He studied me for a minute before he nodded. “Fine.”
He focused his attention back to the TV and I pretended to do the same. My mind however was racing a mile a minute. What the hell was I going to do?
Chapter 6
This has been the month from hell; I’ll be the first to admit it. After that whole incident with that fucking loser Jacob, I tried to act like everything was normal. Go back to how everything was before I found myself all caught up in my feelings for Bull. I mean, I thought to myself ‘how hard could it be Net? You did it damn near your whole life’ but it was like the damn broke. There was no going back from it. After a week I couldn’t go to the club. I couldn’t watch him disappear and flirt with all the girls. I couldn’t stand being like a fly on the wall when I was around him. I wanted his attention, the girl he touches, sleeps with, and loves.
So yes, what I did was decide to finally become a fucking adult. I stopped going to the club altogether and couldn’t stand just staying home twiddling my thumbs or desperately trying to consume Abee’s and James’ spare time. I got with them often helping them out with the schematics for this design thing they were giving a go and I came to the conclusion that I really liked it. Hell, I was falling in love with it. But the problem was it wasn’t a full-time gig and I didn’t get to do it quite as much as I would like to. That’s when I got my bright idea.
I have to say, I would need to thank Abee and James for being my inspiration. Them taking a chance with what they loved gave me the courage to do it myself. I decided to open up my own company. I would still of course work with them, then I’d have to do some stuff to get me some clientele, but I plan to help start-up businesses and depending on the relationship, I would offer continuous assistance with various aspects in their business after the initial contractual phase it up. I know it’s risky as a lot of start-ups tank. But that’s why they would need me… to ensure that didn’t happen. I have no idea how I’m going to do this. I’m going to need employees and lord knows what else, but first thing is first, I need a location to establish my roots.
So, that’s when I’ve been doing the past two and a half weeks. I had a little nest egg – courtesy of Bull – that I could use to get me a location. Then, once I get things moving I plan to pay him back every dime he’s spent on me or has given me. It’s helped me while licking my wounds from finally coming to terms that the fairytale I’ve maintained of Bull and I was in fact only an illusion. It’s the thing that’s been keeping a bounce in my step and my shoulders held high. I was ready for this, so fucking ready.
I checked my watch, 8PM. Both Abee and James were busy tonight, so I didn’t have anyone to hang with. My feet were aching like nobody’s business. I confided in my friends on my intentions and they immediately took me shopping. Their explanation is that I needed some business attire if I was gonna be a boss bitch and all. After seeing me in the power suits and classy pumps, I have to agree. I like the look and it fits to everything I’m trying to accomplish. But fucking hell, a girl needs to get off her dogs.
There was a bar on the corner, so I decided to make a pit stop. I could rest my feet, look over the stack of additional locations the realtor shoved at me when the ones we saw today was a bust. Shit, I could use a drink and a burger too. Yup, decision is made… dive here I come.
I headed straight to the bar and pulled out a pen and a pad to take notes. I didn’t want to keep wasting my time on places I absolutely knew I wouldn’t take. That’s what I’d done initially, and it drove me fucking crazy. I was doing what I thought I had to do. You know, play nice and placate the guy. Then I said fuck it because I mean… I’m paying his ass. He should be bending to my needs not the other way around. I needed to go through the elimination process.
The bartender appeared in front of me. “What can I get you?”
I pursed my lips as I thought. “A bacon cheeseburger with fries and a jack and coke please.”
He nodded then bounced off to do my bidding. I was only on the fourth page when the stool beside me scraped across the floor. I didn’t bother looking because I really wasn’t interested in who was next to me. It wasn’t long before a glass was placed in front of me. I lifted my head to thank the bartender, and that’s when I caught my neighbor looking over the papers in my pile.
“Can I help you?” I asked.
He shook his head. “Na, I was just looking. Just got off my long ass shift here and I’m about to use my employee discount for a few free drinks.”
I nodded and put my attention back to what I was previously reading until he spoke up again. “You’re buying a home or something?” he asked.
