I feel like this conversation could go further, but I don’t know where to take it.
“Well,” he says. “Later.”
“Yeah, I’ll message you.”
“Already looking forward to it.”
I don’t know what to say to that, so I leave the car. I hurry up to my front door, unlock it, and then step inside. Eddie is standing by the door, whimpering and wagging his tail. I scratch between his ears, in the spot I know he likes best, then go to my room. Because Luke isn’t home, he follows me.
I text Dad, telling him I got an Uber home. Then I strip down to my underwear and fall backward onto my bed. Eddie jumps up and joins me. I put my hand on his flank and give him the occasional belly scratch.
And then I spend about an hour lying in bed in the dark, just thinking.
It takes me that long to come to the realization.
He entered his details.
Maybe he included a last name?
My heart racing, I check …
And see that he left the last-name field totally blank.
CHAPTER SIX
I have Jason’s number now.
And I have no idea what to text him.
I feel like I made yet another mistake when it comes to him. What I should’ve done is put my number in his phone. Or I should’ve texted him something like Hey as soon as I got his number. That way I’d know there’s a chance he could message me.
It’s on me.
It’s been five days, and I still haven’t thought of anything.
I want it to be the perfect message. I want to ask him to do something I know he’ll say yes to, basically. I’m maybe stressing more than I should, because I know how hard it is for me to make friends.
I’m really scared of messing this up, like I have every other time.
Right now, I’m in Dad’s Mercedes, sitting in the passenger seat. He’s driving me to get a new suit tailored, because there’s this big party coming up at the end of the month. It’s a ball for the whole Miller empire, including our allies, so I need a suit that actually fits me. It’s such a big deal that Dad has finally slotted in the time for this outing.
Plus, Jason might be at the ball. So I want to look good.
Because maybe I get a bit of a vibe from him. I dunno. Like, sometimes, I feel like he looks at me in a way that doesn’t feel exactly platonic. It’s too intense for that.
It’s not like it matters. Even if he is gay, what I want right now is a friend. It’d be nice to have someone to talk to about that.
If I have the guts to tell him, that is.
As Dad drives, I look out the window. I have headphones in and am on my playlist. It’s a sort of dreary day today. It’s not raining, but I think it could start at any second. In the distance, I see a fairground. Its candy-colored lights look especially bright against the gray sky.
And that’s it.
That’s how I’ll ask Jason out. To a fair.
But that maybe feels a little too date-y. And I don’t want to freak him out. We’re becoming friends, that’s it. If I were straight, what would I do?
I probably wouldn’t ask him to a fair.
Maybe I’d ask him to come over and hang out. We could play some games or something and eat pizza and stuff. That actually sounds like a dream date to me, but you know, it is also I guess what straight dudes would do to hang out. They might also watch sports, but, ew, no.
For some reason asking him to come over and play games feels off, too.
Dad and Luke know I don’t have any friends.
They’d pay super-close attention if I had a guy over, because I haven’t done it in years. Unless they were out of the house. They do go out most Saturday nights, so most of the time I have the place to myself.
It still doesn’t feel totally right, though. Can I really sneak Jason into my house just so we can hang out? I feel like it’d be a lot safer to go somewhere where we’re less likely to be seen.
This is the loop I’ve been stuck in for a long time. Nothing fits perfectly.
I’m still thinking about it when Dad pulls into the parking bay in front of the tailor’s. I open a message thread to Jason as I get out of the car.
Hey! Was just wondering if you wanted to come over and play some games this weekend? I have Smash Bros and Mario Kart, and my brother has Mortal Kombat.
I like the rushed nature of it. I think it’ll make him think I haven’t thought about it as much as I have.
I hit send as Dad and I walk into the building.
* * *
The new suit is black, sleek, and, to be honest, badass. It’ll be delivered in two weeks. Dad was kind of pushy with the tailor, making him guarantee it’d be ready in time for the ball. I wish he’d been nicer, but whatever.
As Dad pays, I sit down and check my phone.
Come on …
I have a new message.
I unlock my phone.
But what about our deal? If I meet your parents, I’ll know who you are.
I feel like he must already. I’m a Miller. We’re one of the two most powerful families in the underworld. If he’s from a family allied to us, he must know who I am. I’m underworld famous. I hate even thinking this, because it feels smug, but I’m sort of a prince, given Dad is our current leader.
I don’t mind you knowing who I am. Why do you care so much?
That feels a little too aggressive, though, so I delete it. He obviously does care about this, and I don’t want to scare him away. This is also confirmation that our deal is continuing, at least for the time being. I change tack:
Not if they’re out of the house. I usually have the place to myself on Saturday nights.
My phone chimes.
Okay. If they’re not there, I’m in.
* * *
It’s Saturday night, and Luke still hasn’t left.
Dad has gone to a meeting at the bar. Apparently something big is going down, something he isn’t ready for me to know about yet. All I know about it is Dad told me to be prepared, even though I don’t really know what I should be preparing for.
This is typical. He still thinks I’m too young to know everything.
