by Elle Linder
“Seriously? That would be deadly to her health, not yours.”
“Right? She’s got a death wish! If Teri were here, she’d advise her to run far, far away.” Lauren snorted. “How are you, babe?”
“I’ll be fine.” She let out a heavy sigh. “If this trip to Alaska goes beyond a few days, Luke will be the one with a death wish.”
“Ha! I love it when you get all dark and violent,” she teased, trying to lighten the mood, but Julia still didn’t laugh. “How do you feel about me moving to your neck of the woods? The saying is ‘neck of the woods,’ right? I’d hate to offend the locals.”
“Yeah, it’s neck of the woods. How are you feeling?”
“Better now that Rick and I are back together. I can’t believe how excited he is about the baby. When he kissed my stomach…oh my God, it melted me.”
“It sounds precious. I’m happy for you. Really happy for you.”
Lauren keyed in on the even tone in Julia’s voice. It was her way of hiding her feelings or problems. It always drove Lauren nuts that Julia took self-sacrificing to a ridiculous level, believing that others were more important than herself. Well not this time.
“Julia, what’s going on with you?”
“Me? Nothing.”
“Why are you lying to me? I know when you’re lying. Talk, babe.”
Julia sighed. “I have a lot of stuff on my mind.”
“Like what?”
“The wedding. Renee. The kids. I got my period today, so I’m probably hormonal.”
“I’m not used to hearing you sound so sad instead of bubbly.” Julia’s sigh was deeper than the last, like she was holding back tears. “Babe, there’s more. I know there is. Talk to me dammit!”
“I saw my doctor after you left. She said stress can affect getting pregnant.”
Lauren processed her words. The fact that Julia was disappointed about starting her period today meant she was hoping to be pregnant. She touched her stomach, and instantly she felt guilty.
“If the situation with Renee doesn’t change, if it gets worse, I may never have a baby.” Julia sighted again.
“Yes, you will! Of all the people I know, you’re the one who is meant to have a baby.”
“And yet, two months of unprotected sex proves otherwise.”
“Two months isn’t that long. It’ll happen. It will.”
“You got pregnant in one weekend. It only takes one time, Lauren. My doctor said I’m healthy. That there’s nothing medically wrong to prevent me from conceiving. She’s convinced that it’s stress with everything I have going on. But I know it has everything to do with Renee.”
“Or it could be the lumberjack’s swimmers are slowing down. He is turning forty soon.” Lauren snorted, then laughed through her teeth.
“Wow. Always the wiseass, aren’t you? That’s exactly what I needed to hear! Thanks a lot!”
The line went dead.
“Oh shit! She hung up on me.” Her and her stupid-ass mouth. She called Julia right back, heart racing a mile a minute, and she went to voicemail. “FUCK!”
Of all the times to put her foot in her mouth, it had to be now. Some best friend she was, especially knowing how much Julia wanted to start a family. Last week Julia had confessed to Lauren that she wanted to have a baby before she turned thirty. Julia would turn twenty-nine in March. That was only six months away, and she wouldn’t be peeing on a stick, hoping for two pink lines this month because “Aunt Flo” had shown up.
Lauren’s heart sank. How could I have been so insensitive?
She sent Rick a text. It was best to warn Luke so he didn’t make matters worse.
Lauren: Warning, you picked an insensitive bitch to fall in love with. I fucked up big time! Tell Luke to tread carefully when he talks to Julia. She’s not in the best emotional state.
Lauren sulked in her room. It did her no good to text an apology to Julia. If she had ignored her call, she would ignore her text until she was ready. That was the thing about Julia; if she were upset or angry with someone, she pulled back so she didn’t do or say something she’d later regret. Lauren could learn a thing or two from her in that regard.
Minutes passed as she waited for Rick to reply, but no reply came. Soothed by Rick’s musk, her eyelids grew heavy. A yawn took hold of her, forcing her to give into her exhaustion, and she nodded off.
Six bars, a dozen offers of sex, and not one sighting of Renee. The night had been a bust in what Rick called “Double R” for their Rescue Renee Mission.
