by C D Cain
A breeze caught the curtain of the opened sliding glass door as she turned to walk inside. The material tickled at my shoulder when it flowed across me. The sand had been wiped clean of the footsteps which had marked it the day before. It was a fresh, new surface ready for the day. The drape brushed against my skin once more. I let the tears dry on my cheek and kept the others suppressed. A fresh new surface for the day.
Chapter
My fingers dipped low into the coolness of the water as the sail caught a wind to carry us across the surface of the ocean. I listened to the sound of the wind whipping the sails as the boat skipped across the waves. There was a rhythm to it. A rhythm that soothed my body as it dipped up and down with the hull of the boat. I sat along the side to let the sun warm my face as I looked into the sky with sunglass-covered eyes. The darker the sunglasses, the harder it was to gather which eyes were upon you and which eyes looked away. I saw Mo smiling and wondered if she had caught me staring at her as I tried to make out the tattoos on her stomach. She was stretched out across the canopy that connected the two small engine powered hulls of the catamaran sailboat. The small royal blue bikini she wore did little to cover the ink on her right lower belly. It was a heart ending in a larger treble clef like the one behind her ear. A flow of musical notes passed over the heart and around her right hip. I watched the trail of quarter notes, eighth notes, and two sixteenth notes. I looked back up at her face and noticed her smile had changed. She was obviously well aware of my stare. I quickly looked away as the water broke to spray across the hull. For a brief moment I was able to ignore her knowing smile but I could hardly ignore when she began patting the canopy beside her.
I moved cautiously across the canvas to sit next to her. I looked down at my one-piece bathing suit with cut-off blue jean shorts and became nervously aware of the difference in our swim suit choices. It’s not that I was embarrassed or ashamed of my body. I had managed not to gain the medical school twenty pounds that afflicted some of my classmates. I still wore the same size six jeans and small tops. Hell, I had even kept some of the remnants of my once tone stomach by squeezing in a few crunches here and there. I suppose it was a shyness beyond anything else that had me hiding in more material than the three of them combined. Seeing hundreds of nude bodies in the operating room should have effectively wiped away any shyness I harbored. It should have but it didn’t.
“Are you having a good time?” Mo asked as she cupped her hand over her sunglasses.
“Yes, very. Are you?”
“Are you kidding me? Sun, water, boat? I could live out here.”
Sitting up close to her, I could make out the tattoo underneath her left collar bone. In two separate lines was written “When the pain penetrates the music resonates.” Small birds inked in black soared across her shoulder. Pain?
Violet sat next to Jazlyn as she steered the boat along the water. Her hand rested on the small of Jazlyn’s bare back. I marveled at the contrast in the color of their skin. It wasn’t like a separation or difference in them but rather a stronger bond. They blended. They became one. Her thumb traced circles along the bikini bottom line of Jazlyn’s suit.
“Sort of makes you want to fall in love, doesn’t it?” Mo was watching the same expression of tenderness I was.
I smiled.
“If you go for that sort of thing.” She winked.
“Does that mean you don’t?”
“What? Falling in love?”
“Yes.”
“Nah, it sort of takes all of the fun out of it to me.”
Jazlyn stopped the boat when we pulled into a small alcove. “We’re here,” she said as she dropped an anchor into the water.
“Race you in.” Mo stood up and tackled Jazlyn into the water. The force of them hitting the water in a ball of arms and legs rocked the sailboat and sent a spray of water onto Violet and me.
“Oh, I’m so getting you now,” Jazlyn screamed when her head popped up out of the water. They became a tangled mess of splashing arms and girl-like screams as they wrestled in the water.
“Those two will go at it like this for hours if we let them,” Violet said.
I laughed as I watched them frolic about in the water. “How long have they known each other?”
“Hmmmm, let’s see.” She tilted her head upwards as if calculating. “We’ve been together for ten years, so I guess close to eleven.”
“So, she knew Mo before you?”
