by Lea Coll
“What is?” My stomach churned, wondering what conclusions he and the others had drawn. The difference was I’d told him a bit about my family, so it shouldn’t have been a surprise. “You know how my family is.”
He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. The gesture was sweet and comforting. “You’ve told me a little. They really wouldn’t come to your wedding?”
“Honestly?”
“I always want you to be honest with me.” His expression was sincere as he caught and held my gaze.
“Probably not. Like, I wouldn’t get my hopes up.” I winced at that admission. That was my childhood, a series of getting my hopes up only to be disappointed again and again. When I asked them to come to things they’d chuckle, giving whatever excuse they had, a couple’s yoga retreat, camping in the mountains with just them, a conference they had to attend, together of course. School, activities, and my life were inconsequential. The way they brushed me off made me feel like I didn’t matter, that my desires weren’t important. I wasn’t important.
His fingers drew circles on my bare shoulders. “I’m sorry.”
The room fell away, and it was just him and me, giving me the sense, he saw me. What I was saying and what I wasn’t. “It’s not a…”
“Don’t say it’s not a big deal because it is. Your happiness, your hopes, wishes, and dreams are important.”
My heart skipped a beat then galloped to life. It was what I’d longed for my parents to say or show through their actions. Picking me up from school when I stayed late, remembering to pay for an activity or field trip so I could participate, showing up to my graduation.
“You deserve someone who puts you first.”
The words are you that guy got clogged in my throat.
Gray asked Henry a question and his attention turned toward him. They joked about some college story and when the salads were served, Henry’s lips grazed my ear. “I see you.”
That’s what I was afraid of. I smiled to cover my worry because he was amazing, and it would be so easy to fall into him, to lose myself in this vacation, Telluride, him. It would be easy to tell him everything about my past, the longings of a little girl, the freedom I craved when I got older, and how it bit me in the ass, making me cautious. I went to college thinking if I found the right person, I could have a boyfriend to fill the void of my family, but it was wrong to assume a man could do that. Only I could complete myself, make myself whole. I thought I’d been successful… until now.
I ate dinner, not tasting any of it, and when I got up to give a speech following Henry’s jovial one, mine was more serious and heartfelt, how I was happy that Elle had found not only her home but her friends, her family, and her place in life. How lucky they were to have met each other, how special it was they were having a baby. I ended with how amazing they were as people, a couple, and how we’d always be there to help them on their journey. When I said we, I pointed at Henry. Pride filled his expression.
I hugged Gray, then Elle who had tears in her eyes. “This will be you one day.”
“Ha,” was all I said because thoughts like that got me into trouble.
I sat down beside Henry as the applause died down and the music played in the background. A few couples got up to dance.
“That was pretty amazing.” Henry’s expression was filled with respect.
“I didn’t really plan it. I just spoke.”
“From the heart.”
“Yeah.”
“You’re pretty amazing too.” He kissed my lips. “Want to dance?”
He stood, holding his hand out to me as if he hadn’t asked a question but delivered a command. “Sure.”
I was going to enjoy the rest of the night, him, and my friends. No regrets.
There were quite a few couples on the dance floor. I didn’t know many people since I’d only been in town for a short time. Henry turned me in his arms, one hand splayed over my back, and our joined hands hovered in the air in the traditional dancing pose.
Henry started a series of steps that made me think he’d had dancing classes at some point in his past.
“You’ve done this before?”
“Yeah, Piper was interested in ballroom dancing. My mom made me go to classes with her as her partner.”
“That’s sweet.”
His cheeks pink, he said, “It comes in handy every once in a while.”
“Consider me impressed.”
He pulled me closer to him and I closed my eyes. I imagined we were dancing on his private deck. The snow falling all around us as we danced in circles to nothing but the sounds of the forest.
“What are you thinking about?”
I tilted my chin up to meet his gaze. “Dancing on your deck.”
“Ah.”
When I returned home, I’d probably imagine a series of scenes in my head of what could have been, replaying them each night before I went to bed. The thought was like a knife to my heart, splaying it open.
“We can make that happen.”
“I’d like that.”
We danced a few more songs, mingled with the guests, and headed home after the last guest left. We didn’t discuss where we’d sleep tonight. The evening was bittersweet. My leaving hovered in the peripheral, hanging over us like a dark cloud, forecasting rain.
The lodge was quiet with no guests, we could have spent time wherever we wanted, but I wanted to be in his space, dancing on his deck.
Unlocking his door, closing it behind us, he didn’t pause, guiding me outside.
I held out my hand to him, catching the lazy flakes falling from the sky. “It’s just like I imagined.”
I wanted him to say he’d always make my dreams come true like this, but we weren’t a reality. We were a pipe dream that existed only in the recesses of our imagination.
By ourselves, I allowed him to pull me flush with his body, resting my cheek against the stiff material of his suit. His chest vibrated against my ear as he started to hum that song he’d played on his guitar at the bonfire. Tears pricked my eyes, I let them fill, then spill over.
The vibration stopped as a finger tipped up my chin. “Hey, we have two more nights just you and me. Let’s enjoy them.”
