by Maya Hughes
My stomach dropped as I read through her message. It hit so close to home that it stole my breath away.
Once I found your blog, I decided to try again with my new partner. He's wonderful and understanding and he wants to do things the right way. Your blog posts helped us figure out everything we needed to. I've finally felt free enough to let him do things to me that I never would have dared before. So thank you and here's a little picture of just what you've been able to inspire. Sorry if it's TMI!
Signed, a Grateful Guest
Attached was a picture that hit me with a punch of longing I hadn't felt in a long time. She was on her knees with bright red ropes creating a crisscrossing corset around her body. The knots and twists of the rope contrasted with her skin. She glanced over her shoulder in the picture with a huge smile on her face. It was messages like these that made it all worth it.
She'd had a bad experience and got back on the horse. Found someone she trusted enough to explore something she'd always wanted. I envied her that. There were so many thoughts that ran through my head when I was out on the floor. I appreciated the chances people took, even in a controlled environment. That Ace's was the first experience a lot of people had with the scene made me jealous. I wondered how things would have turned out for me, if there'd been a place like this for me.
My instant messenger on my computer pinged.
Sasha: Still in your dungeon?
Me: Ha, yes of course.
Sasha: I can't believe you're only just now telling me you own a sex club. I mean, really? How long have we known each other?
Me: Over ten years
Sasha: And you never thought to bring it up?
Me: I've only owned it for three years
Sasha: And the words, hey Sasha, guess what? I just bought a sex club never crossed your mind.
Me: Not really
Sasha: You're the worst
Me: Don't make me regret telling you
Sasha: How's John?
The gear switch threw me for a loop. I'd told Sasha about the club partially to divert attention away from John when we'd spoken a while ago.
Me: He's fine...
Sasha: I can't believe you cancelled on him for no good reason
Me: Who says I had no good reason
Sasha: Me. I saw you online running a campaign. You think I don't know all your online aliases by now.
Me: It was a good game. I maintained my top score and picked up a few new tokens
Sasha: You need to stop worrying about tokens and start worrying about how you're going to handle Date No. 2 tonight. What are you going to eat? I could go for a steak right now. I'm starving. It's tonight, right?
My stomach dropped as I turned on my phone. I always required everyone to keep their phones off during their shift. It connected to the network and I relaxed. No alerts. And then the panic set in as the missed call alert and texts rolled in.
John: Afternoon, I wanted to make sure we were still on for tonight.
John: Hey, checking in. I have reservations at a place downtown and then I thought we could head over to the park. What do you think?
The panic ebbed away and was replaced by something worse. Dread. The cold tendrils of it were wrapped around my wrists, keeping me from moving for a while. I shouldn't have agreed to these dates. They were a bad idea. We'd had sex. My stomach dropped. Maybe he thought this was expected since he'd been my first. Like he needed to give me a few dates, so I didn't feel bad about it or something.
Me: Hi John, work was really a mess tonight and I'm rocking a major headache right now. I know I suck and I'm so sorry about this.
I said the words out loud as I typed them as if that made it better.
Sasha: It is tonight, right?
Me: It was. I just cancelled.
I got an angry emoji face in reply.
Sasha: If you keep doing this, I'm going to come over there and lock you two in a room together. Don't think I won't do it.
Me: I'll definitely go on the next one.
Sasha: You'd better.
I logged off and left the club feeling like absolute shit. If I kept canceling on John he'd stop asking. That's what I wanted, right? I wanted to have the wedding weekend be the wedding weekend and leave it at that. The drive back to my house was in absolute silence. No music, no nothing. The guilt of cancelling ate away at me.
We'd said we had a truce. I had so much fun with him at the wedding. Even the drive out to the hotel had been great. Just sitting down together and talking. I hadn't had that with anyone in person in a long time. I hadn't realized how closed off I'd been. That first date had me floating on air for days afterward. And freaked me the hell out.
