“Maybe we can do it again sometime?” he asked.
I shuddered. I’d be avoiding family gatherings for the foreseeable future. “Fuck, no. I hope not,” I muttered as I made my way up the path to my door. I made a beeline for my bedroom and my coziest pajamas. It wasn’t that late, but all I could focus on was my spat with Jennifer.
Once upon a time, she’d been my idol, but we’d never been close. The gap in our ages meant that I was the bratty and annoying younger sister at almost six years her junior. I worshiped her in my own way, but any time my parents wanted a night out, she was forced to give up plans with her friends and stay home with me and Nick. I didn’t understand her resentment at the time, but later I realized that as the oldest she had to shoulder a lot of burdens that Vanessa and I didn’t.
Like many oldest children, Mom and Dad were the toughest on Jennifer because she came first. She had to babysit. She wasn’t allowed to date or drive. By the time Nick and I were teenagers, we got everything we wanted without a fight because my parents were straight-up exhausted. My theory was that they were tired of driving kids around and thankful when we got our licenses. Jennifer was understandably resentful and a relationship that should have repaired itself over time never mended.
Over the years, I’d only see Jennifer at family events where we’d exchange terse words. Only when Vanessa forced us together did we spend time around one another, but our personalities just didn’t click. I’d embarrass her with an ill-timed compliment about a haircut she hated or make an observation she thought was too crude, and then she’d freeze me out.
After I finished castigating myself for not having a comeback to Jennifer’s hate-filled words, I moved on to my regrets over how the night had ended with Chase. How did we go so wrong?
He’d been an amazing date. The last few minutes after the altercation with Jennifer were a haze, but thinking back, I’d essentially told him off. The sexiest man I’d met in forever, who seduced me in the kitchen of my brother’s wedding and stood by me during Jennifer’s shit-fit, and I’d told him to get lost. I’d quit on him.
I sucked. I could blame the sexual and sisterly frustration, but that wasn’t good enough. I owed the man an apology. I also kinda felt like he owed me an orgasm and a new pair of underwear with tearaway seams, but really, the interruptions weren’t his fault. I could only hope he’d give me another chance.
Chapter 22 - Chase
Shit. The evening had turned into total crap before my eyes. The romantic fantasy we’d built together was within reach before we were so rudely interrupted. Granted, I’d kind of fucked things up before then with the panty maneuver.
She’d overwhelmed me, and I’d gone off script, too eager to bare her soft skin. Note to self: not all panties are equally rippable. Probably something I’d know if I was actually a woman instead of pretending to be one. That thought sent my brain off on a tangent, as I wondered if I could buy fifty different brands of panties and talk Tamra into letting me try to rip them off her.
You know, for research.
I snorted. There was nothing objective about my feelings for her.
Things had been going so well up until those final moments in the kitchen. For once my mouth had helped me instead of hurt me. Pretending I was writing our romantic encounter made all the difference.
I got hard just thinking about how wet she was. Slick with desire. But in my rush to make our experience as erotic as my steamiest scenes, I’d ruined the moment. Judging by her response when I dropped her off, I wasn’t getting a redo either. Fuck.
My crushing sense of disappointment had more to do with Tamra’s anger than panties. She was uniquely qualified to handle my bullshit, and her off-color sense of humor was sexier than she’d ever believe. She radiated competence and kindness. When we were together, I felt more myself, and for once that wasn’t a bad thing. Tamra was the first woman to turn toward me instead of away once I let her see the real me. She got me. She didn’t flinch when I opened my big mouth. Whether she saw me as more than a friend with benefits, was the question. My feelings had moved beyond casual after our first kiss in her kitchen. Watching her dance video that day had turbo-charged my desire for her. Tonight’s wedding had been my chance to get her to see me as more than a friend, but I’d blown it.
I needed to find a way to salvage the situation with Tamra. I wanted to explore our chemistry further. If she’d let me. So, I did what I always did after a social fail and reached out to Jimmy for advice.
