"Yes, please. But without the extra shot. It's getting kind of late."
"And for you?" Tatum leans over the bar closer to Malcolm. After Malcolm says a beer Tatum nods and turns for the end of the bar and an impressive looking Cappuccino machine.
"Okay, I have to know-"
"7'2. He and Andrew are only one year apart and Andy was growing tall too. It wasn't until Andy stopped at 6'5 that my parents thought to have Tate checked out. So when Tatum was 22 they discovered he had a tumor on his pituitary gland. Anyway, it was surgically removed and he stopped growing, but he was huge at that point as you can see."
"I see..." I look over again at Tatum bending down low to work the handles on the espresso machine. "Is he older?"
"Yeah, he's the oldest, then there’s Andrew who lives in South Africa. Then Moira," he grins. "A good Scottish name for my sister. And after a 4 year hiatus after Moira, I was next followed by Alec, the runt of the litter at only 6 foot," he says smiling until his smile fades as my own darkens.
Alec? Really? I know it's a common Scottish name, but out of the thousands of names available, he actually shares a brother with the same name as my own.
"What's wrong?" Malcolm asks leaning closer to me.
"Nothing at all. I'm fine," I smile trying to stop the upset that’s quickly squeezing my heart.
Looking at my face before I turn away, Malcolm pushes his stool back and tells me to come with him. Walking to a booth across the way around a few tables in the middle, he walks and waits for me to follow, which I do.
"I'm going to tell you a little about myself Saige, and I'd like you to really listen, okay?"
"Of course."
Feeling worried about whatever he has to say I tense right up until the silence becomes almost unbearable. Turning to Tatum walking toward us I realize Malcolm was just waiting for us to be served before he started telling me whatever he's going to say.
"Thank you," I smile up a Tatum.
"You're very welcome, Saige. Let me now if you need any food or another drink, okay?"
"I will. Thank you," I mumble again nervously waiting for Malcolm to speak.
"Thanks, Tate," he nods before Tatum leaves us alone.
Having a quick gulp of his beer, Malcolm looks at me and starts speaking when I raise the cappuccino cup to my mouth.
"Saige... I'm normal. Mostly," he grins quickly. “I have 2 parents I love, 4 siblings I love, and I have loved," he says softly. "I don't lie, I don't cheat, and I don't abuse or use women. I may be large but you'll never see me fight without provocation, and certainly never with a woman.” When he pauses, I realize he wanted me to really hear the last statement about fighting with women.
“I'm a working-class guy who hangs out with the nerd before the captain of the football team every time. I realize you don't know me or trust me, or maybe even like me as much as I like you, but that is your problem to deal with," he pauses for a moment until I nod.
"I will never lie to you or hurt you intentionally, which after last night I think you know, or at least have seen firsthand. If I am out with you even as just friends I would never flirt with another woman in front of you. And if we ever became more than friends I would never look for more when I'm with you. That’s not who I am," he tacks on before breathing deeply.
Mesmerized by his speech he's so engrossing I can't speak. He’s laid everything out in front of me, and it's for me to either believe or disbelieve like he pointed out. And I get it. I just have a hard time believing it, which is also my problem to deal with as he said.
“My parents are still in love, Saige. They battle like you wouldn't believe and my siblings and I always knew when they were fighting because the house was too quiet. But even fighting my dad is the first person to defend my mother to anyone. He would go to the death for her as he says every single day because he loves her.” Pausing again, Malcolm eventually continues when I sit wordless waiting for more.
“Tatum is married to a wonderful little elf himself," Malcolm grins when I laugh. "Though to be fair, even if Melissa was an Amazon woman she'd still look like a little elf next to Tate," he smiles.
“Andy is married in South Africa to a beautiful woman named Gretcha he loves more than life itself. Moira is married to a friend of mine and very happy. And Alec is 29, single, but looking. I may even introduce him to Selena,” he winks.
