by Ava Storm
“I offered her a whole slice,” Amanda said. “She didn’t want it.”
“She wouldn’t have you,” Shelly said. “You’re a good mom, Paige. Kids need love more than Mandarin classes.”
“Though they’d be helpful in today’s evolving job market,” Amanda added.
“Whose side are you on?” Shelly demanded.
“Hers! Which is why I think you should hire a lawyer, Paige.” Amanda put down her slice of pizza and leaned forward persuasively. “I know some good family lawyers. They’re not cheap, but you’ll be able to afford them once Ford is paying child support.”
“Child support comes with rights,” I argued. “Custody agreements. Visitation.”
“No, paternity comes with rights, and he can prove that. You might as well make this situation work for you, babe. He isn’t going away. This isn’t going away.”
I knew she was right. It didn’t matter how far I ran; Ford could reach me. Money made people omnipotent. Lack of it made them desperate. That was why I needed the one thing money couldn’t buy. Family.
“Thank you,” I said to both of them. “I know you’re just trying to help. I appreciate you, guys. I love you. I don’t know what I’d do without you. But I need you to back off.” My eyes went back to Madelyn and I felt so much fierce, protective love for her that I had to fight back tears. She was mine. I loved every particle of her being so ferociously that the only thing I could do was protect her the only way I knew how. Ford was a good man--I believed that. But I didn’t know if he’d be a good father. I didn’t know if he could love her like I did.
I took a deep breath. My friends were quiet for once. Madelyn had stopped banging Duplos against the window. The TV wasn’t on. There was an expectant silence hanging in the air, and I knew that I had to tell the truth.
“I’m going back to Branville,” I said. “It’s the only way.”
“No,” Shelly said.
“Absolutely not,” Amanda agreed. “You’ll move back in with us.”
I looked down at the carpet. “I called Alex.”
“I told you this would happen,” Shelly accused Amanda.
“I know, I know. I didn’t believe you.” Amanda shook her head. She turned to me. “Paige, you need to call him back. Unsay whatever you said to him.”
“He’s coming to help me move,” I said, ignoring them. “He’s bringing a U-Haul.”
“Are you back together with him?”
“No.” But I couldn’t look them in the eye. I wasn’t lying, but I wasn’t telling the truth either. I wasn’t sure what the truth was anymore, I’d been lying so long. Right now it was a murky grey area. We weren’t back together, but it was the part of my plan I hadn’t been able to tell them. If Alex and I were together again, if we were a family, that would strike single from my rap sheet. And I had also called my old boss at the bank. I’d have to be a teller again, but he promised I could move to the mortgage department when there was an opening. I was still a liar, but at least I wasn’t unemployed. Surely that would help my case.
“Paige.” Amanda reached out and put her hand on my shoulder. “Think about what you’re doing. You’re turning yourself into a different person, and it’s someone you don’t want to be. You don’t want to live in Branville and marry Alex. You’re just scared. I get it. But you can’t do that to yourself, and as lousy as he is, you can’t do it to Alex.”
“Who cares about Alex?” Shelly disagreed.
“You don’t get it.” My eyes filled with tears finally. “I’ll do anything to keep Madelyn. I’ll work at the stupid bank. I’ll marry Alex if I have to. I can’t lose her.”
“You can’t keep her by losing yourself.” Shelly sat down on my other side. I was surrounded by love, by logic, but all I could see was my fear. I wasn’t losing myself, I wanted to explain. I was fixing myself. I’d become someone I didn’t recognize. Someone who wore La Perla and lied. I needed to reset and go back to cotton basics. Alex had made a mistake two years ago. I’d thought it was unforgivable, but now I had made much worse ones. Who was I to hold a grudge? Who was I to deny Madelyn a real family? If I married Alex, she’d have a father figure. Maybe she’d even have siblings.
I leaned back against the couch, pulling away from Amanda and Shelly. They didn’t understand, and I was tired of trying to explain.
I wasn’t running away.
I was growing up.
32
Ford
I met Stan Martin and the real Mrs. Collins at Mastro’s Steakhouse. The host led me back to one of the semi-private dining rooms where Stan and a woman in her mid-forties were sitting alone at a table in the corner. After I introduced myself to her, he stood up and reached for my hand. I expected a shake, but instead he clapped mine in both of his and said earnestly, “I’m so sorry about what’s happened. I hope there are no long-term effects of this mix up.”
“It wasn’t your fault, Stan,” I said. “I don’t know if it was anyone’s fault.”
“It was certainly the young woman’s fault,” he said darkly, releasing my hand. “If I weren’t appalled, I’d be impressed by her gall. How did she even pull it off?”
“That’s what I’m trying to figure out now.” I pulled my chair out and sat, looking out at the empty tables. I appreciated the privacy. I didn’t want the situation leaking to the press, and you never knew who was listening. “Julia, did you have an interview scheduled with me in March?”
She nodded. “Yes, March twenty-sixth, but I got sick the weekend before and still wasn’t feeling well on Monday. I called to reschedule, but I didn’t hear back. I assumed someone else had been hired.”