Chase: Can you come over? I need your unique brand of Dr. Phil. This may require a visual demonstration.
Jimmy: WTF Chase? If nothing else, I’m intrigued. Be there in twenty.
Chase: Thanks, friend. I’ll have a chilled beer ready with your name on it.
I paced my apartment after confirming that I did have beer in the fridge, including Jimmy’s favorite IPA. I couldn’t get the images of Tamra’s elegant spine out of my mind. Each bump like a trail to heaven. Her skin had gleamed. It had drawn my touch like velvet I couldn’t resist stroking. Every inch of skin I exposed made me want more. She seemed to enjoy the interlude, right until the end. Thinking about her smooth skin beneath my fingertips made my body tighten painfully.
I closed my eyes in agony as my brain fast-forwarded to the unfortunate end to that evening. Her sister’s reaction had been over-the-top considering we were consenting adults in relative privacy. Maybe it wasn’t the classiest move trying to seduce Tamra in the kitchen at her brother’s wedding, but what could I say? Love was in the air. Lust was in my pants. Tamra was all I could see.
Jimmy knocked, and I was relieved to have someone to vent to. Something about my wild expression tipped him off. “Dude. You don’t look so good. But first, I was promised beer,” he said.
I shook my head, unsure where to start. Liquid refreshment wasn’t a bad first step. “Let me deliver on my beer promise before I get into it,” I said as I moved to the fridge and grabbed us a couple of bottles.
The glass was refreshingly cool in my hand after my steamy thoughts. I rubbed the bottle across my forehead, enjoying the condensation slipping against my skin. I imagined it washing away my dating sins before I moved on to my confession.
“I told you I was going with Tamra to her brother’s wedding today?” I asked.
Jimmy nodded, then shook his head in confusion. “I still don’t understand that. Were you going as her date or as her friend?”
“Yeah,” I replied.
He rubbed a hand over his face. “So, it was a well-thought out move as always?”
I nodded glumly. “Yes. And it was actually going okay. I’d only told a few whopping lies that we had to backpedal from when we hit the dance floor.”
“Is this where the visual aid comes in? Because honestly, I don’t want to dance with you, Chase. I’ve seen you after a few too many drinks, and it’s one hundred percent white-boy awkward. No one would ever believe you’ve had sex after watching you dance. Your hips and the rest of your body look like they belong to two different people.”
I winced. Jimmy did not pull his punches.
“Now you tell me. We’ll add that to the list of things I need help with. Okay, so Tamra and I were slow dancing, and barely moving at that, so that’s not the thing I’m worried about. No, I had the bright idea of sharing one of my wedding date fantasies with her, and things ... escalated.”
“Escalated? How? Do you mean that you brought her back here?” Jimmy asked.
I shook my head emphatically. “No, that would have been brilliant if I had enough blood still going to my brain to think of it at the time. No, I had the epic idea to move our moment into the kitchen. At the wedding venue.”
Jimmy’s eyebrows shot up and I grimaced.
“Don’t worry. I locked the door, but the walls were still thinner than I realized, and there were auditory issues.”
“Auditory issues?”
I sighed. “Yes. I fucked up a maneuver, there was some light screaming, and then we we
re interrupted by Tamra’s bitch of a sister.”
“Whoa. Back that up. There was light screaming? The good kind?”
I shook my head sadly. “Not exactly. I was trying to pull a romance novel move and rip off her panties, and it. Did. Not. Go. Well.” I made a ripping motion with my hands.
“Buddy, I’m afraid to ask. Did you accidentally punch her in the face with your momentum?”
“God, no. Thankfully, no. But that sounds like something that would happen to me. It’s embarrassing. They always look so delicate, like an easy garment to rip, but her panties were titanium. I cannot have that little hand strength.”
Jimmy’s mouth opened. “You tried to rip her panties off? Was she expecting it?”
“Sadly, no. Thus, the screaming. Tamra was not a fan of the move, and I instantly regretted it, but I thought my technique was off, so I ... tried again.”
