My callouses touched his, rubbing against the rough skin of his palm that felt so similar to mine. He led me to the sliding glass door at the back of the house, stepping out onto his immaculate patio around the in-ground pool with a cover. Releasing me long enough to press a button, he waited as the cover retracted beneath the patio itself and steam rose from the water in the pool as the cold air touched it. I made for the steps instantly, shivering against the cold against my skin and wanting nothing more than to dive in headfirst. Still, I didn't want wet hair in this cold, so I piled it into a bun on top of my head and walked down the steps, pleased with the temperature of the water the second it bathed me in warmth. Sinking until only my head was out, I watched Enzo push a button on the side of the house and the lights within the pool floor came on. He hurried down the steps as soon as that was done, drawing a chuckle from me as water splashed from around his stupidly long legs.
"Did your dick crawl back inside you?" I asked.
He grinned at me, moving into my space and wrapping his arms around me where I floated. My feet didn't touch the bottom in the center like his seemed to do, so I wrapped my legs around his waist and let him support me as he strolled around in the water. It wasn't uncommon for me to feel small compared to the men I dated. It would be hard not to at my height, but something about being in Enzo's arms felt different. Safer.
"I told you about my dating history," he said. "It's why I haven't bothered to date anyone seriously since. I don't want to know a fucking thing about the men you've been with, aside from this one conversation," he muttered, closing his eyes as if he couldn't believe he was asking the question. "Who broke your heart?" The question on the heels of our altercation with Patrick struck hard, and I knew it aggravated Enzo to think that just maybe my heartbreak had been recent. That I still pined away for another man even while I snuggled deeper into his embrace.
No matter how much my brain seemed to know he was bad for me, my body wanted him in a way no one else had ever compared. Even his dominance over me and the subsequent loss of control served to draw me away from the constant battle of compulsions, bringing me to a place of peace I’d never experienced before.
"What makes you think anyone did?" I asked, trying to ignore the way my heart pounded in my chest. Enzo always seemed to get right to the core of my issues, seeing me for everything I wanted to hide and knowing exactly what was bullshit. "Maybe I just like dick too much to settle down with just one. Variety is the spice of life."
He narrowed his eyes on mine, staring up at me before he called me on my bluff. "I don't think you're nearly as casual about sex as you want me to believe, Baby Girl. If you were, you'd be a hundred percent satisfied to have fucked me like a bunny and know we'd go our separate ways when this is done." The confirmation of everything I knew about whatever this was between us felt like a shard in my chest, but I pushed through it with a deceptive smile. He continued, "That's not what's happening here. We both know it, but you never even considered the possibility of that before you dismissed me. Someone who likes casual sex would probably have tried to jump me that first night. Not tried to sneak out of my house in the middle of it."
"Feeling a little sure of yourself, aren't you, Big Guy?" I asked, shaking my head at his arrogance.
"I'm no stranger to casual sex. I know how women who are looking for that act. You are not one of them, Carina. So cut the bullshit and tell me what he did to fuck you up with dating."
With a sigh, I dropped my head down to stare at the water in defeat. "Nobody broke my heart. Not like Ivory, anyway. It was just a lot of lesser hurts, I guess. I've learned that men don't want to know me. They just want to fuck me and then move on once they tire of my personality. I can't blame them. I exhaust myself sometimes." I laughed mirthlessly. "But I just don't see the point in getting attached when I know none of these relationships will be permanent." I shrugged, trying to tune out the way his hazel eyes singed my face with their heat.
"This is not temporary, Sadie," he stressed. "You don't need to keep me at a distance and wait for the other shoe to drop. I'm not going anywhere."
I hummed, trying to ignore the way the words washed over me and made me feel. Trying to believe them for the first time in my life. Something about Enzo tempted me in a way no one had ever managed before, calling to that vulnerable part of me that wanted to believe that someone could want forever with me.
I didn't need every man to love and accept me. I just needed one.
Sometimes it felt like that might be too much to ask.
"Something dropped," I teased, using perversion to change the subject since the hot water had brought him out to play. He laughed, but shook his head with a sigh.
"You're impossible."
"Funny, that's what my mom says right before she yells, Sadie Anne!" He gave another chuckle as he touched his chin to my shoulder, hazel eyes filled with exasperation.
"My mom doesn't yell," he admitted. "She does that disappointed voice. The one where you know shit just got real and you better run out of the house before she gets her wooden spoon? My sisters and I learned a long time ago not to fuck with that voice."
"How many sisters do you have?" I asked.
He gave me a lopsided grin that sent my stomach tumbling over itself with nerves. "I think that's the first time you've asked anything about me. Hard to deny you care if you ask about my family." He kissed me briefly, and I listened to the cadence in his voice as he spoke animatedly about all five of his sisters and his niece and nephews.
Even though it wasn't a romantic relationship, I wondered what it must be like to have someone love me so much that it excited them to talk about me to their friends and family. I couldn’t deny any longer that I wanted that and him desperately.
That the life he painted with his words could be mine to share in. Because an animated Enzo was a beautiful sight.
