by Lea Coll
“I’ve thought about it. I wanted to make sure I had steady reservations before I added anything else.” Plating his own omelet, he ate standing.
I couldn’t stop myself from picturing other mornings like this. Henry bare-chested, joggers riding low on his hips, his defined abs on display. Me with damp hair, relaxed and enjoying being together. A weird feeling settled over my chest, a mixture of longing, desire, and hope. It was one I’d pushed down deep over the years. The desire to connect to someone else, to be important to them. What would that be like?
Then the longing turned into an ache because that’s not what this was. This was a tease of things I’d never have.
“What are your plans for the day?” I cringed at my question. That was something a girlfriend would ask not someone who was just a good time.
Henry’s eyes were focused on a spot over my head as if he was thinking. “Elle’s having the linens and plates delivered for the wedding tomorrow. I just need to figure out a place to store them until the big day.”
Relieved he hadn’t read anything into my question, I added, “Let me know if you need help with anything. I’m meeting with the florist on Monday to show her where Elle wants everything.”
He finished the last bite of his omelet then poured a glass of water, drinking it. The glass clinked on the counter when he set it down.
An awkward silence fell between us, or maybe I was imagining it. “I’d better get going.”
I put my empty plate in the dishwasher.
“Do you want to see the farm today?”
The tension eased from my shoulders as I smiled at him. “I’d love that.”
“We can take the snowmobile.”
Drinking the last of my coffee, I said, “Do you think I could learn to drive one?”
I’d enjoyed riding with him, but now that I’d loosened up a bit, I wanted to experience more new things. I was surprised how much I wanted to learn, and how Telluride and Henry had changed me. I’d have something to talk about when I went back to New York with my roommates and co-workers. I’d slept with a true mountain man, driven a snowmobile, and saw a real-life ghost town.
“If you want to. It’s pretty easy to learn.”
“I’ll go change and meet you downstairs?”
He stepped closer, the smell of soap and damp skin overloading my senses, the hair on my neck stood at attention. His hands coasted up my shoulders, my neck, gliding through my hair, and cupped the back of my head. The move made me feel cherished. He stepped closer to me, his semi-hard dick rubbing against my stomach. Desired.
“How is it I miss you already? You haven’t even left.”
“I don’t know.” My voice cracked under the pressure. I was afraid to do anything to pop this bubble we were in.
He lowered his head, his lips ghosting over mine. How could something so light, so simple affect me so much? “I want you again.”
He kissed me again, the pressure of his lips a little firmer as I opened for him, his tongue tangling with mine. “I should keep you in bed all day.”
My core clenched at the thought. I intentionally kept my tone light. “But then I wouldn’t learn how to ride a snowmobile.”
He pulled away, letting his hands drop to my arms. “Later then.”
I headed to my room, determined to shore myself up for the rest of the day. I was almost convinced I could separate my emotions from the physical by the time I was ready to go snowmobiling.
Chapter 15
Henry
* * *
When Kelsey walked out, closing the door, the taste of her still on my mouth, I let out a breath, running my fingers through my hair. What the fuck was I doing? I was breaking all of my rules—bringing a woman to my place—starting something with someone who’d probably be in my life in some capacity going forward. Then there was the sex in the shower and making her breakfast. I was breaking rules faster than I could make them. Tearing down my carefully constructed walls, setting me up for disaster.
It wasn’t Kelsey’s fault she was so irresistible. I wanted to wake up next to her. I wanted her to join me in the shower. I wanted to cook her breakfast with her damp hair piled high on her head exposing her neck. I wanted to chase away the shadows in her eyes, show her that life could be different… but it wasn’t. Not with me. I wasn’t the guy for her. I could show her a good time then let her go. Most women were attracted to the thrill of being with a mountain man. No one ever wanted more. Feeling more like an empty shell than I ever had, I got ready to go snowmobiling. Another day spent in her presence, falling in deeper. I was an idiot.
There was no way I’d walk away from Kelsey unscathed like I had the others. She meant something, not only to Elle and Gray but to me too. I could downplay it all I wanted, but having her here, in my space, was nice. It made me hope for things I hadn’t thought about in a while, a home, a family, love. I’d closed myself off to those dreams. It had worked in the past. Why was it failing me now? Why couldn’t I erect those walls, keeping Kelsey out?
Why did she bring out these feelings in me when no one else ever had? Was it her vulnerability? The loneliness that clung to her like a second skin? I wanted to be the person she could count on even when I knew it wasn’t possible.
The key was to stay in the moment, not thinking past today. Letting that warm feeling of contentment, when she was here, burrow into my chest.
I was a selfish bastard. I wanted any time with her I could get. I loved seeing her light up when she listened to my mom talk about the family history. I loved taking her on new adventures. Her joy was so pure, her excitement contagious.
But when she thought no one was looking, sadness crept in. I wanted to wrap her up in my arms, kissing her until I erased the past. Until the only thing left in her mind was the present with me and the future with some other guy. My plan last night was to show her there were good guys out there so she could find another one—not so she could be with me.
Breaking off a curse, I focused on getting dressed, planning what I’d show her on the property.