“Someone else had been,” I said. “Did Stan explain the situation to you?”
“Yes, and I’ve never heard of her.”
I pulled out my phone and showed her a picture of Paige. It was one I had taken at the park. The top of Madelyn’s head was in the lower right-hand corner. Paige was hugging her and smiling straight into the camera. “Have you ever seen this woman before?”
Julia took the phone and examined Paige closely. “No. Never.”
“You’re sure?”
“I’m sure.” She handed the phone back. “I would remember her. She’s very pretty.”
The corners of my mouth turned down as I tucked my phone back in my pocket. “Do you remember if you talked about interviewing with Blip or with me specifically in any public places?”
“I don’t think so, but I suppose it’s possible. I know I wouldn’t have been so specific as to say what time and day though.” Julia studied me with a serious, straight forward gaze. “I’m sorry this has happened, Mr. Cavanaugh. If I had any idea how I became involved, I would tell you. I’m afraid I don’t have any help to offer though.”
“I appreciate it, Mrs. Collins.”
I clearly couldn’t trust my own instincts, but something told me she would have made a good executive assistant. I should have regretted that it wasn’t her who walked into my office that day, but somehow, I can’t bring myself to do it. Now that my initial fury at being deceived was fading, something worse was setting in.
I was starting to miss Paige. Without meaning to, I’d come to count on her presence. This morning I’d looked for her as soon as I got off the elevator even though I was up all night seething at her. I tried to remember what I’d done on weekends before her, and it was fuzzy. There had been work, of course, and social events we were obligated to attend, but I couldn’t remember the last time I’d enjoyed the city the way I did with Paige.
And Madelyn.
I missed her, too. Carrying her home. Buying out the pottery place. Watching her shows. I missed all of it. Before I discovered the truth about Paige, I hadn’t once let myself think about what it would mean if we stayed together. It scared the shit out of me to look the responsibility of a family in the face. Sure, I had the money to take care of one, but my parents hadn’t been paupers and they’d done a bang-up job of screwing it up.
Now tha
t it had all blown up anyway, I wasn’t afraid anymore. I was pissed and confused, but one thing was clear. I wanted to be Madelyn’s father no matter who Paige turned out to be.
Julia left as soon as we finished lunch, but Stan had cancelled his entire afternoon.
“You didn’t have to do that, Stan,” I said. “You’re not responsible for any of this. I was the one who was careless.”
“Which is so unlike you,” he said, swilling his ice water like he wished it were gin. “Although I do remember you having a blind spot for attractive women.”
I snorted. “You have no idea. I think if I ever find myself interested in another one, I’ll have the agency run her background check first. At least that way I’ll know what I’m walking into.”
“Not a bad strategy at all,” Stan agreed. “But you still seem very interested in this one.”
“Interest is a good word,” I deflected. “I’m very interested in how Paige Stafford infiltrated my company. I’m equally interested in why she bothered.”
“Have you asked her?”
I started to smile, thinking he was joking, but Stan stayed serious. “No,” I said when it became clear he was asking a real question. “I was too busy firing her.”
“And running a background check on her.”
“Yes,” I said, wondering what he was getting at. “As is company policy when we find out that an employee has been impersonating someone else. Or at least, it’s company policy now.”
Stan smiled faintly. “But she’s not just an employee, is she Ford? She’s something more.”
“She was something more,” I admitted. “But it was a mistake, clearly.”
“Was it?”
“Yes,” I said, irritation beginning to color my voice. I’d come to talk to my mentor, not this strange, wise, yoda-like figure who had taken his place. “It’s generally a mistake to fall for someone who is a proven liar.”
“Everyone lies, Ford,” Stan said. “It’s the reasons behind the lies that make the difference. If you don’t know why she lied to you, how can you know whether it’s forgivable or not?”
I pinched the bridge of my nose hard between my thumb and my forefinger. This wasn’t what I needed. “There’s more to it, Stan. It’s complicated, but it’s worse than just the identity fraud.”
His eyebrows lifted. “Worse than that? How?”
I took a deep breath and explained the entire backstory as briefly as possible. “And the kid is mine,” I finished with a grim, told-you-so note in my voice. I sat back with my arms crossed, as though daring him to suggest giving her a second chance now.
Stan blinked several times. He removed his glasses, rubbed his eyes, and blinked again. “You’re absolutely sure?”
“Absolutely.”
“Then Ford, you have to talk to her. No matter who she is, the child is yours.”
“I will,” I said. “I’m just making sure I know the truth first.”
Stan looked at me sympathetically. “Ford, what you’re doing is collecting facts. The only way to know the truth is to look her in the face and see it for yourself.”
“Facts are truth,” I said coolly, wishing again my practical mentor would join me for lunch and send Buddha home.
“Not when it comes to love,” Stan said. “You only get one chance to live your life right. Stop wasting so much damn time.”
I barked out a laugh. “Love? What the hell are you talking about? You saw her once across a crowded room, and all you know about her is that she’s lied and deceived me for the last two years. What about that makes you think this is love?”
