by Linda Byler
She climbed into the van at the end of it, still searching for Matt. She made a good show of speaking to Elmer, but all the life had gone out of anything she said. When he asked if he could call her she said yes and thanked him for a wonderful evening, but she hardly knew what she was saying.
She made her way up the stone walkway through the bone chilling night, watched a few dead oak leaves skitter across the path of light from the motion lamp on the porch, and shivered. She unlocked the door and let herself in, closing it firmly before locking it again. She flicked on the battery lamp by her recliner and sat heavily in it, letting out a long shaky sigh and dissolving into tears.
Would Matt actually get in touch? He knew where her parents lived. He could find her if he wanted to.
Emma did not see the vehicle following the white van where she sat beside Elmer, neither did she notice anything amiss after she exited and made her way to the porch. She did not see the curly-haired man leave the vehicle that had been following them, or make his way slowly to her front door, raise his great fist to rap quietly.
Emma had just suppressed another ragged sob, wiped her nose and told herself to get a grip, in Dena’s colorful language, when she thought she heard a sound.
There it was again.
Someone was knocking on her front door. It was eleven o’clock at night. Should she answer it? She breathed a prayer that God would protect her, turned the lock, and opened the door, her heart in her throat.
“Hello, Emma.”
Those words were the sweetest ones, the most welcome ones she’d ever heard. She couldn’t speak, merely stepped aside and allowed him to enter. His nearness was almost her undoing, but she gripped her arms to her waist, bent slightly with the weight of her endlessly demanding evening, the willpower and bravery she had brought into play just to get through it.
“Matt.”
“Come here, Emma.”
“No, no.”
She could not raise her eyes to look at him.
“You’re seeing someone?”
His voice was thick, desperate.
“No.” She shook her head.
“You were with someone. Was he a friend, an acquaintance?”
“He . . .”
Up came her eyes that blazed into his.
“You know what, Matt? I can’t do this, okay? You disappear for a year—over a year—you tell me it’s too hard to be Amish, and there you are, like some . . . some jerk, expecting me to fall into your arms the minute you’re ready for me. Really?”
The harsh words tumbled over each other like jagged pieces of glass as she turned and walked through the door and into the kitchen where she gripped the edge of the countertop with icy fingers, her body shaking like an injured animal. She stared unseeing out of the window, the cold gale battering the brown oak leaves against the panes. “Did you even think of me all that time, or did you suddenly remember me when I showed up at the party with another man? Oh, and then you follow me home like some creep?”
He was close to her now. She smelled the earthy undertones, the scent of moist wood and ferns on a forest floor.
She felt his sigh in her ear.
“It was a test, Emma.”
She shrugged off his hands, whirled to face him, anger coursing through every vein in her body now.
“How dare you? What is that even supposed to mean? You didn’t tell me anything. You just stopped calling, stopped answering my calls.”
His eyes bore into hers now, no longer liquid gold, but a slow burning fire.
“Not a test for you, Emma. For me. I needed to be sure I could be Amish, even without the promise of you in my life.”
She was breathing hard, denying the truth of his words. She swallowed, cleared her throat, straightened the edge of the rug with her toe.
“When I wrote and said I couldn’t be Amish, I meant it. But then something happened. God started working on my heart. I started to feel the weight of my guilt, a deep desire to make things right with my parents, with God. But I needed to make sure I could really give up my life—the car, the cell phone, the cigarettes, all of it—before I drew you in again. I knew there was a risk that you would marry someone else, but I couldn’t risk hurting you like that.”
She stared at him a moment, taking it all in. “Don’t you think it hurt that you just disappeared like that? How long were you planning to make me wait?”
“I’m sorry,” he said, his eyes starting to fill with tears. Tentatively, he took her hand, and she didn’t withdraw it. He led her to the sofa, where she sat a safe distance away, her hands folded in her lap, her eyes downcast.
“Emma, I knew you were right, that I couldn’t put you in the place of God in my life. That if I was going to come back to my roots, it had to be because I believed it was right, not because I wanted you. I had to let go of you completely. Trust that if God wanted us to be together, that He would make it work.”
She got up, away from him, too agitated to speak. She found her post at the kitchen window, her hands gripping her waist.
Then she felt his hands on her shoulders again, his nearness so comforting, yet still her feelings were a jumble of confusion.
Slowly, gently, he turned her, until she rested against him.
“I hate that I hurt you.”
She raised her eyes to his. “You did hurt me. A lot. Do you even realize that you broke my heart, just like Ben? No, worse than Ben. You let me believe that I wasn’t enough, that your lifestyle was more important than our . . . than our love.”
He held her closer still.
“I am so sorry. I love you, Emma.”