“Not exactly.” Violet squeezed some sunscreen into her palm and then handed the bottle to me. “You’re getting a little pinkish.” She rubbed the lotion onto her shoulders, which gave her darker skin a whitish tint. “She’d met me before Mo. You could probably say Mo is the reason we’re together. If it hadn’t been for her, I doubt Jaz and I would’ve made it past our own shit. I suppose, if we’re being completely honest, I should say I doubt we would’ve made it past my own shit.”
“She told me she was married when she met you.”
She made a sound of something between a puff and a sigh. “I thought she might. She told me you needed a Mo like she had needed years ago. She wants to be that for you and asked I not stand in the way.”
“And how do you feel about it?”
For the first time, she gave me a smile meant solely for me. It wasn’t a huge smile but it was a smile nonetheless. “I’m warming up to it.”
Cold water splashed across us again. “Are you two coming in or what?” Jazlyn yelled. Mo was riding her piggy-back style.
“In a sec.” Violet waved as if to shoo them away. “I was so in love with Jaz when we met that I couldn’t see reason. I couldn’t see anything beyond wanting to spend my every moment with her. I knew she loved me too so I didn’t understand her indecisiveness in divorcing her husband. To me it was simple. She wasn’t in love him. She was in love me. I didn’t understand why she struggled so much with leaving him. So, I left her. I wasn’t going to be the mistress who waited for her lover to leave her husband. That’s all I saw. I didn’t see the rest.”
“The rest?”
Violet looked at me. “Yes, the rest. Her side and apparently what is your side. The side that love the men in your lives yet know it isn’t what will sustain your happiness. There are different forms of love, of commitment, and of loyalty. Jaz met Mo when she was pretty messed up over it all. Mo helped us both see the other’s side. She sat down with us and showed us the way to work through it.”
I looked out at Jazlyn who was laughing a full belly laugh in the arms of her best friend. Her laugh was the kind where her whole face lit up and her head fell back. Her mouth was open wide as the laughter billowed out.
“You see, Rayne. It took time for me to realize that loving Zach and feeling the loss of him in her life didn’t take away from the love she felt for me. Zach was all she had when her parents were gone. It was her constant. The one thing she knew would be the same beyond all else. It was hard for her to give that up. Plus, his family had become hers. Besides me, Zach and his family were all she had. When I ended it, she was devastated because she felt she had chosen them over me. Zach was a good man. It felt wrong to hurt him. I, for all practical purposes, was a good woman. It didn’t seem right to hurt me either. She didn’t know what was right or wrong anymore. Someone would be hurt. Someone’s life would forever change. I made the decision for her and ended it. Mo helped us both see the only clear choice for us.”
She brushed at the water sprinkles that Mo and Jazlyn splashed onto us.
“Mo helped me to understand how I needed to be there for Jaz while she did the wrong she felt was the only right decision for her. So, I was there with her every step of the divorce. I let her cry. I let her grieve his loss. But I had to let go of my own hang-ups before I could do that.”
Yes, the constant. The one thing I always thought would be the same.
“Jaz suspects you may be in the same boat as she was and that Sam was where I was. She could see it clearly when Sam was with us. I suppose I had let the last ten years let
me forget about the most painful time in my life and didn’t want to bring it all out again when you started coming around.” She held her hand over her eyes to look at me. “I’m sorry for that.”
The boat rocked to the weight of Jazlyn climbing up over the hull. Her tall frame crossed the distance of the catamaran quickly. She stood in front of Violet and shook her head violently. The wet shower from her long hair drowned Violet in a spray of water.
“Okay you. Either jump in on your own or I’ll throw you in,” Jazlyn said.
Violet laughed as she shook her finger at Jazlyn. “You wouldn’t dare.”
“Don’t test me.” Jazlyn pushed Violet onto her back and covered her with her soaked body. She wiggled on top of Violet until Violet emitted a loud cackle. I must say it was not the laugh I ever expected from Dr. Breaker.
“Am I going to have to threaten you the same or will you come quietly?” Mo had raised her body up along the side of the boat to cross her arms over the hull closest to me. Her smile was mischievous.