Ignoring the rumpled bed, I pulled on my boots. Grabbing my ski jacket from the closet, I headed downstairs eager to show Kelsey my home, the ranch, and the property. The one I never wanted to sell.
Kelsey stood by the front door looking outside.
“You ready?”
She turned to me, her eyes full of wonder. “It’s snowing.”
Glancing at the steady snowfall, I said, “You get snow in New York.”
“It’s different. When the snow falls on the road, it turns gray. It’s dreary―not this beautiful white snow that covers the untouched earth.”
I’d never thought about the snow like that. “I guess it is more beautiful then.”
We stood in companionable silence for a few seconds watching the snow come down. When another guest came down the steps, I asked, “You ready to learn how to drive a snowmobile?”
She smiled wider, no longer the tentative, risk-averse woman who’d shown up here last week, but confident, up for any challenge. “Let’s go.”
I led her out to the barn where I stored the equipment, grabbing the keys for the snowmobiles. “It’s pretty simple.”
“Like driving a car?”
“More like a motorcycle.” Stopping by the first one, I said, “It’s cold, so we need to warm up the engine. Turn it on neutral, keeping off the choke until we’re ready to go. Once it’s warm, do a quarter-turn of the throttle. Now it’s ready to go. Want to turn on the other one?”
“Yeah.” She moved over to the second snowmobile, following the directions I’d given her.
“Now open the choke before we get going.” I showed her the engine stop switch and how to use the throttle and brakes.
“I’ve got it.” She smiled up at me.
I leaned down kissing her on the lips. “Come on.”
I waited for her to take off first, then followed behind for a bit, making sure she had the hang of it before I went ahead. I took her aroun
d the outskirts of the property so she’d get a feel for the size, then stopped to show her the creek that ran through it. I saved the barn by my parents’ house for last.
Walking inside the stable, it was warm from the heaters we’d installed a few years ago.
She stopped in front of the first horse, stroking his nose. “I’d love to go for a ride. To see the property this way.”
“You can ride in the snow but I’d rather take you for the first time when the ground isn’t snow-covered.” It was out of my mouth before I realized my mistake. She wouldn’t be here in spring. She wouldn’t be here past next week.
She looked up at me. “Yeah, maybe on my next visit we can go horseback riding.”
I had a feeling she’d have a difficult time taking off more time from work. She’d go back to New York, remembering what she loved about it. Even if she wanted to get away, it would be hard. “Anytime you want to go out, I’ll take you.”
The words fell flat, like an empty promise hanging in the air between us.
“Thanks.” She touched my arm before moving to the next stall. The horses’ names were on the stalls but I told her the history of each one, the origin of their name, and their attributes. She listened to every word, laughing at Piper’s and my childhood reasoning for some of their names.
When we were done, I asked, “You want to stop in and see my mom?”
“I’d love to say hi.”
I smiled, grabbing her hand. “She probably baked something.”
“Is that why you saved the barn for last, so you could drop in when the food was done in the oven?”
I winked. “It’s all about timing.”
“You’re incorrigible.” She laughed, shaking her head. We stopped on the porch, knocking the snow off our boots before we stepped into the mudroom. “Seriously, you have an amazing thing going here. You live close enough to your parents to drop in but still have your own business, your own space.”
“It is pretty perfect.” That was why I’d never understood why Selena didn’t want the same things. But it wasn’t her family’s property. It was mine. It was unreasonable to expect someone else to feel as strongly as I did about the ranch. Even if Mom found her match in my dad, there was no guarantee I’d find mine.
She pulled off her boots. “It smells like cookies.”
“It does.” We washed our hands in the mudroom sink before heading toward the kitchen.
“I had a feeling you’d be by,” Rose said, coming into the kitchen.
I leaned down kissing her on the cheek. “I can’t resist your baking.”
“I bet not many people can,” Kelsey added.
“So true. I’m so glad you stopped by. What have you been up to today?”
“Just showing Kelsey the property.”
“It’s so beautiful. You’re so lucky to have grown up here,” Kesley said.
Her tone was sincere. I wanted to tell her she could move here, she could enjoy it too, but the words stuck in my throat. I wouldn’t ask someone else to give up their life again.
“I’d hate to have to sell.” Mom’s shoulders slumped as she piled cookies onto a plate.
My stomach sank. Mom wasn’t usually so negative about the future of the ranch. Had Piper changed her mind? “We’re not selling. The lodge will be successful. You’ll see.”
I popped an oatmeal raisin cookie into my mouth.
“Piper’s right. The land is worth more than any business we could run.” Mom’s expression was defeated.
My gut churned. I was so close to helping my parents, Mom just needed to hang on a little longer. “Yeah, but waking up to this view every morning is priceless.”
“I’d hate to see you lose the property after it’s been in your family for so long. I’ll do whatever I can to help. I can still work on the website in New York. Whatever you need.” Kelsey’s voice was gentle.
“That’s so kind of you.” Mom hugged Kelsey.
I met her concerned look over Mom’s shoulder. The lodge had to be successful. If I had to advertise weddings to get a head start, then that’s what I’d do. Elle and Gray’s wedding was the test. If it ran smoothly, maybe I’d offer the option on the website.
