by Dee, Cara
So…what happened next?
Jayden seemed fidgety and restless, and he nodded jerkily when Father O’Malley said something and gestured toward Gray.
Shit. This was it. He was gonna have to tell this little boy he’d lost his only family member.
Gray swallowed hard, struck by a wall of sadness. Jonas was supposed to be here, goddammit. The rage followed so easily. Imagine. Fucking hell. Surviving a whole year with that organization, then getting away, and just when you were granted a taste of freedom…
Jayden walked over to Gray with rapid steps, and he unzipped his coat halfway and pulled off his scarf.
Holy shit, he really looked like his brother. Gray catalogued the traits and couldn’t tear his gaze away. The eyes were the same. More than shape and color; Jayden’s eyes had seen too much too. His face had a bit more roundness to it than Jonas’s had had, but Jayden still had a hint of hardness to his features. His jaw was set, his eyes missed nothing, his shoulders were stiff, and he was white-knuckling that scarf in his hand.
Jayden reached Gray and didn’t hesitate to slump down next to him. “Jonas is dead, right?”
Christ.
Gray cleared his throat, his mind racing to sort his jumbled thoughts. There was no protocol for this kind of thing. Well, there probably was for professionals.
“Yes. I’m sorry,” Gray said quietly.
“Fuck,” Jayden whispered. He nodded once and looked away. Gray heard him sniffle. “I knew it.” Then he growled and kicked the pew in front of them, eliciting a thump that flew through the church. “I knew he was dead.”
“Jayden—” Gray’s heart broke for the kid, and he carefully put a hand on Jayden’s shoulder. “He talked about you a lot. He tried his hardest to come back to you. It was all he wanted.”
Jayden’s chin wrinkled, and he visibly struggled to contain his emotions.
Gray saw, though. He saw the anger and the grief clear as day.
“I knew he was dead,” Jayden repeated and sniffled. He cleared his throat and seemed intent on not shedding a single tear. Even as they threatened to spill over. “He was gonna be gone two months for work. He said he’d be back after summer, but that was last summer. I knew he was dead.” He gripped his scarf tightly in both hands as if he wanted to strangle someone. “He was the best brother ever,” he whispered thickly.
Fucking hell. Gray looked away quickly and swallowed past the lump of emotions, and he blinked hard and wiped at his eyes. He couldn’t break down in front of the kid. He had to be supportive.
He coughed into his fist and took a breath.
“How did he die?” Jayden asked. “What happened to him?”
There was no way Gray could give the entire truth. No details. “He helped us fight some bad men who didn’t want us to go home to our families. He did everything he could to come back to you—and he saved a lot of other guys who were trying to go home too.”
Jayden frowned and cocked his head at Gray, for the first time locking eyes for more than a few seconds. “Were you in Texas also?”
Gray shook his head. It made sense that Jayden believed Jonas had been in Texas this whole time. It was where Jonas had gone to apply for the job that had eventually brought him to Florida against his will.
“We were in Florida,” Gray answered. “The bad men brought us there.”
Jayden glanced away and slipped a hand under his jacket to scratch his shoulder.
“I want you to know you don’t have to be alone, Jayden,” Gray murmured. “I promised Jonas I would be there for you. He loved you so much…”
He couldn’t shake the memory of Jonas’s last moment in life. It’d been dark underneath that lifeboat, but Gray had seen the panic. The absolute fear for his little brother. It was as if the gunshot wound in his neck had been an afterthought. He’d spluttered and choked. Jayden. Brother. J-Jayden. And Gray had stammered and promised he’d help. He’d vowed to find Jayden and be there for him. And after that… Jonas had calmed down and stopped shaking. He’d exhaled and squeezed Gray’s hand. He’d drawn a few more shallow breaths before fading away.
“I don’t need help,” Jayden muttered, eyes downcast. “I’m fine. Jonas taught me everything I gotta know. I’m a big boy.”
Except, he wasn’t. He was a child who should be able to take stability and safety for granted.