It wasn’t until he carried me toward the stairs at the edge of the pool that I snapped out of the trance I’d fallen into listening to him talking about the people he loved. “I want to give you something,” he murmured, setting me to my feet at the edge. Hurrying up the steps and to the house, he grabbed two towels off the rack just inside. Wrapping one around me, he dried me off quickly as I shivered. “Get inside,” he ordered, swatting my ass. I didn’t hesitate to follow that order, racing in the open door and watching him dry himself off.
He followed me in, closing the door in a hurry and going to his bedroom without another word. He emerged with the towel wrapped around his waist, a gun in the grip of his left hand. Clutching the towel tighter to my chest, I studied it cautiously as he held it out to me. “Try not to shoot me with it when I piss you off,” he said with a laugh.
Taking it from him, I looked down at the engraving along the sides of the barrel. Flowers etched into the surface, the words “Ride or Die” placed among them in a silver color. My eyes immediately went to his tattoo, to the echo of it on the gift he’d given me.
“It’s the gun we took off the man who broke into your apartment. The bullet that was meant for you. Seems only fitting that you use it to protect yourself now.”
My thumb trailed over the words, drawing comfort from them as I spoke. “Does this mean I can go home now?” I asked. The thought should have been a welcome one. It was what I’d wanted. The freedom to make my own choices and spend my nights in my own apartment. But faced with the prospect of going home to a house devoid of Enzo, it no longer appealed to me.
I tried to hide the disappointment from my face, masking it behind a cautious smile that didn’t seem to convince him any more than it did myself.
“No,” he chuckled. “I am your home now. This is just an insurance policy. You know how to use it, so there’s no reason you shouldn’t have a back-up means to protect yourself. The only time you should ever need this is if someone gets through me, but I want to know you have it in case that day comes.”
“Well, that’s only slightly terrifying,” I mumbled. If the thought of g
oing home without Enzo threatened to tear apart the guard I kept on my heart, the thought of him lying dead shattered it to dust.
“You’re my ride or die, Baby Girl,” he murmured, stepping into me until I turned my head to rest my cheek against his chest. His hand wrapped around the back of my neck, and I let him hold me until the agonizing threat of losing him faded beneath the comfort of his touch.
I woke up suddenly in my bed, feeling the cold settle down to my bones. I blinked away my confusion as reality jarred me and my senses returned. I didn't remember falling asleep.
I remembered lying in bed, Enzo sprawling on his side next to me while I talked about my brothers and my relationship with Dad. Then there was nothing. The sudden desire to know what Enzo's face looked like in his sleep overwhelmed me, pushing me to turn over and study him.
But I was alone.
Tossing back the covers that tangled around my feet, I crept from the bedroom and peeked into the bathroom. When that was empty, I checked the hallway and made my way downstairs. I didn't bother with trying to escape, remembering how well that had gone the last time I attempted it. I wasn’t even positive I wanted to sneak out at any rate, not after how crushed I’d felt in the moment where it seemed like he was finally turning me away. Enzo's bedroom was positioned at the back of the house, his door cracked open. I moved closer, rubbing my arms to hold off the chill I still felt. A quick peek inside confirmed the unmistakable shape of his body in the center of the bed. All the hope I hadn’t realized I clung to dropped away and left me empty at the sight.
It shouldn't matter.
I didn't want him to sleep with me, but the rejection stung, regardless. I was good enough to fuck in public places. I was good enough to claim in public so that other men couldn't have me.
But I wasn't good enough to share a bed with.
Biting my lip harshly to stem my rising anger, I made my way back up the stairs and curled up in bed with Rebel at my feet again. At least she liked to sleep with me.
I never fell back asleep.
I really hated to admit that I'd never been to a strip club. With my wild child personality, it didn't match what I knew other people thought about me. So even though I was exhausted from the night before, the neon lights and plush, dark interior of Tease called to something inside my soul. "Don't even think about it," Enzo warned. "If I catch you up on a pole, I will spoon out the eyeballs of everyone in this place. I doubt Matteo will approve."
I chuckled at him, turning my head away from the woman who worked one of the poles in a navy blue bra and panty set. Lacy, sexy, delicious.
Even I wanted to fuck her, and I didn't think I swung that way.
"Do you come here often?" I asked Enzo as he led me through the main room. Even though it was only late afternoon, early crowds for the Friday night rush seemed to have already poured into the club. Men in suits sat around the seven stages with poles in the room. Enzo never spared a glance at any of the women working them or giving lap dances around the space. He just made his way toward a closed door in the back where a man stood guard. He nodded to Enzo politely, pushing the door open for us to step through.
"I’m only here when Matteo needs me to supervise a pick up. Don't make me regret not dropping you at the Estate with Scar, Baby Girl."
I rolled my eyes, taking in the tasteful nude art that lined the walls of the back hallway. Girls raced around in heels that towered so high I thought I might snap my neck just watching them. Watching them in varying degrees of nudity with lightly glittered skin, I kind of wanted to know what it felt like to glow under the black lights. "I'm not going to run. Who would want to leave this place?" Even as I asked the question, I kind of wanted a bottle of sanitizer just thinking about how many men probably found a dark corner to rub one out.
Euw.
