“I mean, if you have plans, then I totally understand. Duh. You probably have a date…” I scoffed, rubbing my temple. “Plus, why would you want to spend more time here when you don’t need to? Totally ignore me…”
Lennox watched me flop around like a dying fish. What was wrong with me? Today had really spooked me. Got me all rattled and vulnerable.
“Never mind.” I gripped the box, trying to gain some sort of self-composure. “Have a good night.” I turned around, briskly walking for the door, my cheeks burning.
“Spencer.” His gravelly voice scaled up my spine, spasming my lungs. I looked back to see him shutting off the car, climbing out. “I actually did buy it. And I’m starving.”
A smile wobbled my mouth, watching him stroll up to me. “Technically, RH bought it.”
“The least they could do. I had a trying day with my charge.” He grabbed the box from my fingers, strutting past me into the residence. I stared after him, my chest tightening with a mix of feelings. It felt like I was doing something wrong, but I couldn’t stop myself from following him into the kitchen.
He tossed the box on the counter, pulling his jacket off his broad shoulders, his T-shirt tight against his ripped torso, swelling my throat. Fuck. He really was dangerously sexy.
Come on, Spence, you can appreciate a gorgeous face… and body. It doesn’t take away from what you feel about Theo.
Trying to shove the sensation away, I went to the fridge, grabbing two beers and popping them open.
“Thanks.” He nodded, taking one from me. Awkwardness weeded through the room so thick I wished I hadn’t asked him to stay. It would be lonely with just me and the pizza, but at least I’d be comfortable.
I jumped on the counter, flipping open the pizza box and diving in. Gooey cheese strung between the slices, steam rising, swirling the delicious smell of sauce, bread, veggies, and pepperoni. My stomach cried out in desperation, my mouth salivating as I dropped the first bite on my tongue.
“Oh god…” I moaned, tipping my head back. “Bloody hell, that’s good.”
“Hungry?” Lennox snickered, sitting down on a stool, taking a long swig of beer.
“Either I was hungrier than I thought, or this pizza is seriously up there with orgasm material.”
Choking over his beer, a genuine chuckle came from him, filling the room. Just like him, it was husky and deep, sparking a giddiness through me. To get this man to actually laugh felt like a victory.
“Sorry. You weren’t ready for that?” I wiggled proudly on the counter, taking another bite of pizza.
He patted his chest, clearing his throat, shaking his head. “No. Not really.”
As if I had bested him in chess, I smiled smugly to myself, chewing on the disappearing slice.
He grabbed a slice out of the box, his eyebrow curving up. “No chairs, no plates?” He chomped down on his piece, his eyes glinting at me, rolling down my figure perched on the counter, one leg tucked under me. “So improper, Duchess.” I had a feeling that moniker was going to stick.
“Exactly.” I grinned mischievously. “When it’s forced down your throat since birth, you become very good at playing a part, but behind the scenes… completely uncivilized.”
“Really?” An eyebrow curved up, causing my stomach to leap around like a drunk frog, realizing the implications of what I said.
He cleared his throat, staring down at his slice.
“You seem to be the only one.” He inhaled half his pizza in one bite. “Some give in to it. Could you ever imagine the queen, even all alone, putting on sweats and eating ice cream straight from the carton? Burping? Farting?”
I snorted out a laugh at that last one. No. I couldn’t. Even when it was just the two of us, Theo still ate everything with utensils and off a plate. Drove me nuts when he cut his pizza into tiny bites, eating with a knife and fork.
“Well, I was never any good at being a noble anyway. Not that my family is even considered that to most in the upper-class circle.”
“Compared to mine?” He snorted. “No one is crying a river for you.”
“I never asked them to.” I wiped my hands on a serviette, taking a sip of beer. “I know how lucky I am. I went to the best school in the country, never had to worry about my next meal or where I’d lay my head down at night. But don’t mistake having that title for money and freedoms. Titles only lock you in a tighter prison.”
