At least Ethan seemed to have revived. He moved with his usual grace as he washed the suds from his hair, then returned the favour. Neither of them got more than half hard and didn’t try to take it any further, even as they shared the soap and worked it over each other’s bodies. It was just the closeness, the simplicity of being able to take some time with each other, that soaked through Jack, leaving him warm and settled.
As much as he then wanted to crawl into the bed Ethan had made before joining him in the shower, Jack let Ethan direct him in wringing out their wet clothes and hanging them up as best they could to dry. Then it was into the bed with the tray of minibar snacks between them. Jack ate a couple of packets of biscuits and an apple and drank a bottle of water before sliding down under the sheets. Ethan put the tray aside and rolled into his arms.
“We’re safe here?” Ethan pushed his back into Jack’s chest.
“Yeah. Raja and I have our differences, but he’s family. He won’t betray us.”
“Good.”
Jack made sure he wasn’t putting pressure on any of Ethan’s injuries. “Are you feeling better?”
“Much.” After a hesitant moment, he added, “Raja brought some ibuprofen with everything else. He said he thought it might be needed, considering your penchant for getting into trouble.”
It was probably the exhaustion and pending coma, but Jack laughed. “That’s pretty fair, actually.”
“I gather you were a rather rambunctious child.”
“Rambunctious? If you mean I didn’t back down from a fight, then yeah. You’d think Meera and I would have fitted in here better than we did at home, but kids can be very exacting. We didn’t sound right or act right. They had strong opinions about that. It was fight or run. Meera would run, so I fought.”
Ethan chuckled. “I bet you did it just to be contrary.”
“It is every brother’s sworn duty to make their sister’s life hell.”
“Hmm. Maybe that’s where I went wrong.” His tone was pensive.
Fuck. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to bring up a touchy subject.”
“It’s all right. I know what my relationship with them was like. It doesn’t change how I feel about them or what I did for them.”
“You did everything you could.” Jack kissed the back of his neck.
Ethan shook his head. “I didn’t. I was wrong to leave you and go after the Cabal by myself. You’re right. I should have told you, told the Office. If I had . . .”
Jack waited for Ethan to finish, but all he did was push his face into the pillow. The silence felt like those hours after the events at the glass house. If only Jack had thought before opening his mouth. Or perhaps now was the right time to ask.
“Do you want to talk about what happened?”
Ethan was quiet for a couple of minutes, then sighed. “Not particularly.”
“It might help.”
“When does talking ever help? All it does is point out your shortcomings, your failures, every bad decision you ever made. It warps your perspective.”
His tone was so dejected Jack felt an actual pain in his guts to hear it.
“It can give you another perspective. Something to help you work through whatever problem you have.” Jack gave Ethan a gentle squeeze. “And you know I would never hurt you. Talking helps. I’ll listen, let you get it out.”
Ethan wriggled out of Jack’s arms and rolled onto his belly, head turned away from Jack. “I’m tired, Jack. Can we just sleep?”
“Yeah.” Jack ran his hand down Ethan’s bare back. “I only want you to be okay.”
Silence fell and Jack relaxed into the mattress. Maybe Ethan would feel more positive after a good sleep. And maybe Jack would know how to get over himself where Raja was concerned. He was just dropping off to sleep when Ethan spoke again.
“They were already dead.”
Jack blinked in the darkness. As surprised as he was at the words, he kept his mouth shut. He had promised to listen.
“That was the target I was aiming for. My entire reason for pushing myself that far, for that long. And they took it away from me. Just as they took everything away from me.”
The pain in his voice tore through Jack. He wanted to touch him, hold him, but this was one of those times when Ethan wouldn’t accept it. When he spoke of his past—when he was at his most vulnerable—he needed to be in complete control.
