by B. E. Baker
I take her hands in mine, not letting go when she tries to pull away. “And I love when you kiss me. I love the feel of your body next to mine.” I kiss her nose. “I love everything about your face.” I kiss her neck. “I love your collarbones, your arms.” I place one hand on either side of her knees and squeeze. “And I love your legs, exactly as they are. I love all of you, just as you sit in front of me. And I’m sure I’m not the first guy who has touched your nose, your arms, or your legs.” I drop my voice until I’m positive she can barely hear me. “But I think I’m the first guy who has touched them since your accident.”
She bobs her head, her eyes full of unshed tears.
“Which means we’ll be learning together. And it will be breathtaking, and fun, and maybe a little funny.”
She leans toward me. “Why not, then?”
“Because I know you, Brekka Thornton. You’re like a rabbit in a clearing, looking for the slightest excuse to duck back into your warm, dark burrow. And I’m not going to let you.”
She purses her lips. “What does that mean?”
“It means,” I say, “that my washboard abs are off limits to you until we’re committed.”
She frowns. “Are you proposing?”
I shake my head and laugh. “I’m confessing that I love you. And waiting in agony for you to say it back. But believe me, if I were proposing marriage, I’d be on one knee, and you wouldn’t need to ask me whether I’m proposing.”
She sighs dramatically and slumps back against the sofa. “Okay.”
“Was that an ‘okay I really do love you, you big old hunk’ kind of okay? Or the ‘okay now get out of my sight, you great big disappointment’ kind of okay?”
Brekka rolls her eyes and bites her lip before answering. “Maybe a little bit of both.”
“That’s fair,” I say. “But I still think I’m right, and I’m not willing to risk you ducking back into hiding.”
“I may never have kids,” Brekka blurts out. “I may never even be able to have sex. Are you saying you don’t want to find out until you’re already stuck with me?”
I shake my head. “That’s precisely what I’m saying. Because I don’t care.”
She doesn’t believe me. That’s clear.
I squeeze her hands. “You’re saying you may not be able to have sex.” I snort. “Pardon me, but if you can go to the bathroom alone, you can have sex, even if you can’t do it the way you’re used to doing it. You may not love your limitations at first. We may have some work to do, and we may need to be creative.” I smile. “You haven’t seen my shop yet, but if you had, you’d realize that I’m very, very creative. And at its heart, sex is about the expression of love between two people. That’s it. The rest is just details. I’m also very, very good with details.”
Brekka’s mouth turns up just a hair.
“And with the kids, I already told you. I don’t care whether you can have kids. You’re enough for me.”
“You love kids. I’ve seen your eyes light up around Amy and Chase and Troy. I’ve heard you talk about your nephew, too.”
I bob my head. “I love kids.”
“You don’t want to give that up.”
I shrug. “I’ll do it, if you don’t want any. But I’ve seen your eyes light up, too. I’m not worried.”
“I might get pregnant one day, or I might not. But I don’t want to spend the rest of my life feeling inadequate if I can’t.”
“If you want kids and we can’t conceive, we can always adopt.”
She shakes her head. “Why doesn’t that prospect bother you, like not even a tiny bit?”
“My sister Beth, who you haven’t met yet, is adopted. I love her at least as much as the twins.”
Brekka blows out her breath so hard her bangs fly up in the air. “Fine. But, how can you be fine with waiting?”
She says it like it’s a dirty word. I don’t even justify that with a response other than raised eyebrows.
“You own car dealerships. You’re familiar with the idea of a test drive. It’s standard practice to drive something before buying it.”
I pull Brekka up on top of my lap so we’re eye to eye. “The dating is the test drive, Kiki.”
“Wait, who’s Kiki?” she asks.
“I was trying it out as a nickname for Brekka. See, I’m trying things. I’m guessing from your face that’s a veto?”
She smiles. “Maybe not. It surprised me, is all. But don’t you want to try out the whole car? You’d make sure you got up to highway speed before buying something, right?”
I laugh. “You are tenacious. I’m adding that to my list. Look, you’re the most beautiful car on the lot. You handle like a dream, and your acceleration is impressive. I don’t need to take you zero to a thousand to know that you’re plenty of car for me. Some things are safer to practice when you’re beyond the three-day returns window, and for me, this is one of them. I don’t want you getting rid of me. Got it?”
When I kiss her goodnight a few moments later, the anger is gone, and the frustration too, replaced by what I hope is understanding.
I stand up. “I’m headed to sleep. But if you want to meet me for breakfast around nine, we could spend some time together before the ceremony.”
Brekka nods. “I’d love that, but I promised to have breakfast with Geo. Can we meet at ten?”
“Of course. I’ll see you then. And bring a bathing suit if you want to get in the water.” I turn to leave, but she grabs my hand. “Wait.”
I turn to face her, but it’s clear she’s struggling to say something, so I keep quiet.
“I love you too, Rob. I’m not as good at listing all the reasons, but you’ve glued me back together in a way I thought wasn’t possible.”
I want to stay the night with her so badly it stings, but I drop another kiss on the top of her head and see myself out like a gentleman.