Most of the time, I don’t want to know.
Anyway, I checked, and I know Luke is going out with his friends from college, a lot of which are his friends from high school. He’s always been popular. I get it; he’s a cool guy, but it bothers me that he’s figured out how to be likable when it’s been so damn hard for me.
Jason is the first person in a long time who seems to like my company.
And he’s coming over tonight. But only if Luke isn’t here.
Which is why I’m so stressed that my brother hasn’t left yet. I swear he doesn’t normally take this long. It’s, like, comical how slow he’s being. He’s currently in the shower, singing “Sweet Caroline.”
Loudly. And terribly.
My phone buzzes in my pocket.
Has he left yet?
Nope. He’s in the shower now. Singing.
Haha! You’re not a fan?
He’s no Beyoncé.
To be fair, nobody is. And that’s promising, right? The showering, not the singing.
Yeah!
Cool. Well, I’m ready to go. Text when your place is free, I’ll head over.
This feels so risky. I know from past experience that Dad and Luke don’t normally come home until really late, and most of the time I’m asleep by then.
But what if they come home early?
Maybe I should just cancel. Bringing Jason into my house feels like a kind of leap I’m not sure I’m ready for.
But I don’t want to cancel. I just don’t want to get caught.
If I told Dad and Luke that I was having a friend over, they probably wouldn’t care. If they asked how I knew him, I could say school. If I said I met him at the bar, I know they’d ask me what family he’s from. And I don’t know the answer to that.
Why is he being so weird about which family he’s fro
m?
Down the hall, I hear the shower shut off. Finally. A few seconds later, Luke walks past. I watch a BuzzFeed Unsolved video as I wait. A few moments later, Luke appears in my doorway. He’s dressed in his usual attire: a well-fitting black shirt, jeans, and his most expensive pair of dress shoes. Dad got them for him.
“Hey, I’m about to head out,” he says.
“Okay, have a good night!”
“You too. Don’t get into too much trouble without me, okay?”
“I never do.”
I hear the door close. Then I wait. I hear a car pull up by our house, I’m guessing his Uber, because he’s planning on drinking. It drives away.
I want to be sure, though, so I go through the house, to the front door. There are glass panels on either side of it, so I look through those, out at the driveway.
The street is empty. Eddie comes up to me. He always sulks whenever Luke leaves. His ears are pressed down, and his tail is hanging limp. I scratch the top of his head, until his tail starts wagging.
“You can keep a secret, can’t you, buddy?”
He nuzzles against my leg. I’ll take that as a yes.
So I text Jason. My heart is seriously pounding.
Hey, guess what?
What?
He’s gone.
The typing bubble appears.
Sweet! I’m on my way.
CHAPTER SEVEN
There’s a knock on the door.
Oh man.
I’m so not ready for this.
I’ve changed my outfit maybe ten times. So now my bed is covered in clothes, although everywhere else is clean. I even lit a sandalwood candle to try to make sure my room smells nice.
The outfit I ended up settling for is a You Me at Six band shirt I got from when I saw them live, skinny black jeans, and my Vans.
I think I look good.
I’m not totally confident in my decision to wear a band tee, but I know from trying on almost all my clothes I’m not going to be totally confident in any of them. And I’m out of time. I scoop up all rejected choices and throw them into the closet and shut the door.
Presto, instant clean room.
I jog down to the foyer. Earlier, I scanned the house to make sure there are no obvious signs on display of who Luke and Dad are. I had to hide a few photos in my room, like one from Luke’s high school graduation, a few of Mom, and one with my grandparents. I triple-checked and am sure I did a good job. Eddie is jumping up and down, pressing his paws against the door, and I can see a male figure outside. I grab on to Eddie’s collar and open the door.
“Hey, hey,” says Jason.
Even under the harsh porch light, he looks fantastic. I’ve never seen him wear casual clothes, but they suit him really well. He’s wearing a dark red T-shirt and navy skinny jeans, along with cool Nikes that were probably really expensive. They look kind of extra.
“Hey,” I say. “Thanks for coming.”
“No, thanks for having me.”
Eddie is going wild, like he wants to lick Jason to death.
I mean, I get that.
Jason crouches and starts petting Eddie. “Who’s a good boy?”
Eddie sits proudly and lets Jason rub his chest.
“He likes you,” I say. “He’s normally way more skittish with new people.”
“Really? That’s, like, the highest compliment possible. I love dogs.”
“Me too.”
Jason stands. Oh man, Eddie really does like him. He’s nudging at his legs, wanting more attention. But now Jason is looking at me.
What’s the proper greeting for something like this?
I go for a handshake, and he ignores it, going for a hug instead. And he’s a great hugger. He’s so firm, and yet … we kind of sink into each other.
It’s perfect.
“Should I take my shoes off?” he asks as we break apart.
“Nah, it’s fine.”
“Cool.”
We walk inside.
“Anyway,” I say. “Um, are you hungry?”
