Lifting me right off the floor, Malcolm sits me on the breakfast bar, takes my head in his hands again and kisses me.
Long and deep, he kisses me until one of us eventually pulls away for air. Snuggling in deep, I wrap my arms around his neck and rest my head on his shoulder as he gently runs his hands up my back softly. Gently like I remember, I almost cry when I picture Tyler suddenly.
"Don't rub my back like that. Tyler always did that," I croak sadly and he stops immediately. Pulling away to look at my face I turn my head just as he kisses my lips quickly before stepping away from me.
"Let me make you a sandwich," he says and I could actually bludgeon myself. Feeling the air around us change again, I feel like I should apologize, but I'm not sure what I'm sorry for. The memories I can't seem to help, just like I can’t help disappointing Malcolm when I'm nostalgic for Tyler.
God, this is hard.
Talking about nothing important while I eat, I learn about the house he's demo-ing and about the profit he's going to make on the side job Dan gave him. He tells me it'll take 2 weeks to finish and then he's starting a new project with Dan's contractors.
"What time are you getting up for work?" I ask putting my plate in the dishwasher.
"7."
"Can you wake me up then? I'd like to have breakfast with you in the mornings."
"I can do that," he smiles kissing me quickly before taking my hand for the hallway to the stairs. "My room, or spare room?" He asks sounding unsure of where I'm at, which is understandable since I've been hot and cold since the moment he picked me up.
"Your room."
CHAPTER 28
After another night snuggled in Malcolm's warmth, we've had breakfast together both mornings and I'm enjoying myself. I feel welcomed, and at home, and I haven't even snooped once since the first day I was alone. I don't know where the bodies are hidden, but I really don't care anymore. I love being here and I love being around Malcolm.
Picking me up at 1:00, we're going back to my apartment to see how I feel about it. And though Malcolm hasn't asked me to stay, I can tell he hopes I want to go back to his house afterward. He even took the afternoon off to spend the rest of the day with me wherever I end up.
Actually he gave some smartass excuse about Wednesdays being hump day, so when he winked at me I laughed of course. We're really no closer to humping but I'm also not dreading it if it should happen one day like I did before our talk Monday night.
"Want me to come with you guys? I’m off now, too," Selena offers.
"No, I'm good. We're going to tidy up a bit and see what I feel like at home, I guess."
"And how do you feel about maybe leaving Malcolm's?"
"Truthfully? A little unhappy," I admit as she nods. "I like him, Selena. And though I'm only staying with him by default, I actually like staying with him. We snuggle in at night and have breakfast together in the mornings. And it's nice."
"Sounds nice. Have you, ah...?" She doesn't finish but does wiggle her eyebrows which makes me laugh at her.
"No."
"Anything beyond kissing?"
"Nope, but-"
"What?" She asks actually leaning in closer almost giggling.
"Well, I don't feel afraid of him." I know she knows what I mean without me having to say what that means for me emotionally.
"Aw, Saige. I know you're scared and have lots to be afraid of, but I really don't think Malcolm would be too fast or too hard with you. He knows what happened, right? So he's probably going to do the exact opposite of just sex with you," she says and I know what she means. Malcolm seems like he'll be extra careful with me mentally and physically if we ever get to that place together.
"Hi," Malcolm says behind me as I gasp and spin. "Sorry. Shit," he reaches for my arm. "I swear I don't mean to scare you," he pleads.
"I know. I'm just jumpy as usual." Looking between Selena and Malcolm, I feel like such an ass again when they look at each other like I'm all frail or something. "I'll be ready in 15 minutes," I smile touching his arm before heading to the family side to switch off with Hailey.
Looking back, I see Malcolm and Selena talking closely and it instantly bothers me. I know logically they're just friends, and I know Selena is with Dave again. I even know Malcolm says he’s in love with me, but I'm irritated, almost irrationally so whenever I see them speaking.
I'm not sure if it’s jealous or possessive or what, and I hate feeling like this. But I hate them speaking alone together more, which is ridiculous.
"Ready?!" I snap with a snarky tone aimed at Aileen now. Seeing Malcolm and Aileen talking together at the bar, I'm getting mental and I know it.