“I’m sure you’re doing a great job all on your own,” Gray said patiently. “Can I ask where you live?”
Jayden shrugged. “Here and there. Pat gives me money for every night I stay with Sister Margaret. He doesn’t like it when I’m out too much.”
“Who’s Pat?”
“A friend,” he replied vaguely. “He’s better than Finn—that’s his brother. Cuz when I see him, he always tries to get me adopted, and I don’t wanna be adopted. Foster families are the worst. Finn says he would find the best family for me, but that’s just shit. Families want babies.”
Gray flicked a glance over at Father O’Malley. The old man was talking to someone, though he looked over at Gray and Jayden frequently.
It hit Gray that even though Jayden didn’t have a family, he’d built up a network of sorts of people he could rely on for certain things.
“What’s your name?” Jayden asked.
Gray smiled carefully. “Gray.”
Jayden nodded and looked down, fidgeting with his scarf and swinging his legs lightly. His anger had taken a break.
“Not all families want babies,” Gray murmured. “A couple years ago, my mom met someone who has an adult daughter. Now she’s my sister, and my mother views her as a daughter of her own. And my best friend and his brother were adopted when they were older.” Well, Abel had been very young, but his big brother, Jesse, had been around nine or ten, if Gray wasn’t mistaken. “Their mom is awesome. She runs a shelter too—like the one you go to for meals.”
“I can’t stay at the shelter,” Jayden said. “The lady from CPS comes all the fucking time.”
Gray lifted his brows, mildly entertained by the kid’s language.
“So, you’re gonna hide forever?”
Jayden shot him a look that basically asked if he was stupid. “No. Just till I turn eighteen.”
“Ah. What about school?”
“Sister Margaret is a teacher. She taught me to read and write, and I’m good at math.”
The boy had an answer for everything, it seemed.
It was time to bring Jonas into the discussion. “Jonas had plans for you, didn’t he? He spoke about getting an apartment for the two of you. A fresh start with a proper home.”
“Yeah, but he’s dead, so that’s not gonna happen.” Some of the anger returned, and Jayden threw his scarf next to him and folded his arms over his chest. “I’ll be fine. I need nine dollars a day, and that’s easy. I get breakfast for free at the bakery. They give me yesterday’s bread and hot chocolate—and they’re only a little annoying because they want me to listen to Finn. And I get lunch at the shelter. The money is for dinner and sometimes the bus.” He paused and played with the zipper on his coat. “Malley gives me clothes when I need them, and I help Sister Margaret with laundry and stuff. I like sleeping on her couch because her cat visits me lots and naps at my feet.”
Gray would give anything to be able to let Jonas know that his little brother was a trooper who’d managed to find his way in a tight-knit community.
It just wasn’t enough. Gray’s heart ached for Jayden. Had he ever experienced real peace? Jonas wouldn’t have left Jayden without being certain that his brother was okay for the time being, but beyond that? An eight-year-old shouldn’t have to settle for uncertainty and barely “okay.”
The big house back home in Washington that Abel’s mom used for her shelter darted past in Gray’s mind, and he found himself wanting to show Jayden more than what he had here. The people here were probably great, but when push came to shove, a kid living on the streets was a goddamn tragedy.
“What does Father O’Malley wan
t you to do?” Gray asked curiously.
Jayden huffed and rolled his eyes. “They all want me to get adopted, okay? But I don’t wanna. He knows I will run away if they pull any shit. They can’t play me. Trust.”
Gray’s mouth twitched with amusement.
It was easier to understand the grown-ups around Jayden now. They wanted him safe, but all they could do was help out from the sidelines. If they pushed too hard, he fled.
It made Gray wonder what Jonas and Jayden had lived through before. Their parents were out of the picture, so Gray guessed that foster families from hell had been the reason Jonas had insisted on Jayden avoiding the system.
Perhaps that was Gray’s best angle. He could promise safety and stability in Washington—a place Jayden wouldn’t have to hide. Because he knew for a fact that Abel’s mom, Adeline, had helped many men, women, and children find shelter in secret at her facility. Most of the residents were or had been escaping abusive partners and parents, and her first priority was to make sure they felt safe.
