“If you’re just going to blather on about some rumour that you heard about me then I suggest you save your breath and the embarrassment and get out of my way," I whisper back, glaring at her.
“So I guess I’ll tell them then!” Lisa says in a loud voice, drawing the attention of everyone in the cafeteria as they all turn around to look and see what is about to happen. “So I’m sure many of you are wondering why Arya Secord, a former West Sider, switched to our school halfway through Grade 11.” I guess she’s really doing this. “I was always curious as to why you decided to switch schools, Arya.” I bet you only became curious when James started taking an interest in me. “And it turns out, no one, not even anyone at West Side knows why you left. There one day, gone the next.” I feel his presence before he even says a word.
“What do you think you are doing, Lisa?” James says, coming up beside me.
“Does James know?” Lisa asks me. “Does he know what you did?” I just glare at her. “Of course not. There’s no way he’d stay with you if he knew the truth.” I can feel James look at me for a second as I continue to glare at Lisa. I never told him the truth, I can’t, and I know he is now thinking in his mind why. "Last chance, Arya," Lisa says to me. Please don’t be what I think it is. “Fine. I found out from a reliable source why you left West Side Academy. And I found out the reason no one knows why you left is because the principal tried to cover it up. They recorded that you left because of issues with one or more students, but it was far more than that, wasn’t it?”
"Lisa, you need to stop," James says. Even though he doesn't know the truth, he doesn't want me exposed like this, or maybe he's just scared of what she is about say?
“You need to know more than anyone, James,” Lisa says to him and then turns to me. “You falsely accused a guy at your school of rape.” Everything goes silent at the word rape. I continue to just stare at Lisa, knowing that everyone is looking at me, knowing that James cannot believe what she has just said. I feel my heart racing in my chest. “You spray painted ‘RAPIST’ on a boy’s locker, and they caught you before anyone at the school saw it. But he didn’t rape you. You falsely accused a boy of raping you and to protect him, they covered it all up and then forced you to leave West Side. That’s why you’re here, Arya. It was more than just having issues with another student, you committed a felony against another student, trying to ruin his reputation.” Lisa stares at me. Who told her? How did she find out? Who would benefit from telling her? “Am I just blathering on about some rumour, Arya?”
I just stand there, not knowing what to do or what to stay. I’m in a state of shock. I never thought this would happen. I knew Lisa didn’t like me, but I never thought she would go this far. What lengths did she go through to get that information?
I hear his voice in my head from that day. ‘If anyone ever finds out about why you left, you will tell them…’
"Arya," James says beside me, interrupting my thoughts, but I don't want to look at him. I don't want to watch that face fall apart when I answer the question I know he's about to ask me. "Arya," he says more sternly, grabbing my hand and forcing me to turn to face him. I look into his eyes and see the concern, the fear, and I know I can't do this. I pull away from his grip, away from him and all these people staring at me, trying to get out of the cafeteria as fast as I can. But James runs around a table and cuts me off, staying an arm's length from me, knowing that I'm fragile and not wanting to get too close to me. "Tell me what's going on, Arya," he says as if he were talking to a frightened deer in the forest, trying to calm it down.
I feel tears starting to fill in my eyes and he comes up close to me, unable to resist protecting me. “Arya, just tell me the truth,” he says so quietly that no one else can hear, “I will believe whatever you tell me.” I look into James’ eyes and they are waiting, searching for the truth because he can’t believe what Lisa said is true. He can’t fathom it.
"I'm sorry, James," is all I say, not wanting to repeat what Lisa has already said about me.
“It’s not true,” James says, not believing it himself. “It can’t be. Just tell me she’s lying. You don’t have to explain everything, just tell me it’s not true.” His eyes are pleading with me to tell him it’s not true, that Lisa really hates me so much that she would make up some horrible lie about me.
