Chapter 21
~Nick~
I was forbidden to be at Franky’s funeral, so I watch from afar, with every part of me aching to hold her again and to apologize for being me. Her father’s cries tear me up from the inside out. It’s all my fault, it is all … my fault. After everyone leaves, I take the flowers I bought for her and throw them onto her casket, wanting to dive in after them.
“I’m sorry, Franky. I should have never made you choose. I should have never cursed you with my presence. Your father is right, I am the devil, and you deserved better than me, far better. I will spend the rest of my life missing you, aching to hold you again. I would do anything to see your smile again. I would do anything to change what happened, what I did to you. As I am sure you are in heaven, be assured I am in hell. Goodbye, Franky.”
The tears forming in my eyes are concealed behind my sunglasses, and I will give no one the opportunity to know of them. I decide to leave before someone catches sight of me and protests that I am here, I walk back towards Elijah, who is waiting for me by the car. I watch his eyes dart around the area and I follow, there is something about this funeral. There are way too many men in suits standing around, and all of them seem to be watching me. I never got to see Franky in the hospital or after. The word of her death came via community talk, and was verified when her father approached me out of nowhere, to tell me – Do me and my daughter a favor, and not show your face anywhere near her funeral. He said that I don’t deserve to grieve properly for her. I agreed, but I couldn’t completely abide by his wishes, she does deserve to know of my pain for her, that I reasoned to myself late last night.
“Who are they?” Elijah asks, motioning towards the men watching us.
“I don’t know, but they aren’t here for her.” The moment I step into the car, I see my brother’s car leave in the other direction. The suits must think he is here watching her funeral. They are fools, he is here watching me. I have become my brother’s growing obsession, and he isn’t going to stop until he finds a way to destroy me.
~
I have decided to become someone new, and forget who I was. The first step to that is learning how to control my anger, and learning another way to fight. My brother is searching for me constantly. Anytime I leave Harvey’s side, I have to make sure no one sees me come and go, and no one expects me to be any place that I am. There is only one place I can go, that no one would ever suspect. The one place I can safely learn what I need to know. This is the place, I am not sure if I should be here, but I thought if anyone can help me, it would be him. Whittaker Street Center, Bo Sirra, this guy comes and goes as if out of nowhere, so I am not sure if I should ask someone or just to blink and wait.
“Jayzon, right?” Sirra says, walking up behind me. Huh, I didn’t even have to blink. I nod and hold out my hand to him, which he immediately takes with a smile. “So I take this to mean you actually want to learn how to fight, and not continue to do that desperate, pathetic shit you were doing?”
Exhaling fully to his cocky smile, I nod despite my urge to leave, and tell him to go fuck himself. “Something like that. I was actually more interested in what you said about control, about being able to control my anger and other crap.”
Sirra now rolls his eyes, “And other crap? Umm yeah, you can learn to control your anger and all your other crap, and after seeing you fight, I am sure is a lot of crap. I am happy to help you, but first tell me why you want to know?” I shake my head with a shrug. “Unless you tell me why all of a sudden you searched me out, I can’t help you.”
Sighing, I stand silent until he throws his hands up and begins to leave. “Fine! I feel like I have some anger issues, that I would like to learn how to control,” I say.
Sirra motions for me to follow him into a private room, where he promptly shuts the door behind us. “Talk, Jayzon. I know enough about you, that you don’t usually fight with your fists. Not to mention, fighting rarely matters in your line of work, unless Harvey Rice has decided to conduct business without guns.”
“I don’t know you. Why I would tell you anything. I only want to know, what you said you could teach me.”
“I can’t teach you with partial information. There is a reason you are here, and I can’t help you unless I know what it is.” He sits down, picks up a magazine and begins reading. I huff for a few seconds before walking out. I end up pacing around the block a few times before returning back to him and his stupid smile. “Yes?” he asks.
“I need help with something … I don’t even understand it, so I don’t know how I can explain it to someone who certainly won’t!” I snap at him as he waits silently for me to continue. “I get angry, and I feel things happening inside me, and then …”
“And then you lose focus, and everything becomes a dream that you have no control in. You’re a spectator of your own actions.”
“Yes!” I say, wondering if he does understand who I am.
“It’s common, Nick,” he says, as if he assumes I am no different than anyone else with anger issues. “Come with me, and we will get started.”
Sirra lines me up in front of a mirror and teaches me how to breathe. It is a slow start, but eventually we pass the breathing exercises and move on to balancing, focusing, and understanding what is actually around me - seeing what is beyond the obvious. I meet with him several times a week, for months, and slowly develop a fighting technique that is more powerful than I have ever had. But it is the balance, the control, and the patience that change me for the better.
I am with Harvey at his favorite restaurant one night, when from out of nowhere a waiter catches my attention. I am unsure what it is about him that is so off, but his mannerisms are strange, and so I breathe, while watching him. Harvey is oblivious, stuffing his face and laughing it up with some associate of his. When the waiter comes near, he watches us all, and I wait. The moment he steps near us, he stops and exhales. I dig into his gut with my fist, and he is down on the ground gasping with his gun spiraling into the air and into my hand. Another swift kick, and he is out cold. Harvey looks up, and I simply nod. The man is quietly escorted out by another guard, and never heard from again. I begin to enjoy my extra sense, perception. It is something I use to ignore, but now it is at the forefront of everything I am.