"Ah, yes," Malcolm looks surprised at me and Aileen looks a little hurt.
"Sorry," I look at Aileen. "I'm just tired. Ready to go?" I ask Malcolm again in a much calmer sounding tone. Standing from the bar stool Malcolm hands her a business card and I almost lose my shit.
"Just call me and I'll quote the damage," he says to her totally ignoring me though I'm practically ripping his arm off to get us moving. Smiling at Aileen, he takes my hand to start leading us through the restaurant.
Outside alone with Malcolm, I freak on the sidewalk before he can. "I'm sorry. Shit, I feel like such an ass. I don't know why I was like that, and I've never been like that before, and I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm not usually psychotic, Malcolm. I swear."
"Come here," he tugs me into his arms. "Calm down and breathe." Actually leaning against the restaurant wall, Malcolm hugs me until I calm down again.
"I. Am. Not. Tyler, Saige," he says for the hundredth time since we met and I almost cry I'm so embarrassed. "I'm in love with you, Saige. No one else, and I'm not looking, thinking, or even fantasizing about anyone else. You are what I want. Only."
"You say that, but-"
"I mean that. And there's no but. Look at me," he says gently until I raise my eyes. Actually kissing my forehead scar, Malcolm exhales, "I don't screw around, Saige. I'm telling you, you could find me naked in bed with a woman and there would be a good goddamn explanation that didn't include cheating on you," he laughs when I glare at him.
"If I ever catch you in bed naked with another woman or man," I add making him crack up, "I will actually trash my entire future and kill you both where you stand- or lie down as the case would be."
"Understood," he nods still laughing at me. "But you need to trust me."
Nodding back, I whine, "I'm trying."
"You need to try harder," he says no longer laughing. "That was cute back there, seeing you jealous. But I don't think it’ll be cute long term, Saige. Actually, I'm fairly sure your distrust will hurt me eventually until I don't think it's so cute anymore."
"I'm not trying to hurt you. I've just been hurt, Malcolm."
"I know, but it wasn't by me. Try to remember that, okay?"
Choking up I lean back against his chest when he pulls me into him and mumble, "I'll try."
Illogical. Irrational. Immature. Fucking Psycho. That's the new Saige apparently, and like my mum I hate it but I don't know how to stop everything from affecting me so strongly. Malcolm isn't even the asshole who cheated on me or made me this way, which I know is totally unfair of me to put on him as well.
"I'm really sorry, Malcolm."
Leaning down low again, Malcolm smiles and I feel instantly better. "Yer a wee red-headed lass. I'd expect nothin' less than a fiery temper wee ye," he says in his sexy Scottish brogue before kissing my lips quickly. "Let's get going."
*****
After opening the door to my apartment and looking around I know I'll never live here again. Even days after it was trashed the feeling inside is one of complete violation and destruction. Besides all my books all over the floor and couch, there is nothing of mine that hasn't been disturbed or broken. And it's just so awful to see and feel.
Plopping down on my couch I scream bloody murder just as my ass hits the cushion. Screaming and jumping up as Malcolm grabs for me I'm stu
nned by pain and shocked by him yelling Saige so loudly my ears ring. Flipping me in his arms to look at my body I try to figure out what the hell just happened, but I can’t even breathe.
“What the fuck?!” He yells moving me around like a rag doll until I'm placed on my stomach on my bed quickly. “Jesus fucking Christ!” He yells again. “Um, you have a knife sticking out of your thigh, Saige.”
Gasping as I try to look, I'm winded by both the sudden sharp pain and by the look on Malcolm's face. "What do I do?" I cry out.
"Let me look, baby,” he touches my thigh as I gasp again. “Okay, it's not that bad. Um, do you have band aids or antibiotics or anything? Does Selena?" He asks sounding like he's panicking a little but trying to hide it.
"She does because of Griffin," I cry as he nods.
Not only does this hurt, but it's just so weird lying half on Malcolm with my ass in the air in my work skirt no less. The shakes are starting quickly and another freak out is close I can tell.