"I can't," I say. "Everything she said is true. I'm so sorry, James." And then he lets me go, he lets me walk past him, leaving him in a disbelieving state. I go to the girl's bathroom because it's the only place to get away from all the judgmental eyes and hushed whispers. Going into the last stall I let out the tears I was holding in, not wanting to shed them where people could see.
“Arya!” I hear a familiar voice call. “Arya, we know you’re in here!” It’s Diana. She knocks on the bathroom stall. “Arya, please tell us what’s going on.” I stay silent because there are no words.
“Arya, please,” I hear Eleanor’s voice say. “We are your friends.”
"Arya!" a voice shouts having just walked into the bathroom and I recognize it immediately. "Arya, it's me." Mia slams her hand on the bathroom door. "Please come out and talk to me." Rubbing the tears from my eyes, I come out and see Diana, Sarah, Eleanor and Mia all standing in front of me. Mia immediately hugs me, hoping that her hug can at least help with some of the pain.
“It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. This was supposed to be a fresh start. A getaway,” I say, hardly able to speak.
"I know," Mia says, still holding me.
"It's all ruined," I say into Mia's shoulder.
"It's not," Mia reassures me.
I pull away from Mia. “I’m so sorry, Mia. First West Side and now East Side. I’m ruining everything for you.”
“Don’t say that. Arya,” Mia starts and searches my eyes. “He’s the one that ruined everything.”
“But I’m the one that lost control,” I say to Mia, knowing the other girls are listening. “I spray painted ‘RAPIST’ on his locker out of anger, wanting to ruin him. They forced me to leave West Side to protect both of our reputations, covering up everything so that no one would know what I did. And then Mom and Dad forced you to transfer with me.”
The girls all look at each other, surprised by what I've said, and who could blame them? Will they even want to be friends with me anymore?
But Mia stays looking straight at me. “Arya, you did it...”
“I went overboard.” I say sternly. “And I can live with it. I was the one who lost control and let her emotions take over.” And then I walk out of the bathroom, not wanting to face the people that care about me the most because I have let them down. I think about something James said to me when we first met, about trying to outrun your problems. ‘No matter how fast you run, they always seem to catch up with you’.
Chapter 36 – What I’ve Done
“Put to rest what you thought of me / While I clean this slate / With the hands of uncertainty / So let mercy come and wash away / What I've done” – What I’ve Done, Linkin Park
Arya
The rest of the day was a nightmare. I’ve never been the topic of everyone’s discussion before and as I sit in class, walk the halls, I know that I’m what everyone is talking about. I hear them hush people when I walk through the halls, I know they are staring at me, judging me, thinking ‘What type of girl does that?’. James doesn’t approach me again and I don’t blame him. I shut my friends out who can’t believe what they have heard. But I am fortunate that they don’t shut me out. They don’t want to abandon me at my lowest point.
“Arya,” Diana says at our lockers. “If you want to talk, we are always here to listen.”
“You already know everything.” I say. “Everyone does.”
“I don’t think that’s true.” Diana says. “I think there’s a lot more to the story that you won’t tell us.”
“I did do what she said.” I say. “All of it was true.”
"I don't think you would have done it without
a good reason," Diana says. "I think you are hiding something, Arya. What did he do to you? What did they do to you?"
"I told you, we had an argument, and this is what I did to get back at him," I say.
“That guy at the party,” Diana says. “He’s the guy…”
“Leave it,” I say.
“It was him though,” Diana says. “He said you guys had a disagreement before…”
“We did,” I say. “We had a disagreement and then I lost my temper, I lost control. I did something really bad to get back at him.”
“Arya.”
“They tried to save both our reputations by sending me away. And as karma works, in trying to ruin his life, I ruined mine.” And then I slam my locker and walk away.
***
“Arya!” Mia yells at me while knocking loudly on my bedroom door. “It’s time for dinner!”
"I'll be down in a minute!" I yell at her, sitting at my desk doing homework.