“I don't have bad role models for love, and I don't have a nasty history or past with women. I've been in love until it played out and I've been in long and short term relationships until they played out. But my relationships have never ended badly because of abuse or cheating or anything like that."
When he pauses again to take a drink I feel like I need to say something important. "Malcolm, I appreciate all you've said but-"
"I wasn't finished," he interrupts me until I apologize. "I'm not asking you for anything. I'm not telling you this so you'll start dating me at all. It's clear you're not ready for anything after this last month of hell for you, and I don’t want to be a rebound for you anyway. I want to be your friend, Saige. I want you to talk to me when you need to, and I want you to listen to me when I need to talk. I want to get to know you, no strings or expectations attached. But you have to trust me to do that. That's why I told you all this."
After another quick pause, Malcolm leans over and actually takes my hand before I can pull away. "And I want you to understand something, and know it is the absolute truth. I will never touch you without you asking me to. I will never kiss you or touch you sexually ever without your express desire and permission. If we are ever with each other sexually it will be because you want to be. Just the thought of you scared of me or doing something you don't want to do not only repulses me but it makes me nearly violent. So again, I'm telling you, I am your friend. Only. I am the best weapon you could ever have beside you, and the best friend you'll ever need if you choose to accept my friendship." Squeezing my hand gently, he waits until I look back at him before speaking.
"That’s all, Saige. I don't want you like this, and I wouldn't start anything with you when you have so much going on in your life right now anyway. Is all that clear enough for you? Can you finally just relax with me now?"
"Yes," I whisper instantly.
Without thought or hesitation, I said yes because I want to and because I need to. I want to be his friend so badly, and with all the relationship stuff out of the way I can finally relax and just enjoy his friendship.
"Good. Wanna go do it in the back room now?" He asks so seriously I almost spew the coffee I just drank. "No?" He laughs at me.
"Ah, no," I laugh wiping my chin. "But thanks for the offer."
Turning serious again, Malcolm says, "I also want you to know I'm trying to find out who hurt you, and I’m going to fix this for you."
"How? What do you mean?" I gasp.
"I've talked with the police and with Dan's brother Mario, so I know the details of what happened. I've spoken to my friends and I can say with 100% accuracy not one of them hurt you that night, with the exception of Keith saying he hung out with his sister for hours which still seems a little weird. But otherwise I have all the guys covered that night," he huffs as I cover my mouth scared.
"Listen to me, I'm not saying Keith did it, or even suggesting he may have. All I'm saying is he's the only person from that night that I'm not one hundred percent sure of. He was just too adamant and aggressive when Dan and I confronted him and I didn't like his reaction at all. But we told the police everything and just as you are, we have to wait for someone to try to hurt you again before we have any answers. And I know it's that fear that paralyzes you which is why I sent you the gifts you don't have on you and should," he seems to wait for me to agree which I do. "Good."
"Why do you care about this? I mean I just met you."
"Saige, when I met you a month ago, you handed Keith his ass, and stood up for yourself. For being a tiny little thing, you took care of yourself perfectly among us group of men. So I
was attracted to you physically, absolutely," he grins when I blush. "And like a man who wants something, the next time we met you yelled at me when I asked you out, essentially told me to fuck off, and again, it was hot as hell," he laughs this time when I look down at the table.
"It was, Saige. But when I saw you next beaten up, freaked out, and scared out of your fucking mind, I was horrified. I couldn't believe what I was seeing less than 2 weeks after meeting you, and your almost animalistic reaction to defend yourself in the restaurant freaked me out and fucked me up. Even I was surprised by the intensity of my reaction to your fear."
Pushing himself back against the seat he seems to be struggling himself at the moment, and I appreciate the pause. My head is spinning again and that horrible night is so clear and so here right now, I feel kind of freaked out again.
"I hated seeing you like that in the restaurant," Malcolm exhales deeply. "I couldn't stand it, and seeing those bruises and cuts on your face mostly healed even now, I still can't stand the memory of seeing you hurt like that."
