“Don’t know what good it will do. She’s made up her mind and put me in an impossible situation.”
“Are you whining like a little princess again? Because I’m pretty damn sure I pegged you for a badass, not a whiny bitch.”
“I’m not a fucking princess,” I growl.
“Good. Then stop acting like one and tell me what in the hell happened to my daughter.”
Well, fuck, when he puts it that way. Chugging the last of the beer, I put the empty bottles in the backpack and grab a bottle of water. Twisting off the cap, I take a sip and eye the Colonel for a long moment.
“I asked her to marry me.” I pause, gauging his reaction. A smile lights up his face as he claps me on the shoulder.
“I’m assuming congratulations are in order? I mean I did give you my permission already.”
My heart stops, ceasing to beat for several seconds as I recall her beatific face when she accepted my proposal. Pressure builds behind my eyes as I feel the weight of the impending decision on my shoulders. Clearing the emotion from my throat, I finally work up the courage to continue. “Initially, she accepted the proposal.” My throat threatens to close once again, forcing me to stop my explanation.
“What do you mean initially?”
Irritation forces its way into my system, flooding my veins, and filling me with ice, numbing the pain of Kylee’s absence.
“Exactly that. She said yes until she didn’t. Everything was fine until Nari showed up.” I pause for a moment to glance at the Colonel, gauging his reaction. Other than the stiffness in his jaw, he shows no visible sign of emotion. Not that I really expected him to.
“Nari explained that your ex-wife is dying and that Sang-Hyun has taken over. He and Madame Lin are running the show and mistreating the women. Not that I expected anything different from either of those two. Either way, she advised Kylee that with her being a blood heir she has blood ties and a right to one of the five thrones. She practically begged Kylee to take it. After she had left, I tried to talk her out of it, but she wouldn’t listen. She slid my ring off her finger, said she would always love me, that I was it for her, and then told me that when I was ready she would be waiting. She actually asked me to go with her.”
“And how did you respond to that?”
“What do you mean how did I respond? How could I respond? It’s not like I can just drop everything and go with her to protect her. God knows I’d give anything to do it. Fuck, I’m a mess over this shit.”
“What if I told you that you could go with her? Stand by her side and protect her during this entire operation?”
“I’d say you’re a fucking miracle worker. You and I both know that it would take some crazy ass hocus pocus to fix this shit.”
“There is a way if you’re up for the challenge.”
“KYLEE!”
His deep roar is accentuated by the pounding of fists on my door. Vibrations so intense the chain rattles as he continues his rapid assault. The anguish and heartache in his voice threatens to break what’s left of my fragile heart. Pressure begins to build behind my eyelids as Alex pleads, imploring me to let him in. Every muscle in my body strains, willing me toward the door, urging me to ease the pain I’ve caused us both. But, I can’t.
He needs to know—needs to understand—that I have to do this. For us, for her . . . for Violet. Silent tears begin to fall, dripping down my chin and pooling on the floor beneath me. Lying at the top of the stairs, my body curls into itself as hushed sobs leave me with each strike of his fist against the door. An unmistakable thud hits the door as Alex’s body slides down the length, my name leaving his lips on a pained cry.
Alex’s pain is like a knife to the heart, shattering the remnants of my soul. I want nothing more than to be in his arms. To feel safe and secure in the embrace of the one man who truly loves me. Burying my face in my arms, tears fall faster as I pray he forgives me for what I’m about to do. As my tears begin to slow, I crane my head, listening for signs of Alex. Each labored breath echoes throughout the loft, adding to my misery, and bringing about a small sob from my dry throat.
I’m not sure what’s worse. The fact that Alex actually gave up, or that I’m about to travel down the darkest road I’ll ever embark alone. A deep longing fills me, making me wish desperately that Emma were here. I miss her smiling face and quick wit. She’d know exactly what to say to put everything into perspective. Groaning, I bang my head against my arms. Why didn’t I think of that before?
Sliding into a sitting position, I pull my phone from my pocket, immediately find her number in my contacts, and press send. My heart thumps a wild beat as I wait impatiently, praying she answers.
