by E. R. FALLON
The Lower West Side wasn’t usually quiet in the morning, but today it was. Colin stepped out of his building and into the clean streets. That was one thing he liked about living on the West Side, the streets were cleaner. And people didn’t recognize him there so they tended to leave him alone. He breathed in the sweet autumn air. Sometimes he felt like such a sucker because apparently there was nothing he wouldn’t do for a woman.
In this case he took the bus to the Bowery to buy Sheila’s soda because Fleischer’s market sold the cola she favored. The closer the bus got to the Bowery, the more trash there was on the sidewalks; pieces of newspaper, old beer cans, broken glass, all blowing in the morning breeze. He wondered if the Bowery had become dirtier over the years and he hadn’t noticed, or if he hadn’t been there in so long it just looked that way to him now. Colin exited the bus and went across the street to Fleischer’s. He waved to a traffic cop he knew from childhood.
Old man Fleischer had died years ago. Colin and Johnny had frequented his shop as boys. They used to buy bubblegum from Fleischer, and when they were older they bought cigarettes. Fleischer’s son, Donnie, ran the shop now. After Colin joined Tom’s Salthill men, Donnie had asked him for a favor regarding a neighbor who didn’t respond well to complaints about noise coming from large parties late at night. Colin had obliged. Donnie had no problems with noise from then on. All Colin had to do was have a conversation with Donnie’s neighbor.
Donnie was a few years older than Colin. He was married to a spirited Irish girl Colin remembered from his childhood tenement, and they lived above their shop.
Donnie greeted Colin as soon as he entered the shop. “Mr. O’Brien! It’s so good to see you. How are you?”
“Please, Donnie, call me Colin. I’m well. How are you and Fiona?”
“We’re well. Thanks for asking.” Donnie stood behind the shop counter.
Colin liked Donnie, he was always cheerful. He was never sarcastic or bitter like some of the other guys in the city. And Colin liked to think Donnie respected him, despite the fact that Tom had made Colin shake down Donnie for money. So maybe Donnie feared him a little, but he still respected him.
“What can I get for you today, Colin?”
“I need a few bottles of soda.”
“How about a whole case? I can give you a case for free.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“I want to,” Donnie insisted.
Colin grinned at him. “You sure know how to make a good deal.”
“Anything for you, Mr. O’Brien. I mean, Colin.”
Donnie stepped into the backroom. Colin began to browse the shop’s shelves. He saw a bottle of perfume he knew Sheila would like. But he stopped himself before grabbing it and walking over to the counter where Donnie now waited with the case of soda. Things were going to be different now with Sheila. He wasn’t going to spend too much money on expensive gifts for her. She’d have to show him a lot of commitment before he did anything like that again, and not the other way around, the way it had been before.
“Thanks, Donnie.” Colin took the large crate of soda from the counter and tried to hand him a crisp twenty dollar bill.
At first, Donnie refused to accept the money. “It’s not necessary. You’re such a good, loyal customer, I want to give it to you.”
Colin moved the bill between his fingers and the paper made a noise. “I insist, for all your troubles and hard work. Come on, buy Fiona something nice with it.”
Donnie beamed as he accepted the cash. “Colin, you’re so generous, the best fellow.”
Colin nodded and then walked out of the market with Sheila’s crate of soda. He took a cab home.
When he returned to the apartment he found that Sheila had made herself more than comfortable. The suitcase she had brought with her was open and empty on his bed. She had unpacked and arranged her dresses and shoes, and underwear and stockings in the closet and the dresser.
Colin realized he’d left the crate by the front door. He carried it into the living room and set it by her feet. It landed with a thud and she jumped a little on the couch. His back was still aching from bringing it upstairs. “Why did you put your things in my bedroom?”
“What does it look like, genius? I moved in.”
“I can see that, but why?” He stared down at her.
She backed away from his commanding presence as if she thought he would strike her, but he never had. Then she stood up, and although she was tall and wore heels, she had to stand on her toes to face him. “Because I’m pregnant, Colin. That’s why I got better. And before you say anything, I know it’s yours because I haven’t been with anyone since I was with you a couple of months ago—”
“Pregnant?” He tripped over the crate of soda and knocked it over. The bottles rolled out and scattered on the floor.
Sheila leaned over and picked a cola bottle up. “Don’t hurt me. If you do, I’ll smash this in your face!” She raised the glass bottle in the air.
“I’ve never hurt you, Sheila.” He remained still as he watched her. Did he really believe she hadn’t been with anyone else since him? He knew she’d be furious if he asked so he stayed quiet.
She gave him a cold stare and then she gradually softened. She lowered the bottle. “I know. But when you tell some fellas a thing like that, they sometimes get angry. I’ve heard about it happening to girls.” She began to cry softly.
He stepped close to her and put his arms around her. “What am I going to do with you?” He touched her chin and when she looked up at him he smiled. He couldn’t help it. He was tough in the streets but soft when it came to women. It’d all started with his sister whom he had adored as a child.
Sheila looked into his eyes. “You could marry me.” Colin stepped back in panic.
“Us, get married?”