The search had ended in a big fat goose egg. After the fourth bar, Rick had begun to wear thin, and he could only imagine how Luke felt by the end of the night. They returned to their hotel room, and Luke hopped into the shower first thing. Rick planned to shower in the morning. He undressed, slipping into bed, and checked his messages.
He smiled seeing a text from Lauren and responded despite it being after two in the morning. If nothing else, he wanted her to see it when she woke in the morning.
Rick: Don’t’ talk like that! I know who you are, and I love you regardless. But I’ll tell Luke. Goodnight, babe.
The door opened from the bathroom, and Luke exited.
“Hey, Lauren texted me. She kind of messed up on the phone with Julia. She said to tread carefully when you talk to her.” Luke scowled at him, waiting for him to continue. “I don’t know the details, only that Julia’s emotional state wasn’t good.”
“Great.” Luke climbed into bed with his phone and began typing. “You can kill the lights,” he said, keeping his eyes on the phone.
“All right, goodnight.”
“Yeah. Nite.”
It didn’t take long for the glow of Luke’s cell phone to turn dark. Rick rolled to his side and stretched out an arm, wishing Lauren was beside him.
thirty-four
A Chosen Life
The creaking floor above Julia’s head woke her from her slumber. It was the first sign one of the kids was awake. Likely Heather. Julia reached for her phone. Six in the morning. She yawned, running her fingers through her hair, and smiled when she found a text from Luke. True to his promise, he had texted her after they returned to the hotel room.
Luke: Hi baby. No luck tonight finding Renee. We’ll be at it again after breakfast. I miss you like crazy and can’t wait to marry you.
Julia: The bed is cold. I miss my furnace.
She laid a hand on her stomach, wishing her womb wasn’t empty. Could Lauren be right that Luke’s sperm was slowing down? It didn’t seem right. Mick Jagger had a kid in his seventies. Luke was still young and virile. There couldn’t be anything wrong with his swimmers. It had to be her who was the problem.
Julia: I love you. I want it all with you. Hurry home to me.
Brice sat at the small breakfast table chomping on a bagel with a thick layer of cream cheese and honey drizzled on top. He flashed her a smile, his bright blue eyes twinkling as he licked a glob of gooiness off his finger.
While she fixed a bagel for Heather, she continued to watch Brice. For a ten-year-old, he had big ideas, like wanting his hair to have “the flow” like hockey players. Luke had given him the okay, surprising Julia. He preferred clean-cut hair over long but didn’t put his foot down about it. He wanted Brice to grow into being his own man.
Brice brushed his long bangs out of his eyes, sighing frustratedly. It was something he did at least a hundred times a day.
Julia smirked.
Luke had told her Brice would eventually grow tired of hair in his eyes, and when he did, it would be his choice to get a haircut, and dear old dad didn’t have to be an ogre about it. Luke amazed her. As a parent, he loved his kids deeply and was only stern when he needed to be, and he never tried to control their dreams—even though he hated “the flow.” Having a family with him was something Julia wanted more than anything.
She sipped her coffee, feeling the weight of disappointment in the pit of her stomach. Now was not the time to go down that road; the kids needed
to get to school. Quickly, she went over her mental to-do list: lunches were made, kitchen was tidy, homework was finished.
Was she forgetting anything?
Last night she had made spaghetti for dinner with meat sauce and breadsticks, per Brice’s request. Probably the easiest meal to make, yet he praised her a dozen times, right until the very last noodle was slurped into his mouth. The way he continually raved about home-cooked meals, however easy they were, made her wonder what exactly Renee had cooked for them. Feeling her shoulders tense at the thought of Renee, she rinsed out her cup, sending Renee down the drain, and pressed on.
“We’re leaving in ten, Heather!” she hollered.
“I’m almost ready!”
This is the life I choose, with Luke and his kids.
“Have you heard from Dad?” Brice asked, wiping his mouth on a napkin.
“Yup. This morning I woke to a text from him.” She put the cup in the dishwasher, dodging the real question.
“Did he find her?”