"I always assumed strip clubs would be...grosser." It felt like a betrayal to myself to say the words, but given the fact that there was no jizz glowing like a neon beacon on any of the walls, I took that as a good sign.
Enzo scoffed. "Like Matteo would own anything that wasn't the epitome of class. Even the stables are immaculate."
"Stable? Like for prostitutes? Suck a donkey dick, Matteo runs girls?"
"Hey Sadie!" Yavin yelled from a door down the hall, his amusement sounding over the music muted by the door to the main space.
"Willing girls, yes. He takes good care of them, offers them protection. It's not as unsavory as I'm sure it sounds." Enzo had the grace to wince, like he'd forgotten that my best friend was married to him.
"Well, at least he's a fair pimp. Yo, Yavin! Do you have a continual hard on every day while you work, or is that just me?" I asked, sidestepping Enzo to go find my very entertaining babysitter for the day. Yavin and I had a unique bond, being on the fringes of the Bellandi family in our own ways.
Enzo growled at my back. I guessed he didn't like me talking about another man's penis.
"You get used to it." Yavin shrugged, leaning back in the chair behind his desk while he typed away on his laptop as I stepped into his office. Luxurious and masculine, it looked like it belonged in a high-rise commercial building commanding the city, not tucked away in the back rooms of a strip club. He unfolded his body from the chair, stepping around to greet me with a sweet kiss on the cheek.
Reaching up to pinch his nose, I twerked it from side to side. "I hear congratulations are in order. Does she know you spend your days around naked women?"
"It's nice to see you too, Squirt," he laughed, going back to his chair.
"Don't you have work to do?" I asked Enzo, turning to raise an eyebrow at him when he glowered at the two of us.
"I want it clear that I am not a fan of this. The two of you together does not promise to end well for me." The smile that spread across Yavin's face matched mine—conspirators in the making. The coppery notes to his dark hair gleamed in the bright lighting of the office as he shook his head, and the mess of it fell around his temples in waves.
"What kind of trouble could we possibly get up to without leaving?" I asked, batting my eyelashes at him.
Enzo snorted. "I know you too well for that, Carina. Her clothes stay on, all of them, and if she so much as touches a stage or a pole, Aoife won't have any balls to threaten when I'm done with you." Enzo growled the warning at Yavin, leaning down to kiss me briefly before turning and leaving the office to go handle his pick up or whatever the hell that meant.
I didn't care, because I had a few minutes of relative freedom.
"Tell me about her," I said, dropping into a chair on the other side of the desk as Yavin sighed and covered his face with his hands. The smile on his face was undeniable as he dragged them down, exposing it slowly.
"She threatened to cut my cock off while I sleep," he laughed. "It should probably bother me that I got turned on."
"I like her," I announced, smacking my knees with open palms. "She sounds like the best kind of woman. Maiming before marriage? Fucking fabulous."
"Liam says she's in school studying graphic design. She wants to open up a business after she finishes school, but Tiernan always forbade it." His face turned giddy as he announced his stupid, stupid plan. "So I'm going to get her started. Rent her an office space and—"
"Hold on Romeo, not without talking to her, you aren't," I snapped. "A man telling her she can't have a business and a man making decisions about her business for her are two sides of the same coin. I'd cut you if you tried to do something for the gym without my consent. You want to help her? That's great, but you need to start by talking to her first. Because for one, most graphic designers don't have an office. They work from the comfort of their own home, where pants and a bra are optional. And two, from what you just said? My guess is she's never had much opportunity to prove herself. She's always been Liam's daughter, where connections got her whatever she wanted. Now she'll be your wife."
"What's wrong with that?" Yavin asked, looking blissfully ignorant about the way women worked. If Aoife was half
as starved for independence as I suspected she was, he'd have a rough go of it with the mindset he had. A soft knock came at the door, one of the girls poking her blond head in to smile at Yavin seductively.
"The new girl's going on. We thought you might want to watch," she purred.
"James is out there, right? He knows what to look for." Yavin dismissed her with a friendly, but overly polite smile that instantly made her seductive smile fade to return to business mode before she ducked out.
"Smart man. I take it you stopped sleeping with your girls?"
"What makes you think I ever slept with them?" he asked, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck.
"Dude, I would sleep with them." He roared with laughter, shaking his head.
"Samara would kill me if I slept around while I'm engaged to Aoife. It may be an arranged marriage, but it's one I chose. I'll honor my vows, even if I haven't made them yet. It would be smart for the more familiar girls to have time to realize that playtime is over where I'm concerned."
"It is smart. The other smart thing is to ask her what she wants and make that happen if she asks for help. Otherwise, let her be her own person and accept that her business has nothing to do with you. She'll want to stand on her own two feet in one part of her life. It's your job to let her."
"Even if I have the resources to make her successful?"
"Even if you have the resources to make her the best graphic designer on the planet." I nodded my head in agreement. "It will mean one hundred times more to her if she does it on her own than it will if you give it to her.”
"You know I'm going to bug you constantly when I don't know what the fuck I'm doing, right?"
Shielded Wrongs: A Dark Mafia Romance (Bellandi Crime Syndicate Book 4) Page 17