“Do you think she resents the fact I went to college and she didn’t?”
“She had her cosmetology license.”
It was the same thing we’d always said to dismiss Piper’s outbursts. “Yeah, but what if she wanted to do something else?”
Kelsey’s gaze moved from me to my mom.
Mom’s expression turned thoughtful. “She never said that. At least not in so many words. She only ever mentioned wanting to travel, to see other places. That’s the way it is when you own a ranch, you can’t up and leave whenever you want. There are the animals to consider.”
“I wonder if we didn’t dismiss her dreams too quickly.” I should have at least listened and asked more questions, gone beneath the surface.
“We could have considered her opinion about the ranch.” Mom’s expression was troubled.
“I’ll talk to her.” Piper had clashed with Mom since she was a teen. It had waned over the years, but there was always this tension between them.
Mom cupped my cheek. “Thank you.”
“I just need a little more time to get the lodge off the ground. We’ll be fine. You’ll see.” I wished I believed my words. If I didn’t have my mom’s support, I wasn’t sure what I had.
Kelsey deftly changed the subject to events around town during the holidays and the summer music festival. I wanted to ask if Kelsey was asking because she wanted to return for a visit, but I didn’t.
Mom packed us a container of cookies to take home. When Kelsey walked out ahead of us to put on her boots, Mom stopped me by placing a hand on my shoulder. “Is something going on?”
I shouldn’t have been surprised. Mom was intuitive. “Not like you’re thinking.”
“Just keep an open mind. Don’t let what happened in your past control your future anymore.”
I nodded even though I wanted to disagree with her. I wanted to tell her my past wasn’t controlling me, but maybe it was. I felt stuck. Selena’s cheating changed me. Vanessa only wanted a few nights with me. I went from being hopeful about the future to avoiding relationships at all costs.
When I reached the snowmobiles, Kelsey already had it running, a triumphant smile on her face. I was proud of her. We rode side by side to the lodge. The thing was, these moments with Kelsey weren’t scary. They were nice. Each one drawing me in further. I wanted to spend every minute we could this week together.
Parking in the barn, Kelsey said, “I had the best time. Thank you.”
“Would you want to do hot dogs and s’mores over the outdoor fire pit?” I asked, not ready to part ways after the day we’d shared. I had a large fire pit built as part of the backyard area.
“That sounds perfect.”
I bumped shoulders with her. “I don’t understand why you don’t have a boyfriend already. You’re like the perfect, easy-going girlfriend.”
I didn’t get the impression she was putting on a show either. She genuinely enjoyed learning to snowmobile, meeting the horses, and spending time with my family. She was low maintenance.
“My ex said I was too much. I wanted to hang out all the time. I was too clingy. I know now guys that age aren’t ready for that kind of commitment. Now I’m happy with what I have.”
“It’s possible for you to find someone.”
Her face hardened. “I’m fine alone. I’m used to it.”
My heart clenched at her words. “No one should be fine alone. At times, yes, but it’s normal to want to share your life with someone.”
“You don’t.” Her words were soft, not accusatory.
“I’m one guy.” So much for showing her there were good guys when, technically, I wasn’t one of them.
Her smile was sad. “It’s okay. I told you, I’m fine. I’m having fun with you. That’s enough.”
I wanted to
dig deeper. Tell her she deserved the best, a guy who’d put her first, but what was the point in promising her something I wasn’t willing to give? I’d be pushing her into the arms of another. I couldn’t do it. So, I let her change the subject to the website. She wanted to use the pictures she’d taken today of the stables, the creek, the house, and possible wedding locations.
We headed into the kitchen to get supplies for dinner.
“Grab all the hot dogs and buns in case a guest wants to join us,” Kelsey said as she stacked the paper plates and s’mores fixings together.
“Yeah?” I figured she’d want to keep the moment private, but the fire pit was in a public part of the lodge.
“You could do something like this on Friday nights maybe. Make it a camp-like experience. Kids would love it.”
I dropped the hot dogs and buns on the picnic table outside, wrapping an arm around her shoulder, pulling her in tight. I’d only meant to hug her, but now that she was close, warm, and pliable in my arms, I wanted more. “You’re amazing, you know that?”
She smiled impishly. “I keep telling you I’m not.”
“You are.” Then I kissed her like she belonged to me, like we were on a real date. When I lifted my head, her eyelids were heavy, her eyes unfocused.
“That was some kiss. If you’re not careful, I’m going to start to get ideas.” She tilted her head, smiling mischievously at me.
For once, I didn’t worry, I didn’t freak out. “I think I already have some.”
Her eyes widened but before she could respond, another couple approached.
“Can anyone join?”
Kelsey pulled out of my arms, leaving me aching for contact. “Sure. We’re grilling hot dogs and marshmallows. Sound good?”
“That sounds fabulous,” the woman said as Kelsey directed her to sit on one of the logs that circled the fire pit.
The idea was for this area to be a meeting place in the evening. A place for guests to relax. I’d never actually used it.