Jayden deserved a happier upbringing, and maybe a few months of building up trust with those Gray liked to call family would allow the boy to see there were actually good people out there.
Gray needed that reminder too. He’d seen too much of the ugly in the world.
“What if I told you there’s a place you can stay where you don’t have to hide?” he asked Jayden.
The kid glanced up at him, dubious.
“The shelter I mentioned,” Gray went on. “The one my friend’s mom runs. You could stay there. I could visit you too. You’d be safe, and you’d be around other children your age.”
“You’re lying,” Jayden stated plainly. “I know every shelter in the city—”
“It’s not here, buddy,” Gray reasoned gently. “It’s in my hometown—in Washington. All the way across the country.”
Jayden wasn’t convinced one bit. “You gotta register children. I know this. My ears ain’t wet. She has to inform CPS that I’m there.”
Good Christ, this boy was too sweet. “You’re right, you are definitely not wet behind the ears,” Gray agreed. “But you’ll find that Adeline is very different. She grew up with bad parents too, and then she had to go through a bunch of crap with the authorities when my best friend was little. She was afraid they’d take the boys away from her—”
“What did she do?” Jayden narrowed his eyes.
Fuck, time to backtrack. It was becoming abundantly clear that Jayden had trust issues where adults were concerned.
“Abel, my friend,” Gray said, “is different. He needs some medicine to feel better, and Adeline had to work very hard to be able to afford it. So, when all that was over, she kinda hated the system too.”
“The system sucks.” Jayden nodded firmly.
Gray breathed a sigh of relief. “Anyway. She vowed to herself to help others. That’s what she does today. If someone needs her help, she puts that person’s needs first—and sometimes that includes lying to the system.”
“Oh.” Jayden sat back and mulled that over.
Jonas would approve of this, right? It felt like a great idea to Gray. And to give Jayden a better idea of what was waiting for him back home in Camassia, Gray pulled out his phone to google Adeline’s facility.
He found the website right away.
“Look at this.” Gray scrolled past the shelter’s greeting. Jayden wouldn’t care about the great counselors, the rehab, or the fact that they had the option for children to attend school. The pictures would help seal the deal, if anything. So he went straight to the album. “Isn’t this nice?” A far cry from Philadelphia’s old brick buildings surrounded by heavy traffic. Adeline’s shelter consisted of a gated area with a massive house at the center. Blindingly white, it shot up from the perfect, well-maintained green lawn and flower beds. There was a pool, a playground, an outdoor gym, a running track along the high walls, an orchard, a pond… Most people staying there had their own room, or they shared with a few others.
Gray had visited many times, sometimes to volunteer and help out. Since some of the kids—and parents—suffered from PTSD, many of the features were used to rehabilitate and work away fears.
“That’s no shelter,” Jayden huffed. “It’s a mansion.”
Gray smiled. “There’s a big forest behind the house too. See the trees there, past the wall? It’s pretty high up on a mountain. It’s beautiful.”
Jayden snuck furtive glances while he pretended to be impassive and closed off.
Gray doubted Jayden had seen much of anything outside of Philadelphia. Washington was another world in comparison.
“It’s a good place, Jayden,” he murmured. “And I’m not taking my promise to Jonas lightly. You won’t be alone in this. You have me.”
Jayden side-eyed him suspiciously. “I don’t know you. What’s your last name?”
“Nolan. I live in a small town in Washington called Camassia Cove,” he replied. “My family lives there too. I have three brothers and one sister.”
“Weird last name,” Jayden muttered.
Gray chuckled under his breath.
Then Jayden picked up his scarf and threw it around his neck. “There’s a lotta sickos. I have to talk to Malley.” He stood up and nodded at the paper bag on the other side of Gray. “Do you have food in there?”