I am still waiting for the gossip and rumours about me at East Side to stop. It’s been a week and I’m still waiting to no longer be the topic of everyone’s conversation. I’m waiting for the stares and whispers to stop. Some people make comments to me like, ‘Do you accuse every guy you sleep with of rape?’ or ‘Falsely accusing someone of rape is as bad as if you were the rapist’ or ‘What did he ever do to you? You could have ruined his life!’. The messages in my inbox and posts on my wall are far worse though. People are confident when they have a computer screen to hide behind. They say the cruelest things to me, ‘Kill yourself’ or ‘Scared of your Catholic family finding out you have loose morals?’ or ‘We don’t want West Side’s trash at our school’.
I don’t think I am a bad person, but all these people think I am, and all the hate mail is becoming too much. I ended up deleting my account. I couldn’t respond to anything and I couldn’t stand it anymore. I’m a leper. I’m the person everyone loves to hate right now. Everyone has agreed that I am a terrible person and have joined together to bring me down. To make me feel so terrible about myself that I just leave East Side. That’s their goal, that’s what they want, and they will cheer amongst themselves if they make my life so miserable that I break. They just see someone that deserves all the hate they are throwing at me. They don’t see the person suffering because of it.
Mia opens the door and walks in to sit on the bed. “You can’t keep doing this.”
“What?” I say to her, not looking up from my work.
"Shutting yourself in your room all night, only coming out for dinner, barely making conversation with anyone, not leaving the house unless it's school, work, or soccer," Mia says. "Mom and Dad are getting worried, I overheard them talking. It's been a week now, Arya. I've given you a week, but you can't continue like this."
“We talk,” I say, turning to her. Mia is the only one I can just be myself around this past week. She’s one of the four that knows the whole truth. When it’s just us, we can pretend that everything is okay, and that the outside world doesn’t exist. But I think she’s done with that now.
"Arya, it's not the same," Mia says. "What about James?" Mia asks. Just his name pulls at my heartstrings and makes it ache.
“He won’t talk to me,” I say bluntly. “And I don’t blame him.”
“Have you thought about telling him the whole story?” Mia asks, venturing into unknown territory.
“What do you think?” I say unkindly, irritated that she would even ask the question. But I immediately regret my tone with her. “I’m sorry, Mia, I didn’t mean…”
“I know, Arya. You trust him though, don’t you?” Mia says.
"This isn't about trust, Mia," I say.
“He would never tell,” Mia comments. “If you asked him to, he wouldn’t tell a soul.”
“I can’t do that to him,” I say. “And I don’t know how he would react if I told him.”
“He deserves to know, Arya,” Mia says. “I see him in the hallway, he looks so miserable.”
“I don’t want to bring him into this mess, Mia,” I say, feeling tears in my eyes and she comes up to me and hugs me. “He doesn’t deserve it. This is my fault. I have to accept responsibility for what I did. Anger can make you do crazy things.”
"Arya, look at me," Mia says, holding my face in her hands so that we are looking at each other face to face. "I was always jealous of you in high school. You were so happy and carefree, you had everything going for you. Smart, amazing soccer player, great friends, beautiful, I just couldn't wait to be in high school and be just like you. But as perfect as your life appeared at West Side, as happy as you were there, I have never seen you happier than when you were with James."
“Mia…” I say.
"You have always been there for me, Arya," Mia says, letting her hands fall from my face. "I just want to be there for you, Arya. You have always helped me and given me advice, now it's my turn to give you advice. You need to tell James the truth, he will understand. He wants to understand, he wants to be a part of whatever mess this is. Tell him, Arya. That West Side jerk has already taken too much, don't let him take away your happiness, don't let him take away James. You can't let one person ruin your life. You can't let him win."
“Mia, this is my fault,” I say. “I have to accept the consequences. I knew what I was doing that day. Vandalism isn’t exactly a healthy way to express your anger.”
“Anything you would have changed about that day?” Mia asks.
I ponder the question. “Would have done it on Thursday instead of Wednesday,” I say and we both laugh.