“I wanted them to know, needed them to know why they were dying. They destroyed our lives, Jack. They gave me brothers and sisters, and then told me to kill them. Told them to kill me. My sister, One, hated me. I don’t know why. She didn’t seem to hate any of the others. But she was obedient and she never touched me outside of training. Then they told us the final test. To prove our loyalty and our training, we had to kill one of our siblings. I refused. I’d already watched one of them die, saw another one lying lifeless at my brother’s feet. I couldn’t do that again. One had no such compunction. She came for me with every measure of hatred she had.”
Ethan rolled to face Jack. It was too dark to make out his features but Jack could guess his expression well enough—nothing. He was locked down, emotions sealed away so he could say these things.
“I was prepared to let her kill me. They’d already forced me to kill for them and I wasn’t sure I could do it again. Not because it was hard, but because it was easy. Their training had worked, in that regard at least. If I died, I wouldn’t have to make that decision again. Clearly, it didn’t happen that way. Two killed One before she could finish me.”
Jack never would have thought he’d ever be grateful for that psychopathic arsehole’s existence, but here he was.
“They did that to us, and they needed to die for it. But that won’t happen now. Ten poisoned them to take that away from me. The remaining bosses made sure I would have nothing. That I would be nothing but what they created. I killed my brothers for nothing, Jack.”
“Jesus,” Jack hissed and reached for him.
Ethan fought to get free, but Jack wrestled the other man underneath himself. Clamped his knees around Ethan’s thighs and locked his arms around his chest. Silently, Ethan struggled, but he wasn’t at his full strength. Neither was Jack, but his absolute need to keep Ethan safe was greater than Ethan’s desire to get away. His twisting and turning weakened quickly, his breathing became ragged, and then he was crying. Quiet sobs that shuddered through his whole body. Jack changed his hold from restraint to embrace, shifting so he could hold Ethan to his chest and stroke his hair. He murmured soothing nonsense and kissed his temple while his lover suffered through this pain.
When Ethan went slack against him, Jack decided he would apologise to Raja for his shitty behaviour. Compared to what Ethan had gone through in his life, a few disagreements from nearly two decades ago meant nothing. Yeah, they couldn’t see eye to eye on some things, but that didn’t mean they weren’t family, or didn’t care for each other. His uncle was more than that. Jack was more than that.
Ethan was more than that.
“You’re not only what they made you,” Jack murmured.
Against his chest, Ethan’s head shook a slow negative.
“Trust me on this, okay? You’re not just an assassin.”
“Aren’t I, Jack?” Ethan pulled back but only enough to see him. “I went in there last night with the intent to kill. That was all I wanted. To let them know why they had to die, and then kill them. And when I couldn’t do it, I fell apart. There is nothing else in me if three missed targets leaves me empty.”
“That’s just the shock. It’ll wear off.” Jack cupped his cheek, thumb brushing over his damp skin. “They taught you to hunt and kill. The army taught me that too, and is that all I am? A soldier?”
Ethan shook his head once.
“So neither are you just an assassin. Did they teach you to be a mechanic?”
“Yes. They taught us all basic engine maintenance.”
“No. They taught you mechanics. You became a mechanic on
your own. When you got your first fancy car and fixed it up, gave it a name, and then went out and got another car.”
The huff from Ethan might have been amused.
“Those silly books you read.”
“They’re not silly. They’re—”
“They’re silly, Ethan, deal with it. Did they give them to you as a textbook or a what-not-to-do guide?”
“No.” It sounded a bit sullen.
“No. You found them on your own and, for whatever crazy reason, decided you liked them.”
“They’re entertaining.”
“If you say so, but you decided that, not them. I bet they also didn’t have a petting zoo so you could play with the baby animals, either, and yet here you are, befriending half-feral camels.”
“There were guard dogs.”
“You snuck them treats, didn’t you.”
Ethan snorted. “I tried but they were too well trained to take food from me. I felt very sorry for them though. They never got to play.”
Just like Ethan never got to play? Jack squashed that question into the filing cabinet. It never needed to be asked. If Ethan wanted to tell him, he would. Eventually.
