“We’ll take your case.” Marshal Harry gave me a look, caught the egg, and tried to hold it in place.
“That won’t help,” cruisOVO said. “I am supposed to steer the anti-grav by concentration, but I cannot talk and concentrate at the same time, it seems.”
The marshal let go and sat back on her desk. “Oh. You do realise we can’t guarantee the outcome you want?”
“I do,” cruisOVO said. “I’ve emailed the investigation reports that my private security people delivered. Unfortunately, they are from three different companies because my wife fires them each time I am murdered.”
“She took your deaths personally?” I said.
“You have no idea.” The egg drifted to the floor and I gave it a bunt towards LB. The marshal’s eyes lost focus as she downloaded the reports to her brain. I noticed an email icon on my cybernetic dashboard, but I didn’t bother opening it. I leave the mystery solving to Harry.
“Seems they couldn’t find a motive,” she said.
“That is true. My business rivals draw the line at a cutting remark,” cruisOVO said. “I would like to be angry about all this, but my glands were cremated last week.”
The egg reached LB and he prodded it with a finger. It began drifting back my way.
“The investigation was thorough and by the numbers, so we would have to…” Marshal Harry’s eyes closed and she sucked her bottom lip in and out.
“She’s wandered off,” I said. “The coffee machine’s over there if you’d like something while we wait.”
“Wait for what?” cruisOVO asked. LB tapped the egg and he drifted towards the coffee machine.
“Wait for her mind to wander back,” I said. “Last week I shot three clopjackers while she was like this. She didn’t notice.”
“She did not hear gunfire?”
“It’s true. I helped him hangcuff them,” LB said as he reached over and turned on the coffee machine. “Sooner or later, murderers realise there is only one detective on the planet and try to take her out. But she has made Chunglie promise to use the stun setting on his weapons.”
“And hangcuffs are….”
“They go on the ankles so we can hang culprits in front of the office for everyone else to see. How many sugars?”
“Just milk, please.” A hatch popped open revealing a slot in the egg. LB filled the milk jug with coffee and poured a little in through the slot.
“Biscuit?”
“No, thanks, I don’t need the carbs.”
“What’s it like, being an egg?” I asked cruisOVO.
“There’s a lot of freedom of movement,” cruisOVO said. “Not that I can do anything when I get there. I must admit I’m looking forward to the doctors printing up a new body for me. At the moment, they are still growing the cells.”
“I hear that doesn’t take long,” I said. “There was a time when it took months to grow a whole adult body.”
The marshal jerked upright and stood in front of the freshly caffeinated cruisOVO.
“The security report includes a holo-record of the murders. Would you mind watching it with us? It could be informative.”
“I love movies,” I said. “Can we have popcorn?”
“These are recordings of my deaths,” cruisOVO pointed out, stepping on the mood.
CHAPTER 2
LB fetched our holoprojector from a drawer and set it up on the desk. It was an old Halbequerky 221B. Not as hi-def as the newer models and any fast action scenes blurred. The office disappeared to be replaced with an elevator. A posh elevator, with white frames around pale blue walls. But still an elevator. The doors opened and two Qoh Modes walked in.
“That’s me,” Egg-cruisOVO said. A flashing arrow appeared above the male. His neck and belly scales were painted with little scenes. Traditionally, these would be his family history. His face was painted with mauve and grey stripes. Qoh Mode’s power dressing. “I really miss that body. I just took it for granted, you know, until it was gone. The other figure is my wife, mapoTHER.”
The silver egg reached the hologram walls and LB tapped him back into play. I reared my front half, ready to bunt as he drifted slowly through the holo-woman. She was elegant, with a fat tail and waxed from nose to tail tip. The rich coating gave her grey skin a nice gloss and protected the painted scales visible down her neck and belly.
“They are dressed for a night out,” I told the marshal. I had lived among the Qoh Mode for years, and knew a lot about their society. “The women traditionally paint their tummy scales, and this one—"
Harry paused the holo-rec and examined both people, looking over the bright colours of their decoration. Each wore a bag slung from a belt at their waists which were decorated in the same colours they were painted in.
