Mac cocked an eyebrow at me. “Thirsty much?”
I shrugged. “Those are the first words you’ve spoken to me in three days.”
He winced and stepped closer. “I don’t know how to say this, so I’m just gonna say it. I’ve had a really… unexpected week.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Well, if you’d let me finish, I’ll tell you. God, it’s hard enough to talk right now when my lungs are on fire.” He doubled over then with his hands on his thighs, just above his knees, then stood back up straight. “Bryan and Eli are fucking crazy with this running shit,” he muttered.
“You were saying?”
“Yes, right. This week was unexpected.”
“Because you found out I do drag?”
“No—dude, shut up. I don’t have an issue with that at all. I mean, yeah, that definitely contributed to the unexpected, but not in a bad way.”
I groaned and stood up, not at all in the mood for this. “What are you goin’ on about?”
“I’ve been having these, uh, urges. They’re worse when you’re around, but they’re there regardless.” He ran his hand through his hair again, messing his blond waves up even more.
Urges? Surely he didn’t mean what I thought he was saying.
“I can’t stop thinking about fucking you.” He said it so casually, like he’d just told me we were having pizza for dinner.
“Oh, fuck off,” I blurted out in disbelief. He had to be messing with me.
“I realize that there are better ways I could have said that, and maybe the next time I have a conversation like this I’ll explore those other options, but it’s too late for that now. I’m at my wit’s end here. I’ve been avoiding you, yes—and I apologize for that. Now you know why.”
“Go ’way outta that! I don’t believe you.”
He nodded and smirked. The bastard. “You don’t have to believe me. I only told you so you wouldn’t think I was an asshole. You know, for ghosting you this week. I’m not expecting anything from you, and this doesn’t change our living arrangement. I just wanted to get it out there since avoiding it clearly didn’t work.”
“Prove it.”
“Prove what?”
“You’re straight, ya?”
“Um, yeah, last I checked.”
“Yet you say you wanna fuck me. So, prove it.” Mac held my gaze while the laugh-track from the show filled the silence between us. It could have been a few seconds or a few minutes before he finally looked away. I scoffed, not at all surprised, announced I was going to bed, and turned to leave.
I’d made it to the end of the couch when heavy steps sounded behind me and a strong grip seized my bicep, pulling me back and turning me around. Mac slid his free hand around the back of my neck, working his fingers in the loose bun while his eyes bore into mine.
“Just remember that you asked for this,” I heard him say before his lips crashed into mine.
Five
Mac
There was a lot going through my head before I kissed him. I’d spent the majority of the week working in my actual office and visiting family—I’d even spent one night in my childhood bed. I didn’t tell anyone about Dubhlainn aside from Grams. She was surprised initially, though no less loving or supportive of me.
Not being able to talk it out with Bryan ate at me the most. He would have had questions—probably the same ones I had—but no matter what, he’d have listened and offered advice. We were always able to talk to each other over the years. The unexpectedness of my feelings toward Dubhlainn made me panic and flee instead of taking what I knew to be the logical route. Shit, had my faculties been running at normal capacity, I’d have gone to see Eli too. He thought he was straight before he met Bry, and although the circumstances were different, he surely could have understood some of what I was experiencing.
But I didn’t do those things. No, I ran—literally and figuratively. I ran away as fast as my feet could carry me and hoped my mind would calm itself if I remained in motion. I distanced myself from the clutches of temptation, and it didn’t help me one bit. All I’d done was add guilt on top of my shit. Guilt over abandoning the kid and guilt for being a coward.
It had taken me nearly a full week to come to the realization that I’d been acting like a little bitch and needed to remedy that immediately. I happened to be on a jog when my epiphany came, then ran across town to get back to the apartment. Had I been thinking clearly I probably would have ran the two blocks to get back to my fucking car and drove over instead of nearly killing myself. But, hey, no one was perfect.
I wasn’t sure what I was going to say when I saw him, and I really didn’t expect to end up kissing him. Yet, there we were, standing in the living room with him firmly in my grasp and my lips pressed against his.