“You’re looking at facts again,” Stan said severely. “I’m looking at your face, like you need to do with her. If I’d gone by facts, I might not have supported Blip. You were a bunch of overgrown frat boys, but I saw something in you. Do you know why?”
“Because Blip was a great fucking idea?”
He shook his head. “It was because I bothered to look.”
I suppressed a sigh and signaled for the check. I liked Stan too much to tell him to fuck off, but he was way off base. I’d been looking into Paige’s eyes for months.
And the whole time, she’d been lying to my face.
33
Paige
Alex knocked on the door right at seven thirty am, and my heart dropped into my stomach. I hadn’t seen him in a little over two years--not since I’d left Branville at the beginning of April. I hadn’t talked to him since just after Madelyn was born, and that had been to tell him the DNA test results were in. He was not the father. Here’s the proof.
I peeked through the peephole and saw him standing there. He was nervous too. His hands were pushed deep in his pockets and he was rocking from heel to toe the way he did when he was anxious. It made me feel better. If he’d been standing there confidently, chest thrown out, I might not have been able to open the door. Not when I was the furthest thing from confident.
Anxious Alex I could relate to though, so I unlatched the locks and pulled the door open.
For a minute, we just stared at each other. It wasn’t like staring at Ford. There was no particular heat in it. Just mild interest as we examined what the last two years had done to the other. It didn’t take long, because the answer was: nothing much. His hair was a little shorter, like he’d just gotten it cut. He was either wearing his shirts a little tighter or he’d put on a couple of pounds. Either way, he still looked like the college athlete he’d been.
He smiled first--a slow, tentative smile that asked: can I come in?
I opened the door wider and stepped back, hoping my smile said: Absolutely. So glad you’re here. Instead of what I was thinking, which was: What the hell have I done?
Alex looked around at the apartment and whistled quietly. “This is nice.”
“Yeah.” I didn’t bother looking around. It hurt too much. “It was.”
While Madelyn was sleeping, we carried the furniture that hadn’t come with the apartment down the freight elevator to the U-Haul, then came back for the boxes. It wasn’t much. He’d gotten a ten-foot truck, and there was more than enough room left for Madelyn’s crib and mattress once we’d disassembled it.
“Thanks for your help,” I said when we were back in the apartment with nothing to do but make awkward conversation. I twisted the top off a Gatorade and handed it to him before opening my own.
“No problem. I was glad you called.”
I wondered if he meant to say it in past tense. If he wasn’t glad anymore now that we were standing two feet apart, leaning against opposite kitchen counters, a million miles between us and who we used to be. I wouldn’t have blamed him. I wasn’t glad either.
I think we were both relieved to hear Madelyn’s voice trill out from her bedroom. “Mamama!”
Alex’s face melted at the sound.
“This is as cute as it gets,” I warned him as I left the kitchen. “She fakes being sweet until she’s out of the crib, and then all bets are off.”
He laughed like I was kidding.
When I opened the door to her bedroom, Madelyn was standing up, holding the railing. Her dark curls were a messy halo around her still sleepy face. She squinted when I switched on the light, then looked down to find her pacifier. Once she’d found and reinserted it, she stood up again and held out her arms.
“Uhhh,” she demanded. “Uhhh.”
I lifted her up and went immediately to her changing table, despite her twisting protestations to be let down. She managed to work herself up to a full cry before I got her changed and dressed and set down on her feet. With one baleful look over her shoulder, she ran into the living room. Then stopped dead.
Where was her beloved television?
And who was that strange man?
Did he know where the television was?
She pointed to the wall where it used to be questioningly. “Uhh?”
“Hey, kiddo,” Alex said awkwardly.
Madelyn dropped her arm and examined him. I could
almost see her thoughts running through her head. He did not appear to know where the television was, but he was holding a Gatorade. She walked up to him and held out her hand.
He handed it to her.
“Alex!” I hurried over and took it from her before she could plant it against her mouth and spill it all over the clothes I just changed her into.
“I’m sorry! She asked for it.”
“She’s a toddler. She’s going to ask for literally everything.” I switched out her Gatorade for a sippy cup, which did not have Gatorade in it and therefore was not acceptable. For the second time since she woke up ten minutes ago, Madelyn worked herself up into a fit.
I saw Alex eyeing her with concern. “She’s a toddler,” I repeated, trying not to prickle up. It was stupid to get annoyed with Alex. Like me, he’d been an only child. He didn’t know anything about toddlers, and he’d just met a cranky one. If it took him some time to adjust, I couldn’t blame him.
But it hadn’t taken Ford any time.
I pushed the thought away and made Madelyn breakfast. I tried to convince her to play with her Duplos in the empty living room, but she insisted on helping dismantle her bedroom furniture, which made the process take longer. It was almost ten am before the apartment was completely cleaned out.
“I have to run the keys back to the leasing office,” I said when we pulled the door shut for the last time. “Is it okay if Madelyn hangs out with you, or do you want me to take her?”
“It’s okay,” Alex said uneasily.
“Uh uh uh,” Madelyn said emphatically and shot her arms up.
