Shifting Gears (Satan's Knights Prospect Trilogy Book 1)

by Janine Infante Bosco

  Lies.

  They’re the root of all evil.

  -Twenty-nine-

  Lydia

  Long ago I accepted I was living in a version of Hell and I adapted to it. I gave up on every desire, every dream. I resigned myself to solitude but there was always a part of me that craved normalcy. A part that longed for human interaction, for someone to talk to.

  To laugh with.

  To smile at.

  For someone to care.

  But that hell was nothing compared to the one I’m living in now.

  After Bash disconnected the call, he tore his eyes away from mine and ordered Nico to take me upstairs. I wanted to argue that I didn’t need Nico to take me anywhere and explain the whole sorted truth to him, but my husband’s dead body laid like a proverbial wall between us.

  Nico brought me up to Bash’s apartment and poured me a shot, claiming it would take the edge off. I almost laughed in his face at the absurdity of his offer. My husband, the man who abused me for years and reduced me to nothing was dead and the man I was falling in love with was downstairs, standing over his body with blood on his hands. All the whiskey in all the land wouldn’t numb me. Still, when he pushed the shot in front of me, I welcomed the burn of it as it slid down my throat.

  We sat in silence for a while until we heard the loud roar of a pack of motorcycles. Nico moved to the window and announced that the club had arrived. I asked what that meant, but he didn’t answer. I waited for the sirens, figuring it was only a matter of time before the cops showed up and I started playing over what I would say to them when they questioned me.

  I knew forensics would determine what type of bullet killed Declan, that they’d even be able to tell what angle he was shot from, so I carefully crafted a lie in my head. There was no way I’d let Bash rot a single second in jail for killing that bastard, I’d die first.

  However, the cops never came and soon Nico left. Alone, I laid in the bed I shared with Bash and waited for him to come back to me. Every memory we created together, all the ways he broke down my walls and breathed life into this dead soul of mine surfaced and haunted me. It’s funny how your heart knows it’s about to break.

  I don’t when I fell asleep, but when I opened my eyes Bash was sitting next to me still dressed in the same clothes from the night before. He looked at me and for the first time; I didn’t see all my hopes and dreams. I saw a man who was hurt, who guarded his pain with a grimace.

  “Bash—”

  “Don’t,” he said hoarsely. “I don’t want to hear it, Lydia.”

  “I can explain.”

  “There’s no need. I know everything I need to now.”

  “No, you don’t. I didn’t mean to lie to you.”

  “Really? I’m southern not fucking simple, Lydia. You had plenty of chances to tell me the truth. You have no idea what could’ve happened here,” he growled. “He didn’t just show up out of nowhere. He’s been watching you, sending notes to Riggs because he probably assumed Riggs was involved with you. Then the fucking thing with your car. The club has been on high alert for weeks because we thought someone was trying to send a message through the woman associated with us and tonight, they were about to strike the fucking cartel not knowing you had a goddamn psychopath for a husband. But you know what? That’s not even the worst of it. Chaz is lying in a fucking hospital bed completely unrecognizable because Declan got to him because no one knew he was a fucking threat. Damn it, Lydia, I’m not this guy but you damn well broke my heart tonight. I would’ve given you everything. I would’ve made it my mission in life and I ain’t talking diamonds and shit. I would’ve given you love. I would’ve given you the life you gave up on. I would’ve made you feel safe every fucking day. All you had to do was trust me,” he said as he stood from the bed.

  I waited for him to turn around, to look me in the eye and tell me it would be okay. That he just needed time to process it all and forgive me because that’s Bash. That’s what he does. He gives, and he loves. But everyone has a breaking point, the one thing they can’t get past and for Bash, it was the lie. It was giving one hundred percent of himself and only getting fifty in return.

  “Where are you going?” I asked as he started to walk away.

  “To dig a hole. Riggs is downstairs. He’ll take you to your apartment or the hospital. Wherever you want to go.”