He wasn’t kissing me back, and I started to think he’d been bluffing when he’d asked me to do it. Anyone who knew me knew not to gamble with me unless they didn’t mind losing. Dubhlainn didn’t pull away from me, so I took a chance and gently brushed my tongue across his lips. He opened up for me, moaning into my mouth when my tongue connected with his. From where I stood, there were no losers in this game.
Kissing a man didn’t shatter my world, nor did it enlighten it. I didn’t feel any different at my core, and I wasn’t concerned with that. What mattered was what was tangible; Dubhlainn pressed up against me, and my cock responding from kissing him. Feeling his dick get hard against my leg was quite unlike anything I’ve felt before, yet it somehow enhanced the experience. Knowing we were on the same page—at least physically—only made me want to try him more.
I pulled the tie free from his bun then curled my fingers through the back of his silky hair and tugged. His lips were pulled from mine and his harsh breaths matched my own. The look in his heavy-lidded eyes was one of pure desire. His lips were plump and reddened from our kiss, making him look downright indecent. And gorgeous.
He was definitely gorgeous. I wasn’t sure how to best describe him before, but the word was clear now. That mouth, those pale, crystal-blue eyes, and that copper hair that was more orange than brown—yeah, he was fucking gorgeous. The fact that he had a dick had nothing to do with my decision on the matter.
I maintained my grip in his hair and leaned down to kiss him again, harder than the first time. I let go of his arm in favor of sliding my hand around his waist, then down to cup his ass. And what a sweet ass it was—tight and firm with a nice curve. I squeezed him hard and he moaned again, the sound going straight to my cock, further fraying my fleeting control.
Dubhlainn snaked his arms under mine and dug his blunt nails into my back while he bit my bottom lip, harder than anyone had before. I winced then growled as I backed him into the wall—hard. The force of the impact pushed the air out of his lungs in a huff and left him momentarily dazed. I stepped back in, slipped one of my legs between his and pinned him. He rose up to his toes and I smiled to myself; I’d used this technique on women for years and it worked without fail. I just needed to work him over a bit more and he’d be grinding on my thigh, begging for more.
I pulled his collar to the side and licked along his collarbone and up his neck. His skin tasted clean and was so fucking smooth. I licked his lips in a tease before nibbling on his jaw until it connected with his neck. “Do you have enough evidence?” I rasped in his ear as I braced one arm on the wall above his head and slipped the other up his shirt.
My fingertips gently skimmed over his right nipple, eliciting a desperate cry that I needed to hear again. I teased the small nub between my fingers and sucked on his earlobe while he cried out and his back arched off the wall. Another hard pinch and his body came down onto my leg. Good boy.
He built up a steady rhythm and made the sweetest, dirtiest sounds in my ear. As much as I wanted to hear every last one of them, I needed to taste him again. My beard scraped along his jaw until my lips found his again in a frenzied kiss. The hint of whiskey on his tongue didn’t take away
from how good he tasted and how right kissing him felt.
Needing more, I slid my hand from his nipple, down his smooth, taut stomach, and under the band of his sweats. He was commando under them—something I’d always liked from my partners—and I didn’t hesitate to wrap my fingers around his hard cock. Touching someone else’s was wild—especially when it differed from mine; Dubhlainn was uncircumcised, unlike myself, which only piqued my curiosity more.
I slid my hand up and down his cock tentatively while he moaned into the crook of my neck and buried his hands in my hair. The glide from his foreskin was incredible, but I still needed more. I gave him one more tug then worked my hand around his sharp hip, then dipped my fingers down the cleft of his ass. I’d only just grazed his hole when his breath caught and he shoved me away.
“No. No, no, no, we aren’t doin’ this.”
“I don’t know, your accent is pretty thick right now, and I’ve gotta say, it’s turning me on.” I tried to step closer to him but was pushed back again. I sighed and stood my ground at arm’s length. “Fine. Why aren’t we doing this? You were clearly just as into it as I was.”