Reaching into his back pocket, he dials Selena while looking at my eyes. Gently rubbing the back of my lower thigh by my knee, he's not being inappropriate though he's staring, and I can tell he's freaked out by his extra growly face.
"Selena are you home? Yes, can you get down here fast? I need any medical shit you have. No, um, there was a knife in between the cushions on her couch and she was- Yes. Relax, okay? Hurry."
Watching Malcolm, I finally notice his hands shaking. His whole body is tense and he's not blinking much, and he's kind of freaky like this.
Wiping my tears, I whisper, "I'm okay," so he calms down a little.
"That was on purpose," he speaks slowly like he can't believe it. "And that could have stabbed you anywhere else in your body if you had sat differently or moved differently."
"It's okay," I try to soothe him though my own brain is going to explode thinking about where I may have been stabbed by the knife too.
Imagining my vagina, or higher right in my ass or just, yeah… I don't want to really think about it or why someone would even do it to me.
"Should I go to the hospital or something?"
"No, it's not too deep," he stops speaking again. "Just stay still for a second," he inches out slowly beneath me as I groan from the pain.
Walking to my couch I watch him look between the other 2 cushions and unbelievably he pulls out another steak knife, barely seen between the cushions but quite obvious when the cushion is pushed lower by his hand.
"I'm going to fucking kill whoever is doing this to you," Malcolm spits so angrily I actually believe him. In one split second I see what murder looks like and I'm scared to death for whoever did this to me.
"Malcolm, please come here. I have to call Detective Mathers about this," I flinch when I move a little sideways to take a better look.
"Wait for Selena and we'll call. I can't stand this. I'm sorry, I'm just…" Walking to my bathroom shaking his head, Malcolm returns with a towel a minute later just as Selena bursts through the door.
"She was- Holy shit. You've been stabbed?" She yells jumping on the bed beside me which makes me move and reach for the knife as I cry out again.
"Sorry! Shit. Stay still," she says lifting my skirt higher until I flinch. "Um, let me cut around your skirt- ah, the knife is right through it. Is it deep Malcolm?" She panics walking to the kitchen to find scissors I think based on the metal on cutlery sounding noises.
"I don't think so. Look at how much blade is still showing," he holds up the other knife.
Looking myself, I see around an inch or more missing inside my leg. When Selena sits back down gently, she lifts my blood soaked skirt and cuts up to the blade then around it a little.
Looking as shaken as he did that day I lost it on him at the restaurant Malcolm breathes deeply, "I think we can pull it out but it'll hurt because of the serrated edge. Do you want us to do it or would you prefer going to the hospital?" Trying to decide, I think a hospital will feel better, but I can't even figure out how I'll get there like this. "I can carry you if you're worried about sitting?"
"No, just pull it out quickly." Holding my breath, I motion to Selena who looks like she's going to throw up.
"I can't," she shakes beside me. “I’m so sorry, but I can’t hurt you, I-”
"Move," Malcolm says a little angrily though I'm sure it's not really directed at her. "Okay, you call the police and I'll take it out."
When Selena nods and starts looking through her phone for Detective Mathers' number Malcolm sits back down beside me looking like he's going to hit something, or someone, or I don't know.
"Don't worry, I'll go to the hospital so you don't have to do this."
"No, I'm okay. I can do this. Um, can you look away though? I can't stare at your witchy greens while pulling a knife out of your leg," he tries to joke. "I'm so sorry, Saige," he whispers leaning towards my face to kiss my forehead softly.
"Ahhhhh!" I scream actually kicking my legs like a child having a temper tantrum.
Gasping for breath I hear Malcolm saying, "It’s out and you're okay. I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, Saige..." over and over again against the back of my head until I settle down after the initial shock of pain.
Letting out a huge breath with some residual tears, I turn to my side to see Malcolm holding a towel against my leg rubbing his teary eyes quickly on his shoulders.
Looking at the wound when he lifts the towel away it's actually not that big, it’s just pouring blood and hurts like a bitch. Christ, even wiggling my toes hurts my leg right now.