“So does poverty.” His gaze met mine, forcing my gaze down to the counter. “But I get it. Believe me. The world only sees the glamor of it. The storybook version. The fairy tale of having a royal title placed before your name. They don’t see that you are no longer a person, but property. For someone like Theo and Eloise, it’s easier. They don’t know anything else. But for an outsider? Just being a bodyguard, the limitations and control they have over my life… I can’t imagine how much more you have it. Not only what you can and can’t do, but the brutal and constant criticism. You are dammed either way, while Theo is praised.”
Staring at the marble design on the table, my throat closed. It wasn’t like I was asking for sympathy. I had made a choice, but it was still nice to know someone saw the true situation. Noticed.
“I’m scared.” My tongue slid over my lip, tasting a bit of sauce. “That my love for Theo won’t be enough. That this place will break me.”
“You are far too stubborn for anything to break you.” He tipped back his bottle, drinking.
My gaze scoured over him. “I want to believe that. That I will learn to ignore the media, to not care what awful things they say about me.”
“Did you die?”
“Huh?”
He flicked his head at me. “Did you die after reading the comments today? No. You got up and went to volunteer at a shelter.” He shrugged one shoulder. “Granted, you stupidly tried to go around me, turning it into a fucking mess.”
“So not helping.”
“What I meant,” he chuckled, “is that you right away knew how to counter it. You didn’t curl in a ball and die. You got up and dealt with the negativity. Give yourself a break. This is still new to you. To both of us. We will figure it out, and every day it will get easier.”
“Wow.” I played with the label of the beer. “You should get into motivational speaking.”
“Shut up.” He picked up a hunk of broccoli from the box, chucking it at me.
“Hey!” I laughed, catching the piece and tossing it into my mouth. “I’m not kidding. That was beautiful. Touching, but at the same time inspirational.” I pretended to wipe a fake tear.
“Jesus, woman.” He snorted, finishing his beer. “Brutal...”
“Oh, poor Lennox. A woman actually daring to challenge your arse instead of trying to ride it.” The moment the tease left my mouth, I wanted to shove it back in. It was meant to be silly and playful, but when his heavy hazel eyes snapped to me, it felt extremely inappropriate.
Flirty.
A few seconds passed before he looked away, rising from his seat. Even with my humiliation, a deep fear he was going to leave shot my back up straight, my protest on my lips.
“Want another beer?” he muttered, strolling over to the fridge.
“Yeah.” My body sagged with relief.
It’s just because it’s creepy here on your own. You’d want anyone to stay with you.
Lennox grabbed two more beers, opening them and sliding one to me.
“Thanks.”
“After the day you’ve had, maybe I should be offering tequila.”
“Think I’ll wait for a truly tequila worthy day.” I downed some of my beer. “Sadly, I don’t think today even came close.”
“No… I think you’re right.” He nodded, standing on the other side of the counter, his physique taking up so much space. I could feel it loom over me, his heat brushing my skin. “Just promise me you won’t go behind my back again. No matter what. I am supposed to keep you safe. Let me do my job.”
Swallowing, I nodded.
“Don’t you want to get home?”
“I’ll just stay tonight in the room they have for me.” He nodded for me to grab the box, curving for the doorway.
“You have a room here?” I hopped down, grabbing the pizza and following him.
“Yeah.” He said nonchalantly. “The room across from yours.”
“What?” I stumbled over the rug, my throat going dry. “Across. From. Mine?” How did I not know that?
“Need to be close in case something happens. So I can get you out.”
I understood the logistics of it, but the awareness that his bedroom was so close to mine ran an uncomfortable sensation over my skin.
I didn’t feel safe around him…
Not because he would do anything or he couldn’t protect me. No, this was something far more petrifying.