“Hello.” Emma’s breathy voice comes over the line.
“Emma,” I breathe out.
“Kai!” she squeals loudly in my ear.
“Hi, Em.”
“Oh. My. God. I’ve been calling your dad every day trying to get in touch with you. I was two seconds away from jumping on a plane . . .” A male voice in the background interrupts Emma’s tirade. Pulling the phone away from her mouth, she whispers, “It’s Kylee,” before coming back to the line.
“I’m so sorry, Em. It sounds like you have company and I didn’t even look to see what time it is. We can chat some other time.” The words rush out as my eyes dart around the room in search of a clock. Seeing the time, my heart lurches, dread filling me with the thought of our conversation being cut short. I hadn’t realized how much I truly missed my best friend until this very moment.
“No! Don’t hang up, Kai!” Emma rushes to say. A relieved sigh escapes me before I’m able to stop it and Emma chuckles.
Curiosity gets the better of me, and I ask, “So, Em, who was that I heard in the background?”
“Oh, that? That was nothing. You just heard the radio.”
“Wow. That’s got to be the worst one yet, Em,” I say, wrinkling my nose at her blatant lie.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Liar. You know I can tell when you’re lying. Is it someone I know?”
“It’s no one. Leave it.”
“Emma.”
“Kylee.”
“Fuck,” I groan, my head falling forward to rest on my knees.
“Leave it, please.”
“How is he?” I ask in a quiet voice.
Silence greets me for several moments before the muffled sounds of Emma climbing out of bed reaches my ears.
After a few heartbeats, she releases a pained breath, and replies, “Hurting. His best friend died. He feels lost, and I’m trying to help him see that there is more to life than tormenting himself.” Emma breathes rhythmically, centering herself, before lowering her voice and continuing. “He believes that everyone he loves is fated to die or some shit like that. I don’t know why and he won’t tell me. Getting the man to open up is like trying to break into Fort Knox.” Her tone swirls with emotions.
Frustration, anger, and hurt are clear from her tone. My mind races as I try to figure out why Emma is in such turmoil. What is it that has Emma’s voice so full of pain? A pain that she is unwilling to share and desperate to hide from even me? It obviously has something to do with Brighton. The broken pieces of my heart begin to pulse as I remember the look on Brighton’s face the day he left to escort his best friend home to his final resting place.
Running a hand through my now tangled hair, I give it a little tug to ward off the threatening tears. “Em, be patient with him. He has a tendency to shut everyone out. Something happened there, I’m not sure what. But, he needs us now more than ever. They all do.”
Pausing, I blow out a heavy breath, my lower lip trembling as I continue. “They’re not as strong as they look.” My voice wavers as I remember Noah’s words.
“I know.” Emma exhales dejectedly.
“I miss you, Em.”
“Me too. I miss our morning ritual and our Friday ritual. Hell, I just miss you. But, enough about that stuff. Tell me, how
are you really?”
Tears sting the backs of my eyes as I contemplate how to answer her question. How am I? A mess. Shattered. Unrepairable. Devastated. Empty. Angry. There is any number of words or emotions I could use to describe how I really am. But one towers over all of them. With my free hand, I reach up, rubbing the seemingly never-ending ache in my chest. Pain. Agonizing pain. No matter what it, always seems to be there.
With my voice barely above a whisper, I reply, “It hurts, Em. It hurts so much.”
“I know, sweetheart. But it will get better with time. Please don’t be angry. He told me all about what happened with crazy pants. That’s what I’m officially calling your egg donor. She doesn’t get the label of mother because she never was one. A mother doesn’t do the things that wretched woman did.”
An involuntary sob bubbles up as I try my damnedest to fight back the urge to lie on the floor and fall to pieces over the loss of Alex all over again. Only this time I’m inflicting the pain on myself. My windpipe feels as if it has been crushed, forcing me to strain, struggling for each shallow breath I draw in. Emma’s commanding voice cuts through my budding panic, allowing me to focus enough to breathe.