It was so easy with him. Like we fit together and could relax, when he didn’t have me ready to peel his clothes off with my teeth, that is. He threw me off balance in a way I hadn’t experienced before. A way I hadn’t let myself experience. I like things to go a certain way, and his complications made me forget myself. Scared me, because after one night together and one date I was ready to jump in with both feet with him. If he was doing this for some shitty reason like back in school, I couldn’t do that to myself. So I’d keep putting it off until the problem solved itself or blew up in my face. Seemed reasonable, right?
When I got home, I checked my phone and there wasn't a reply from John. I sent him a message.
Me: Raincheck?
Still nothing. I sat, turned on the TV, and waited for a reply.
Was this the last straw? Had I irrevocably fucked this up?
21
John - Now
Six hours into the drive I wondered if I was a total moron or just crazy. I settled on crazy as I glanced back at the insulated bag in the back seat. The smell was driving me crazy. If it weren't for her, I'd have devoured the treasure inside about three hours ago. She'd been avoiding me since our cancelled second date. Frustration and disappointment were eating at me in the hours with no response from her before she eventually cancelled on me.
Frankie: Raincheck?
That single text gave me a spark of hope, when I'd been ready to pack it in. She was doing the thing Killian always accused her of doing. Retreating into her shell of the comfy couch and Netflix and shutting out the rest of the world outside her club. I'd checked the blog, which she'd been updating throughout the week, so as much as she wasn't feeling well, I knew the deal. She was scared. She was freaking out. Well, so was I, and I wasn't going to let her push me away again.
I jogged up the steps to her door and knocked. After a couple minutes standing out there, I wondered if I'd mixed her schedule, or if she'd changed it around since she last mentioned it. As I pulled out my phone the front door whipped open, and Frankie stood there a little out of breath with wet hair plastered to her face.
"John?" she asked, looking at me like I'd grown a second head. "What are you doing here?"
"I thought maybe you were hungry, and I had a hankering for a Romano's, so I thought maybe you did too." Her eyes darted to the insulated bag in my hand.
"That's Romano's?" She looked a half second away from snatching it out of my hand.
"That it is. I know I just showed up here unannounced, but this isn't a date. I figured of anyone in the city who'd appreciate Romano's it would be you. But if you'd rather finish this all by yourself, I can just leave it here and back away slowly."
Her eyes darted from me to the bag, and I think she was contemplating just snatching the pizza out of my hand and slamming the door in my face, if only so she could have it all to herself.
"I also brought some candy for dessert. You'll need something to chase the all meat triple cheese slices. You know, the healthy option." I shook the bag that was looped over my hand.
She laughed and opened the door even wider, but putting her hand against my chest as I stepped into the doorway.
"Definitely not a date, right?"
"Absolutely." I'd take what I could get.
"Good, that means I don't have to
be polite and pretend I'm not going to eat at least half this pizza."
"There's actually two in here," I stage-whispered to her as I slid the bag onto the kitchen counter.
"You're a saint, John." She grabbed two plates out of the cabinet, and I unloaded half of one onto her plate and the other half onto mine. "Do you want a drink?"
"Sure, I'll take a beer. Do you want to eat at the table?"
She shot me a look over her shoulder.
"At the table, when there is a perfectly good couch right there?" She gestured with the two beers in her hand.
"You're right, I don't know what I was thinking." The sun was setting and it made her media setup even more like its own personal theater. The massive screen and sound system were all set up and already queued up for prime TV watching. She plopped down on the couch beside me, sliding the plate onto her lap. I picked up a piece, ready to inhale it, when I peeked over and saw her staring at me with her hands resting on either side of her plate.
"What's up? Shouldn't you be two slices in already?"
She glanced down at her plate and smiled.
"I should. I just wanted to say thank you and I'm sorry. Thank you for the pizza. I haven't had it in a really long time, and I appreciate that you went out and got it."
