Chapter 53 – Dealing With Dingos
When Tommy entered his hotel room he found a someone there, a woman with one of the ugliest Brooklyn accents ever created, more evidence that God doesn’t exist because no one in his or her right mind ever would foist that on the world. Ms. Granite said, “I came down here to give you one more chance to find the painting. I got here day before yesterday and the people in the museum said they hadn’t seen you in days. Now I haven’t seen you in two days. What the hell are you doing? You owe me everything you put on your expense account for the last week.”
The implied threat that he would lose his job didn’t bother him, and neither did the ding about the expense account. What bothered him was the change of listening to me with my Charleston accent to listening to her with her accent. This was like biting into a lemon. The other thing that bothered him was seeing the bed unmade, and him knowing the housekeeper had made it before he left for Jekyll. It was evident that the boss was trying to save on her expense account by not getting her own room, and that idea frightened him more than seeing me pull my Glock.
I didn’t have a much better welcome home than he did, climbing the steps to the back porch and entering the kitchen to find Gale, Jinny, and the dog sitting around the table, looking like they were ready to dismember me and put the parts in the freezer. Gale and the dog, anyway, Jinny there babysitting them. Gale didn’t say anything, which was remarkable, but pantomimed sniffing the air around me, searching for any leftover scents of Tommy Crown. The dog got up on all fours, ran his nose up my left leg and down the right, stopping at the V, then said, “She’s clean,” and lay down again near Jinny’s feet.
Now Gale said, “I don’t believe it. Two nights with him down at Jekyll, no way she’s clean. No one has that fortitude.”
The dog said, “She’s clean, trust me.”
Gale looked at Jinny and said, “Could you go away to an island hotel with her and not play patty cake?”
He said, “I can’t go two days without patty cake even if I’m alone, much less than with her. And neither can you, so don’t get high and mighty.”
“I’m not getting high and mighty, I’m saying no way I could go away with that guy and not fool around, and I don’t think she can either.”
I said, “Thanks for the vote of confidence, why are you in my house, don’t you have anything better to do, why didn’t you take her to the Confederate guy’s house (looking at Jinny), and how’s Gwendy?”
The dog said again, “She’s up and down. When she talks about you being down at Jekyll with Crown, she’s kind of happy, thinking about her own time down there and resigning herself to living vicariously through you. She realizes the real thing’s not in the cards for her. But, she also realizes you’re not going to be around her all the time, and Gale and Jinny don’t live here, and even though I’m special as far as dogs go, I’m not exactly what she was hoping for in terms of human contact, and, well, we think she’s starting to miss her old crowd at the museum. They’d been together for a lot of years, and even though they have limited mobility and interactive capabilities, they know each other and care about each other, and really get along. We think this may be a case of her thinking the grass is greener on the other side, and now she realizes maybe it isn’t.” He looked at Gale and Jinny and said, “Right?” They looked at me and nodded, Yes.
I said, “Jesus,” and sat down at the table with them. I thought about it for a minute and said, “Are you trying to make me feel guilty?”
Gale said, “About hooking up with the home wrecker, yes. About pinching the painting, no.”
“I didn’t know she was special when I pinched her.”
“None of us did,” said Jinny. He looked at the dog and said, “Did you know there are other types of special people out there?”
“She not a person. But yes, we know about the other types.”
I said, “You mean there are other specials in addition to dogs and people in paintings?” He didn’t answer. “So what do we do now? If it’s true she misses her friends, I feel terrible.”
The dog said, “Now you know how we feel when you take our puppies away, give ‘em to neighbors, sell ‘em for profit.”
I said, “Sorry, but let’s not digress from the problem at hand. I guess we’d better go in and talk with her.”
Gale said, “Not us, you.”
I was tempted to mix myself a stinger before I went into the living room, but refrained, the guilt seeping in. She had a neutral look on her face as I sat down on the piano bench, eschewing the comfort of the sofa, starting penance. She said, “Was it great? Was he great? Was the dessert all I hoped it would be?” but without her usual exuberance.
Here was another flavor of guilt being heaped upon me, Gale laying it on for being tempted by the dessert, Gwendy laying it on for not being tempted by it. It was clear Jinny was the only true friend among my associates, though I had to grant Tommy special dispensation for his entirely gentlemanly conduct. His P was better than Tommy had let on. I said, “We had a nice trip.” I didn’t tell her about relegating the boy to using a cane for the rest of his life. “How are you?”
“Things here are ok. Gale and Jinny stopped by, but she talked about the silver service in the museum and he talked about the table. Made me feel a little homesick. The dog slept on the floor underneath me, which was comforting, but when I started talking about the old days at the Luxembourg Hotel, he fell asleep. He sleeps almost as much as I do, which is too much these days. I’m feeling a little tired, actually, hon.”
I decided to be straight with her, and said, “Are you feeling tired because of your age, or because you’re bored?”