  “What about the cops?” I asked, already knowing the answer, but I was just so desperate to keep him there.

  Every second counts when it’s the last.

  “What about them?”

  “Aren’t they going to want a statement?”

  “No,” he said as he finally turned to face me. “No cops, Lydia, and no more fear. You’re free.”

  Tears filled my eyes at those words and not because they signified my independence, but because they also meant I was free from him.

  That was two days ago and just like he said, Riggs was downstairs waiting to take me away. He dropped me off at the hospital so I could see Chaz, but his mother wouldn’t let me near him. I stood there for a while, hoping she’d leave, and I could sneak in. When she finally did, I learned Chaz had told the cops he was jumped and didn’t see who the assailant was. Another lie because I later found out from Riggs, Chaz and his mom were the ones who told Bash, Declan was after me. I wasn’t allowed to see Chaz because they were treating his case as a hate crime and only family and approved visitors were allowed.

  Riggs took me home and I haven’t left my bed since.

  I keep thinking about Bash and there have been a few times when I reach for the phone, but I always stop myself because he deserves better than me. The truth is I never should’ve let him in my life, just like I never should’ve befriended Chaz. I knew I was a walking time bomb just waiting to be detonated, and they wound up being the innocent casualties.

  The bell rings, startling me and I jump. The only people in my life are done with me. No one is visiting me except my landlord and it’s not the first of the month. Thank God for that because on top of everything else wrong in my life, I’m pretty sure I don’t have a job either.

  No job.

  No car.

  No friends.

  No Bash.

  The first two I could probably survive, the other two I’m not so sure.

  Rising from my bed, I pad towards the door. I’m about to unlock it when I realize there’s no need. The days of locking the door six times are over. Pulling it open, I’m surprised to see Riggs.

  “God, you look awful,” he says, pushing past me to enter my apartment. I close the door and turn around, pressing my back against it as I watch him look around my place. “Is that yarn? You knit?”

  “What are you doing here?”

  “I came for a chat,” he says, tossing a ball of yarn in the air. “Sit.”

  Humoring him because, hey, what do I have to lose, I push off the door and take a seat on the foot of the bed.

  “You fucked up,” he starts.

  “Thank you.”

  “Well, it’s true,” he continues. “But so, did I.”

  Confusion mars my features as I raise an eyebrow.

  “You did?”

  “I should’ve done a background check on you, but I was so anxious to open up Kate’s and then you know, the new baby, Parrish stepping down and Wolf taking charge…it seemed like the least important thing,” he says as he takes a seat next to me. “I had no idea what you went through and even now, I still don’t know much because Bash isn’t the type of guy to air someone else’s laundry.”

  No, I don’t suppose he is.

  He’s the type of guy who digs holes and buries your darkest secrets so they can’t touch you no more.

  “I just want you to know you’re not alone.”

  “I’ve been alone for a long time, Riggs,” I whisper.

  “No, you haven’t, you just haven’t realized it,” he argues. “From the day I hired you, you became one of us and when we thought we were the reason you were i
n danger, well, we treated it as if it was Lauren as if it was Maria and that had nothing to do with Bash. Wolf made the call because you were part of our circle. Now, I’ve never said this before and I really want it to have the same effect as it does when Parrish or Wolf says it, so bear with me….”

  I have no idea what he’s trying to say, and I look at him as though he’s got three eyes. Especially, when he pulls his shades off and cups my shoulder. His eyes find mine and it’s fucking weird. Before he can tell me, he loves me or something equally disgusting, I go to swat his hand away, but he gives my shoulder a firm squeeze.

  “You’re property of Parrish, Lydia Gallo.”

  “I’m what?”

  “Don’t ruin this for me,” he hisses under his breath. “When you think you got no one, just look around you. Well, maybe you shouldn’t do that here,” he says, glancing around my empty apartment. “But when you’re at Kate’s, just look around.”

  “Does that mean I still have a job?”

  “Of course you have your job. Is that why you haven’t shown up for work?”