I scoffed, trying to brush it off.
"I've been craving it for a long time anyway. I figured you'd enjoy it."
"Thank you anyway, and I'm sorry for cancelling our date."
"It's forgotten, as long as you let me take the second pizza home."
She screwed up her face and took a bite of her slice.
"If you think you're walking out of here with that second pizza and all your limbs, you are sorely mistaken. Once it crossed the threshold, it was all over for you." I laughed and took a gulp of my beer. She laughed too, and we both inhaled our slices in record time.
As the sun fully set, the glow of the TV shined even brighter on her. Her wet hair slowly dried as we made our way through a few episodes of a new not-quite-Doctor Who show. I kicked off my shoes, getting more comfortable. I hadn’t seen these episodes, but listening to her explain it all to me could keep me interested for hours. She didn't get impatient or upset when I'd ask a new question. She'd pause the show and go into a whole long explanation of the origins and theories before turning it back on.
After we were both stuffed with more pizza than a human should consume, she snuggled down deeper into the couch. Once her marathon was finished it was my turn to choose something to watch. It had been a long time since I'd seen Alien, so I picked that one. Frankie jumped up to make some popcorn and grab us a couple more drinks.
"I love this movie," she said, grabbing a handful of popcorn. I did the same. About twenty minutes into the movie, when she yelped for the fifth time, I figured she'd lied about this being a favorite.
"Why did you say you liked the movie?"
"I do," she said, looking through her fingers as the chest-burster made its first appearance.
"No, you don't. Look at you." I gestured to her curled up into a ball with both hands over her face. I paused the movie and turned to her.
"I like being scared." She dropped her hands and reached for the remote. I held it out at my side and she lunged for it, landing on my chest. As she reached for the remote, she got closer to my face. I'd stopped trying to keep the remote from her, and just watched her as she struggled. She must have noticed the fight had gone out of me, because she moved her head back and stared into my eyes.
"What?"
"Nothing." I wrapped my arm around her waist. My hand landed in the gap between her pants and her top. Her breath quickened, and I could feel her heart hammering in her chest. It moved in unison with mine. Her lips were less than an inch from mine. Every inch of me was humming in anticipation of capturing her lips, making her moan and drinking her in.
"I think we're finished with the movie for tonight." I dropped the remote onto the couch behind me.
"We are?" she whispered, her eyes darting to my lips. She licked hers, and my cock hardened against her. Her eyes got wide as saucers as she realized what she’d done to me. All for her. I think she was ready for a second serving. I wrapped my arms around her, and she shifted on my lap, so she straddled my lap. My erection pressing right into the V of her legs.
"We are."
She licked her lips again, and my cock jumped.
"Did you want something else to eat?"
"Hell, yeah," I growled. Her eyes got wide as I sat up and reversed our position, so she was under me. "There's something I've been dying to taste for a very long time..."
22
Frankie - Now
When John showed up on my doorstep with a Romano's pizza, I'd sworn it was a mirage. Part of that was due to the very vivid images of him that had been running through my head as I'd gotten reacquainted with my showerhead moments before he arrived. But the pizza became my sole focus until we'd both inhaled our fair share.
The flirty fun of sitting on the couch with him was how I'd imagined things would be between us. Pajama pants and an old t-shirt and John sitting beside me looking as delicious as ever. I couldn’t think of a better night in after working all day. If you'd told me that a month ago, I'd have said you were insane.
But filling him in on all the backstory of my favorite shows, while he asked question after question with my stomach filled with delicious pizza was probably the closest thing I'd had to a perfect day in a long time. That date had thrown me off-kilter. The big show freaked me out. I had fun, but I wasn’t that woman. I wasn’t the one at the wedding or the dance. What happened when he saw me like I really was most of the time? That was part of the reason I bailed. But this...this was something I could get used to.