I put my hands up in defense. “No, no. I’ll come quietly.”
“Well, damn, I never thought I’d be happy to hear a woman say those words to me.”
Wait. What?
I felt a strong blush fill my cheeks and hoped like crazy she mistook it for a sunburn. I also hoped she was fooled into thinking I actually nearly stumbled on something other than my own clumsiness as I stepped toward the side of the boat.
***
We spent the large part of the afternoon playing in the water of the alcove until our hunger insisted we return. Jazlyn opened the sail as the wind picked up to carry us quickly back to the shore. I let the sun and sounds of the water hitting the catamaran carry me away into thoughts of nothing but the warmth on my skin. The heaviness in my chest rose to be carried away within the sails. I was having fun. I’d laughed. I’d splashed. I’d forgotten.
I stretched my head further back to see Violet and Jazlyn sitting together. Turning my head to the side, I saw Mo watching the same. She winked at me as our eyes met. Another wave of happiness swept over me. I liked her. She had this carefree way that made me feel as if she had no worries in the world.
Once the sailboat was docked in the boat slip, we made our way along the sidewalk that paralleled 30A. 30A is as much of a culture as it is a connection between towns along the Gulf of Mexico. Tourists and locals alike ride around in cars with open sunroofs, convertible tops lowered back or Jeeps with little to no barrier between the passengers and the open air.
“I’m feeling me some fish tacos.” Mo stepped ahead of us as we walked along the sidewalk. She had pulled her long hair into a ponytail that swayed as she walked and revealed yet another tattoo. Just at the base of her hairline was a circular design of a deep blue sky dotted with stars on one side and a quarter moon on the other. A three-dimensional narrow rainbow was wrapped around the moon. Below it was linear writing in cursive print that traced down between her shoulder blades. Its full passage was hidden underneath the scoop-neck white t-shirt she wore. For a brief moment an image of me lying on my side next to her body as I read the writing flashed through my mind. I shook the image and the shock of it from my thoughts.
Mo shuffled her feet and spun around when Van Morrison’s Brown-Eyed Girl song began to play from the speakers hidden in the small palm trees that lined the sidewalk. The smile she gave Jazlyn when she held her arms out for her shined brightly underneath the string lights hanging overhead. The tiny clear bulbs joined the line of silver Airstreams that had been converted into food trailers. There was everything from ice cream to full meals available.
“My brown-eyed girl. You my brown-eyed girl.”
Jazlyn picked up her pace to take Mo’s hands. They danced in the middle of the sidewalk with Jazlyn spinning Mo around as I remember seeing Charlie Grace and Jacques do many times before.
“Sha la la, la la, la la, la la, l-la te da,” they sang slightly off key.
Violet stepped closer to me as we followed behind the dancing queens. She smiled and shook her head. “I so love to see her this happy. Mo brings the little girl out in her. She grew up too fast after her parents death. It’s good to see her this way.”
Violet was smiling as widely as Jazlyn who was now dancing back to her. “Makin’ love in the green grass,” she continued to sing as she picked Violet up in her arms.
Violet laughed as Jazlyn carried her off toward the Airstream boasting the best grilled cheese sandwiches on the Emerald Coast.
“You can have a piece of bread with cheese melted between it or you can come with me to taste something truly delicious.” Mo raised her eyebrows in excitement.
“Fish tacos you say?”
“I sure as hell did. The best you’ve ever tasted.”
“That won’t be too hard to master because I’ve never actually had them.”
“Follow me and we can change that.” She grabbed my hand and led me to the last Airstream on the corner. “Do you have a preference of fish? Or do you want me to order for you?”
“I trust your judgement.”
Mo looked at me and smiled. “Hmmmm, can’t say I hear that too many times.” She laughed.
I watched her face as she studied the menu. She furrowed her eyebrows as she considered the options. Her eyes were a brighter green under the red-and-orange lights hanging above the Airstream’s window. She was even more striking with her sun-kissed cheeks.
A young girl who looked to be not much older than legal stepped in front of the older gentleman as Mo came to be next in line.
