by Wendy Mass
Zoey solves the problem by sticking the end of her cigarette directly into the fire. She pulls it out and the entire bottom half is black.
“Hurry and toke on it,” Joe instructs her. “Or it won’t catch.” She puts the cigarette to her lips and inhales deeply. The end catches just like Joe said it would. But Zoey’s face turns bright red. I’m waiting for the smoke to come out of her mouth. Suddenly she starts coughing and hacking and her eyes water. Megan leans over and pounds her on the back. Zoey waves her off, holding her throat.
“Will a sip of this help?” Joe asks, holding out the brandy. “Uh, I don’t think so,” Katy says.
Zoey finally stops coughing and buries the cigarette in the sand. “Well, that’s one dirty habit I won’t be picking up.”
“Why don’t we go walk it off?” Joe suggests.
“Yeah,” Shmo says, glancing at Megan. “We should get her away from the smoky fire.”
“Is that okay?” Megan asks Katy and me. “We’ll just be gone a few minutes.”
“Take your time,” I tell them. “Katy and I can entertain ourselves.”
“You’re sure?” Zoey asks, slowly getting to her feet.
“Go.”
As soon as the four of them are out of earshot, I tell Katy, “I thought they’d never leave. So tell me, tell me, tell me.”
Katy suggests we go down by the water, so I follow her to a dry patch near the edge, and we sit. She proceeds to untie and tie the shoelaces of both her sneakers.
“C’mon, Katy. I’m not getting any younger.”
“I’m just trying to think of how to say it.”
“Would it help if I guess?”
“I don’t know.”
“All right. Let me try.” I think for a minute and then ask, “Are you moving?”
She shakes her head.
“Thank god,” I say. That had been my biggest fear. As much as I like Megan and Zoey, I would die if Katy left. I try another guess. “Are you doing drugs?”
“No.”
“Did you steal something and get caught?”
“No.”
“Are you pregnant?” I ask, laughing as I say it since I know that’s not possible, unless Orlando is due for a virgin birth. But Katy isn’t saying no. A tightness grips my chest and I grab her arm. “Katy, are you pregnant?”
“No, no, I’m not pregnant,” she says.
I let out a deep breath. I’ve never been so happy to hear the word “no” before.
Then she adds, “It’s pretty much the opposite of pregnant.”
“Huh? What’s the opposite of pregnant?”
She closes her eyes and says in a voice so soft I have to lean in to hear, “I have a crush on a teacher.”
I laugh with relief. “Is that all? What’s the big deal? You know I have a crush on Mr. Simon!”
“It’s different,” she says.
“Why is it different? Who is it, Principal Harrison? He’s kinda old, but he’s not bad looking, I guess.”
She shakes her head and sighs. “It’s Ms. Connors.”
My jaw falls open. Katy reaches over and shuts it for me. My eyes are open so wide they feel too big for their sockets. Her words float out over the lake. I picture them hanging there, suspended in mid-air. My brains searches for things to say.
“But she’s like... she’s a... she’s a woman,” I stammer.
“I’ve noticed,” Katy says, digging in the sand with a stick.
I still feel like I’m not hearing her correctly. Just to point out the obvious, I ask, “What about that time in the coat room in sixth grade when you kissed that kid Billy Something who moved to New Jersey?” My arms flail about in the air as I search for more examples of why Katy isn’t gay. “Okay, and you went to second base with that boy you met at the Museum of Natural History last summer in New York. Also,” I continue, my voice rising, “Jeff Grand wanted to ask you to the prom before he found out sophomores can’t ask people.”
“He did?”
Even in the dark I can tell she’s pleased. “Yes,” I reply.
“Before this whole thing, I didn’t think I was gay either,” Katy says, jabbing the stick hard into the sand. “I’m very confused. I mean, I did like those two guys. And I even like Jeff Grand a little.”
I stand up and sit back down for no good reason. I am very aware that this is a hugely important conversation and I don’t want to say anything stupid. I have to focus. I have to help her sort through this. It’s like with the little girl at Disney this afternoon. It’s so important to listen to the words between the words. The words that aren’t being said. I lean back on my heels and ask, “Are you attracted to Ms. Connors? Like in a sexual way?”
