by Dee, Cara
His answer might be the truth, but it wasn’t satisfying. Not one bit. Gray pinched his lips together to keep from asking the one question that would leave him entirely too exposed. Oh, and it was fucking juvenile too. Asking a forty-three-year-old man if he was attracted to Gray or if it was just the hell they’d been through that brought them together—yeah, no. He cringed just thinking about it.
Quit obsessing, you moron.
He was trying! Gray was trying. But it was like having two voices, one on each shoulder, shouting different things at him. One pointing out the logic, that Darius clung to Gray for all the reasons they’d made clear. Trauma, wanting to be near innocence, comfort, being close to the one person who could relate. Then that other stupid fucking voice that reminded Gray of all the times they’d fucked.
Darius hadn’t held back with compliments and dirty talk. He’d called Gray sexy, beautiful, and…other things.
Screw it. He wasn’t gonna get his answers, and it shouldn’t matter anyway. Like Darius had said, this was the right decision.
End of discussion.
That morning, they’d worn T-shirts in the Texas sun.
Around eleven that night, they rolled into a winter wonderland of forests, snowcapped mountains, and ski resorts.
They’d stopped for gas a little while ago, and Gray was struck by how thin the air was up here. He’d never been to Colorado before.
Jayden was excited. A bit annoyed by the fact that it was too dark to see the mountains, but thrilled at the prospect of throwing himself into four feet of snow.
“We’ll get you better clothes tomorrow, buddy,” Gray said, looking back at him. “You need a snowsuit.”
“Okay.” Jayden wouldn’t tear his gaze from the landscape they whizzed by. “There are trees everywhere!”
“There’s a place in town,” Darius said and checked the GPS. “We can go there after breakfast. We need some workout gear too.”
Something fluttered in Gray’s stomach, and he realized it was a pinch of anticipation and eagerness. He’d listened to Darius practically rave about the place they were going. A retreat of sorts for “grunts like him”—him being Darius. The friend, Connor, owned it. And he had private military contractors, service members, veterans, police officers, and security personnel traveling from all parts of the country to visit the retreat where they could work out, catch up with friends, rehabilitate, prepare, and recover. Connor had three employees: a psychologist specializing in combat-related trauma, someone who operated their shooting range, and a personal trainer.
Visitors lived in little cabins that were scattered around the main house, and they brought their own food and drinks.
“Do you think there will be a lot of guests?” Gray asked. It was the one thing he dreaded. For having always been social in the past, he now hated crowds, and energy drained out of him too easily.
“Nah,” Darius replied. “Not this time of year. Maybe two or three, tops.”
Oh. That was a relief. “Have you trained there?”
“Couple times.” Darius nodded. “Had a reunion once too. Ry was in between deployments and flew out here for a weekend.”
Gray hummed. “It’s still interesting to me how a Marine and someone in the private sector work together so often.”
Darius chuckled. “The shortest of missions can give years’ worth of stories. We haven’t worked together that much—four or five times. But the shit you go through with your companions during that time… Well, you understand.”
True.
“Private missions mean extra cash,” Darius said. “You don’t make very much in the military, and Ry always wanted to open a bar when he retired. So, he’d ask me to let him know when there was a gig for a marksman.”
“I guess it’s true what they say,” Gray observed. “It takes a crazy person to be a hero, and you two are the craziest people I ever met.”
Darius let out a laugh.
Not long after, they turned onto a narrow road leading straight into the forest. There was a wooden sign welcoming guests to The Connor Ranch, and the Latin phrases below and above the name were easily recognizable in the short second Gray saw them.
“Those are military branches’ mottos, right?”
“Two of them, anyway.” Darius nodded with a dip of his chin. “Do you know them?”
“Semper fidelis is for the Marines. I don’t know the other one.”
“Aye. Connor’s USMC like Ry. Then there’s Semper fortis—that’s the Navy. Connor’s brother was a frogman. These days, he takes tourists scuba diving in Key West.”
“A frog what?”
Darius grinned. “Combat diver.”