“Hi, there.”
“Hi.” Mo looked at the row of toppings displayed to the side of the girl.
“What can I get you, doll?” The girl smiled.
Doll? Isn’t she a little young to be calling someone doll?
Mo gave her a million-dollar smile. “Off the menu…” She winked at the girl. “I’ll have four grilled Mako fish tacos topped with jalapeno coleslaw and avocado.” She directed her attention back to me. “Good?”
“Yes. Good,” I said, shaking my head.
The girl followed her eyes to me and frowned briefly before turning to prepare our order.
Mo peered around those in line to look at the open grassy amphitheater. She smiled a much different smile as she watched some kids playing Frisbee with a border collie. She motioned for me to look at them. One of the little girls got tangled with the puppy and tumbled down the small hill. Mo matched the girl’s childish giggle with her own. The puppy popped up and wagged his tail so fast his backend shook with a frenzy. Mo laughed again.
Oh yeah, I like this woman.
“Here you go,” the girl said as she returned to the window. She handed the wrapped packages to Mo but held onto her hand as she collected the money from her. “Nice ink.” She tapped the bass clef tattoo on the inside of Mo’s wrist before releasing her hand.
“Thanks.” Mo gave her the same smile she had given her before.
I imagined she had many women flirt with her. I wondered if this was the smile she was used to showing when it happened. I decided it was a smile I hoped not to see in my future.
The unsolicited flirting reminded me of watching women openly flirt with Sam. Either these women knew both of them were lesbians or in the very least they must’ve thought they would respond to their flirtations. How did they know? What aura did they give off?
Mo waved at Jazlyn as she stood above the seated crowd. She was pointing to an empty table Violet had snagged for us.
“What did you two get?” Violet asked as she was wiping off debris from the sea foam colored table. The palm leaves hung low over the table and very nearly touched her head as she bent over.
“Fish tacos of course.” Mo set the paper basket containers down and pulled two orange Adirondack chairs away from the table. She pointed to the one next to her before taking a seat in the oversized chair.
“Rayne, did Mo even give you a chance to choose something else besides her beloved fish tacos?” Jaz
lyn asked.
Mo was already one bite into her first taco. “What? Of course, I did.” A few shreds of cabbage fell from the soft shell onto the paper packaging. She quickly picked them up not to let a single bite escape her mouth.
“She did. But she was pretty insistent this was the best choice.” The heat of the jalapeno coleslaw lingered in my mouth. “I’d have to say she was dead on. These are amazing.”
“Damn straight they are.” Mo gobbled up another bite.
“You may change your mind once you see my grilled cheese,” Violet said as she set four bottles of cold beer in front of us.
“Where’re you headed next?” Jazlyn opened her wrapper and nibbled on a large sourdough sandwich filled with melted white and yellow cheese.
“Key West Florida.” Mo took the last bite of her first taco and chased it with a few large swallows of beer. “There’s a slammin’ new club opening up.”
“Key West. Nice.” Violet almost hummed.
“Like way nice. These girls do it right too. This is their third club. They have one in New York, Las Vegas, and now the Keys. They’re putting me up for the first month they’re open.”
“A month in the Keys?” Jazlyn tipped her beer toward Mo. “I hope you’ve worked on your exercise tolerance.”
Mo held her palm against her chest as if innocent to Jazlyn’s accusations. “Who me?”
The three of them laughed at what had to be a private joke. After seeing the Airstream girl’s obvious flirtation, I didn’t have to stretch my imagination too far to understand their laughter.
We sat under the rustle of the palm leaves and let the breeze off of the ocean sweep away the humidity of the day. We took turns making trips to retrieve fresh cold beers. We watched the crowds continue to appear even with the passing hours of the night. We laughed at the parents who showed noticeable fatigue as their children pranced around them with energy that did not seem to be diminishing anytime soon.
Jazlyn and Mo slammed their hands down on the table after a few chords of a calypso steel pan sounded above us. They pulled they’re chairs closer to sing together about wasting away again in Margaritaville.