Chapter 19
Flipping over, my lids pried apart, looking up at the clock beside my bed. Barely seven a.m., but I had been tossing and turning most of the night, trying to reason out why I was so restless. Instead of the day swallowing me up in exhaustion, my mind and body were strung tight, not resting on any exact reason that was keeping me up.
Besides the anonymous voices shredding me and the media twisting and making me a cheap story, something else left me agitated.
My gaze slid to my door, feeling apprehension fizz under the layers of excuses. The truth of what was really unsettling me.
I could feel him.
His own room couldn’t contain his presence, so it pushed him through the cracks into mine.
I hated it. Ignorance was bliss, and I liked it when I didn’t know his room was so close to mine. When he was an arsehole bodyguard, not a person.
Lounging in the big reclining chairs, we had watched an action movie, finishing the pizza and beer with very little talking. It had been the most relaxed and tense I had ever felt at once. Highly aware of him next to me, his arm brushing mine when he grabbed his beer.
Spencer, stop. I pushed myself up against my headboard, chiding myself. It was innocent. We watched a movie. Stop feeling guilty for nothing. Theo wouldn’t think anything of it. So why are you?
Breathing out, my shoulders relaxed, brushing the silly emotions aside. I was being ridiculous. Though my need to hear Theo’s voice, to have him home, hummed over my nerves, having me reach for my mobile.
My lids narrowed, noticing the empty space on the nightstand. Where the hell was my cell phone? I swung my legs over the side, my mind rolling back to where I left it.
Right. Lennox had it.
Wow. I hadn’t thought of it once since he took it.
Not. Once.
A nerve twitched my eye as I hurriedly took a shower and got dressed, picking designer jeans, a crew-neck sweater, and pristine boots. The clothes were nice, but not me. Too proper. Confining. I really needed to go shopping… and get my own place. I had to stay strong, not let them take my personality.
I reached for the door, swinging it open.
“Holy crap!” I yelped, jumping back.
Lennox stood on the other side, his hand raised as if he was just about to knock. He was dressed similarly to the day before, his hair wet from the shower, the smell of clean but woodsy soap curling over me, flicking my pulse. His eyes seemed to glow even brighter than I remembered, his scruff a little thicker.
“You scared me.” I shook my head, my fingers gripping the door handle, my eyes snapping away from him.
“Then my to-do list is already done.” His voice was low and husky, like these were the first words he had spoken today. A slow smirk lifted his cheek on one side.
“That’s all you had on your list?” I clicked my tongue, trying to stamp out the shivers gliding over my body, turning flippant. “Quite disappointing. I imagined you to have torture, ridicule, and blatantly drive Spencer mad on your list.”
“Those are my life goals.”
“Doing good so far.” I peered up at him, a flutter obstructing my throat at the intensity of his attention. He was like celebrity/model-level hot, that was why I reacted to him like this. Perfectly normal.
“Was wondering if you wanted to go riding again this morning. You have nothing on your calendar until your etiquette lessons later this afternoon.”
A calmness at the mention of horses eased all the tension locking my muscles. Horses were my happy place. Safe.
“That sounds perfect.” I opened my door wider, stepping back. “Let me grab my jacket.”
He stepped in, his gaze touching over the room.
“Sleep okay?”
“Yeah,” I automatically responded, snatching a jacket from the closet.
“Really?” He chuckled, nodding behind me. Curving to follow his gaze, I saw my bed was a disheveled mess. “Looks like either a lot of fun was going on or you fought with your bed.”
A warmth filled my cheeks, my head shaking. “Unfortunately, the latter.”
“So, you’re already starting off your day lying to me?”
A mischievous smile hinted on my mouth. “It’s on my to-do list.”
He snickered, rubbing his forehead, creating a huge grin on my face.
“I already have your riding boots in the car, Duchess.” He grinned back.
“You know I’m not a duchess.”
“You will be soon,” he responded. The air strained for a moment before he spoke again. “Better be nice to me, or I’m going to make sure Katy gives you the slowest, oldest horse in the stables.”