Chapter 22
~Nick~
All I do is work, my focus is to gain the knowledge I need from Harvey and build on it, break from him, and become my own power. I want a power bigger than Connor, one that will make him pay and give me what I need to take care of the rest of my family, like my father should have done. My determination and goals are taking over, and my friends begin to worry that I may not be enjoying life enough. Elijah and Luke both think it is best for me to get out and get laid. I don’t know if it is what I need, but I humor them and join them at a local strip club they both have been raving about. It is disgusting, and the women are desperate, mostly drug addicts who will do anything for some extra cash. The back, private area is well used, and is not concealed well at all. The last thing I care about seeing, is other men having sex. However, my friends seem to enjoy the completely nude women doing anything they want to get that extra cash. I can’t take it any longer and leave.
I am shocked that they even noticed me enough to follow me out. Their sighs continue until I finally agree to go into a nearby bar with them. For once, Elijah is more interested in finding me a girl than one for himself, which is humorous to Luke and me both. Elijah hits on them, and then halfway through remembers he is supposed to be helping me. He tries to ugly himself up, or say he says, but ends up turning to me, shrugging his shoulders, because he obviously is too handsome to be unappealing. Night after night I go out with them, and night after night Elijah is the only one that ends up having sex of any sort.
On some nights, I try to talk to a few girls, but Franky is always in the back of my mind. Why bother getting to know someone that isn’t going to love me, or is going to end up dead when she thinks she does. I v
isit her grave often and talk to her about everything, she is the only one I can talk to. It is has been enough so far, I can’t imagine any woman making me feel any better, but maybe getting laid would be good for me. I fight the urge until Elijah brings me a package.
“Someone sent this to my house for you. I guess they didn’t know where to send it for you. I didn’t open it, but it has her last name on it for the return address. You might think about throwing it out instead of opening it, Nicky,” Elijah says leaving me to be alone.
I assume it is from Franky’s father, and I hesitate opening it for a time, but after a few days I get the courage to tear through it and pull out her lucky scarf. That bastard!
~
“You deserve to be happy, Nicky,” Elijah says to me as I ignore his huffs and persistent questions about the package that was sent to me. “Her father doesn’t understand what was going on between you two, and certainly doesn’t understand that it wasn’t your fault, and maybe you don’t understand that either. It wasn’t your fault, Nicky. It was one of the worst days of your life. You had a bad day, and she got caught in the middle, not because of you, but because of Connor. If not for him, you two would still be happy together or maybe broken up, but she would be happy somewhere and you would still be Nicky. You’re not the same lately. You’re getting more and more distant and becoming something I don’t think you want. When was the last time you talked to Ryan, and I don’t mean sending him money? Do you even visit your parents’ graves?” I glance his way with a snarl. “Be angry at me, but you’re avoiding too much and forgetting even more, all because you blame yourself. You are never going to find that happiness again Nicky if you keep blaming yourself, and despite what you think you deserve to be happy, we all do. And you being my brother for life you are making me unhappy, so you owe it to me to come out and get laid. I cannot feel good about having sex every night, if I am worried about you. You are ruining my fucks, Nicky. Don’t do that to me, come out, and get your dick sucked at least. For me Nicky, what do you say, will you please let someone suck your dick?” he says with a slight smile, I try to hide mine, but it is no use. Idiot.
We arrive at a new bar, where there are wall to wall women, and many of which are dressed to get laid. For the sake of Elijah’s sex life, I look around searching for one, when a tall brunette slides up to my side and inhales my scent. I take a drink and then sit back, putting my arm behind her chair. I start at her toes and look slowly up her body before concentrating on her eyes. She smiles, while I lick my lips. “You want to fuck me?” She nods. “What will you do for me?”
“You can come all over me.”
“I can come on anyone. What makes you different?” She pauses and sits back in shock.
“Isn’t it enough just to let you do whatever you want to me?” she asks sliding her hand down to my dick. “And I am more than willing to do everything you want me to.”
“That might get most men sweetheart, but if you want me, then prove you’re worth it.”
“I also have friends, for your friends.” She says motioning for two other girls to walk up and take hold of Luke and Elijah, both of which are nowhere near us or each other.
“How long have you been watching me?”
“Since the moment you walked through the door, and I haven’t been able to take my eyes off you since.” She hums.
“Is that right?” She nods but I am not convinced just yet. I hold her off for a second and talk to my friends, if they want to leave, I will leave. Neither have to say a word, their wide smiles is all I need to grab my girl’s hand and walk out the door. Thankfully the girls have their own place for us all to go, so we don’t have to go to Luke’s.
I don’t bother to worry about my friends for the moment, I take my girl to her room, and strip her down to nothing. Feeling her bare skin against my hands, against my mouth, I begin to enjoy the sensation of a woman again. “You smell like someone I know.” I whisper, gripping her hair and pulling her head back to look down into her eyes. “How bad do you want me?”