“My wife’s name is mapoTHER,” Egg-cruisOVO repeated the name more forcefully. “We are soul mates.”
“Lucky it’s your soul she’s interested in,” I said, giving him a tap back towards LB. “Since you lost the body. Anyway, her scales are painted with the Mystery of Garth. cruisOVO’s face is painted with the Mask of Maghan.”
“I thought that was a death mask?” LB asked.
“Only for Maghan,” I said.
“In our culture,” Egg-cruisOVO said. “For a man to have power is rare. The Maghan mask is a symbol of manly power.”
“Really boss brow ridges,” I noted. It’s hard for someone with no facial muscles to give a look to a floating brain jar, but I gave it my best shot. “Unusually prominent, even.”
“I had my brow ridges enhanced,” Egg-cruisOVO admitted. “To give myself a more dominant appearance.”
I noticed mapoTHER’s scales were painted with the Mystery of Garth. I followed the stations down her neck and along her belly scales.
“Chunglie,” Marshal Harry asked, shielding a finger with her body as she pointed at the egg. “Should you be looking that closely at another man’s wife?”
The scales at the top of her legs and on her tail were painted with scenes of Comerie at the Gates of Pascoe.
“Beautiful artwork.” I pointed a claw. “It’s there to be looked at.”
“Yes, the artist Whaurswaullie painted them,” Eggy said. “She is renowned for her accuracy.”
“Not that accurate,” I said. “She left me out.”
“She what?” Egg-cruisOVO spluttered. I pointed with a claw. “I should be standing about there, guns drawn.”
“You?” Eggy’s voice leapt an octave. “You were at the Gates of Pascoe? That happened three centuries ago.”
“Yup, I’m older than I look. I held the Phlong of Comerie while he knocked on the gates.”
“But we’re not here for a history lesson, Chunglie,” the marshal pointed out. “We are here to work out who has been murdering Mr cruisOVO.”
“But… if he held Comerie’s Phlong, that makes him a holy relic to my people.”
I would have grinned if I could.
“Well, a relic, certainly,” LB agreed. I reared and twisted to face him.
“Yes, right… Back to business, lads,” the marshal ordered. I raised my large claws towards LB. The marshal raised an eyebrow. I backed down in the face of the eyebrow.
“We were going to a celebratory meal with 221B,” Egg-cruisOVO said. “Our family lawyer.”
“And this elevator is in your home?” Harry asked, looking around.
“Our townhouse is the penthouse suite in Tower One,” cruisOVO said. “We have other homes, but this one is our favourite.”
“Your evening preparations followed a normal routine?”
“Yes,” cruisOVO said. “We go out most weekends. Everything up until my murder seemed very normal.”
“Why can’t we see you getting ready?” LB asked.
“There are times when a man and wife like a little privacy. I did not allow our security people to put cameras inside the suite,” Eggy replied. “The elevator is the first holo-camera we came across.”
“Right.” Harry started the r
ecording again.
“Does it have to be that restaurant?” Holo-mapoTHER asked. She fingered her pouch as she spoke, her shoulders hunched.
“I want to show you off in the best restaurant in town,” Holo-cruisOVO replied, putting a hand on hers. “But it wasn’t my choice to make. This is 221B’s party, and she chose the venue.”
“You could have changed it,” mapoTHER whined. “She is your family lawyer. You know the staff look down on me there.”
“They will not look down on you now,” Holo-cruisOVO said. “I am sure they will be envious that you can now eat there whenever you want.”
“I had no idea I sounded like such a stuffed neck,” Egg-cruisOVO admitted.
The two young lovers entwined necks and rubbed each other the right way. I had to admit, they looked genuinely happy with each other. The doors opened and they trotted on out. Marshal Harry paused the replay again.
“Why would the people who work in the restaurant look down on mapoTHER?” she asked.
“mapoTHER used to work there,” Egg-cruisOVO said. “When she first came to Port City. It was how we met.”