“Maybe a little of both, though being bored at the museum didn’t make me feel tired, like here. The visitors with the same old questions and comments are boring, but the other residents, the other specials, we talk about the past and listen to each other, sometimes someone remembers a good story or a good joke. It’s not the Luxembourg of 1840, but it was ok. I can’t expect too much out of life now, that’s not realistic.”
God, now the floodgates opened and I was swamped by guilt. I went and stood in front of her and said, “I didn’t know there were specials other than our dog. I didn’t know you are special, and that others in the museum are too. I didn’t know. You should have told me the night we went in to get you.”
Now she brightened and beamed a smile, saying, “God, that was exciting. The first theft in the history of the museum, and it being the oldest museum in the country. All of us wondered who you were after, and most of us hoped they were the target. Such a surprise, and we reacted emotionally and didn’t think of the consequences. We just saw a chance for a change after so long a time, and maybe a rejuvenation of some sort. And then you can to me, and when Jinny picked me up it was like getting on a roller coaster, and wheeeeeee, away we went and out into the night and driving through the streets of Charleston I had seen in years, feeling the wind in my hair again, smelling the carriage horses and the harbor; and then the sight of the back of your house, I remember it from when I was young, walking down the alley there, and up the stairs and inside, Wow.”
“You were in the back of a panel truck, how did you feel the wind in your hair on the way home?”
“So I exaggerate. It’s what old people do. I could imagine it. And then Jinny hanging me on the wall in here, such a beautiful room, and I could sense the history and the people and the parties and the intrigues. It was all so exhilarating.”
“And now?”
“Now reality has set in. I’ve been here for seven weeks, and we’ve had some good times, the four of us, but it hasn’t exactly been a parade. Not a single party. I haven’t met the current Mayor, no Confederate boys mixing up Charleston Light Dragoon Punch and shooting out in street, no debutante balls or l’affaire d’amoreuse. And you’ve been away for a few days and I should have known that was going to happen, your house
is not a museum with the residents there twenty-four seven three sixty-five. And you alone, or partially alone, Roger being away for so long.” She sighed and tried to smile, but her heart wasn’t in it. She looked at me and said with a tinge of spirit, “When’s Roger get home?”
“In a week.”
“What then, hon? What about the Crown boy? Roger going to kill him?” she said, almost with a ray of hope attached to the question. I guess life in the early nineteenth century south was rough and tumble.
I doubted Roger would kill Tommy, but then if someone would have told me I would shatter the thigh bone of a redneck moron on the drive down to Jekyll, I would have doubted that too. I sat down again on the bench and looked at her. “I don’t think Roger’s going to kill him,” I said, detecting a hint of disappointment in her face, “but when he gets back, things will pick up in the socialization department. Roger likes a good party.”
She said, “Now who’s exaggerating? I’m damaged goods, I know that. How are you going to have people in here, with me lording over the room? You going to invite the Mayor and his wife? The Senator? The Gov? Shit, the only person you can invite is that writer guy from next door, and he is BORING.”
“Don’t swear, it doesn’t become you.”
“Sorry. I’m feeling a little out of sorts. Pardon me.”
“You’re right. That’s why I haven’t had any parties. No guests.”
“Why’d you do it? Steal me?”
“I pinched you, dear; didn’t steal you. And it was because Roger was gone, and I was bored, and I wanted you back in the family, and I figured Roger would think of a way to keep you around when he got back, he’s the intellectual in the family.”
“And what are you, dear?”
“I’m the Bedgewood in the family, and you know what that means.”
“I do dear, and let’s be proud of it. It’s like you said to Tommy, if they'd have let women fight in the ‘Late Unpleasantness’, we’d have kicked those sorry Yankee asses all the way back to Philadelphia.”
I stared at her, then asked, “How did you know I said that to him? I said that down at Jekyll.”
“We have cloud function, dearie, just like you do with your computer things. Just that ours is organic, natural, so to speak.”
I didn’t need this weirdness on top of my guilt. I said to myself, ‘Simplify, simplify, Roger will be home soon, then we can worry about this new cloud thing, keep your eye on the ball here.’ I said, “I think it’s time to cut a deal here.”
“With Tommy?” she said. I nodded, Yes. “Whatever you think is right, dear. You’re in charge.”
“You wanna meet him?”
“Oh god, yes. Bring him in, let me feast my eyes if not my hands.”
I waved to her and smiled, feeling a little weight slough off my shoulders. I went back into the kitchen where Gale said, “So what’s the verdict?”
“She wants to meet Tommy.”
“What?” she screamed, “you want to let that little fucker that’s trying to put us in jail, see her? Meet her? Are you crazy?”
I looked at Jinny and said, “She didn’t visit the Confederate guy, did she? Didn’t you try to take her?”
“She wouldn’t go. Said she wasn’t going to have any sex while you still were in limbo.”
“How about you do the job on her yourself? She’s over the edge.”
“Sis? No way, sorry.”
I refrained from looking at the dog.
I said, “Roger’s due home in a week. We gotta figure this out before then. Tommy’s coming over.”
Gale looked at Jinny and said, “The fur’s gonna fly soon.”
Gwenny June's Tommy Crown Affair Page 53