I groaned in frustration and looked back up to him. “Or something.”
He narrowed his eyes and studied me. “Even though you seem okay, your eyes tell me that you could probably use the company. What’s wrong?”
I laughed to myself. “Please don’t tell me you’re hitting on me.” I complained.
He laughed so hard it kind of sounded like a bark. “Only if you grew a dick in the last five seconds.”
Holy shit. I blushed eighty shades of red all over. “I’m sorry.” I squeaked out.
He waved his hand dismissively. “No worries honey. Trust me, I get it. I’m not overly gay and dramatic, it happens more often than not. Anyway, mind some company?”
There was something about him that made me relax. Truth was he was right I did need the company. “Yes, thanks.”
He smiled. “Don’t mention it. Now, do you wanna talk about these papers or those dark eyes of yours?” he asked.
I shrugged. “The papers are better. We’d need a hell of a lot more time to talk about my darkness.” I let out a humorless laugh. “Although, it would appear that they’re so fucking related it’s sick.”
He held my eyes and gave me an understanding nod, and that’s when I noticed. He had darkness too. I suddenly felt a connection between us, if not nothing but having something troubling horrible. “I’m Carlos.” He introduced himself.
“Net or Nettie.” I tell him.
He smiled, and I noticed his bright white straight teeth. That gave me pause as I leaned back and got a good look at him for the first time. I let out a low whistle. “Holy hot damn. I’m either feverish or they turned the heat up cause I’m suddenly extremely warm. How did I not see how fucking hot you were? Jesus, you’re smoking.” I fanned myself as I felt my ears begin to light on fire. Nothing sparked in my nether region which is perfectly fine since I didn’t even have a chance; he was just amazingly lovely on the eyes. “You sure you don’t want to hit on me?” I questioned. Can’t blame a girl. You can’t have the one you love, take the one you like?
He shook his head. “I like you.” He said on a chuckle.
“Well shit…” I scanned him slowly from head to toe. Oh God, wait until I tell James that there is a holy grail for gay men alive out there and I got to fucking meet him. “I think I like you too.”
He blushed under my scrutiny and I couldn’t help but let out a small laugh. I put my hands up in surrender. “Ok, ok. I won’t continue to blatantly eye fuck you, making your dick shrivel up from the attention and thoughts of some girl action.”
He quirked an eyebrow. “But you will continue to? Discreetly… I presume?” he challenged.
I scoffed. “Fuck yes. I’m not dead, and I – like you – prefer the shit that swings between the legs. Don’t worry though; I’ll keep my hands to myself.”
He shook his head in amusement. “I think I fell in love with you just now.”
“Oh, don’t flatter me.” I teased.
The bartender chose that moment to bring out my food and he refilled my glass and after some banter, fixed up a drink for James. We spent the next two hours laughing and joking together and for the first time I felt normal. I’ve never done this before. Everyone I was remotely close to in my life was thrust in my direction but someone else. Now, I’m not calling us besties or anything, but it felt good to experience something like no
rmal people do.
It wasn’t until Carlos checked his watch and cursed that I was brought back to reality. “I have to get to my other job.” He groaned. “Do you want to catch up in a couple of days to grab dinner or something together?” he asked.
I nodded enthusiastically. Was he fucking kidding me? “Of course!” we exchanged numbers and he bounced off. I had myself another drink as I got back to my paperwork before calling it a night. As per usual from the last few weeks, I went back to my place. Bull never noticed as he’s been staying at the club. I don’t even know the last time I was him… whatever though. I was getting my shit together on my own and that’s what I needed. To be reliant on no one but my Goddamn self.
I changed clothes and jumped into my pajamas. I had a long day and I was ready for some much-needed rest before going back out again. Just when I was dosing, my phone pinged. The notification of an incoming text.
Carlos: I checked my schedule. I’m only working Thursday afternoon; I’m free as a bird for the rest of the night until the next morning.
Me: want to hang out?
Carlos: don’t be simple… I wouldn’t have texted otherwise… now, are you available?