Her.
The word stung. It would break Julia’s heart if her own child called her her instead of mom. “No, sweetie, he hasn’t found your mom.”
Julia hadn’t wanted the kids to know Renee was missing, figuring it was one of her manipulative tricks. Luke had felt differently about the subject. He’d explained his position diplomatically, assuring her that it was best to tell the kids the situation in the event Renee had harmed herself or, worse, they didn’t find her alive.
“Julia, the hoops or dangly earrings?” Heather held up an earring on each ear.
She had changed dramatically during the last six months. From her clothes to her attitude. Heather no longer wore tight-fitting jeans and crop tops like Renee did, nor was she snarky and disrespectful. After the first couple of weeks, she had adjusted to living in Idaho, and she loved hanging out with Julia.
“Hoops.” Julia smiled. Heather whirled around and ran up to the loft.
“Thanks!” she hollered on the way.
“Do you think they’ll find…Mom?” Brice’s question jolted her. He tried to be a tough guy, to be like Luke she assumed, but they were so different. Brice was sensitive and wore his heart on his sleeve. She adored him for it.
“Well, I know your dad will do everything he can to find her.” She walked over to him and ran her fingers through his bangs, brushing them off to the side and out of his eyes. “But there’s no guarantees, ya know? Just like Luke said…like your dad said.” She collected his empty plate and glass and took them to the sink.
“I know you can’t make any promises. I wouldn’t ask you to. I just wondered what you thought. I’ll get my backpack.” He ran upstairs.
For the kids’ sake, she hoped Luke and Rick would find Renee.
“Any word from Julia?” Rick asked while slicing through a Belgian waffle.
“Yeah, she sounds good. So good.” He sighed, staring out at the mountains off in the distance, feeling the thousands of miles from her like a severed limb. “We have to find Renee today. I want to get home to my bride-to-be and kids.”
“Agreed. I left Lauren before we were able to figure out our living arrangements.”
“What’s to figure out? Not like you’re going to close up the brewery and move to L.A., right?”
Rick shrugged. “If she doesn’t move to Idaho, I may have to.”
“Well damn, sounds serious, Don Juan.” Luke chuckled. “So then she loves you?”
“I believe so. She said as much.”
Luke eyed Rick; something seemed off. “Don’t you believe her?”
“I don’t know. I mean, yes. I believe her. But ya know, she and I are cut from the same cloth. Neither one of us ever imagined we’d settle down. Marriage, kids, and a white picket fence was never in the plan. What if she doesn’t actually love me enough to uproot her life?”
“I get it. I wondered the same thing about Julia. If the love is genuine, Lauren will move. Julia’s prepared to sell the inn, so you won’t get any pushback from her.”
“Good to know.”
Luke looked back out the window, and the cerulean sky issued him a promise that they’d find Renee. He felt it in his gut. But in what state? That was the question. Would she be high as a kite or in the depths of hell going through withdrawals? Or worse, passed on into the afterlife? He hoped for the former so he wouldn’t have to break his kids’ hearts with the latter.
thirty-five
Azure Inn and Spa
Purple drops of huckleberry syrup dotted Lauren’s white silk blouse.
“Are you freaking kidding me!” she growled, dabbing the sticky mess frantically with a napkin. The top was ruined, she was sure. “Whatever.”
She shoveled another bite into her mouth like a heathen, not caring one lick about the syrup dripping down her chin. Pancakes and huckleberry syrup had been in her dreams last night, and by golly, she’d stuff her face to her heart’s content.
“What the hell!” Teri entered the office, startling Lauren. “You look like a purple pig! McDonald’s pancakes?” She leaned over Lauren’s desk, face screwed up. “What’s going on?” Teri pushed her hip out, crossing her arms over her chest.
Lauren shrugged, chewing a massive bite slowly. She had yet to tell Teri about the baby and selling the inn. She had never been good with this sort of news. Still, it was obvious the time had come to bring Teri up to speed.
“Well…” She swallowed, then washed it down with milk. “I have news.”
“Is that right?” Teri eyed her suspiciously.