“What the fuck, Chase?” Jimmy frowned, aggrieved. “If there’s the non-pleasure kind of screaming, absolutely stop what you’re doing. Do not try again.”
I clutched the back of my head and blew out a sigh.
“I know, I know. I fucked it up. On so many levels. I was so caught up in what I was trying to do, I forgot about, you know, Tamra. I thought her yelp was surprise.”
I took a sip of beer in the silence that followed my admission.
Jimmy shook his head. “I don’t know if you’re coming back from that one, man. What happened after that?”
I swiped my beer bottle across my forehead again, whether to take solace in the cool glass, or try to hide my shame from Jimmy, I wasn’t quite sure. “There was knocking on the door, and then the staff used keys let Tamra’s sister in. She went off on Tamra. It was ugly.”
“Fuuuuuck. How did you leave it with her?”
I paced the small kitchen.
“Well, I defended Tamra to her sister, so at least I think I got that right? Unless I was supposed to let her defend herself? I don’t know, man. I was probably supposed to let her slay her own dragons and fucked that up too. She just sort of froze up, and I couldn’t let Jennifer tear her down like that. It was uncalled for.”
I paused for another pull on my beer. The alcohol was making my already queasy stomach roil. Drinking more probably wasn’t my best move. I’d burned up my good moves on the dance floor earlier. Scratch that. According to Jimmy, I had no good moves.
“How did Tamra react after the shock wore off?”
“She asked to go home. I offered to hang out with her there, but she wasn’t interested. Then I suggested that we could do it again some other time, and she pretty much told me to fuck off.”
“Pretty much, or did?” Jimmy clarified.
My chest constricted, remembering her words.
“I think the words were, ‘Fuck no, I hope not.’”
Jimmy seemed at a loss. I’d aired my dirty laundry, so I took another swig of my beer and peered down at the peeling label, picking at the edge with my thumb. If I didn’t look at him, it wouldn’t be so painfully obvious how badly I’d failed. The silence continued while Jimmy digested all that I’d told him. He scratched his head.
“Ah, I’m not sure how to come back from a ‘fuck not.’ That’s a tough one,” he acknowledged. “Did you try the apology route? Have you reached out at all?” he asked.
Bile washed up my throat, picturing her disappointment in me.
I shook my head. “No, I was afraid I’d make things worse. I wanted to wait until I could talk with you and get a fresh take on the whole thing.”
Fresh take or miracle. A guy could hope. So far, Jimmy had been short on reassurances, and my heart sank as his silence lingered. It was entirely possible I’d ruined my only chance with Tamra.
Jimmy rolled his shoulders and stretched his neck like a fighter preparing for the ring. “Okay, here’s what you do then. Give her space tonight but reach out tomorrow and try to apologize. Pop quiz: what are you apologizing for?”
I gave him blank eyes. “Everything?”
He shook his head. “No. Too broad. You have to be specific with your sins if you expect them to be forgiven. It helps to convince a woman you won’t do it again if you understand what you did wrong. Try again.”
I swallowed. “This is important?” I asked.
He nodded emphatically. “The most important. If you learn nothing else from me, be specific in your groveling, but then go broad. Cover that shit until it smells like roses.”
I tilted my head, thinking it through. “Okay ... I’m sorry that I tried to rip off your panties, and I’m SO sorry that we were interrupted. I especially regret that it was your sister, who went off like a Roman candle. I’d love to get together again soon. Without the bitchy sister or panty disaster.”
Jimmy winced. “Less about the bitchy sister, and more how you regret that you were lost in the moment. Lean into how sexy she was and how you didn’t immediately hear that she wasn’t into it. You’ll NEVER do that again. Got it?”
I sighed. “Never again. Now, let’s hope she’s willing to give me another chance.”
“Excellent. And maybe it wouldn’t hurt to add a gesture of sincerity or start the groveling early and often.”
“Early?” I asked. “I thought you wanted me to give her space first?”