She doesn’t answer right away. Then she sighs and says, “I don’t know. I look forward to her class every day. I like watching her teach. She’s so free and confident and everything.”
“It sounds like you admire her and want to be like her,” I point out, hoping I’m not just grasping aimlessly. “Like I might admire Alyssa Levy’s breasts, but I wouldn’t want to kiss her.”
She looks up at me. “That girl in our gym class?”
“You’re missing the point.”
“No, I get what you’re trying to say. I hadn’t thought of it that way before.”
“But if you do want to kiss her,” I begin, feeling this is an important point I need to get across, “if you do want to, then you can tell me.”
“I’ll have to think about that,” Katy says. I wait for her to say more but she just sits there, lost in thought. At least her shoulders aren’t hunched up anymore. Finally she says, “Thank you for being so cool about this. I was so scared to tell you.”
“Don’t be scared to tell me anything. I’m your best friend no matter what.” Hey, if I can handle what happened with Dad today at Disney World, I can handle this.
“Aw, shucks,” Katy says, in a southern drawl. “You’re not gonna hug me now, are ya?”
“Very funny.”
“It’s weird,” Katy says. “Now that two people know it doesn’t seem like such a big deal.”
“Are you serious? You told Ms. Connors you have a crush on her?” Oh, that can’t have been good.
“No! Of course not,” Katy says. “I mean you and Mrs. Lombardo in the school office. She read it in my note. You gave it to her this morning.”
“What? No, I didn’t! I gave your note back to you when you tackled me in the hall.”
“No, you didn’t. You gave me your mother’s note excusing you from school. You gave my note to Mrs. Lombardo.”
Once again, she shocks me. My jaw drops. I throw my hand over my mouth. “You’re kidding me!”
“I kid you not.”
I feel the laughter rising up from inside me and we both fall onto our backs in the sand. I laugh until my stomach aches.
In between giggles, Katy asks, “You don’t think she’ll tell Ms. Connors, do you?”
I shake my head, not even minding the sand that’s now ground into my hair. “Mrs. Lombardo must have secrets on every kid in school. She’s like a tomb.”
“What are you guys laughing about?” Zoey says, approaching with Megan. I hadn’t even heard them approaching. I hope they didn’t hear anything else. Katy and I quickly stand up and brush the sand off ourselves.
Katy answers hurriedly, “An old Seinfeld rerun I watched last night when I couldn’t fall asleep.”
“Oh,” Megan says. “I never really got that show.”
Katy looks visibly relieved that they bought her excuse. She looks back and forth between the two of them and says, “So, it looks like you guys had a good time. Nice hickey, Megan.”
Megan’s hand flies up to her neck. The rest of us laugh.
“I wouldn’t laugh, Zoey, if I were you,” Megan says. “You have lipstick all over your chin.”
Zoey frantically swipes at her chin with the sleeve of her sweatshirt.
“So where are Joe and Shmo?” I ask.
“Who?
” Megan asks.
“Oh, sorry, I mean Marc and Justin.”
“We sent them to hang with Dennis for a little while. It has to be just the four of us for this next part.”
“Next part?” I ask. “Wasn’t the blackberry brandy my birthday ritual?”
They all laugh, even Katy. “That was just to warm you up,” Zoey says and plops down in the sand. The rest of us follow. “Ready?”
“As I’ll ever be, I guess.”
“Okay,” Zoey says, leaning in toward me. “Truth or dare?” “That’s it?” I look around the circle. “Just truth or dare? That’s easy.” It’s no contest. I always choose truth.
“You might want to hear what they are first,” Megan warns. “Before choosing.”
Zoey rubs her hands together, clearly enjoying this part. “Either you have to tell us the deepest, most secretive secret you know, or else you have to run into the lake naked.”
I stare at her as she giggles with glee. “Naked!?” I demand. “Completely naked!?”
“Just your birthday suit,” she says. “Hey, get it? It’s actually your birthday!” The three of them laugh, but Katy’s sounds forced. I’d bet anything she didn’t know in advance what the truth option was going to be.