“Kai, are you all right?” she questions, concern thick in her voice.
“N-No. H-He’s gone,” I stammer, still trying to stifle the urge to cry and grasp a breath at the same time.
“Who’s gone, Kylee?”
“A-Alex.”
“Alex?” Emma asks, baffled.
“Yes.” My voice is quiet.
Inhaling deeply, I hold it until the edges of my vision begin to darken. Exhaling completely, my heart beats powerfully in my chest, squeezing rhythmically as it constricts with each new breath. Focusing my gaze on the wall, I rub the spot just above my heart again, wishing the pain would lessen. Evidently growing tired of my monosyllabic answers, Emma’s impatience gets the better of her.
“Kylee, what do you mean Alex is gone?” she gently coaxes.
Swallowing, I reply, “It means, Emma, that Alex and I are no longer together.” My jaw clenches, and I frown at the finality in my words.
“What? Are you sure? From what I’ve heard that man worships the ground you walk on, Kai.”
“Maybe, but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s over.”
“Kylee Ann Parker! What are you not telling me?” Emma’s voice raises several octaves.
Blowing out a ragged breath, I quietly reply, “I did what had to be done, Em. I let him go.”
“What the fuck does that mean?”
“It means that I had to walk away. I have to give him up, Em. It’s the only way.”
“Goddammit, Kylee, you’re not making any sense.” Emma’s angry tone gets louder with every word.
“Calm down, Em.”
“I will not calm down. Not until you explain to me why in the hell you would voluntarily walk away from the one man who risked everything for you. The man who worships you, gave up so much for you. And you turn your back on him? Do you know what I would give to have someone love me like that?” My heart pinches with the pain in her voice.
“It’s not like that, Em.”
“The hell it’s not,” Emma spits out.
“Dammit, Em. Will you calm the fuck down for two seconds?”
“No, I won’t. You’re being a selfish little brat. Pushing the one good thing that has ever happened to you away because you have fucking mommy issues. Well, guess what, princess? We all have issues. Join the damn club.”
Sucking in a shocked breath, I sit silently for several long moments as pain and anger from her words tear through my soul. Mommy issues? That’s a fucking understatement. But who in the hell is she to judge? She has no damn clue the extent of what I went through or why I’m even going back. Hell, she doesn’t even know I’m going back.
Sitting up straighter, I clear my throat and steel my spine, finding my inner strength, feeling as if I’m about to take on the heavyweight champion of the world.
“Emma, you’re my best friend, and I love you, but for once in our relationship you’re wrong. I’m not being selfish. I’m letting him go because I don’t want him to have to choose between the two things he loves the most: his country and me. And if he stays with me right now that is exactly what he will have to do.” Pausing, I take a deep breath, steadying myself to continue.
“I was stupid enough to ask him to come with me at first. I saw the conflict on his face, Emma. That’s why I gave him the ring back. It’s why I’m going back alone.” Nausea roils, churning in my belly as I recall Alex’s stunned expression as I slid the ring off of my finger.
“What do you mean gave the ring back?” Emma questions.
That’s what she takes from all of this? The ring? Sighing, I reply, “He asked me to marry him, and I said yes. Well, I did, until I took the ring off and gave it back to him.”
“Why did you give it back to him?” Emma asks cautiously.
“Weren’t you listening?” I huff, my patience wearing thin.
“I was listening, Kai. You never actually said anything other than you were going back. But you never said back to where.”
Shit, she was right. Glaring at the wall in front of me, I reply, “I’m going back to take over the family business. There are things I need to do and people that need my help. I wanted Alex to come with me, but I realized right away that isn’t possible. I won’t be the one to ruin his career. Honestly, I messed up, and the question slipped out of my mouth before I could take it back. So, I did the only thing I could. I let him go.”
I’d barely finished speaking when Emma’s violent shriek bursts over the line. “You what!” Cringing at the decibel of her voice, I pull the phone away from my ear.
“What the fuck is wrong with you, Kylee? Are you thick in the head or something?” she seethes.
