wanted anyone, more than I’d ever known I deserved to need something. Her body against mine felt like sin and her lips tasted like heaven. She was the sweetest part of my past, and I couldn’t believe I was having her in my present.
Her moans lit me up more and more as I pumped my cock deeper into her, filling her up with every piece of me.
“Yes, yes, yes,” she cried out, wrapping her legs around my waist as she twisted the bedsheets in her fingers. “Right there, Jax. Yes, please,” she said over and over again.
I focused my mind on only pleasing her. She was all I cared about at that very minute. She was all I wanted, all I needed, all I’d ever dreamed of.
As I pumped faster, she tilted her head to the left, toward my bedroom window, and gasped lightly. “It’s snowing,” she whispered.
The fuck?
I looked out my window, and…I’ll be damned. The rainstorm had shifted over to a blizzard. Since when did we have blizzards in Kentucky in the middle of the damn summer?
She placed her hands upon my cheeks and made me turn back to her. “Focus on me, Jax, on this, on us,” she commanded. “Keep your eyes on me.”
I did as she said, sliding deeper into her, pulling out slowly, and pounding her fast. Damn, she felt so good against my cock. She felt so wet, and I knew that wetness was for me. I loved that I did that to her. I loved that I made her wet.
“Do you…” She breathed heavily. “Do you want…” She sighed, rolling her hips hard against me.
“What? Tell me and I’ll do it,” I promised.
“Do you want to…oh gosh, yes, right there, Jax…”
“Say it,” I demanded. “Tell me want you want.”
Her eyes locked with mine, and in the most sincere tone, she said, “Do you…” Moan. “Want to…” It began snowing over us. “Build…” On the edge of an orgasm. “A…” Seriously, it was snowing over my bed. “Snoooowman?” she screamed, dragging out the word as she released herself around my hardness, leaving me dazed and confused as the snow fell down on our naked bodies.
What…the…fuck?
* * *
I shook myself out of the most fucked-up dream I’d had in the history of ever. “What the actual fuck?!” I said, looking down at my wide-awake dick. I couldn’t come to grips with the fact that I’d just had a sex dream about Kennedy Lost…that had turned into a Disney singalong.
No more whiskey before bedtime.
And no more allowing Connor to sing fucking Disney songs while in my presence.
21
Kennedy
“Chocolate chip cookies? Now you’re speaking my language.” I smiled as I looked at the newest greeter standing at my door.
Eddie held the plate of freshly baked goods in front of me. “I have to admit that Marie cooked them—I’m just the deliveryman.”
“The gesture is appreciated,” I said. For a few moments, an awkward silence filled the space as Eddie swayed back and forth in his shoes, brushing his thumb across his nose. I arched an eyebrow. “Why do I feel like there’s something you’re not saying?”
“Because there’s something I’m not saying?” he replied, his statement coming out as a question.
“What’s going on, Eddie?”
“It’s Jax. He came to me the other day and asked if I would stop by to check in on you, to see how things are going—from a neighborly perspective, not as a therapist.”
My stomach knotted up. “Of course he did. I’m not sure what Jax has told you, but I’m okay. Truly. I’ve been through some things, but I’m working my way through my issues one day at a time.”
“Right, of course. And it is completely up to you if you choose to seek out professional help or not. Truthfully, that’s not why I’m here.”
/> Even more confusion stirred inside me. “Then what is it?”
“It’s Jax,” he repeated, this time with his lips turning down. “I just worry about him—as a neighborly human, not as a therapist. I worry he’s not coping with his father’s ill health. I feel as if he’s deflecting his personal struggles by focusing on yours. Do you think he’s coping well?”
I shook my head. “I’m sorry, I’m not sure. Truthfully, we just began to speak. We were friends way back in the day, but I haven’t had a chance to really see Jax as a grown man.”
“Really?” he asked. “That’s strange because he speaks about you as if you two are close…which also confused me, seeing how Jax doesn’t get close to anyone.” He scratched at his beard. “Anyway, I’ll stop digging for clues. I just wanted to drop those cookies off because Jax pretty much hammered it down my throat that I need to check to see if you were okay.”
I smiled. “I’m thankful for the check-in.”
“It’s not like him, you know—to care. You mean something to him, even if you think this is all new. For him to come to me and ask for help…that’s a big deal for him. From the outside looking in, it might seem small, but for Jax that’s massive progress in his growth. I don’t know what you’re doing to him, Kennedy, but please, keep doing it.” He turned and walked down the stairs. “And if you ever need a listening ear from a neighbor, my couch is always open.”
I bit into one of the cookies as Eddie walked away, my mind filled with lingering thoughts of what it meant that Jax had gone searching for someone to help me. I simply hoped he was reaching out for help for himself, too.
* * *
I’d never known landscaping could be extremely sexy before the day I watched Jax pick up a shovel. Each day he and Connor came over, I found reasons to be outside, and each time I caught Jax looking my way, I’d get a brand-new case of butterflies filling my stomach. He didn’t really talk to me much, and when he did, the conversation was pretty much about the landscaping.
Southern Storms Page 16