Fifteen minutes ago and I would have been so in the clear. I would have told them about stealing that rainbow-colored gel pen from Silverman’s Cash ’n’ Carry in seventh grade. Or that my father cried when he lost his job. Or that I saw Rob naked that time. But now I had a real secret. On the other hand, the lake is very dark and cold and slimy, and the thought of going in there is truly horrifying. That doesn’t leave me much choice. I turn to Katy.
“Will you hold my clothes for me?”
She nods gratefully as I glance behind us to make sure the boys are far enough away. Then I pull off my jeans as Megan and Zoey begin shrieking.
“You’re actually choosing dare?” Zoey shouts. “I can’t believe it!” “Oh my god,” Megan says. “You’re actually getting naked. You must have some huge secret!”
I’ve now pulled off my shirt and am standing there in my underwear. “Any chance you brought a towel?”
Zoey runs back to the bonfire, which by now is a lot lower since no one has tended it. She comes back with a hand towel.
“I never thought you’d choose Dare,” she says. “I only bought this in case we spilled anything.”
I grab the towel from her and use it as best I can to cover myself. With one push, my underwear falls to the ground. I drop the towel as close to the edge of the lake as possible.
“You can still change your mind,” Zoey calls to me as I run into the very cold water.
The dare didn’t say how far in I had to go, so I plan on only taking a few steps. But the shoreline is deceiving and I’m soon up to my thighs.
The three of them are cheering now. Katy calls out, “That’s enough, Josie, come back.”
As I turn around to go back my foot slips on a rock. I feel myself falling and know my bare butt is about to hit the bottom. My bare butt! I land just hard enough to alert me that no matter how hard I pretend, this isn’t a part in a play. It’s just me, in the lake, playing the only real role of my life. By the time I scramble upright, my hair is soaking wet and Katy is at my side, holding the towel. The water only comes up to the bottom of her knees.
“Thank you,” she says, pressing the towel to me. “I owe you big time.”
I shiver in response.
Zoey and Megan hug me when I get to shore, which I think is nice because I’m really wet, but on the other hand it’s a little weird because I’m still naked. They hold out my clothes to me and turn around while I get dressed. I’ve never realized how difficult it is to put on jeans over wet legs. Katy and I still need to talk. She seems much more relaxed now than before she told me. So that’s good, at least.
“You guys ready to go?” Dennis says, approaching from behind. I quickly pull my shirt over my head. I don’t think he saw anything.
The four of them start back toward the fire pit as I bend down to pick up my sneakers and my bra, which I hadn’t bothered to put back on. “Wait!” I call out frantically. Everyone stops. I hold up my left hand. “My ring is missing!”
They all hurry back except Dennis, who says he’ll meet us at the car. “Where did you last see it?” Katy asks worriedly.
“On my finger. Before I went into the lake.”
We turn to face the inky black water. “Oh, no,” I say. “It’s gone. My grandmother had it for fifty years and I had it for three hours!”
“Maybe it’s in the sand,” Megan suggests, kneeling down to look. “It could have fallen off when you took off your clothes.”
We all get on our knees and feel around. “Does Rob still have that metal detector?” Katy asks.
“I think so.” In his geek days Rob used to take his metal detector all over town. I went with him once to one of the manmade ponds on the outskirts of Disney World. After four hours of digging along the shore, all we found were three rusty nails, one nickel from 1976, an old high-heeled shoe, nine bottle caps, and a penny with the face completely burned off from the sun.
The four of us have come up empty, and I’m now on the verge of tears. “We’ll never find it.” The clouds keep blotting out the moon, and the beachfront is even darker now.
“Why don’t we come back here early tomorrow morning,” Katy suggests, scooping up handfuls of sand and letting it sift through her fingers. “It’ll be much easier to search in the daylight.”
I don’t see any other choice. I nod miserably and reach for my sneakers. Putting wet, sand-covered feet in sneakers is totally unpleasant. Before I shove on my second one, I stop to shake out a pebble. Out falls my ring, right onto the sand.