“Yeah, but you really screwed up. Hearing you say it aloud again underscored that. Maybe try to woo her with a puppy dog meme or something tonight before reopening communication tomorrow.”
I tried to look more confident than I felt. “Got it. Thanks, Jimmy. I appreciate the advice.”
He gave me a one-armed hug, then placed his empty beer bottle on the counter. “No problem. That’s what friends are for; to help you clean up. Good luck to you. I hate to say it, but you’re going to need it. I hope Tamra is the forgiving type.”
I let my eyes go unfocused, picturing her face as she told me to get lost. “Me, too.”
Visualizing her face made me close my eyes and try to wipe the image of our last few moments when she told me to leave from my brain. Things had been going so well, before. Before. I could only hope there’d be an after. Maybe a happily ever after was too much to hope for, but something about her tantalized. I couldn’t lose her. She deserved a real hero. As much as the thought of trying to be that man for her scared me, I had to try.
Jimmy left, and I scoured the internet until I found an appropriate meme for the occasion. Maybe there was no such thing, but I had to try.
Chase:
I waited for a few minutes while I brushed my teeth, but there was no response from Tamra. With a sigh, I turned off my light and tried to calm my mind so I could fall asleep.
Visions of our passionate interlude in the kitchen made my pulse race and heat pool in my groin. At my most vivid and poetic, I couldn’t do Tamra justice on the page. Nothing about writing had prepared me for the power of my desire for her. Her skin was so soft. Silky. The arch of her shoulder had been seductive. I hadn’t devoted nearly enough prose to describing the shadows and valleys of her spine. Picturing every curve had me shifting restlessly beneath the sheets, stiff with desire. Remembering her as I’d last seen her, rigid and near tears after her sister’s tirade, washed away the erotic images. Now a different organ was aching. I had to make it up to her.
Chapter 23 - Tamra
The steady drum in my temples made me wince when I woke on Sunday. Should I have drunk more last night or less? Possibly knocked myself out by running against a wall? Skipped the wedding and gone to dance class instead? Just my luck that it was also that time of the month for a hormonal migraine. Worse luck would have been to have it yesterday, but maybe missing the wedding wouldn’t have been so terrible given how things ended.
I groaned as I thought more about the wedding debacles. Yes. Debacles—plural. Nausea roiled my stomach. Migraine or toxic stew of shame and regret—take your pick. I swallowed my migraine meds, t
hen lay back on my bed, waiting for the sweet relief to kick in. It sucked to be incapacitated, but if I got up and started moving around, I’d be too nauseated to do anything much anyway.
After my headache calmed down, I reached for my phone to see that I’d missed text messages from family, friends, and Chase. Chase. I ignored the alerts without opening any of them.
His friendly favor, accompanying me to the wedding, had felt all too romantic and real when we moved into the kitchen. Those first few minutes, enthralled in the fantasy he wove with his words, were magic. However, it had gone sharply downhill even before Jennifer appeared. Chase had missed a big, fat, freaking negative response to his first attempt at ripping off my underwear. Could I be with a guy so distracted by fantasy that he failed to pay attention to me?
Jennifer’s appearance and my lack of backbone at her censure still mortified me. I cringed every time I remembered her unkind words. I’d stood there and just taken it, like an invisible nothing. My freezing up bothered me more than Jennifer’s actual words. I kept reliving the conversation over and over in my head, with me reacting differently each time. In almost all of them I managed to push back and stand up for myself. If only one of my replays were reality.
It wasn’t the first time I’d wished for a conversation re-do, but like so many times before, I knew I couldn’t change the past. The best I could hope for was that I’d be able to defend myself next time. Not that I wanted to experience a next time. Jennifer’s attitude had shocked me. She’d always been more obsessed with appearances than my other siblings, but this seemed extreme, even for her.
With a deep sigh, I opened the text from my mother first. Better to get it over with.
Mom: We loved meeting Chase last night. Where did you two disappear to? I was hoping you could join us for a late birthday lunch today before we leave town.
Mister Romance Page 17