Thick? Did she say thick? She really is hanging out with Brighton way too much. Inwardly, I chuckle at her use of the word thick. Outwardly, I calm myself, trying not to tell her to fuck off. “Calm down, Em.”
“I will not calm down when my best friend is being a fucking moron.”
“Jeez. Thanks, Em. I called you for refuge. You’ve always been my perspective when I needed it, and I have to say you’re making me feel worse.”
“What? You expect me to blow sunshine and rainbows up your ass? To tell you that this was a good decision and that you should go back to crazy pants with arms wide open and say, ‘Hey, Mom. I missed you and all of your torture growing up, so I decided to come back for more. Oh, and if that isn’t enough, you killed my child so let’s make sure you take me next time too.’ Is that what you want? Huh?” Emma’s frosty tone is nearly my undoing.
Thick, black tendrils of anger weave their way through my vision, clouding my judgment. How dare she? She doesn’t know a fucking thing about what I’m doing. Or what I’ve done. Fuck her. Fuck them all. I can do this on my own.
Latching onto my newfound anger, my voice is devoid of all emotion as I reply, “Fuck you, Emma. You don’t know a goddamn thing about what I went through. None of you do. You all think that just because you were given a little bit of information from a doctor on what my body endured that it makes you an expert. Well, it doesn’t. No one will stop me from going back and doing what needs to be done. I called for perspective when clearly there is none here. Don’t expect to hear from me again.”
Before I have a chance to disconnect the call, Emma’s tone changes as she uses a last-ditch attempt to sway me. “Kai, I’m going to call your father.”
Barking out a brittle laugh, I retort, “Seriously, Em, threatening to call my daddy? Be my guest, but not even that will stop me.”
“I’m serious. I am calling him!” Unable to help myself, I simply laugh in return.
“Dammit, Kylee. Don’t do this please,” she pleads.
“Too late. It’s already done,” I say, disconnecting the call.
Enough is enough, the time has come to put on my big girl panties and get t
his show on the road. I just hope and pray that when all is said and done that Alex will forgive me for what I’ve done.
A NEWFOUND SENSE OF PURPOSE fills me as I look around the room, trying to assess it from every angle. My gaze touches on each item in the loft, deciding its use and necessity as I meticulously try to determine if I’ve forgotten anything. Sighing, my gaze falls to the bag on the bed as I decide to go through it one final time. Rubbing a hand down the front of my jeans, I reach for the bag and start the process all over again. So, why am I suddenly so nervous? It’s not like I haven’t done this a million times.
I’ve been on hundreds of different missions, pulled the same gear out of the closet, packed the same essentials, run down the same checklist. Locations and specifics may change but the job . . . well, the job is always the same. Only this time everything isn’t the same. This time, I’m taking a chance with something far greater. My thoughts move to Kylee and how she brightens up the room whenever she’s around, the way her smile gleams and laughter seems to bounce all around her. How she was immediately able to connect with each member of my unit and make an unforgettable impression on every single one of them. My gaze falls to the bed, and my fingers caress the soft sheets. Unable to help myself, I smile thinking back to all of the nights holding her in this very bed. The smile slips from my face as I think about what she’s about to waltz into. No, this time things are different for all of us.
As if they have a mind of their own, my fingers automatically find the ring in my pocket, caressing the box through the fabric of my jeans. My chest begins to hitch as a surge of heat sweeps through my veins. The gaping wound Kylee left when she walked out on me threatens to slice me open, tearing what remains of me to shreds for the entire world to see. Sucking in a much-needed breath, I force myself to tamp down the hurt and mental anguish her absence and rejection have caused. Shaking away the lingering pain, I ignore the discomfort and focus on the objective at hand.
First things first, pack the essentials and get to the safe house. Then I can move on to recon and get myself into position. I will fix this, and she will be mine again if it’s the last thing I do. With a renewed sense of determination, I finish the task of packing. Walking through the apartment one final time, I’m satisfied I’ve packed everything I may need, especially considering I have no clue how long I’ll be going off the grid this time.
Royal Blood Page 2