Looking up, he seems so sincere I kind of trust that he is. He already told me he doesn't want a relationship with me, so really there's no point to him saying all this if he did want more from me. Looking at the table, I find myself nodding at nothing and calming as he watches me.
"I'm sorry," I whisper though I don't know why. "I didn't mean to freak you out."
"What? See this is what I'm talking about. Why would you apologize for your reaction to me and Dan?"
"I don't know. I just feel insecure and nervous. I hate that you see me as weak, but I feel weak right now."
"Awww, Saige. You're not weak. You're just recovering from a shit time which takes time. I read up on sexual assault," he says as I flinch. "So I know it takes time to heal emotionally much longer than physically. Add in the fact that your boyfriend abandoned you 2 days before and of course you're struggling and nervous and insecure. But you have your friends and me now. Even Dan wants me to give you his number in case you ever need his help.” Taking my hand again, Malcolm says gently, “I'm right here to be your friend, Saige."
"Thank you," I finally cry. Bursting into tears from the memories and his kindness and from everything around me, I can't hold it in any longer.
Covering my face with my hands I cry long and sometimes a little loudly. Using my coffee napkin I wipe up my face as needed and continue crying until Malcolm pulls my one hand away from my face.
"Don't. I'm hideous when I cry," I burst out laughing suddenly like a psycho.
"Are you okay?" I quickly look over at Tatum. On his knees on the floor beside me he’s actually the same height as me sitting in the booth.
"I'm good," I grin wiping my nose. "The cafe mocha was delicious," I start laughing again when he looks both confused and unsure of what's happening. Looking at Tatum's confusion and Malcolm's grin I find it so humorous I laugh until I eventually calm again.
"Malcolm usually only makes women cry on the second date," Tatum adds so seriously I giggle again.
"This IS our second non-date date."
"Ah, then he's right on schedule," Tatum grins, slowly standing as I hear his knee crack. "Can I get you anything else?"
"Some more napkins?"
"Coming right up," he turns but not before glaring at Malcolm who shakes his head at him.
"Sorry for this. I was feeling a little stressed out."
"Don't be sorry, and of course you were. I don't mind crying, Saige. But if I can help you at all, please tell me how."
"You can't. You already have. Thank you for making me cry," I laugh at his confused expression. "No seriously. I don't cry often enough Selena says, so I kind of needed to. But now I'll be fine for a while."
"I'm glad I could help," he says sweetly. Thanking Tatum, I’m handed napkins before he walks away again. "Is there anything else I can do for you?"
"No. I really do feel better, but I would like to excuse myself for a minute," I say already sliding out of the booth with my purse.
Closing the stall to pee, I'm exhausted. That was the most amazing talk, and the best cry I've had since the last time I cried with Malcolm. God, he’s so sweet and kind, and just amazing to me.
Looking at myself in the mirror when I wash my hands I laugh at how hideous I am. Being a redhead who used to have dark freckles as a kid that thankfully faded over time, my face still turns beet red and blotchy when I cry. My nose swells, my eyes get puffy, and even my lips get a little swollen. I’m not a pretty crier.
Washing and reapplying my make-up, I can't do anything about the puffiness, but I can at least cover up the red blotchiness and dark scars, while reapplying my mascara so my eyes don't look so gross.
Ignoring the other tables of people, I realize with Malcolm I never once felt scared, or really even noticed the people around us. I didn't see the men in the pub, and I didn't fear the men would touch me when I walked to the washroom. He really is my own little safe haven when he's around.
Walking up to him, I hug around his middle so suddenly I didn't even think about it. I just reacted to him standing against the booth waiting for me.
I hugged him because I wanted to and I hugged him because I want him to know I appreciate all the kindness he's shown me since we met.
"You're awesome, Malcolm," I whisper feeling his arms wrap around me very lightly when I snuggle in deeper to his chest. "Thank you for tonight."
"You're welcome, ya wee leprechaun," he says as I rub my forehead against his chest laughing. "Are you ready to go home?"