“Do you see what I’m saying?” he asked instead. “There is so much more to you than you think there is. They may have turned you into a killer, but you made yourself into a car nut, an animal lover, and a reader with questionable tastes.” Before Ethan could protest that one again, Jack added, “And you’re someone I want in my life so fucking much it hurts me when you’re not around.”
“Jack,” Ethan whispered, then kissed him.
Pulling him closer, Jack returned the kiss. It heated quickly, so they were writhing against each other, touching and teasing, and then it slowed down into tenderness, before slipping gently into just holding each other until they fell asleep.
It was bright enough even with the thick curtains drawn for Ethan to scramble for his glasses when he woke up. Behind the dark shades, he surveyed the room, ensuring nothing was disturbed or missing. He’d slept deeply, and waking in a strange place always sparked his wariness. Nothing was amiss, thankfully.
Beside him, Jack was sprawled on his belly, still asleep and giving no sign of changing that state of affairs any time soon. When Ethan slept that deeply, it was rare for him to wake before Jack, so he took the chance to do something he loved and traced his fingers over the shape of his tattoo. He’d missed it over the past months. Or rather, missed this simple little action that nevertheless made him feel connected to Jack.
A knock at the outer door made Ethan roll out of the bed and to his feet, ready to pounce.
“Boys? Are you awake?”
Raja.
Ethan called, “A moment please,” then hurriedly found his pants. They were still a little damp but he pulled them on. His shirt was torn so he grabbed Jack’s and was buttoning it up when he answered the door.
Raja was waiting patiently with a trolley carrying cloche covered plates and a stoneware pot of something that smelt incredibly good.
“Is that butter chicken?” Ethan stepped back and let Jack’s uncle wheel the food in.
“It is.” Raja smiled widely, the corners of his eyes wrinkling. “Jack told me it was your favourite and it’s one of the staples of our kitchen. Usha’s recipe.”
Mouth already watering, Ethan followed Raja into the lounge room and helped him set out the food on the coffee table. As well as the curry, there was rice, naan, lamb kofta with yogurt, palak paneer and gulab jamun and halwa for dessert. Ethan’s stomach was growling by the time they were done.
“Is Jack still sleeping?” Raja looked to the bedroom door with an expression of cautious hope.
“Yes. We’ve been constantly on the move for several days. He needs the rest.”
Raja nodded. “I’m glad you found somewhere you could stop.”
“Thank you for this. We truly appreciate it. I know you and Jack have your differences and that this must be awkward for you.”
Raja smiled sadly. “More like we are too similar, but for one point of view where we disagree.” He shook his head and backed up. “I should leave you to your meal. If you need anything else, just dial three on the phone. It’s a special line, it only goes to me.”
Ethan walked with him to the door, where Raja stopped and sighed.
“Jack and I might disagree, but he is my family and I have missed him. I never thought I’d ever see him in India again.” He gripped Ethan’s shoulder warmly. “I’m very grateful to you that he’s here.”
“To me?” If only Raja knew how much danger Jack had been in because of Ethan.
“Yes, to you. Jack swore he would never return and yet here he is. I’m sure you’ve worked out by now that once Jack makes up his mind, he sticks to his guns.”
“He is very stubborn,” Ethan agreed.
“Stubborn, and passionate. Did he tell you what he did at my wedding?”
Ethan shook his head.
“It was an arranged marriage, but both Lavanya and I wanted it. We were friends, are friends still. Jack didn’t like it.” In response to Ethan’s raised eyebrow, Raja said dryly, “He had his reasons. We might have disagreed, but I can understand it. We were going to have fireworks at the reception, but Jack stole them and placed them around the outside of the church. He set them off in the middle of the ceremony.”
“Oh dear.”
Raja laughed. “I was angry at the time, but I was impressed as well. It took a lot of planning and ingenuity for a seventeen year old, but he felt that strongly about it he didn’t give up. And that’s why I’m grateful to you. There’s only one thing that could make Jack break his promise to never return here. Love. The loss of it kept him away. The love he has for you brought him back. Thank you for that.”