  “I figured since Bash didn’t want anything to do with me anymore, neither did you.”

  “Ahh…Bash,” he says, dropping his hand from my shoulder. I watch as he crosses his arms against his chest and shakes his head. “Such a shame…”

  I narrow my eyes.

  “What’s a shame?”

  “Well, that he’s gone,” he replies. “I had high hopes for Moses.”

  “What do you mean he’s gone?”

  “He left for Texas, took the red-eye last night.” My eyes widen and my lips part in shock as he snaps his fingers. “Hey, I’ve been meaning to ask you, is Lydia Gallo even your name? The stiff’s driver’s license said his name was Declan O’Brian.”

  Stuck on the fact Bash is gone, I stand from the bed and ignore his question.

  He can’t leave.

  He can be mad, but he can’t leave.

  He can hate me, but he can’t leave.

  He can pass me on a street, but he can’t leave.

  “Uh, he’s not passing you on a street unless you get your ass to Texas and they call it a road down there.”

  My gaze snaps to him.

  “What?”

  He shrugs.

  “I’m just responding to that whole he can’t leave thing,” he explains. “Nice touch, by the way. If I didn’t know better, I’d say you loved the guy.”

  “I said all that out loud, didn’t I?”

  “Yeah, you did.”

  “I don’t…you know…love him.”

  Lies.

  I’m one hundred percent in love with Bash.

  I don’t know when it happened or even how, but I fell hard for him.

  “Right,” Riggs says.

  “Okay, so maybe I do love him, but you’re not supposed to know that because he doesn’t even know.”

  “You should probably change that.”

  “How? You just said he went back to Texas,” I shriek.

  Fitting the shades back to his face, he grins up at me.

  “Funny you should ask…”

  -Thirty-

  Bash

  “Just sign next to the X, Mr. Alfonsi and we’ll be done,” the realtor says, handing me a pen. Removing my hat, I swipe a hand over my head and stare at her extended hand. I wonder if she knows the weight of those words. To her, this is just another deal, a commission check. But for me this is goodbye.

  Taking the pen, my eyes sweep around the kitchen.

  This house holds a lot of memories, most of them bad, but the good ones were made in this room. At the kitchen table where I sat as a boy, with my mom next to me helping me with my homework. Here where she served her infamous chicken and dumplings and her sweet apple pie. It’s the pencil marks in the pantry where she recorded my height. It’s in this kitchen where she came alive, where she let her spirit run free.

  I swallow, forcing the lump in my throat away and with tears in my eyes, I sign my name.

  “Perfect,” the realtor says, taking the leasing agreement before the ink has a chance to dry. “I’ll be in contact with you once we find a tenant or would you prefer me to contact Scout?”

  A day after Lydia’s husband showed up and blew my fucking world to smoke, I decided it was time to pull my head out of my ass and take care of my affairs. After all, the threat was gone. I had turned the dirt over that motherfucker myself. So, what if my relationship with Lydia lay in ruins. That shit needed time to settle, time to breathe. The hurt. The deceit. It was all too fresh, too raw. I felt myself teetering on the edge of insanity and I didn’t like that. I didn’t like being the man who raised his voice to a woman, and I wouldn’t be especially when that woman was Lydia. That’s why I removed myself from the situation and called Scout. It was the perfect excuse to come back here.

  Without getting into too much detail, I asked him to find me a realtor and told him it was time to square things away with my ma’s house. Being the stand-up guy he is, he set this all up for me and he did it knowing I belonged to another club.

  Like I said, Scout is good people.

  The fucking best.

  “No, from here on out, you’ll be dealing with me, ma’am,” I say finally.

  “Very well,” she says. “It was good to meet you, Mr. Alfonsi. Good luck.”

  I smile and tip my chin.

  “Likewise,” I reply. My eyes dart to the clock on the stove and back to her. “I’ve gotta get going. I have a flight to catch and I have one more stop to make. If we’re done here, I’ll walk you out.”