The heart he’d splayed open with his gentle, sweet ways soaked up everything he was giving me, his attention, his touch, his love. He might not recognize it when he saw it, but I was almost positive he was in love with me. I nodded as his lips met mine in an achingly sweet kiss. He kissed the trail of tears streaking down my cheeks.
“Beautiful girl.” He lifted me, carrying me to his bed, slowly stripping me of my heels and dress, leaving me in a garter and skimpy G-string.
His mouth touched every part of me until he sat back on his heels, pulling my panties over my hips and down my legs. His broad shoulders spread my legs. He blew a breath over my aching core. My fingers rested in his hair, not urging him on or tugging him toward me, but reveling in the feel of the strands between my fingers and this moment—one I never wanted to end.
He finally licked me—too light—never enough pressure to build quickly.
He was savoring me like I was him. When his fingers entered me, he finally sucked firmly on my clit. I was so primed for him, the pleasure built steadily inside until I was cresting over the mountain, falling down the other side. I was his. Forever. Whether he wanted me or not.
He caressed me with his tongue through the aftershocks and tremors, spasming around his fingers. It wasn’t enough, I needed him inside me, filling me.
He moved up the bed, holding the base of his cock as the tip slid between my folds, nudging at my entrance. I moved my hips slightly, encouraging him to move. “Henry, I need you.”
“Yes,” he hissed, sliding to the hilt.
We both paused, his hands resting on either side of me, tense as he held himself back.
I cupped his cheek with my hand, not saying anything, but conveying everything with my eyes. He began a slow, languid roll of his hips, gliding out to th
e tip then sliding back home. My hips rose to meet his in a beautiful dance. I loved this. I loved him. I never wanted to leave his bed or the lodge. This was my home.
I’d keep that little revelation to myself. No matter what was happening in this bed right now, I wasn’t sure Henry would acknowledge it in the light of day.
My hands traveled over his chest, his abs, his ass, memorizing every dip and arc, cataloging each touch of his lips, his fingers, and every glide of his cock for later.
By the time he pressed his thumb on my clit, our skin was coated with sweat, our breathing coming in short, sweet pants, as his breath ghosted across my lips. The orgasm washed through me with a cry as Henry tensed, thrusting a few more times jerkily before groaning into my neck. My hands glided up his back as I kept him pressed against me.
His weight settled heavily on me, but I didn’t ask him to move. I filed it along with every other moment in my mind. Kissing my shoulder, he finally lifted himself off me, going into the bathroom then coming back with a warm washcloth. He took care of me like no one else ever had. It was beautiful; it was achingly sweet.
He tucked me into his side, my head on his chest, my hand on his slowly rising and falling chest, my leg thrown over his. He kissed the top of my head. We didn’t speak about what just happened, but my chest was full, threatening to burst with my newfound feelings. Feelings I could never reveal.
Chapter 20
Henry
* * *
I was up early, the sun coming through my window reflecting off the snow that fell last night. I scrubbed a hand over my face. Last night was surreal. I’d never shared anything like it with anyone else. I’d gone down on her then we’d had missionary sex, but it was nothing like that. It was as varied and complex as the snowflakes that fell on Kelsey’s hand last night. Beautiful in its simplicity.
Watching Kelsey sleep, her knees drawn up, her hands tucked under her cheek, my chest ached with an indescribable emotion. I had this overwhelming need to brush back the hair laying over her cheeks, but I didn’t want to wake her.
My heart ached at the thought, but I cared for her enough to let her go tomorrow. I’d let her get on that plane. I wouldn’t ask her to stay. Resolved I was doing the right thing, I quietly slipped out of bed, knowing we had a full day ahead of us. I needed to let the caterers in early. Kelsey needed to meet with the florists and the cake person to set everything up. Then Kelsey would go with the girls to get her hair and make-up done.
As much as I wanted to wake Kelsey with my tongue between her legs, there wasn’t enough time for what I wanted to do with her. I wanted to keep her in bed all day, getting food delivered so we’d never have to leave. I wanted time to stop so that we had more time together.
I turned on the water, moving under it when it was hot, steam pouring through the room. I was already hard and throbbing for her again. I startled when Kelsey’s arms reached around me from behind. She kissed my back, the loving embrace quickly turning to something else as her hand gripped my dick, ripping a groan from deep in the recesses of my chest.
“Good morning,” her soft voice said as she turned me, sinking to her knees. There was nothing sexier than the sight of her on her knees, the water pressing her hair to her chest, her nipples hard and aching for me. I let her work me up before I pulled her up, pressing her against the shower tiles, entering her.
It was nothing like last night, it wasn’t slow or languid, it was primal fucking against the wall as the water fell around us. Moisture clung to our lips. She pulled on my hair, the sting ratcheting up my pleasure. I let the grind of my pelvis against hers build her orgasm. When she cried out in my ear, her arm wrapped tightly around my shoulders, I let go, pouring everything into her, the hopes and dreams I’d never voice out loud. I wouldn’t be selfish. Not with her, not when she needed a better man than me. One who could give her everything she needed and wanted.
“Henry,” she finally whispered.
I pulled back, her eyes bright with emotion, my thumb tracing her bottom lip. “I know.”