Lauren cleared her throat several times, hoping the right words would magically appear, but nothing eloquent came to her. If Julia were here, she’d know what to say. But she was nothing like Julia. The only thing to do was be blunt.
She forked more pancakes, swirled them through a pool of purple yumminess, and blurted, “I’m pregnant and moving to Idaho.” Lauren swiftly inserted the fork into her mouth.
There, that wasn’t so bad.
Except for the tears in Teri’s eyes.
Seconds ticked by, and Teri remained speechless. “Teri?”
“I forgot I need to return a call.” She turned on her heel, exiting Lauren’s office.
Lauren chewed on her lower lip. Something felt very wrong. But what? She grabbed her phone and called Julia, like she always did when she needed help.
“Hey, what’s up? I have a busy morning, so make it quick,” Julia answered.
“Um, okay. I told Teri about the baby and selling the inn.”
“Oh? How did it go? Is she heartbroken about you moving away? I’m sure she understands with the baby and all.”
“Heartbroken? Why would she be heartbroken?”
“Seriously? How about because you are friends and she loves you?” Julia chided. “What kind of question is that?”
Lauren played the scene over in her head. Teri’s red, glossy eyes staring back at her. She had totally biffed it with Teri. Had she always been a heartless bitch? The answer was yes.
Would she ever change? She hoped like hell she could.
“I’m the worst person ever,” Lauren mumbled.
“Why do you say that?”
“Because I haphazardly blurted that I was pregnant and moving to Idaho. I think I stunned her.” Lauren sighed. “No, I pretty much slammed her with the news, pulling the rug out from under her. Did you hear the loud thud when Teri’s hard-as-steel ass hit my tile floor?”
“Lauren, did you really blurt it out?” The disappointment in Julia’s voice made her squint, and she swallowed her emotions back.
“You know I suck at knowing what to say. That’s where you shine. You should have told her.”
“Wasn’t my news to tell, babe. Now you have to apologize for being insensitive.”
“I suck.” Lauren huffed. “Can I blame the pregnancy?”
“Only if you’ve been pregnant forever. So, no. That wasn’t pregnancy hormones. It was totally Lauren Daniels and her brashness at its finest.
Showing empathy has never been easy for you, I get it. But you need turn over a new leaf. You’re going to be a mommy.”
A mommy. Lauren’s hand instantly went to her stomach.
“Okay. Thanks for the talk. I know what I need to do.”
“I have all the confidence you’ll make it right with Teri. You’re going to be the best mommy ever.”
“And I owe it all to you. The greatest person I know. When you’re a mommy, you’ll outshine all of us.”
“Um…I need to go.”
“Julia, it’ll happen. I know what you’re doing, running off to sulk. I’m sorry I hurt you every time I open my damn mouth. But I can’t hide the fact that I’m pregnant.”
“I’d never want you to hide it. I’m truly happy for you and Rick, really. It’s just…you know, I’ve always been in control of my life. Paving my own way and making my dreams come true. It seems no matter how much or how little sex Luke and I have, it doesn’t matter.”
She sniffled, and Lauren’s eyes filled with tears.
“Aww, hon, it’s going to happen. You’ve been under a lot of stress like the doctor said. Try and relax.”
“Right. I’m so tired of hearing that.”
“It’s only been two months—”
“I know! I really do need to go. And I’m okay. I have Luke and his kids. We’re a family. Now, go easy with Teri. She has a tender heart.”
“Okay, talk to you later.”
Lauren ended the call, blinking back tears.
She wanted more than anything for Julia to get pregnant too. Then they could get fat and gorge on all things huckleberry together. She dipped her finger into the syrup on the Styrofoam plate and licked it off her finger. Her eyes rolled into her head as she relished the divine goodness.
How could she make things right with Teri?
All morning, Teri managed to avoid her. And Lauren let her, figuring she needed time to recover from the shock of her announcement. But now, well past noon, Lauren would not wait any longer. She poked her head out of her office and found Teri out on the patio, sipping what she guessed was cucumber water.