Oh. Military folk spoke their own language.
Glancing over his shoulder, Gray noticed Jayden was dozing off again.
“Jayden,” he murmured.
The boy scrunched his face in dismay and forced his eyes open. “I’m sleepy.”
“I know, sweetheart, but we’re almost there. You’ll have your own bed in a little bit. If you fall asleep now, maybe you won’t be tired later.”
Jayden huffed and yawned.
Darius gave Gray’s leg a brief squeeze.
It was enough for Gray to start a new internal chant about how this was for the best. Let go of him, let go of him, let go of him. Christ, he was a lost cause.
“Here we go.” Darius leaned forward as they emerged from the forest.
“Oh wow.” The beauty nearly knocked the air from Gray’s lungs. The ranch was its own tiny village, and everything looked so tranquil. A dozen or so little cabins sat in two rows and created a semicircle around the main house. A huge, three-story log cabin. A couple of sheds and some other buildings were partially hidden behind the house. Smoke drifted out of chimneys, and a warm glow came from the windows. Two of the guest cabins appeared to be occupied, judging by the light.
Off to the side of the property was a wide carport that Darius steered toward. Only three vehicles were parked there.
“You’ll see better in the daylight,” Darius said. “The shooting range and obstacle course are on the other side of the house.”
Gray fucking loved obstacle courses. There was always one at hockey camp.
Someone had cleared a path in the snow, and as soon as they’d parked under the roof, Jayden jumped out and ran toward the—oh, hell no.
“Jayden, wait!” Gray slipped out of the Jeep—and Jesus Christ, it was frigid—grabbed Jayden’s jacket, and walked over. The kid was about to dive straight out into the four-foot-deep snow next to the path. “Put this on, please.”
“Can I jump? Can I jump?”
Gray couldn’t deny the boy. He looked so excited. “Once,” he bargained. “Tomorrow, when we’ve gotten you better clothes, you can jump all you want.”
“I gotta make it good, then.” Jayden wrestled into the jacket and zipped up.
Gray smiled to himself and brought out his phone to take a picture.
Jayden ran for all he was worth and dove with a victory yell.
Too fucking cute.
He almost disappeared in the snow, though his laughter made it very clear where he was.
Returning to the car, Gray let the sliver of contentment flow through him, and he opened the trunk to grab his and Jayden’s bags.
Darius joined him with a pinched expression.
“You okay?” Gray wondered.
He nodded. “Just a headache.”
Gray frowned and reached up, placing a hand across Darius’s forehead. “You don’t feel warm. But you’ve been driving most of the day. How’s your leg?” He was still worried about the risk of infection.
Darius wasn’t exactly known for letting wounds heal properly. “It’s fine.” He smiled slightly and picked up his duffel. “You’re sweet when you fuss, though.”
“Heh.” Gray withdrew his hand earlier than he wanted to, and he felt a bit awkward.
As he pushed that aside, it made him think. It wasn’t only Gray who needed he
lp; it wasn’t just he who had to work through nightmares. Darius had his own issues to deal with, and Gray had done fuck-all to help.
That had to change right away.
“You can see if Jayden needs help out of his snow grave,” Gray said and grabbed Darius’s duffel from him. “I’ll carry this.”
“I’m perfectly capable of—”
“Shut up. Let’s go.” Gray aimed for the path that led up to the main house and passed Jayden just as he poked his head up from the hole he’d dug for himself. Gray couldn’t help but grin. “Come on, goofball. There will be plenty of time to play tomorrow.”
“But I’m not tired anymore!” Jayden made an ungraceful return to the cleared path and sent snow flying in every direction. He laughed and brushed the snow out of his hair. “That counts as a shower.”
Gray snorted in amusement.
When they got closer to the main house, Gray spotted the silhouette of a woman stepping out onto the wraparound porch. Then she was running down the steps, her ponytail bouncing.
“Quinn!”
Gray turned around as the woman passed him, heading straight for Darius, who caught her with a smirk when she jumped into his arms.
So, this was a reunion.