He shoves his hands into his pockets. “I am, yeah. Is that all right? I could’ve eaten before, but I thought…”
“Yeah, dude, ’course. I was thinking we could order pizza or something. There’s this New York–style place down the road that does honestly the best pizza I’ve ever had.”
“That sounds fucking amazing.”
“Great.”
I close the door behind him and lead him through the entrance foyer, into the kitchen. I walk around the kitchen island while Jason checks out the place. Eddie brings Jason his favorite toy, a chewed-up rope with a ball on the end of it. Jason tosses it, and Eddie runs off to retrieve it.
“Do you want a drink?” I ask.
I open the fridge and scan the options. There’s white wine, but that’s Dad’s. Luke keeps a couple of bottles of beer on the bottom shelf, because Dad isn’t super strict about him drinking. I could offer him one of those, but Jason might not like that. I get the idea he’s pretty straight-edge.
Or as straight-edge as someone in our world can be.
“I’m good,” he says as he throws the toy again. “Thanks, though.”
I close the fridge and turn back. “No problem.”
“Nice place, by the way,” he says.
I imagine being him, seeing my place for the first time. In front of us is the living room, where there’s a brown couch in front of a huge TV. Outside, through a set of glass sliding doors, is the pool. Down one hall is Dad’s room. On the other side of the house is a hall that leads to my bedroom and Luke’s, plus a bathroom. The floors are stone-colored ceramic tile. They make the whole place feel kind of frosty.
“Thanks. Um, what kind of pizza do you like? We should probably order, like, now, if you’re hungry.”
I bring up the app on my phone. He moves around and stands beside me, so close that we’re nearly touching. I can smell his cologne now, and it’s very nice.
“Pepperoni, obviously,” he says.
Honestly, it’s the only acceptable answer. I’m glad he said it.
“Cool. How about I get one of those and a garlic bread? We already have Cokes and stuff here.”
“Sounds perfect.”
I order the food, and the app tells me it’ll be delivered in twenty minutes.
“I could show you the pool, if you’d like?” I ask.
He nods, so I take him through the house. Eddie follows behind, with the toy in his mouth. He’s so needy.
“I love your TV,” says Jason as he takes the toy from Eddie and throws it. “Where do you keep your games?”
“In the drawer.”
He slides it open, revealing my stack of games.
“Can I?” he asks.
“Sure.”
He rifles through them. “All nice choices, man. You clearly have good taste.”
“Thanks. But come on, I’m not done yet.”
“Fine, fine, sorry I’m so curious about you.”
I don’t know what to say to that. But for some reason, I blush.
We go outside and go through the gate, to walk around the pool. It’s lit up by underwater lights, which makes it look sort of magical. The whole area is really nice.
It gets a massive smile out of him.
“This is so awesome,” he says.
“I’m glad you like it. I hang out here a lot. Like, when I read or listen to a podcast, I sit there.”
“I do that, too, actually. Just, at my place.”
“You do?”
“Yeah.”
“Awesome.”
Once we’ve done a lap, we go back inside. He marvels at everything, including a piece of modern art hanging on the hallway wall. I know it’s ridiculously expensive, even though it’s pretty much just a single black line on a red background. Dad bought it for himself to celebrate landing a big protection racket deal. We get a lot of our income from that. Businesses pay us to keep them safe …
But if they don’t pay, they
get torched. So really, we’re protecting them from ourselves. It’s totally messed up, and I hate thinking about it.
“I like this,” he says.
“Yeah, me too.”
“What do you think it means?”
“Hmm.” I put my hand on my chin, and lean back a little, like I’m an art critic. “I think it’s about the way men bottle rage, until it all finally erupts, ruining the lives of everyone around them.”
“Really?”
“God no, I have no idea.”
He laughs, and then we go down the hall.
“Oh, and the bathroom is there, if you, um, need to use it,” I say.
“Noted.”
“And down there’s my brother’s room. Don’t go in there, it smells like Axe.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Like, all the time. And this one,” I say as I walk into my room, “is mine.”
I feel really self-conscious. I’ve put a lot of work into my room.
Now it feels stupid.
Like, who has this many movie posters? They feel childish now. Maybe I should’ve taken them down before I invited him over. Tried to man the place up a little.
“I love this,” he says.
I kick at the dark carpet. “Really?”
“Yeah, dude, your room is sick. Have you seen all these movies?”
“Multiple times, yeah.”
“That’s amazing.”
He walks over to the poster I have of Creature from the Black Lagoon. He touches it.
“Which one’s your favorite?”
“Movie or poster?”
“Either.”
“Well, my favorite movie is Mulholland Drive. I don’t really have a favorite poster.”
I walk him over to one of the posters by the door. My Mulholland Drive one.
“What’s it about?” he asks. “It looks cool.”
“It is. It’s about this actress … actually, you should probably just watch it. It’s better to just experience it blind, trust me.”
That’s how I found it. I heard a lot of discussion about it being good, so I decided to finally watch it. When it ended, I knew right away that I’d just seen my favorite movie.
“There’s this great song inspired by it. I could play it, if you want?”
The Friend Scheme Page 5