“Of course. What else am I supposed to do with the baby? Raise it by myself as a bastard?”
“No. There’s adoption. Or I can pay for one of those doctors—”
“You want some strangers raising our baby?” She looked stunned. “And I’m a Catholic, Colin.” She put the bottle down and sat on the floor and buried her face in her hands and started to cry again.
He knelt down next to her and attempted to soothe her. “It’s going to be fine, Sheila.” She was getting loud and he didn’t want the entire building to hear their predicament. After all, this building wasn’t a tenement. Weeping and screaming wouldn’t be tolerated here like they had been in the Bowery. Sean McCarthy had found Colin’s apartment for him, and some of the guys Sean had dealings with lived in the building or knew people who lived there. Colin didn’t know how it’d look from the outside, and he didn’t want it to look ugly.
“What the hell do you know?” she shouted. “I need to worry about myself, not you.”
“Let’s not get too loud.”
Sheila jumped up, and when he followed she spat in his face. “You’re only worried your fancy neighbors will hear us. I’m getting my things and getting out of here.”
Colin wiped his face and grabbed her by the arm. “That was a nasty thing for you to do.” His face burned with anger.
Sheila shook him off. “You’ve changed. You aren’t the swell fella you used to be. You’re a pig.”
Colin watched her from a distance as she collected her belongings. He’d frozen because of what she’d said to him. Had he changed for the worse?
Sheila fumbled and dropped items as she collected them out of his closet and dresser and packed her suitcase. Yet she still walked out of his apartment with pride.
The way she left his apartment sparked something in Colin. He admired her.
A few days letter she sent blue flowers to his apartment. He read the note and smiled.
Colin—
I love you. Let’s make it work.
Kisses,
Sheila
Colin called her to apologize, and they were married at city hall two days later. They didn’t invite anyone. He didn�
��t even tell Sean or Max he was getting married.
“Congratulations. I would’ve bought you two a gift if I’d known,” McCarthy said to him a week later when he noticed Colin’s ring.
Tom’s widow sent over a bottle of fine non-alcoholic wine for Sheila and Bushmills for Colin. He wondered how she knew about the baby when they hadn’t told anyone. The night before, Colin had removed the gold ring Tom’s widow had given him and tucked it inside his dresser.
15
“You murdered my husband!”
Colin was with Little Bill having a few drinks at Deegan’s. He turned from the bar to see who had shouted at him.
He saw a fatigued-looking woman standing behind him. Her eyes were red and swollen. She looked familiar. Those eyes, they were deep brown and pretty under the inflammation. Had she been crying because of him?
“Lila? How’d you get past the doorman?”
“Yeah, it’s me. I waited until he took a break.” She reeked of booze. “You had some nerve killing Johnny.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“That night we spent together—you knew and you didn’t say anything. I always hoped I’d run into you one of these days so I could tell you to go to hell. You know, my brother wanted to kill you after what you did. It’s not like the police would’ve helped us. They don’t seem to care when gangsters kill each other. But I stopped my brother.”
“Why did you?”
“Because what good would it have done? Killing you wouldn’t bring back Johnny.”
“Thank you,” he whispered.
“Don’t thank me. Sometimes I think I should’ve let him.”
Colin tried to reason with her, but even he knew it was pathetic. “The order came from above after they killed Ronan. I’m very sorry for your loss.”
“Losses. Or you don’t remember my father’s dead, too?”
“Again, I’m sorry.”
“It’s hard to come face-to-face with the loved one of the men you murdered, isn’t it? Of course, I know there were others. Like your mother’s lover.” He’d told her private things the night they’d spent together and now she seemed to enjoy making him squirm. “Don’t tell me Johnny and my father were orders. You had a choice. There’s always a choice.”
“There are times when I wish I’d died instead of Johnny. McPhalen—”
“You’re trying to tell me that when that old man tells you to jump off of a bridge, you jump off of a bridge?”
“That’s sort of how it went.”
“Went?”
“Tom died.”
“I didn’t know that. I’m glad to hear it. How did he die? I hope he suffered.”
“He had cancer. I truly am sorry, Lila. Johnny was the only friend I had when I came to this country. He was like a brother to me at one point in my life. How are you? I got married, and my wife’s going to have a baby.”
“I don’t give a damn how you are. Some brother you were to my husband.” She shook her head in disgust. “If you cared then you wouldn’t have killed Johnny and my father. And just before Christmas. Is it you who’s been sending me money every month?” Colin nodded.“Do you send money to all the families of the people you kill?” she said. “You’re going to be bankrupt. I want you to stop sending me money.”
Colin shook his head and held Lila as she cried and smacked her fists against him.
“I hate you,” she said, over and over again.
Little Bill had been sitting at the bar quietly watching the scene unfold. Now he opened his mouth.
“Colin, are you going to let this bitch talk to you that way? Aren’t you going to ask her to leave?”
Lila stepped away from Colin, and he turned to look at Little Bill.
“It’s the least I owe her. I broke her heart.” He glanced at her and handed her his handkerchief. “Isn’t that right, Lila?”
She glared at Little Bill. “That’s right.” She dried her eyes.