The sight shouldn’t bother Gray, but it really did. To the point that he had to look away and swallow his jealousy. What a fucking idiot he was. Now he couldn’t even let two friends greet each other?
“I didn’t think I’d see you again,” the woman said. “Then I heard through the grapevine that you were involved in the clusterfuck in Florida. So much for retiring, huh?”
Darius let out a chuckle. “It was a special case.”
“I’ve heard that one before.” The woman paused. “God, it’s good to see you again, Darius.”
“You too.”
Gray glanced back at them around the same time as Jayden snuck close, curious. Darius touched the woman’s cheek, another sight that twisted Gray’s insides, before Darius faced him and Jayden.
“Leah, Gray and Jayden. It was Gray I was sent to find.” Darius introduced them, and he nodded at Leah next. “This is Leah Connor.”
Connor…was a woman.
Gray forced a polite smile on his face and extended his hand. “Nice to meet you. Darius has talked a lot about you.”
Leah grinned and shook his hand. She was stunning. Dark-blond hair, blue eyes, pouty lips. “No, he hasn’t. He’s told you a lot about my ranch, though. Right?”
Gray’s forehead creased in confusion.
She tinkered a laugh and slapped Darius’s arm playfully. “I’m sorry. I just know he likes this place more than me. It was how I realized we were never meant to last.”
Well, of-fucking-course. They used to date. Fantastic.
Gray’s chest felt tight, and the flush he felt spreading over his cheeks wasn’t only from the biting cold. Jealousy turned everything ugly, and he despised the feeling.
Had Darius loved her?
The man in question pulled out his cigarettes and lit one up. “Any chance we can catch up tomorrow instead?”
Something was wrong with him; Gray could sense it. Maybe the headache was worse than he let on? Or it was more than that. Either way, Darius wasn’t feeling well.
“Oh, come on,” Leah pleaded. “One drink—a quick one. I made the cookies you used to love.”
Barf.
Gray adjusted his grip on the bags and waited impatiently.
Darius took a drag from his smoke as he glanced toward the cabins.
“I’ve prepared a cabin for you already,” Leah added. “Fresh linens, new towels. There’s even a case of beer in your fridge.”
That settled it. Darius was a kind man, despite the asshole front he put up sometimes. He was too polite to decline, and he mustered a stiff smile and nodded once.
“One drink,” he agreed.
“Perfect!” Leah turned to Jayden next. “How about a hot cocoa for you? With whipped cream and marshmallows?”
No eight-year-old in the world would say no.
“Fuck yeah,” Jayden said.
Leah found that funny.
She led the way inside the house, rambling a mile a minute about people who’d visited lately—fellow friends of Darius’s. And he hummed and commented in all the right places.
Gray set down their bags once they were inside before he looked around. The little lobby of sorts was mostly just a corner of a very large, open space. Gray spied a kitchen and a sign for the dining hall at one end; it was the only area that was walled off. The rest—a seating area with cushy chairs, couches, and a big open fireplace, as well as a bar, some more tables, and a dart board—was all within his view.
The dark floorboards gleamed in the firelight.
Leah shrugged out of her down vest and gestured to the left. “There are bathrooms there if you need to go. Showers downstairs next to the gym.”
Gray nodded absently and snatched up a brochure from the front desk. It showed a picture of the log cabins. He opened it and found a list of the amenities of the cabins, and they were pretty basic. Two queen beds, a kitchenette, a bath, and a loft with an extra bed. Judging by the picture, it was a loft you couldn’t stand up in. There was a thick mattress on the floor, two nightstands, and small bistro lights along the slanted ceiling.
It looked cozy.
Had Darius shared one of these cabins with Leah?
Probably.
“Anyone I know here now?” Darius asked.
Leah shook her head. “Just a few guys from Canada.” She faced Gray next and smiled. “What would you like to drink, Gray?”
Bleach.
Did she have to be so damn nice? It was irritating.
“Water’s fine,” he replied, side-eying Darius, who was checking his phone.