Gray immediately extended the bag. “Want some? I didn’t know if you’d wanna sit outside and—”
“Yeah, I’ll take it all, thanks.” Jayden grabbed the bag and sniffed, his nose a little runny. “I’ll get back to you, okay?”
“Uh.” What was happening? Was Jayden leaving?
“Pat can find anyone,” Jayden said and left the pew. “Bye.”
“Jayden, wait.” Gray shot up and felt his worry spiking, and it didn’t get better when Jayden started running. “Jayden!”
What the fuck?
The boy was gone within a couple seconds, leaving Gray flustered and fucking confused.
Father O’Malley headed over with a look of concern. “Did something happen?”
“He just…” Gray gestured toward the exit and blew out a breath. “He left in the middle of—” Okay, it hadn’t been in the middle of the conversation, but almost.
“Ah.” Father O’Malley appeared relieved for some reason. “He does that. Don’t worry about it. He’s…special, that boy. He has some coping mechanisms.”
That answer wasn’t satisfying at all. Jayden had mentioned that finding Gray wouldn’t be hard—thanks to some friend?—but Gray had nothing to hide. He told Father O’Malley everything, from the hotel he was staying at to his plans to help Jayden.
While he word-vomited, he felt increasingly uncertain about his entire approach. He doubted himself because…what the hell did he know? Was he going to take this kid from everything and everyone he knew and place him in a shelter all the way across the country?
Four
Two days went by without a word.
Gray spent more time in the hotel gym than in his room. He’d called Adeline, after which he’d quickly checked in with his mother. Because Adeline had given him an earful about worrying everyone. She’d softened eventually, of course, because that was what she did, and though her shelter was constantly housing residents over capacity, “There’s always room for more.”
He hadn’t had the balls to actually call Mom, though. He’d unblocked her number and texted. He’d apologized. He’d promised he was being safe. He’d promised he’d see her soon.
The guilt weighed heavy on him, but he just couldn’t be around everyone right now.
The exception was Jayden. Gray hadn’t expected to feel so worried about the boy. He drove past the church and the shelter every day, around lunchtime, to see if he could spot Jayden. So far, nothing. He’d talked to the priest again too, who politely reminded Gray to be patient.
Patience. Right.
Fuck patience.
He grunted as he finished his set with a fifteen-pound weight
and slumped down on the floor with his water bottle.
Only one thing had come as a relief the past few days, and it was Father O’Malley’s approval to move Jayden to Washington. At first, the priest had been on the fence. He’d weighed the pros and cons. Then yesterday, when Gray had come by the church again, Father O’Malley had made his decision.
“It’s selfish of me to want the boy to stick around. I do want to be able to stay in touch with him, but I called Adeline Hayes, and it does seem like a wonderful place for Jayden.”
Gray hoped Jonas would approve too.
Despite Father O’Malley’s green light, the doubts were far from gone.
What the fuck was Gray doing? Twenty-one years old, all messed up, trying to help some kid he didn’t know.
After finishing his stretching, he jumped to his feet and left the gym. He crossed the lobby and emptied the last of his bottle of water, and he threw it into the nearest trash can on his way toward the elevators.
Could he do anything right?
Maybe Adeline’s facility would be great for Jayden—short term. But what of when she couldn’t wait any longer and had to call the authorities to let them know he was there? Jayden would bail. He’d run away, and he’d be thousands of miles away from the life he knew.
Those he could lean on now were right. The boy needed a family. He needed to be adopted by someone who could show him what family truly was.
Gray pressed the button for the elevator and wiped his arm across his forehead.
In the end, though… No, not in a single universe was it okay for an eight-year-old boy to live on the streets, and that was literally what Jayden was doing. Judging by what he’d said, he didn’t spend every night with that nun.
As Gray entered an empty car, he was struck by a sense of loneliness, and the memory of Darius’s face flashed by in his head. He coughed lightly and pressed the button for the ninth floor, and he shook his head to himself. He had to forget his ridiculous attachment to Darius. He had to push past it. Suppress it.
Typical Gray, though. He had a knack for getting hung up on men who weren’t available.