When I reached for the remote, landing solidly against his chest, something shifted in the room. The air electrified as the mood shifted from fun playfulness to something else. A hot wave of lust rushed through the room, and my heart hammered in my chest as I stared into his eyes. It scared me how much I wanted him. How much the distance I'd been trying to put between us did nothing to quell the hot, achy feeling that went from a gentle simmer to an inferno in a matter of seconds.
"Did you want something else to eat?" I asked, my breath catching.
"Hell, yeah," he growled. "There's something I've been dying to taste for a long time..."
The growl was the only warning before I was flat on my back, staring up at John as he ran his hands up under my shirt.
"You're beautiful," he said above me as he ran his hands down the side of my face. I let out a stuttering breath and let my knees fall apart, so he could settle in against me. His cock pressed against me through his jeans. He covered me with his body, pressing himself into me as he ran his hand along the back of my neck and attacked my mouth.
He pushed his tongue into my mouth, demanding entrance, and I was happy to surrender. I breathed him in and met him lick for lick, nip for nip. He moved his hand into my hair, tugging on the roots, just enough to let me know he had a hold on me, and I sunk deeper into his kiss.
His other hand was up and under my bra teasing my breasts, and suddenly it wasn't enough. My hands were in his hair, tugging on his roots. Making out and fooling around on the couch was fun, but I needed him. He broke his hold on my mouth and stared back at me, his eyes aflame with desire the depths of which scared me a little. It made my heart skip a beat.
"I've got you," he said, running his hands under my body and picking me up off the couch. I wrapped my arms and legs around him. My hands exploring his muscled back as he climbed the stairs
"Where?" he asked at the top of the stairs.
I pointed to the open door and he charged into the room, dropping me onto the bed and lifting my shirt up and over my head. My hair fell out of my messy bun. I flipped it out of my face, just in time for him to slide his hands under the waistband of my pajama bottoms and fling them across the room.
A flash of hesitation ran through me as I glanced down a
t my legs, but it was gone in an instant when he sank to his knees at the foot of the bed and hooked my legs over his shoulders. I pushed myself up on my elbows as he glanced up at me before burying his face in my pussy and yelped. His tongue painted its way across my flesh, making me sink my fingers into the quilt on my bed.
He feasted on me, and I cried out as he sucked on my clit. My legs trembled, and I was close to the edge when he stopped. Any reservations I'd had about this flew out the window the minute he got me to the razor's edge of an orgasm that paled in comparison to the one he'd interrupted with his arrival.
I mewled and he climbed up on the bed, his rough jeans rubbing against my naked legs. He threaded his fingers into my hair and tilted my head, giving him access to my neck. I didn't mind him controlling the kiss. I liked it. I liked that he seemed to know my body even better than I did after such a short time. He nipped a spot at the base of my neck that made me tremble. I was trying to get his shirt off when he whispered in my ear. I was in desperate need of him inside me. Right that very minute.
"I've been reading your blog. I'm just sad I don't have any of my rope to give you an even better experience from me. If you have some, I'm sure we could figure something out." He nuzzled my ear, and my body went stock straight. Every muscle in my body went rigid and it was like an anvil had been dropped on me.
I pushed against his chest, my hands and fingers going numb as I struggled to breathe.
"John," I said, pushing harder as he grazed his teeth along my shoulder. "John, stop." I scrambled out from under him. He stopped and looked at me, his eyebrows knitted together.
"What's wrong?"
I rolled off the bed and ran into my closet like a ghost was after me. It was. The ghost of nightmares past. The phantom pain was back in my wrists as I threw open a drawer and pulled out a long-sleeved t-shirt.
The terror and panic of being trapped. The sawing burning pain as I tried to break free. The ropes tightening and cutting so deep that it stole my breath away. The numbness as my arms and legs fell asleep. Raw, aching in my throat that was clogged with tears. The look in his eyes as he realized he'd fucked up and then panic when I realized he was going to leave me there to struggle and free myself on my own.