I chuckled to myself.
Me: Yes!
Carlos: The plan?
I thought about it. We could go clubbing or to a bar, you know, find a man together. Then I thought of my friends. I sent out a message to the group chat,
Besties: you guys free Thursday?
James: sorry honey
Abee: I wish…
Fucking hell. Ok, so much for that idea. I pondered it for a while before I was honest with myself. I wasn’t ready to go man hunting and I wasn’t in a place to be outside. So, I did the next best thing because I really needed his fucking company.
Me: My place. I’ll cook dinner.
Carlos: sounds good. 6pm works?
Me: absolutely.
Carlos: awesome. Address and I’ll see you then.
I sent him my address and went to sleep with a smile on my face.
*****
Carlos let out a low whistle as he inspected my place. “This is nice.” He commented.
I smiled. “Thanks.” I led him into the kitchen where I just needed to put the finishing touches on dinner. In all my excitement, I might’ve gone a tad bit overboard. I’d made baked macaroni and cheese, string beans, barbeque chicken, a garden salad, and an Oreo icebox cake for desert. My cooking had been mediocre at best, but after meeting Abee and spending so much time in the kitchen with her… well, I’m cooking now like I was born for it.
Carlos went ahead to open the bottle of wine he’d bought with him while I began moving the food to the table. When I was done, he quirked an eyebrow at me. “That looks great.”
I smiled. “Thanks, I hope it’s as good as it looks.”
He chuckled. “I’m sure it does. For some reason, I was picturing a pizza pie and some beer…”
I blushed. “I mean, I can order some…”
He shook his head. “Hell no. Who in their right mind would choose pizza over this meal? I’m eating this and probably seconds too.”
I grinned. “Well then, dig in.”
Conversation flowed between us. Things started off normal and before I knew it, he was telling me about how he was working towards becoming an actor. It was his dream. He didn’t want to be a cliché and head off to Hollywood figuring the likely hood of him being discovered there was slim to none. I also learned that he was from Alabama and he’s been living here since his parents kicked him out of the house when the discovered his sexuality. From what he explained of them, they were true dick heads… but then again what parents weren’t?
Oddly at ease with him, I went ahead to explain to him that we weren’t so different. I told him all about me, Jackson, our parents, growing up, stripping, him finding me… everything. At the end, his mouth was slack, and he was gaping at me. That only lasted for a second before his face grew serious.
“Honey, I hate to be the bad news bandit but that ain’t healthy. You can’t waste your life away pining over a man who essentially see’s you as a relative.” He looked thoughtful. “Although… I can’t say I’m entirely sure he does.”
I scoffed. “Have you been listening to me? Of course, he does.”
He shook his head. “If he really truly only saw you as a sister, I highly doubt he’d sleep with you. There has to be some attraction, otherwise his Jimmy boy wouldn’t be coming out to play.”
I thought about it and then shrugged it off. “He’s a slut. He’ll fuck any vagina even if it doesn’t have legs attached.” That was a mild exaggeration, but it’d get my point across.
He laughed. “I don’t know the man, so I have to take your word for it, but that was just some food for thought.”
I laughed with him. When I heard the front door open and slam shut, I smiled. He arched an eyebrow in question and I waved him off. “My friend James that I told you about is staying with me. He must’ve gotten off of work earlier than he expected.”
He nodded. “Oh, that’s cool; I’d like to meet your friends.”
“Me too!” I said excitedly.
“Net, you cooked? I’m fucking starv – “Bull’s words were cutoff as he entered the kitchen.
I looked up at him in shock. Of all the fucking days in the year he could’ve popped up, it would be today. His jaw jumped as he eyed Carlos like he was a roach he had to kill. “The fuck is this?” Bull asked.
Oh-ho. Well excuse the fuck out of me. “What does it look like? We’re eating.”
He growled at me. “What this looks like is a fucking date.” He stated accusingly.
How dare he? “And so, what if it is?” I challenged.