"Yes," I smile pulling away. "I'd like to say goodbye to Tatum first," I look around at the bar to Tatum watching and smiling at me as I approach. "Thank you for the delicious cafe mocha, and for the napkins," I grin as he barks a quick laugh.
"You're welcome, Saige. Come back anytime. And if you ever feel like making a little extra money, my bar and soup pots are always available to you," he grins as Malcolm laughs behind me.
"I'll keep that in mind," I shake the hand offered to me.
Walking back to Malcolm's truck, I feel the night around me but I also feel the safety of him beside me. And I'm okay right now.
"What do you have planned this weekend?" He asks starting the truck.
"I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow and work afterward. I'm babysitting Selena's son Saturday night, and I'm working Sunday. You?"
"I'm working tomorrow, have a game tomorrow night and I'm free this weekend. Would you like company babysitting?"
"Really?"
"I love kids. And they all love to climb me like a jungle gym," he smiles.
"I can see that," I laugh. "Um, I'll ask Selena if she minds. But be warned, Griffin loves Bubble Guppies."
"Oh, me too. Mr. Gruper is the best," he laughs at my scowl. "How are you getting home tomorrow night?"
"Mike. We close together so he insists on driving me home."
"Good," he nods effectively ending the conversation before we pull up in front of Selena's.
Walking me all the way to Selena's door, he waits for me to open it and then he smiles once before leaving me. "I'll call you tomorrow," he says turning back to the elevator.
*****
"Soooooo? How was it?" Selena begs the second I close the door.
"Good. Really good. He wants to only be my friend."
"You've been crying," she points at my face.
"Yeah, like a release cry, and he was really great about it. So that's it. He wants to be my friend only, and I want to be his friend. There's just something about him I like, like he's safe or something- I don't even panic when he touches my hand."
"That’s good. But friends?" She asks skeptically.
"Yes. His words, not mine. Oh, and he wants to know if he can babysit with me Saturday night?"
"Sure," Selena says quietly. "Friends, Saige?"
"Yes, Selena. And it's a relief actually. I like him but I don't like him like him. So having him say he doesn't like me or want me that way was a huge relief.
"
"Okay," she nods not looking happy about it at all.
CHAPTER 18
After my doctor’s appointment, I'm relieved to know I've healed properly though it was awful having a pelvic exam again to find out.
I hated being touched and inspected like that, but luckily my regular doctor is a female, which definitely helped. I was no longer sore after the first week I told her, and when I had my period 2 weeks after the attack I explained I was only a little uncomfortable with my tampons.
So other than all the mental shit I was feeling during my appointment, physically I'm fine now. My doctor was cool, talking a little about the attack but not pushing me when I didn't want to speak. She was sensitive but not overly so which didn’t make me too uncomfortable.
Deciding to stay on the pill she refilled my prescription after she explained going off the pill now because I'm no longer with Tyler wouldn't be wise for my overall system. She suggested I keep things as they've been for the last 3 years since I started birth control.
And that was that. I have my 6 month prescription, I'm physically fine, and I can move on.
Eventually.
At home before work, Selena was sweet, asking questions without being pushy until I just explained where I'm at and how I feel. Afterward, she left for the day shift, and I sat around waiting for my evening shift to begin.
And I'm getting better.
I think of Tyler maybe only once every few hours now, and I think of Malcolm much more frequently, especially after his text this afternoon.
'I hope you're having a good day. Please call or text when you get in tonight safe and sound. Take care, Malcolm.'
*****
At work I'm good. The night is flying by, the tables are full, and no one is being an ass. I slept like shit last night and Griffin had me up early watching his cartoons, which I love with him but hate in general.
Truthfully, I can't wait to move into my little apartment on Monday. Yes, it's small and temporary but it'll be mine, and I've never had anything that was just mine before. I left my mum's house for the crowded dorms and then moved right in with Tyler when he asked after our first year of school.
(Mis)Trust Page 20