Then my phone rings and I see the caller and just ignore it like I've been doing all week. "Who is it?" Mia asks.
“No one,” I say.
“Arya.”
“Really, no one,” I say.
"I don't believe it," Mia says and reaches for the phone, but I slap her hand away. We continue to fight over my phone until I take it and jump on the bed holding it up out of Mia's reach and we are both laughing.
“Arya!!” I hear my dad’s voice calling from downstairs. I look to Mia and she just shrugs her shoulders. “Come down here! Now!”
“If you’re not telling me something…” I say to Mia.
“I swear I have no idea,” Mia says honestly. “I was just told to bring you down for dinner.”
I jump down from the bed, with Mia following behind me as I venture to the staircase and then I see him inside the front door, talking and joking with my dad. The town’s favourite hockey player has come to my house. I walk down the stairs slowly with Mia just behind me.
“Arya,” Dad says, all smiles for the hockey superstar in our house. “This fine young man is here to see you.”
“Great.” I force a smile at my dad.
“I won’t take too much of her time, Dr. Secord,” Lexi says to my dad.
“No problem, Lexi," Dad says. "Take all the time you need." I roll my eyes. Hockey is big in this town, so my dad is more than happy to leave me with the town's superstar player. "Mia," Dad says, "let's go help your mother with dinner." And then they leave us at the front door.
“Your dad still likes me.” Lexi smiles.
“What are you doing here, Lexi?” I say, crossing my arms.
“You wouldn’t answer any of my phone calls,” Lexi says.
“There’s a reason for that,” I say.
“Look, Arya,” Lexi says, “I know we’re not together, but it doesn’t mean we can’t be friends. I want to help you.”
I look at him and then I see his gold cross necklace coming out from his shirt that he always wears tucked underneath. A reminder that Lexi is from a Catholic family. Another point for him in my parents’ books. I walk up to him and grab the necklace to put it under his shirt.
“What are you doing?” Lexi says, backing away from me. The necklace is back safe and sound under his shirt.
“I didn’t want a flashing symbol to remind my parents why you are the perfect guy,” I say, and he laughs.
&nb
sp; I hear the sounds of pots and pans clanging in the kitchen and then my mom comes up to us. “Would you like to stay for dinner, Lexi?”
Lexi smiles sweetly at her. "No, but thank you, Mrs. Secord," Lexi says. "I have dinner waiting for me at my house."
“Okay, but you’re always welcome here, Lexi,” Mom says, and I roll my eyes.
"Thank you," Lexi says. "I was wondering if I could take could maybe talk to Arya for a bit if that's not too much trouble. I'm sorry for coming right before dinner."
“Of course!” Mom says enthusiastically. “Be my guest! You guys can walk the trail at the end of the road.”
And then my mom walks away happily back to the kitchen. Mom and Dad both know that James and I are no longer together. Something they could easily guess with how miserable I’ve been and that they haven’t seen him, and I haven’t met up with him. Thankfully that’s all they think is wrong. And now it looks like they are happy to match me up with this West Side hockey player that ticks off all the boxes a parent looks for in the guy their daughter is dating. Even dads can’t say no to hockey players dating their daughters. What is it about them?
“Your mom likes me too.” Lexi winks at me.
“Let’s just go before my dad forces you to stay for dinner,” I say, gesturing to the door. I put on my sandals as Lexi opens the door and we head out on the sidewalk towards the dirt trail that goes along the river. We walk in silence for a while before Lexi finally breaks it.
“Are you going to tell me what happened now?” Lexi asks.
“Everyone knows,” I say.
“What really happened, Arya?” Lexi asks.
“I got very angry at a boy and then accused him of rape,” I say. “I spray painted it on his locker. Did you not get the memo?”
“What did he do?”
“Doesn’t matter,” I say.
“It does,” Lexi says. “You told me, actually you promised me, that you weren’t…” he doesn’t want to say it, “raped. And I believed you. Should I still believe you, Arya?”
East Side Academy Page 23