Dubhlainn puffed his cheeks and released a deep breath then crossed his arms. “It’s a mistake.”
“Is it?”
“Of course it is—we’re flatmates, and you’re straight.”
“Don’t get caught up on the details.” He laughed in disbelief, but I kept going. “I want you, and you want me. It’s that simple; it doesn’t need to be anything more than that.”
He shook his head rather forcefully causing his hair to sway. It came down about five inches past his shoulders and was oh-so sexy. “You’re not the full shilling. Fuck me.”
“Hey, I’m trying to,” I quipped.
He narrowed his eyes at me, clearly not as amused by the joke as I was. “What if I like topping?”
Toppi—oh. “Do you?” I asked in a challenging, almost playful tone. He’d nearly melted under my touch and I had no doubts he wanted me to do the topping, as it were.
“Not particularly, but that’s not the fuckin’ point.”
I clapped my hands together then laid them flat in front of me. “So, what is your point?”
“We don’t know each other. We don’t know how things will be if this goes to shite, and I’m not fuckin’ movin’ again just because I couldn’t keep my cock in my pants. Oh, and there’s also you and your flippant acceptance of fucking guys all of a sudden.”
“To be fair, it’s just you I want to fuck, but I get that that’s not the point.”
“Stop being a smart-arse. This isn’t going to happen.” He dropped his hands, balled his fists, and started for the hallway.
“Wait, please. I’m going to respect your decision, even if I think it’s whack, but do me a solid and keep the possibility open if things change.”
He nodded. “If you can at least convince me that you’re serious—”
I opened my mouth to interrupt and barely got a syllable out before he held up a finger and silenced me.
“Prove that you’re serious and not just really horny and confused.”
“You honestly think I’m horny enough to go around kissing and getting handsy with dudes? Really?”
The little shit shrugged. “Could be.”
“You’re… wow. Go away. I need to jerk off in peace.”
He wrinkled his nose and scoffed before turning away and stomping down the hall like a petulant child. As he slammed his door behind him, I yelled, “Don’t act like you didn’t want this five minutes ago!” Was it mature? No. Did I regret it? Also no.
Things were semi-normal the next morning, all things considered. Dubhlainn was still acting like a moody child and scowling at me. He did sit with me at the table for breakfast, though. After some probing he told me he got an A-plus on his assignment and thanked me again for helping him. The way he smiled at me then belied how distant and icy he’d been when he first came out of his room. His attitude was cute, but I much preferred when he was pleased with me. He was almost like a kitten: innocent and sweet but could claw your face off in an instant.
We didn’t talk about what happened the night before, which was fine by me. If he needed time I’d give it to him. I wasn’t some lovesick teenager pining over their unrequited crush; I wanted to fuck him, and it was as simple as that. The way I saw it, nothing else needed to change. Once I found out he wanted it too I thought I’d struck gold. I liked spending time with the kid, and if we added sex into that mix it would be pretty fantastic.
All of the excuses he made wouldn’t last. He doubted my sincerity and basically said I was confused. While I didn’t quite understand why I’d developed the attraction, I knew that it was real, and that was enough for me. I’d show Dubhlainn how serious I was. It might not happen today, and maybe not tomorrow.
“You’re late,” Bryan said to me as I jogged over to the bleachers next to the baseball diamond.
The rest of the guys were all suited up and scattered in small groups, sitting, stretching, or standing and talking. “Dude, I’m only like five minutes late.”
“The first practice of the year is important. We’re playing the firefighters on Saturday and I’m sure you don’t want to lose again.”
Ugh, those fucking guys. “I won’t be late again, Dad.”
Bryan snorted a laugh then clapped his hand on my shoulder. “Is everything okay? It’s not like you to be the last one here.”
“I was a little distracted. We’ll talk after practice. There’s actually something I need to tell you.”