  Grabbing her briefcase, she walks with me through the bare house and I take a moment to appreciate the job the Charon’s did cleaning this place up. Before we reach the door, the bell sounds, and the realtor turns to me.

  “Are you expecting someone else?”

  I shake my head and move around her. Pulling open the door, I greet Scout.

  “How’s it going, son?”

  “Hey, what are you doing here? I was just headed to the clubhouse.”

  “Hi there, Scout,” the realtor says with a friendly smile.

  “Renee, always a pleasure. Thank you for taking care of my brother, here.”

  “Anytime,” she replies, looking between us. “I have another appointment, so I’ll just be going.”

  Thanking her again, I step out of her way and she moves to the door. However, she don’t quite make it out of the house because the second she tries, Lydia takes a step forward. At first, I’m sure my eyes are playing tricks on me, but Scout pats my back.

  “I’ll leave you two to it,” he says.

  “Thanks for the ride, Scout,” Lydia murmurs softly, keeping her eyes on me.

  “Wait a minute,” I mutter, looking between the two of them “What’s going on?”

  “Scout picked me up from the airport and brought me here.”

  “How?”

  “Riggs, called me,” Scout explains as he drops his hand from my back. I watch as he struts for the door, pausing when he reaches Lydia. He bends his head a fraction and kisses her cheek. “It was a pleasure talking to you, darlin’. Take care of my brother, yeah?”

  Lydia stares at me for a beat and those green eyes I love so much fill with tears.

  “I will,” she rasps.

  It takes every fiber of my being to remain still and not pull her into my arms. We only get one shot at this and the rest of our lives are on the line. Shoving my hands in my pockets, I swallow and look at Scout.

  “Thank you,” I say hoarsely. “Not just for this, but for everything.”

  For giving me a place in the world.

  For taking me under your wing.

  For being a brother.

  For letting me go.

  And most importantly, thank you for her.

  The corners of his lips lift ever so slightly and he draws his fist to his chest, giving it a slight pound as he nods.

  “Always, my brother. I’m always here and your ma….” his
voice trails. “…she’s smiling down on you, son.” His gaze moves to Lydia. “On both of you.”

  Drawing out a sigh, he swipes his thumb under his eye and wishes me a safe flight. I promise to keep in touch with him and then he’s gone leaving me and Lydia alone. Neither of us says a word for a while. We both just drink one another in. Four days without seeing her face was too much.

  “I’m sorry,” she blurts. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I was married. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you everything, but you can’t leave, Bash. You can be mad at me. You can yell at me, scream if you want. Hell, throw something. I can take it. But I can’t lose you because I love you. I’m crazy in love with you and I know it doesn’t make sense—-”

  “Because we barely know each other, right?” I interrupt, closing the distance between us but I don’t touch her. Mainly because I know once I do, I won’t be able to stop.

  “Exactly!”

  “Lydia, darlin’ I don’t want to yell at you. I don’t want to scream and I sure as hell, don’t want to throw anything. I didn’t appreciate you lying to me, but I wasn’t angry over it. I know you’ve got things you need to work on. I know you wanted to forget that part of your life, but that night I was mad as hell because if I wasn’t there if I didn’t pull that trigger, he would’ve.”

  My voice shakes and I give in to my need to touch her, gently lifting my hands to her face.

  “You ain’t the only one who let their guard down, sweetheart. Standing there, watching someone point a gun at you, I felt like someone pulled the rug out from under me. I almost lost you and that was too much for me. I was trying to be mindful of your situation that’s why I left you alone. I needed to get a handle on my own emotions before I came back to you because darlin’ there ain’t no turning back no more. I’m done.”

  “Done,” she whispers. “But—”

  “I’m done pretending I don’t want to spend every second of every day loving you. I know you gotta get used to the idea of you and me, that you need to learn how to trust, but it’s you and me from here on out. I promise I’ll be patient so long as you promise to give me all of you. The pain, the fear, the scars. Give them to me so I can bury them for you.”