Little Bill shook his head. “Well, I’m not going to sit here and listen to it. Sorry, Colin, this witch is getting on my nerves. I’m going to walk.” He rose and placed some money on the bar. Then he collected his hat and gave Colin a short wave.
“Your friend is rude. I don’t like him,” Lila said after Little Bill had left.
“He was. I’m sorry about that. Do you want to sit?” He sat at the bar and gestured to the stool Bill had vacated.
She hesitated and then sat. He turned to face her and she handed him the handkerchief.
“Did you really just run into me or did you come here to find me?” Colin asked.
“I guessed where you’d be.” She held his gaze.
“You remembered I like coming here?” He didn’t know what to say to her because he knew that nothing he could say would lessen her pain.
Lila nodded. “I know where you guys socialize.” She glanced at the clock behind the bar.
Colin leaned on the bar and asked the bartender for another gin over ice. “Do you want a drink?” he asked Lila.
“Sure. I’ll have a beer.”
“Better make that a soda water,” Colin called out to the bartender.
“I said I wanted a beer,” Lila told him.
“You’ve had enough to drink.”
Lila scoffed. “Are you paying?”
“I’m paying.”
She stared at him with such anger he shivered. “I won’t thank you.”
“You don’t have to. I know you miss him, miss them. I’m so sorry.”
“I miss them very much.”
“I’m sorry for ending their lives.” That he could still show remorse amazed him.
“In a way you ended mine as well. I can’t forgive you. Not ever.”
“I understand.”
“You’re married now?”
“I got married five days ago.”
“What’s she like, your wife?”
“She’s fun. She’s pretty.”
“Fun? Pretty? Aren’t you supposed to say how much you love her?”
Colin shrugged.
“I used to be pretty,” Lila said.
“You still are.”
“After Johnny, I… I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Do you need more money? Because now I can send more.”
“No. I work as a seamstress with my mother. We—my girl and I—get by fine. The men get killed. We women are left to pick up the pieces. I’m tired sometimes but I don’t need more money. In fact, I don’t want what you’ve been sending me. I don’t use it. As soon as it arrives, I rip it up and throw it in the trash.”
Colin nodded although he doubted that was the case. He would continue to send her money. “You didn’t move to Long Island.”
“That dream died with Johnny.”
He cleared his throat to remain focused. “How is your daughter?”
“I don’t think you deserve an answer to that question.”
“I don’t.” Her coldness wounded him, but what had he expected?
She hated him and he understood why.
“Did you knock up this girl you married?” she said.
“What makes you say that?”
“I did the math.”
“I did.” Lila’s strong presence made him want to be honest with her.
A few minutes later she left to use the ladies room and he slipped a hundred dollar bill into her coat pocket and walked out of the pub.
Then a day after that, he put a bullet into Little Bill’s head.
Colin told Bill, “It’s a beautiful day. Let’s drive to the shore and do that business we were going to do next week today instead.”
Little Bill agreed and insisted on driving even though they made the trip in Colin’s new car.
On the nighttime drive home from the casino, Colin asked Little Bill to pull over in the quiet wetlands so he could take a piss. Bill pulled over. Colin stepped outside to take his piss that never was, and then turned around with his gun concealed in his hand. He gestured for Bill to open the pas
senger window.
Little Bill leaned over and complied. “What’s going on?”
Colin shot him, and Bill hadn’t even seen it coming. He’d asked too many questions about Colin’s new car anyway. Colin shoved the bloody body into the newspaper-lined trunk of his car, covered it with rags, and drove it into Queens like Sean wanted.
Later that night when Sean was done with viewing the corpse in an old garage he owned, Colin and Max put Little Bill on some plastic sheeting. They peeled off his fingerprints and used a small hammer to knock out his teeth. Then they wrapped the body with old bedding and rope, and put it into the back of Colin’s car in the dead of the night. They drove the body to an isolated marshland on Long Island that Sean used as a dumping ground. After digging a deep grave and burying Little Bill, Colin and Max changed their clothes. They burned the dirty ones in a trash barrel fire on the beach and cleaned Colin’s car back at the garage.
Over the next few days, Colin and Max abducted and shot Frank O’Neill and Michael M. at Sean’s request. Mikey was only a soldier but Sean wanted him gone. He’d told Colin he couldn’t take any chances. Colin liked Mikey but he needed to look out for himself. Afterwards, they again buried the bodies on Long Island.
Colin was now working fulltime for McCarthy, who had absorbed Tom’s Bowery rackets and his mafia contacts.
Colin was in McCarthy’s pub some months later. It was a few weeks after Sheila had given birth to their daughter, Camille, a healthy, beautiful baby with luminous skin, and blue eyes like her father’s and permanently red lips like her mother’s. Colin was in awe of his daughter, and he never doubted she was his. He hoped his mother’s sadness wouldn’t be passed on to her. When Camille was born and he held her tiny, delicate body in his large hands, he realized he could never leave Sheila because he could never leave Camille. He loved her that much, and he couldn’t believe he had ever considered not having her in his life. She needed a father. He wanted to give Camille everything he never had as a child.