I knew everything she wasn’t saying because I felt it too. I soaped her up then helped her wash her hair before we dried off, getting ready for the day. I probably wouldn’t get a moment alone with her until tonight, possibly on the dance floor. When she dropped one last kiss on my lips, I said, “Save a dance for me.”
She smiled sweetly. “I will.”
She walked out the door and I tried not to think about tomorrow when she’d walk out forever. If she ever returned, it would be as a friend. My deck would no longer be a comfort, a solace from the stresses of life. Instead, it would be a reminder of what I almost had.
Last night made me see that my relationship with Selena was young love, and the fling with Vanessa was nothing compared to how I felt for Kelsey.
The day was a whirlwind of directing vendors and people. By the afternoon, the room finally looked like a wedding was about to happen. The rustic wedding chairs Elle chose were lined up to make an aisle in the middle. Ivory fabric, greenery, and twinkly lights were strung on the ceiling, hanging down the walls, spaced several feet apart making the space romantic.
I hadn’t seen Kelsey since she helped the florist finish with the centerpieces. The girls were getting ready upstairs in my suite with the hair stylists and make-up artists.
I was dressed, directing the guests where to sit when Gray came to stand next to me.
“You ready for this?”
A soft look came over Gray’s face. It was so pure and vulnerable, I had to look away. “It feels like I’ve been waiting my whole life for this moment.”
I nodded because how could I respond to that? How do you know if you’ve been waiting for it? Or does it just drop into your lap on the day when your friends are getting married? I was dying to ask how he knew but from the look on his face, the way they were together, they fit in a way most of us could only dream about.
We stood there watching the chairs fill up, my mind wandering to the moment in bed last night, the one that felt like we were on a cloud. It was like conjuring up a dream, the memory was hazy, but the feelings were sharp. My chest was bursting with happiness and contentment.
I could blame it on the wedding but I never felt anything other than annoyance when I had to attend one in the past. They were representations of what I thought I wanted but couldn’t have. Now, being here, standing next to Gray who was so clearly in love with Elle, I wondered if I could have this too.
Finally, everyone was seated, and the violinist played a few notes. The guests quieted when heels sounded on the stairs. Elle opted to have everyone walk down the stairs, then turn right to walk down the aisle. I knew Piper would walk down first, then Kelsey, then Elle.
Piper winked at us before she moved to the side.
When Kelsey’s peach-colored gown came into view, my gaze was on her, the careful arch of her neck, and her careful steps down. She paused at the bottom, her chest rising with a breath as she turned, her gaze snagging on mine.
She was beautiful. Her dark hair artfully arranged on her head, a few tendrils hanging down around her face, her shoulders and the tops of her breasts bare as she took the first purposeful step toward me. The peach color of the dress made her skin practically glow. What if—what if she was wearing a white gown? What if she was walking down the aisle to me? What if this was our wedding?
A tingle ran from my head all the way through my body.
Gray leaned over. “She’s beautiful.”
My chest was so tight, I could barely suck in a breath to fill my lungs. Shouldn’t I be saying that to him when Elle was walking toward us? Or was it that Gray wanted everyone to have what he had? I could have corrected him, telling him she wasn’t for me but it wasn’t the time or the place. I was fairly sure I’d be lying at this point if I said that.
Kelsey held my gaze the entire walk toward me, a slow smile spreading over her face as she veered to the bride side of the room on the other side of the preacher.
Everyone stood, anticipating Elle’s descent.
I pretended to watch Gray’s face when Elle paused at the bottom of the steps turning to face the room. My eyes were on Kelsey as she watched her friend walk toward her husband-to-be. Her eyes shone with unshed tears, she wiped them away with a tissue she must have been holding in her hand. She deserved that. A man waiting at the end of the aisle with no other thought than how utterly gorgeous she was on her wedding day, knowing she was even more beautiful when she woke in the morning with her hair mussed and the creases from the sheets on her breasts. I hated that she’d find it with someone else.
Gray met Elle a few feet away from the preacher, placing her hand on his elbow as they walked the rest of the way together. The preacher started the ceremony and I stopped listening to the words. I kept an eye on everyone around me. The way Elle and Gray looked at each other with love in their eyes, how tightly they held each other’s hand, the way Kelsey couldn’t look away from them. I wanted to know what she was thinking.
She was probably thinking about her wedding, marriage, and kids. All things I’d given up a long time ago. Would it be fair to ask her to stay if I didn’t want the same things? I enjoyed her company but did I want everything a relationship stood for?
The preacher pronounced them husband and wife. Gray bent Elle over his arm as he kissed her. The guests cheered as they made their way back down the aisle. I sprang into action, guiding the guests to the bar area we’d set up in the living room so I could direct the guys we’d hired to rearrange the furniture and set the tables.
I was pulled away briefly for a few pictures with the bride and groom. Kelsey on one side, me on the other. It was a good reminder that we’d always be Elle and Gray’s friends. We had to tread carefully, no hard feelings after today, just a clean break. No looking back. No wondering what if.
Things weren’t different no matter how much I wished they might be. She had a life and a promotion to get back to. I had the lodge. It would have to be enough.