“She was your server?” I asked.
“No, she was the assistant manager. Used to show us to the table.”
“So she knows how the kitchen and serving systems work,” Harry said thoughtfully.
“mapoTHER was cleared by the investigation,” cruisOVO pointed out.
“Which she paid for,” I pointed out. I have a cynical side. “After firing your original security team.”
“mapoTHER was never in the kitchen to poison the food, and she has no programming experience. You will see in the first report that the servobot was used to poison me before it scrubbed its memory and shut down.”
“I read the full report,” Harry said. “Twice. But I’m not sure I believe it. Blaming the machinery seems a little too convenient.”
“But it scrubbed its memory and shut down. The act of a guilty servobot, surely,” Egg-cruisOVO repeated.
Harry shrugged. She has a cynical side, too. “Just a feeling I have. The investigators scanned the restaurant, found the servobot blank, and wrote up their report. Who knows what they may have found if they kept looking.”
“But they used Dobol 90 scanners,” Egg-cruisOVO said. “The latest technology.”
“But they didn’t use their brains,” Harry said before continuing the replay. A new time stamp appeared as the scene cut to the interior of a large limousine. Evening in Port City looks pretty much like any other time of day from inside a limo: there are no windows, although six holopaintings showed moving scenes of the Qoh Mode homeworld and life. I looked them over.
“Been there,” I said. “Been there… done that. Been—"
“Chunglie,” Harry interrupted. “Does this pertain to the investigation in any way?”
The sound of trickling water came from a brook someone had expertly babbled. Another one added bird song. Some species find that relaxing, but to an insect, it sounds like a lot of people up in the trees crying “eat you, eat you”. I pointed to the last one in the row.
“Done that three times.”
“I just threw up in my mouth,” LB said.
“Chunglie?”
“Okay, I’m finished,” I mumbled.
There were bench seats along each side of the car, with a space between the seat and the back to accommodate tails. Small tables extended down from the ceiling and placed themselves under drinking glasses. A small pond with fish provided snacks and bathing in one. cruisOVO and mapoTHER climbed in and made themselves comfortable. LB and I were half in, half out of the holoimage. Holo-cruisOVO opened the drink cabinet and lifted out two glasses.
“Let’s start the party,” he said, filling the glasses with yellow liquid. The motor hummed and the two holo-people lurched slightly. I wondered what kind of acceleration a car this size was capable of.
“Is that port mantoo they’re drinking?” LB asked.
“Yes,” Egg-cruisOVO replied. “I’m rather fond of the ‘57.”
“That one bottle would cost you a year’s salary, Marshal,” LB pointed out. The young people emptied the glasses in one gulp and Holo-cruisOVO refilled.
“They don’t drink the stuff for the flavour, then?” Harry commented.
“Our taste buds are in our crop,” Egg-cruisOVO said. “I miss that crop. Funny the things you take for granted until they are gone."
“Is this a rental or your own car?” Harry asked.
“This is our town car,” cruisOVO said. “It has been passed down to me from Grandfather’s time. The interior was custom made to his designs.”
“Nice,” I said. Really, I like red leather, and I would have it quilted on the ceiling of my car if I could afford the leather. Or a car.
“Tell me again about 221B?” mapoTHER asked. The holo-rec was so realistic, it constantly surprised me the way the two Qoh Modes ignored the human, Moordenaap, and myself crowding around them.
“What about 221B?” cruisOVO knocked back another glass of port mantoo; mapoTHER sipped her second one.
“She is the AI your grandfather designed and had built to be the lawyer for the family business?”
“Yes, there’s a phenomenal amount of paperwork involved in moving goods and money around three star systems. She does it all.”
Marshal Harry paused the recording. “I’d like our expert to have a look through that paperwork.” She pointed the remote at holo-cruisOVO.
“Why?” Egg-cruisOVO asked. “The family AI is in charge of all that and 221B is up to date technology wise. If there was any wrongdoing there, she would spot it.”