“One water, one hot cocoa, and one whiskey,” Leah confirmed with a nod. “I’ll be right back.”
Jayden handed over his jacket to Gray and took off his shoes. Then he darted for the seating area by the fire and slid across the floor on his socks.
It gave Gray a quick minute alone with Darius.
“You’re not feeling well,” he said quietly.
Darius pocketed his phone and ran a hand through his hair. “Yeah. I don’t know. She wasn’t lying—I like this place, but it also brings back memories of bad times. I didn’t expect them to affect me.” He cleared his throat and hung up his leather jacket. “By the way, your mother misses you. Maybe you can check in with her soon.”
“She texted you?”
He nodded. “She’s worried.” He tilted his head at Gray. “Is that where you get it from?”
Gray smiled carefully. “Probably. I worry about you too, you know.”
“Ditto.” Darius smirked ruefully. “Come on. Let’s get that drink over with. I’m exhausted.”
Gray followed him toward the seating area. “You failed to mention that this friend of yours is an ex-girlfriend.”
Darius winced. “To be honest, I wasn’t thinking about it. It was a long time ago.”
That may be… “She’s very pretty.”
There was no response. Darius seemed completely stuck in his head, and Gray lost his composure. He stopped Darius in the middle of the open space by grabbing his arm and palming his cheek.
Darius’s eyes flashed with warning.
Gray didn’t heed it. “Talk to me, Dare. If you don’t wanna stay here, we’ll go. Right now.”
Under his touch, Darius’s scruffy jaw tensed, and he closed his eyes. Then he covered Gray’s hand with his own and turned his head, pressing his lips to Gray’s palm.
Gray let out a shaky breath. His heart started pounding. The power Darius had over him was terrifying.
“I’m spiraling.” Darius swallowed hard and faced him again. And when he opened his eyes and Gray saw they were glassy, it was a shot to his heart. “It started when the boys went home from Florida—one by one. I don’t know how they’re coping. I’ve lost control. And—and then there’s
you.” He exhaled a short laugh and scrubbed his hands over his face. In the action, Gray let his hand fall. “I have a compulsive need to be near you.”
That was all it took to surrender. He didn’t care about the whys, only that he missed Darius so fucking much, and if he wanted to get back to what they’d been in Florida, so be it. Gray wouldn’t be able to resist any longer.
“I’m here,” he said under his breath. “Okay? I’ve just been trying to protect myself. I don’t wanna be the guy who loses his mind over a straight man—again.”
Darius looked at him strangely. “Is that what you think? You think I’d—”
“Oh shit, I’m sorry.” That was Leah’s goddamn voice.
Gray wanted to scream at her. Instead, he slid his gaze to her and hoped he didn’t look too pissed.
She was the picture of a deer caught in the headlights. She definitely knew she’d stumbled upon a private moment.
Darius coughed into his fist before taking a step back. But he didn’t hide anything. He cupped Gray’s elbow, then slid his hand to Gray’s back. “We’ll continue this later.”
Gray nodded dumbly.
“You got that whiskey for me, hon?” Darius turned to Leah.
“Uh, yeah.” Leah frowned to herself and carried her tray with drinks to the fireplace. “I won’t keep you guys. I understand you must be tired.”
Sure. That too.
Eight
“Jayden, wait. Your pajamas.” Gray dug them out from Jayden’s backpack and handed them over. “We’ll see if we can get some laundry done tomorrow.”
He nodded and snatched up the PJs before ducking into the bathroom with his toothbrush and toothpaste.
“Let me know when you’re ready,” Gray reminded.
“I know!” Jayden hollered back behind the closed door. “You always wanna check my teeth. It’s weird, man!”
Gray grinned and pinched his lips together. Then he sought out Darius behind him, dropping his bag on the other bed.
“How’re you feeling?”
Darius blew out a breath and hung his jacket over the back of a chair. The cabin was small and divided into four parts, where privacy was only given in the half bath. The sleeping nook was next to the bathroom, leaving the front for the kitchenette in one corner and a table with four chairs in the other.