23
Brekka
Geo’s face shines the next morning, like she’s lit from within. I have no idea how her skin, her eyes, her entire face is so transcendent, but it always is.
“You are hard to look at,” I say. “You’re so pretty.”
Geo rolls her eyes. “Good morning to you too, miss exaggerator.”
“I’m starving. How about you?”
Geo shrugs. “An omelet, maybe. Ethan says those are their cook’s specialty.”
“I had one yesterday and it’s not bad at all, but I’m trying the French toast today. He makes it with lemon curd, I hear.”
“How was it with Rob yesterday? I noticed you ducked out early.”
I try not to grit my teeth. “It was amazing, except…” I’m not sure how much to tell Geo.
“Except what?”
“Have you ever kissed him?” I blurt out.
Geo’s mouth drops open. “You’re kidding, right?”
I shake my head.
“Never.” Geo covers my hand with hers. “Rob didn’t even tell me he had a crush on me until I was already in love with your brother. Trust me when I say, I never felt that way about him. But beyond that, I don’t think Rob ever loved me for real.”
I seriously doubt that.
“I mean it,” Geo says. “Paisley has a whole long theory, but it boils down to this. Rob’s the consummate giver, and I needed him.”
“Explain more,” I say.
“You know how Rob and I met?” Geo asks.
I shake my head again.
“I was about to be pelted in the head with a kickball,” she says. “One of the kids on our block didn’t want a girl to play, and I was trying to force my way into the game. Before I could even dodge the ball, someone hit it off course and spared me. Then Rob, who had intercepted the ball, shoved the bully on the ground and told him that if the kid didn’t let girls play, the bully wasn’t going to be playing either.”
“So he’s always been protective.”
“Always, but it’s more than that. Rob protects anyone who needs it. Kids, women, weaker
men. He’s a champion of people who don’t have champions, but for people he loves, he goes further. He will give up anything, do anything, to help them reach their goals.”
“He told me he joined the Marines for Mark.”
Geo nods. “He did. And he played basketball for his dad. And he left Miami for me. And he’s running the dealerships for his whole family.”
“I knew that.”
“He loved me because I needed someone to love me. I was so broken after Mark died, that I closed up like a clam, tight as could be. I let no one in. Then when I started to loosen up a bit, my mom got sick. Then my dad died. Rob took the kickball defense to a whole new level. He checked on me all the time. He took me to see my mom. He handled everything about the funeral for my dad. He took me out to dinner every Monday. His dealerships became my first and my largest client, paying me enough to cover all my bills and then some. He was everything I needed, on top of being what his family needed. Rob would have just kept giving to me until it killed him.”
That’s a little discouraging to hear. “And you’re saying that means he didn’t love you.”
Geo sighs. “No I mean, he does. He’d have done the same thing for his sisters, Beth, Jennifer or Christine. He’d do the same for his mom. He loves me the same way he loves them, unconditionally.”
“Great.”
“But he’s different with you. He wanted to sit by you tonight. He ditches my wedding rehearsal celebration with you, to spare you any discomfort.” Geo meets my eye pointedly. “He’s got a higher priority now than me.”
“He told me he loved me last night,” I confess.
Geo beams. “I knew it. I could tell. And Brekka, I swear, what Rob would do for me pales in comparison to what he’ll do for you.”
“We have a lot to work out,” I say. “We don’t even live in the same place.”
“Snap and he’ll move to Colorado, I know it’s true.”
Geo’s flippant remark upsets me. He wouldn’t really just follow me around like a puppy dog, right? I don’t want that. I don’t want someone who obeys my orders and lives his entire life just to stare at me with devotion in his eyes. I want a partner, a supportive one yes, but a man.
“What’s wrong?” Geo asks. “You look kind of nauseated.”
“Nothing,” I say. “Nothing’s wrong. Except I don’t think you’re quite right about the moving thing. We only just said I love you. It’s not like either of us is moving any time soon.”
The waiter comes and takes our order, but when he leaves, Geo taps her lip. “This is the last thing I’ll say about it, but Trig moved after knowing me for a few weeks, and Rob’s way more giving than Trig at his baseline. I’m just saying, don’t rule out the possibility. It’s so much easier to get to know someone when they’re spending every day in the same place as you. And you’d kind of be doing him a favor. He hates running those car dealerships.”
Geo’s words stick with me all through breakfast, and when I return to my room to change. I’m wearing a red one-piece swimsuit with loose board shorts over it, when I hear a knock at my door. I open it to Rob’s smiling face, and my anxiety melts away like a pat of butter on hot toast.
“Ready to go?” he asks.
In answer, I wheel through the doorway. We head for the elevators.
“Did you sleep alright?” I ask.
“I did,” he says. “The hotel bed is much nicer than mine at home.”
I laugh. “It’s terrible compared to mine. Maybe I need to toss out my amazing, super expensive mattress. It makes traveling a trial, no matter where I stay.”
“Rich people problems,” Rob says. “I feel for you, really I do. And I’m sure the food poisoning you get from only using silver and gold spoons is rough, too.”
I’d like to whap his arm, but it’s a foot and a half too high to reach. I’m trying to be positive, and I should be grateful I’m able to move thanks to Gladys, but I still hate being unable to walk.