"I need to get drunk," Malcolm moans and I can't help laughing at his face.
"Mathers said he'll be here in an hour or so. And he's pissed we both touched the knife, though he seems more pissed that the responding officers didn't check the couch or closets for weapons. Apparently, falling knives from closet doors, and knives in between cushions is common practice for Psychos."
"The closet was fine because we grabbed clothes Sunday morning."
"Yeah..." She exhales looking like she needs a drink, too. "Here," she hands Malcolm a sowing box filled with creams and antibiotic ointments and bandages in bright colors with super heroes on them. "I'd like to put Wonder Woman on your ass," she laughs again as Malcolm looks through her makeshift first aid kit for Griffin. "Use that glue stuff after you clean it- it's like stitches," she points out to Malcolm who is way too quiet suddenly.
"Malcolm?" Looking up at me he smiles his lovely blue-eyed smile, but the humor isn't there. There are so many jokes he could making about this but instead he seems horribly lifeless beside me. "Please make a joke about touching my ass, or my pink underwear, or something? I really need you to be normal right now because this is really scary and kind of awful for me."
"I’m sorry," he tries to smile. "I'm going to spray it with this but it'll sting, okay?"
"Yes." Waiting it does sting like hell but I force myself not to react hiding my face in my bed so he doesn't feel worse.
"God, I’m so sorry for this," Malcolm whispers like he’s somehow to blame for this craziness.
“Don’t be sorry. You’re awesome at yanking knives from people.” I try to make him laugh, but other than a quick grin, he fades away again.
After a few minutes with both Selena and him touching and cleaning and bandaging my upper thigh, he finally sits up and away from me walking to the kitchen sink to wash his hands.
Selena also stands but she goes to wash her bloody hands in the bathroom. On the floor by my closet she grabs a pair of my loose sweat pants and a t-shirt to help me change into once I slowly stand holding in a flinch and moan when my skin pulls tightly.
"I'm good," I offer them both as I limp my way to the bathroom holding the back of my skirt closed.
Closing the door I force myself not to cry again. I'm tired of crying and tired of all this shit all the time. For 2 months I've been dealing with too much of this shit and I don't want to anymore. So I'll make another goddamn police report, listen to whatever Mathers h
as to say, then I'm getting drunk. Period.
Once Mathers arrives and the 2 knives are placed in a sealed plastic bag he begins having heated words with a yelling Malcolm who starts in on him the second Selena opens the door.
“What the fuck are the police actually doing?!” Malcolm yells again with Selena standing beside him. Watching, I lean against the far wall away from the drama.
“Have you spoken to anyone from that first night to see where they were Saturday night?” Selena asks Mathers what I was thinking.
“Of course. With the exception of Keith Forrester, I’ve personally spoken with all suspects or persons of interest.”
Nearly jolting from the wall, Selena reacts quicker than me as usual. “Why not Keith?”
“I haven’t tracked him down yet. He appears to have taken a last minute trip over the weekend according to his co-workers.”
“What?” I squeak shaking. “Aren’t you his co-worker?” I ask a suddenly silent Malcolm.
“No. He did some work with us a few times but he actually works for a different company.”
“Did you know he went away?” I ask nearly breathless.
Shaking his head, Malcolm exhales, “No. I’ve spoken to him twice since the night you were hurt and both times he pissed me off so I stopped talking to him. I was never his friend to begin with, we just hung out sometimes, and now we don’t.”
Looking at Mathers, Malcolm asks, “Will you let us know when he returns? I’d like to speak with him myself.” Looking totally pissed Malcolm shuts up and doesn’t make eye contact with me again while Mathers moves on to asking me questions I still can’t answer.
After another 15 minutes talking, I’m ready to leave. Selena and I tidied up a little before Mathers arrived and I grabbed some textbooks and packed more clothes for myself. It went without saying I wasn't staying in my apartment ever again, and somehow without discussing it I'm on my way back to Malcolm's.
The pictures of my thigh were taken by Mathers, and he said I should've had stitches. Looking at my wound he figures the adhesive spray bandage Malcolm used is good enough for now.
(Mis)Trust Page 33