“Okay,” Bryan replied with clear worry in his voice. I flashed him a reassuring grin before I announced my arrival to the rest of the guys and we got started.
A couple of the guys came out for post-practice lunch and beer. It was a bit of a ritual, especially after not having seen some of the guys for months. I sat at a table with Bry, Axel, Santiago, and Maxim. They were my closest friends on the team, and pretty much in general. I met Axel a few years ago when he joined the team. He used to watch us play, and we finally let him join the team when he turned eighteen. What he lacked in size he made up in speed and enthusiasm. Having someone who could speak Spanish was also largely beneficial when it came to trash-talking—and understanding it from other teams. Santiago joined last year. He was quiet in the beginning, but once he got to know us we saw his wild side. The dude was fearless and a little crazy, which I had trouble reconciling with his day job as a middle school teacher. Then there was Maxim. I’d known him the longest and still felt like I barely knew him at all at times. He was a man of few words and loyal to a fault. He had no interest in baseball, and I had to beg him to join. Big, strong guys like him and Bry made for fantastic power-hitters. Despite my size, I preferred to keep things interesting with switch-hitting—which I guess applied to me sexually as well, at least to an extent.
After lunch I went back to Bryan’s apartment. When we walked in I braced for his dog, Prince, to attack me with kisses, but she never came. When we got our shoes and gear bags set aside, we sat down on a pair of tall stools at the marble kitchen island.
“Where are Eli and Prince?” They usually came to games and practices to watch and cheer us on. I’d expected to find them at home when they weren’t at the field.
“Eli is with Eve today. Samir is out of town, and they’re having a movie marathon. He said he’d take Prince with him to visit.”
“Damn. I was hoping to see them. Especially Prince. I mean, Eli is cute and all, but I doubt he’s as good a kisser as Prince is.”
He chuckled and shook his head lightly. “I know you’re not here to talk about kissing my dog and my fiancé. What’s going on with you?”
“Can’t I just miss you?”
“You can. You can also stop trying to distract me. Come on—tell me.”
A deep sigh fell from my lips. Finding the right words was suddenly daunting. “Um, well. Things have been going well with Dubhlainn lately. He stopped hating my guts wh
en I helped him with his assignment.”
“That’s good to hear. Eve was so worried he’d drive you crazy.”
“Yeah, well, he kind of does.” Bryan’s eyebrows drew together in question, and I shook my head. “No, it’s not what you’re thinking. I actually like living with the little dude and we’ve been getting along pretty well.”
“So, what’s the problem, then?”
“I’m not sure if it can accurately be considered a problem per se, but I kind of have these feelings now that I didn’t have before.” I was being purposefully vague, and I hated it.
“Feelings?”
“I’m sexually attracted to him. A lot.” I paused briefly to let those words sink in for Bryan. “It’s actually stifling at times,” I added with an amused lilt.
His eyes went wide and I thought they might bug out of his head. “Are you messing with me?”
“Dude, I shit you not.”
“H-how is that even possible?”
“I don’t even know. It happened pretty fast. I realized that I liked having him around then all of a sudden he was acting really cute and we were getting along, and then—” I cut myself off when I let it slip that he did drag. I didn’t know if that was a huge secret or not, but then again, this was Bryan. “Then I saw him come home one night in drag. I didn’t know it was him, I just saw long blonde hair and assumed he’d brought a girl home. I teased him about it in the morning, which prompted him to tell me the truth.” I thought back to how I felt that day, the surge of curiosity that spiked through me. I checked on Bryan, and he nodded for me to continue. “So, I asked him to show me. We went to his room and he brought out the blonde wig and the heels he’d been wearing. And, Bry, holy shit, I almost snapped and jumped on him.”
Bryan gave me his best Owen Wilson “wow” then slid off his stool and rounded the island to get to the cupboards. He took down two tumblers and uncorked a bottle of whiskey sitting on the counter. He poured several shots into both glasses then slid one across the counter to me. We both drained them then silently stared off into nothing.
Killer Queen Page 4