“Now I see why you’re eager to go back again so quickly.” I wiggled my eyebrows as I pulled on my coat, grabbing my bag. “More than one filly you want to ride.”
He snorted, pushing me playfully out the door. “Come on.”
I laughed, but a spike of irritation stabbed my neck when he didn’t deny it. What if that was the reason he wanted to go again? Not being nice, but wanting to take Katy up on her offer?
“I totally nailed it, didn’t I?” I nudged his shoulder with my own, his gaze snapping down on me. Heat bloomed up into my face, once again realizing what I said. Everything I said around him sounded sexual. “You like Katy.”
“Here, let me take that.” He ignored my insinuation, reaching for my bag as we strolled down the hallway. “You probably want this back too.” He took the bag out of my hands, switching it for my mobile.
“Oh yeah. Thanks.” I nodded, staring down at the screen filled with messages and notifications, suddenly wanting to chuck it out the window. “I actually forgot you had it.”
He muttered something so low I couldn’t hear it, drawing up my quizzical glance.
“Coffee first?” Lennox cut us toward the kitchen, not looking at me.
“Was that seriously a question?”
“No.” He chuckled. “Though, the fact you aren’t a tea person should have taken you out of the running to be the future queen here.”
“Wow. Harsh,” I hissed through my teeth, grinning.
“Though true.” He winked at me, going to the coffee maker already filled with fresh coffee, the tea set out next to it. He grabbed a packet of tea, pouring hot water from the kettle on the stove into a cup, adding milk.
I went straight for the coffee maker, our shoulders brushing.
“I know, but it’s something that reminds me of being forced to sit, smile, and be that posh little girl who wore pretty dresses and didn’t speak unless spoken to. Wearing little white gloves, eating tiny sandwiches, back straight, forced to be genteel and docile, when all I wanted to do was be outside riding my horses through the mud, playing with the dogs, or saving every animal I found in the woods. Tea is the taste of my cage.”
He leaned against the counter, cup in hand, his head dipping in understanding.
“Tea, for me, is when everything was simple. My childhood with my mom. Strip all the bullshite away, and I feel peace for a moment.” He li
cked his lips, staring into the milky liquid. “It got me through many times in the military. Days when the only way to keep going was to split off from reality.”
Admiration hiccupped up my throat. “You were in a war?”
He nodded.
“My first time, I was shipped overseas. For many years, my troop was in the heart of it. Fuck. What we saw… did…” He swallowed, his gaze darting off in front of him, his lids blinking. “When I came back, I transferred to the Royal Air Force, where I met Theo.”
“You needed to distance yourself.” It wasn’t a question.
“Yeah.” His jaw twitched. “How you talk about tea was how I felt about being boots on the ground. Trapped. Flying felt freeing.”
“But you came to work for Theo instead?”
He shrugged, setting down his mug. “We saved each other’s lives in different ways.” What does he mean? Saved each other’s lives? “He’s a good mate, which is rare in my life. He offered me a rope at a time I was searching—needing something—”
“Needing what?”
His head twisted to me. My mouth and body didn’t move, trapped in his stare.
“I had no one. Nothing keeping me tethered,” he said quietly. “Do you know the feeling of being trapped, but at the same time, you feel like you have no anchor? Like you’re floating off into oblivion?”
A gasp hitched my lungs, feeling like I had been peeled open and exposed. “Yes,” I whispered.
His eyes tracked mine, searching, digging further into me.
My heart thumped against my chest, my skin tingling with sparks.
“Spencer!” My name rang out through the room, banging and slicing through me like a serrated knife. Jumping around with a jerk, my eyes landed on a figure.
Standing in the doorway, cell in hand, a rolled paper in the other, he stared at me with disbelief.
Hurt.
Oh god…
Theo.
Chapter 20
Guilt and shame crashed down on me, my head shaking in some denial.
Royal Watch Page 18