He narrowed his eyes as his fist began clenching and unclenching at his sides. That was a tell that he was going to go through the roof. His barely continued fury was on full display in his eyes. “Swear to fuck Nat; don’t fuck with me right now. I’m two seconds from strangling you right here and now. Ima ask this one more time and if you don’t answer correctly I’m going to gut the both of you.”
It was suddenly hard to swallow. I didn’t know if he really meant it or not, but the part of me that was still hurting and trying to heal itself was pissed the fuck off. He didn’t want me, but I wasn’t allowed to date? To have friends? To have my own fucking life? Well fuck him. “I don’t owe you an answer because it’s not your business Jackson.”
Yea, I did the unthinkable. I used his name in front of someone. Pulled out the big guns on his ass. I puffed out my chest at my boldness only to realize a little too late that I’d made a bad fucking chess move. His feet ate up the kitchen floor in seconds and he dragged me out of my seat and had my ponytail in a vice grip forcing me to meet his eyes. His body was vibrating, his anger snuffing all the air from the room.
When he finally spoke, his words whispered and instantly sent chills down my spine. “Oh, yea Natalia? You want me to fuck you up huh?” he ran a finger across my face, lightly stroking my cheek almost like a lover’s touch. “You were gonna kiss him, huh?” he asked his fingers skimming my lips. “You were gonna let him have that sweet pussy?” he asked before cupping me through my jeans. “Do you not understand what it means to be mine, huh?”
That snapped me back to reality. “You can’t come in here playing the jealous boyfriend role. The look doesn’t really work on you. I’m not yours… I can never be as long as you’re everyone’s.”
He released me instantly. His eyes wide and breath shallow. The fuck? It looked like he was on the verge of a panic attack. “What are you talking about?” he asked.
I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter. Look, I want to continue to enjoy my evening and you should leave.”
He looked stunned. “You want me to leave?” he asked… I would almost say heartbroken. Almost. But I knew better than that.
“Yes, please.”
He eyed Carlos for a few seconds. His mouth opened like he was going to say somet
hing and then his eyes became dull. He snapped his mouth shut as all emotion left him. I have never, ever, been on the receiving end of him totally checked out. But here I am, he didn’t care, and he was letting me see it for my own eyes. He didn’t have to say anything because his message had been received.
But what exactly was I thinking? It wouldn’t be me if the knife wasn’t twisted after its been penetrated. Nope, I always got the full effect of all the pain that could possibly be delivered. “That’s cool Nettie, I’ll leave. I’ll have Lucifer bring your things over. You haven’t been to the club, so I assume that’s permanent?” A question that was really a demand. He was telling me to stay the fuck away from him.
I couldn’t speak, my mouth was too dry. I was also afraid he might hear the tears waiting to break free and I wasn’t ready to show him the depth of my pain. This is what I’ve been telling myself I needed. Him out of my life to get over him… but I didn’t really want him to break my heart completely in the process. What the fuck? Like always when it comes to him, I did it to myself. I pushed him for no other reason than to nurse my other wounds. It wasn’t unconscious on my part, I goaded him intentionally. I guess there was a part of me that was still living in the fantasy. There was a part of me that thought he needed me in his life in some capacity, even if not the same. How fucking wrong I was.
He didn’t wait for a response. By the time I came back from my musings, the place he previously occupied was empty. Then just like the sad, pathetic, bitch I was… I broke down.
It was a while before I recognized the hand rubbing soothing circles on my back. I had calmed down, my tears completely dried up. Lord knows how long I’d been crying. I didn’t even have the strength to be embarrassed that this all happened in front of someone I was hoping to become my friend. Lord only knows what he thought of me now.
“I know this may not be my place… but what the fuck?” he asked.
I shrugged. “I don’t know.”
He shook his head and fixed me with a glare. “Yes, you do. You did that on purpose. The man was a fury of jealousy and possessiveness and you could’ve used that to your advantage, but you went ahead and kicked him in the nuts.”
Natalia (Hades Riders MC Book 3) Page 7