“I found it!” I shout, holding it up high. My friends stop digging and look up. “It must have fallen in there when I pulled them off before.” I stick the ring on my finger and promise myself to get it re-sized as soon as possible.
Megan stands up and brushes the sand off her knees. “Enough drama for one night, even for me.”
We scurry back to the now only-sputtering fire to collect our stuff. “We should put the fire out,” Zoey says. She looks around and sees the cups Katy and I left in the sand with the brandy still in them. She pulls one out of the sand and tosses the contents on the twigs. Then we all jump out of the way because instead of fizzling out, it flares up.
Katy says, “Didn’t you pay attention in science class?” She scoops up sand and tosses it on the flames, eventually smothering them.
I pick up the brandy bottle to hand to Zoey, and am surprised to find it’s empty. “Did you two drink all this?”
“Marc and Justin finished it,” she says.
The only people left in sight are one smooching couple. “Where are those guys?” I ask.
“They must have taken off,” Megan says, looking around. “Oh well. I didn’t think Justin was going to be the love of my life anyway.”
Zoey sighs. “Marc was a good kisser, though. Not too wet, not too dry. Not too hard, not too soft. That’s okay, though. He’s replaceable.” She swings the backpack onto her shoulder and we head toward the path.
Dennis had thoughtfully pulled the car to the edge of the woods and turned on his headlights for us, so it is much easier to see this time. In the car we can’t stop talking about what a crazy day this has been.
“I wonder what will happen in four years,” Megan says. “On Josie’s next Leap Day birthday.”
“We probably won’t all be together,” Katy says quietly. “Zoey and I will be in college and you guys will be on Broadway or on TV or something. But probably not in Orlando.”
That shuts us up for a minute as the reality of what she said sinks in. Then we pass the twenty-four-hour Circle K, and Megan points to it. “Dennis, can we stop?”
“What for?” he asks.
“You can’t possibly be hungry after all the dessert we ate at Josie’s,” Zoey says.
&nbs
p; I want to tell Zoey that if Megan wants to eat, we should all be encouraging her.
“All I want are mints,” Megan replies. “I don’t want my parents to smell the alcohol on my breath.”
“That’s a really good idea,” Zoey says. “Dennis?”
“Oh, all right,” he says, swinging the car into the parking lot. As usual, it’s full, even at almost eleven on a Monday night.
No one wants to wait in the car, so we all go inside. The air conditioning is on full blast and I wish I had put my bra on after all. My wet hair hangs in cold strands down my back and I shiver. Megan heads toward the candy aisle and Katy and I wander through the magazines with all the pretty airbrushed models on the covers.
Making sure no one else is around, I ask, “Katy, do you want to come back to my house? We can continue our conversation and I can drive you back home. I can do that now, you know.”
She shakes her head. “Thanks, but I just want to be alone to think.”
Slightly hurt, I say, “Oh, okay,” and pick up an issue of Entertainment Weekly. As I’m flipping through it, a guy’s voice behind me says, “I guess you still want to be an actress.”
I whirl around. Grant Brawner. What are the odds? He just keeps popping up where I least expect him. My stomach flips until I remember I’m mad at him. “Oh, it’s you,” I say. Katy silently slips away into the next aisle.
“I won’t ask why you’re all wet,” he says.
“Good.”
“Hey, I’m sorry about this afternoon. It was Stu’s idea.”
“Uh, huh.”
“If it makes you feel any better, Stu and I are both out of the game. We got shot about ten minutes ago. Some girls got us right in front of the Slushee machine.”
Actually, that does make me feel a little better. Just then his cell phone rings. He pulls it off his belt and looks at the number.
“It’s my mother,” he says apologetically, and answers it.
I pretend to keep reading the magazine.
“Yeah, it’s me,” he says into the phone. “Oh, really? What’s her name?”
Is his mother trying to fix him up with someone? I really don’t want to hear this. I slip the magazine back onto the shelf and rejoin my friends in front of the counter. Megan is flirting with Stu like nothing ever happened at my house. Traitor. She keeps pushing her hair in front of her neck to cover up evidence of Joe. Or Shmo. Whichever one she was with.