Before Ethan could do more than gape, Raja turned and walked across the salon to the hidden staircase.
Ethan closed the door and went back to the lounge room. Jack was sitting on the couch, piling food on a plate. His hair was disarrayed, eyes still sleepy, and all he wore was his wrinkled pants.
How much had he heard? Was he cranky that his uncle revealed so much?
“Come and eat before I finish it all,” Jack said.
Ethan hurried over and sat beside him. Jack gave him the plate he’d already prepared, then began assembling another for himself.
“Did we wake you?” Ethan shovelled in a load of butter chicken and rice.
“Nah. Had to piss.” He started with dessert, popping a gulab jamun into his mouth. Chewed, swallowed, and added, “Heard you two talking though.”
“Oh.”
Jack smiled. “It’s okay. I need to apologise to Raja.”
“For the fireworks at the wedding?”
“That too. But I meant for that thing we disagree on.” Jack loaded some naan with paneer. “Remember when I said I discovered the secret entrance to the hotel by following this hot guy?”
Ethan nodded, mouth full of kofta.
“The lover he said goodbye to was Raja.”
He’d suspected it since Jack had explained the purpose of these secret rooms.
“I’m telling you because I trust you won’t spread his secret. The old law was against acts of homosexuality, not identifying as homosexual, or queer. There were, and still are, a lot of people who object to even that, though. It was risky to come out, even if you didn’t act on it.”
“And Raja chose the safe path.”
“Yeah. And I didn’t like it. I mean, I wasn’t even out to my parents. Meera knew because she has this sixth sense about finding anything I wanted to keep hidden. But I had a boyfriend and thought I was in love and couldn’t understand why Raja would deny himself that. Then he announced his engagement.” Jack’s lips twisted up into a wry grimace. “I was a complete dickhead about it.”
Ethan nodded emphatically as he spooned the last of his butter chicken into his mouth.
“Yeah, okay, no need to be so agreeable,” Jack muttered. “Anyway, I nee
d to say sorry for all that shit.”
“What language were you and Raja speaking? It wasn’t Hindi and it didn’t sound like Marathi.”
“It’s Malayalam, the language of this region. My mother’s language, though most people also speak English, or some Hindi. I don’t speak Malayalam unless I absolutely have to. Hindi is less . . . painful to hear.” Jack set down his plate and cleared his throat. “I should go talk to Raja.”
“I suppose, but later.” Ethan set his plate aside as well and swung a leg over Jack’s thighs and settled onto his lap. “First, this.” He leaned in and kissed him.
Jack tasted sweet and spicy from the food, and Ethan teased the seam of his lips with his tongue until Jack parted them for him. A moan welled up in Ethan’s throat as he delved into his lover’s mouth. It was answered with a growl from Jack as his arms went around him, hands fisting up the material of his shirt. They kissed hard and forcefully, all the banked desire from that night in the slums unleashed. Ethan pushed into Jack, needing the contact, wanting the solidity of Jack’s body to assure him that they were finally together and had no reason not to give in to the passion.
“Christ.” Jack’s mouth was barely far enough away for him to form the word. “Yeah. This. Now.”
They both started undoing the buttons on Ethan’s shirt at the same time, Ethan from the top, Jack from the bottom.
“You’ve eaten enough?” Ethan asked breathlessly.
“Yup. Probably need a snack after this though. Jesus, what is with these buttons?” With a grunt, Jack yanked the shirt open. The last couple of buttons pinged off in different directions, quickly followed the shirt itself.
Ethan laughed, then gasped as Jack flicked his tongue over a nipple. His head dropped back, spine arching towards Jack. The bruise on his side sent a wave of pain though him, just to remind him it was there, but he lost it in the exquisite sensation of Jack’s teeth scraping across his gunshot scar.
“Jack!”
When Death Frees the Devil Page 27