She instantly drops to her knees, pulls out my dick, and sucks me hard. My body heats up the more I look at her, and the more I focus on her, the more I know I can’t take it anymore. I pull her up off the floor and spread her legs out wide in front of me. Pushing my hardened dick inside of her, I glare at her and read every emotion on her face. She moans abruptly, cries out, and tries to regain her control. Every time she makes a move, I deepen my thrust and fondle her with more pressure, sending her gasping backwards.
“Stop fighting it. You know you want to relax and enjoy it. Besides, you might as well know what a good fuck is, before you finish the job and have to go back to him?” She looks up at me and begins to realize, that I know who she is.
“You know?” she moans losing more and more control with each thrust I make into her.
“Of course, I know.” Pushing her head to the side, I lean down and enjoy the moans coming from her mouth even more. “Are you going to come, are you going to let me come all over you like you said? You can’t help yourself, can you? I can feel you tightening, craving more of me. I can feel you losing control, so do it.” Lifting her, I let her watch my dick slide in and out of her wetness, and she begins to breathe my name with a heavy breath. “Is this what you wanted, or did you expect it to end before it got this far? Did you expect to end before I made you come, before you felt me release on your body?” Jerking back up to look me in the eyes, “Or would you prefer for me to come in your mouth, so you can taste what real man is?” Her head falls back as she grips the bed around her, tightening on my dick so hard I know she has nothing left, and I have her under my control completely. I pull out and come on her as she tries to recover from her own orgasm. I grip her back to me. “I bet my brother never fucked you like that!” I stand up and open the bedroom door. “Do it boys, before it is too late.” The moment I yell, their girls scramble and before I know it there is gunfire. Luke is kind of to walk out in his boxers, while Elijah walks out slowly, pissed off and with his dick still hanging out. “You good?” I ask and they nod. “Good let’s clean it and go.”
My girl begins to move again. “Oh yeah.” I turn back to her as she begins reaching for her nightstand drawer. Her phone begins to ring from within it, so I hold her back and reach in to take the gun out first and then answer her call.
“Is it done?” Connor asks.
I feel nothing for her, all I see is my hate, my pain, and every frustration that has built up inside me and I shoot. My first shot, my first kill, with a gun at least, and I feel nothing, but satisfaction. “It is now.” I seethe. I would do anything to see Connor’s face right now. It is lucky for him that he doesn’t have to wait to know the answer he wanted. I wonder how long he would have waited for her, if he would have sent someone out to look for her, or if he would have known the moment I got him, before he got me.
Chapter 23
~Nick~
Harvey gladly gives me more responsibility after saving his life a few times, I make every effort to make him believe I am completely loyal to him, and I am … for now. Luke is moved near me, and Elijah is given a second chance, but is not allowed close to Harvey, Harvey will never trust Elijah fully. I stick to our routines until one day when Harvey trusts me too much. He knows I am smart, but he thinks he is smarter, and I let him continue to think that. If I give him any reason to believe otherwise, he will slit my throat in a heartbeat.
Harvey keeps his money in many different places, but he keeps his drug money in one place. He exchanges it to be laundered, by simply exchanging keys. Only he knows where the money is being stored during the time before the exchange. It is a small window he allows for it to be vulnerable, but still he keeps it to himself. Harvey has never had problem with his routine, that is until me. I figured out his routine fairly easily, but it is the place where he has kept the key, that I am unsure about. Harvey has me at his side all day today, he is tired and unfortunately for him drank way too much to think clearly
when he approaches his safe. He stops suddenly and looks me over with suspicious eyes. With a twirl of his hand, he huffs until I turn around. He doesn’t realize that it takes me less than a second to memorize numbers, or that I can block out everything and focus completely on counting the clicks to a safe to figure out the numbers. Thanks to his foolish trust, I now know how to get his money. This is the opportunity we have been waiting for. Now we only have to figure out how to take advantage.
At the end of my day, I sit down at Franky’s grave, taking out her scarf from inside my coat, I wrap it around my neck and begin to tell her everything. “There has to be way to get that money, Franky. We only have so many days to get to it before it is gone, and he moves to the next place to store the new. I can’t imagine how much it is, but it should be enough. I am going to get it all, but I wish you were here to enjoy it with me.” I sit breathing in her scent from her scarf, talking through everything I need to do. “I need to let you go, Franky. I need to move on, but I just don’t know how. I don’t know how to find someone else. Is there even anyone out there that will love me, actually love me? I guess not.”
I sigh, realizing my father was right, Franky was never really in love with me. We were nothing alike and had no reason to be together, except that I bumped into her one day and stared too deeply into her eyes.
I leave Franky and find myself staring down at my father’s grave. “You said she might exist. Well if she does, help me find her, otherwise, Dad, I am not sure I am going to be able to avoid becoming, what you don’t want me to be.”
~
We get few opportunities to meet up without outside ears listening in, so when we do Elijah, Luke, and I take it and use every second to its fullest. “Where are we going?” I ask Luke as he drives us farther out of town.
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