“For one,” Marshal Harry held up a finger, “we’re still short of motive for your murders and—"
“For two,” I interrupted, pointing a claw at LB, “we have this star system’s expert on bendy accounting right here.”
“I have had some… helpful experience,” was all LB would admit too.
“Okay,” Egg-cruisOVO agreed. “I’ve messaged my PA to send over a copy of our records. That will take a while, though.”
“That’s fine,” Marshal Harry said. “I didn’t expect to solve three murders tonight, anyway.”
She restarted the holo-rec.
“That part I understand,” mapoTHER said. “It’s her… personal life I’m struggling with.”
“Come on, this is the thirty-first century,” Holo-cruisOVO said. “We have to accept that AI personalities would become curious about… organic… personalities and start… relationships with them. She has at least five android avatars that I know of, and they all seem to have had boy or girlfriends at some time.”
“I had a thing with an AI once,” I admitted. “It was great. She never tried to bite my head off.”
“I can understand that too,” mapoTHER said. “It’s the part where we’re meeting her Qoh Mode avatar for dinner and she’s bringing her Tooyr boyfriend that I’m struggling with.”
“Erm, yeah, that one puzzles me, too. Either she wears the Qoh Mode body to please us or, and this is the theory I’m going with, she wears it to piss off and embarrass her boyfriend.”
“I’ve met some complicated AIs over the years,” I broke in. “But that is complicated, even for me.”
“Chunglie.” Marshal Harry paused the holo-rec. “Please stop interrupting. We don’t know what we are looking for here, so we have to examine everything.”
“Sorry.”
Harry restarted the holo-rec.
“The family had her looked over by an AI psychiatrist a few years ago,” Egg-cruisOVO admitted. “He said her love life is nothing to worry about, that computers as old as 221B often develop eccentricities.”
The holo-people lurched as the car drew over and stopped. The doors opened and a large, richly-decorated Qoh Mode female and a male Tooyr climbed in. The boyfriend did look uncomfortable, but that could have been because his antlers were catching on the ceiling leather.
“A twelve pointer,” I said, adm
iring his antlers. The holo-people were greeting each other. “That’s a big old fellow.”
“Yes,” Egg-cruisOVO said. “Only the best for 221B.”
221B squeezed in next to Holo-cruisOVO on his bench. Her upper hide had the green glow of health and her belly scales were painted with scenes from the OVO family history. The founding of the clan, the first business opening, the building of 221B Quaker Street, the AI buying its freedom but remaining the family lawyer was a hard picture to decipher. Each picture had been painted by hand and then small coloured gemstones were added.
“And this is 221B’s android avatar?” LB asked. “I’ve never seen one so lifelike.”
“She can afford it. 221B is the richest AI on the planet,” Egg-cruisOVO said. “Of course, the marriage isn’t legally binding, but 221B takes it seriously so we indulge her.”
“Cosy in here,” she said. “I’ve always liked this car.” Her tail touched Holo-cruisOVO’s tail. Holo-mapoTHER noticed, but luckily there were no sharp objects on her side of the car.
“Yes,” Holo-cruisOVO looked around sadly and said. “It always reminds me of Grandad, and how fate can cut down even the greats. I mean, we’ve conquered aging, but you never know what million-to-one chance is waiting just round the corner.”
“I’m telling me?” Egg-cruisOVO said bitterly.
“Luckily for me,” 221B said, “this body is just an avatar, and my mind is still safely installed in my building.”
“Buildings burn down,” mapoTHER said, locking eyes with 221B. The android moved her tail.
“That reminds me,” Holo-cruisOVO said to 221B. “Did you take care of that business set up I asked about?”
“Yes, all sorted,” she said. “It will function automatically, as and when.”
“Good, good.”
“What’s that about?” I asked.
“A lot of our regular business is automated,” Egg-cruisOVO said. “Keeps the bills down.”
The Tooyr, sitting with knees spread staring into space, seemed to put a damper on further conversation.
“This dinner party is going to be a load of laughs,” I pointed out.
When Harry Met Chunglie Box Set Page 19