I glance at his backpack. “Where are we going?”
He smirks. “You weren’t so happy about my surprise last time. This time I thought I’d let you pick. I have two options. First, we go to a beach and relax. I’ve been working on how to gracefully manage our dear friend Gladys.”
The elevator dings.
“And my other option?”
He steps into the elevator and puts his hand over the doors while I wheel inside. “Behind door two is a hike, just the two of us. It’s about five miles. And before you freak out and say no, let me explain. It’s an amazing hike. I’ve done my research. It’s called the Wai Koa Loop Trail.”
“I can’t do a hike,” I say. “It’s not practical.”
“You could if you let me carry you,” he says. “And I’ve been practicing. You had your physical therapy, and I had mine. If I want to experience things with you.” He drops to one knee to face me. “And I do.” He kisses me quickly on the mouth. “I needed to prepare. So I went for jogs, daily, with a backpack loaded with a hundred pounds. Five miles with a hundred pounds is nothing compared to basic training, trust me on that.”
My very own Marine. My heart lifts. He’s been training so he’ll be ready to spend time with me. It shouldn’t be this hard, but he doesn’t seem annoyed or frustrated. Just excited, like a puppy or like Luke’s son Chase at the prospect of the Flash shoes.
I frown. “Carrying a person is different than running with weights.”
He grins and taps my nose. “I knew you’d say that.” The elevator dings and we exit, but he stops at the sofa in the lobby, opens his backpack and pulls out a pile of black straps. “I made two harnesses. A beach one I can explain later, and this one. It goes around my back and shoulders like this.” He wraps it around and then clips something in the front. “Then your legs hook on here. I know you can’t hold them around my waist, but you can wrap your arms around my neck. And once your legs are secured, it leaves my hands free, and spreads your weight evenly.”
My throat closes off and tears threaten. I gulp in air to beat them back. “You, uh, you made this? So we could go for a hike?”
He nods. “I want you to know that I don’t care. We can head for the beach, and I think that’s great. But with me, you’ll always have options. We aren’t limited. Together, the world is completely open to us. We can do anything we can dream up.”
I want to go to the beach. It sounds easier, relaxing even, but he’s clearly put forth a lot of effort for this. I don’t want to disappoint him.
“Let’s do the hike,” I say.
Rob beams at me, and stuffs his harness back into his bag. I follow him outside and we hail a cab. Rob helps me transfer into the cab and then breaks Gladys down and stores her in the trunk. It’s only five minutes to Wai Koa. Rob pays the cab driver and unloads Gladys for me.
“Where are we going to leave her?” I ask.
“That depends on you,” he says. “This trail is also a bike trail, so you can probably do most of it with her. Or I can load you up right away. I don’t mind either way, but since you don’t have handles, I won’t be able to push you easily.”
“Wait, is that mini golf?” I ask.
“Yep, Anaina Hou Community Park is a privately owned property, and the mini golf spot is where we sign a waiver so they don’t worry we’ll sue them. It’s also a mahogany farm. Cool, right?”
I transfer into Gladys and wheel away from the cab a little reluctantly. “What’s our plan to get back to the hotel?”
Rob waves at the cabbie. “He’s going to come back for us in an hour and a half. If we aren’t done yet, which we likely won’t be, he’ll wait.”
I have to give Rob credit. He did his homework. “Alright, well, what’s your suggestion, since you’re the one spearheading this date.”
He beams at my use of the word date. “Our fourth official date, if you’re counting, which I am.”
His attitude may be contagious.
“But since you asked, and since it’s summer and that’s the dry seas
on here, I’d suggest you move on your own steam through the Kilauea Woods and past the Mahogany Plantation. If you’re willing to let me carry you past that, I can make the loop around from the Junction, past the Community Gardens, the fruit farms, and the Lagoon. I doubt the Stone Dam is open, but if it is, photos of that look amazing. Then we head past the guava orchard, and on out. There’s a restaurant that’s sometimes open if you’re hungry or need to use the facilities. I’d be happy to jog back down and grab Gladys for you.”
“You did think this through,” I say.
He shrugs. “I believe in planning ahead whenever possible.”
“Let’s go, then.”
There are ruts where bikes have churned the mud in rainy season, but it’s not too bad to navigate in Gladys. The ground is open, and lush as Hawaii is known to be, especially Kauai. By the time we reach the Kilauea Woods, I’ve broken out in a sweat, but it’s worth it. When we approach the Mahogany forest, maybe a mile past the entry, the sight of hundreds and hundreds of Mahogany trees planted in perfect rows, shooting upward from the path absolutely floors me. I stop moving and take it in. Eighty-six thousand Honduran Mahogany trees on two hundred acres. Breathtaking.
No one else is on the trail, and it’s utterly quiet. The air is heavy, but fresh, and the temperature is perfect, which Kauai is sort of known for, so I’m not surprised.
Rob doesn’t ask whether I’m alright. He simply squats down next to me and looks at the trees, soaking it in silently. When I start forward again, he does too. Never pressuring, never coaxing or rushing me, and not blathering to fill the air. It’s comforting and calm and I love every second of it.