She stayed in his arms, melting against his chest, her anger slowly draining away. She had said her piece, and now all she wanted, desperately, was to be his forever, to never have to leave his embrace.
“I don’t deserve you,” he said, quietly now. “But I’ll wait as long as it takes. Jacob worked seven years for Rachel, was given Leah, her sister, and went right back and worked seven more years for her again. So I figure fourteen years from now I’ll be fifty or fifty-one, and that’s not too bad.”
Emma laughed outright.
“Seven years and you get Dena.”
“Your sister?”
“Exactly.”
“No, it’s you I want.”
She whispered, “You won’t have to wait very long. Maybe about ten seconds.”
And she drew his face tenderly to her own, the palm of her hand on his stubbled cheek, and found his lips with her own, conveying all her lost hopes and dreams into a blaze of joyful promise. With a groan he crushed her to him, until she felt his tears on her own face.
“I love you, Matt. Please promise me you won’t disappear again.”
“My dear sweet perfect girl,” he whispered.
“I am your girl,” she responded with a soft laugh.
He brought her to the sofa again, his eyes never leaving hers, then slowly got down on one knee, held both of her hands in his before he asked her in a voice choked with emotion.
“Emma, will you marry me?”
She lifted her face to the ceiling, her eyes closed as she steadied herself, then met his eyes with the truth of her love.
“I will, Matt. Yes, yes, yes, I will.”
They talked almost all night, until he told her he was not going to bother a driver now, why would he? Not one soul knew he was spending the night, and he would return to Lancaster in the morning.
“God knows you’re here.”
“Do you think He minds?” Matt asked.
“Not if you sleep on the couch.”
That was a bold statement, coming from her, and she became flustered, the blush spreading across her face.
Matt shook his head. “I can’t believe this. It’s almost as if I, you know, could wake up and it wouldn’t be real.”
“I know exactly how you feel. We’ve both been through a lot. But every cloud has a silver lining, which you definitely are.”
“You didn’t
like me at all, remember? That trip with Elvin and Eva?”
“I liked you for yourself. I was simply not over Ben.”
“He is one unlucky dude by now, I bet. Messing with someone’s wife is a real fast ticket to misery.”
“You have done that?”
“No. I never have. But I’ve seen it more than once.”
“Matt, I love you so much. God sure had a strange way of bringing us together, but looking back, I can see how one thing led to another. Are you sure, Matt? You’re sure you’re not going to change your mind in the morning, disappear, decide to go English again?”
“Emma, my love, I am surer than sure. I have loved you for a long time—since that camping trip. But now I’m ready to be a good husband for you, a father even, if God allows. Nothing could change my mind.”
When did the snow start?
Sometime during the night when the conversation was serious, soft flakes fell from leaden skies, turned the lonely landscape into one visited by fairies, the wonder of each flake incorporated into another to form a solid landscape washed spotlessly clean.
Matt loved the house, loved what she’d done with it. He was amazed at her story, the inheritance, the houses they renovated.
Yes, he would love to help as a side job, but his heart was with Keystone. And yes, he would move to Crawford County. Her home would be his home, and he’d be honored to live here.
The wedding would be in April they agreed.
She cooked a big breakfast, and he said he felt like the happiest man in the world at that specific moment, setting the table for two with a quiet reverence that gave away the sincerity of his gratitude.
Let people say what they may, she had faith in him. His heart was in the right place and their future stretched before them like a winding road glistening with the glow of God’s love.
EPILOGUE
DENA WAS NOT IMPRESSED WITH THE NEWS OF MATT’S RETURN, TELLING Emma that she was hopeless, that she didn’t know what was good for her. And after all she did to set her up with the perfectly good Elmer, too. Ruth and Esther and Mam were equally shocked, but Dat reminded them that Emma was a grown woman and could make her own decisions. And after Matt visited a few times, they were all charmed by the way he respected Emma, listened to her opinions, supported her business flipping houses. Her brothers were impressed with how he handled a horse and buggy after all those years of driving a car. He told Dena that all the draws of the world didn’t hold a candle to the love and security of a good relationship with your parents, which made Mam practically glow with respect for him.
Elmer took it hard at first, but soon after he asked Annie Riehl, and after that they never left each other’s side.
The wedding was held on a warm spring day, with Eva and Elvin sitting at the table of honor with Emma and Matt. Eva was glowing, a third baby on the way, and couldn’t have been more thrilled to see her dear friend marrying her favorite cousin.
Emma sat with Matt at her side, the sun on her shoulders, her friends and family all around. She thought of all the heartache, all the false starts, all the times she questioned what God was doing in her life. And here she was, her heart bursting with love, her beloved at her side. Matt seemed to read her thoughts and reached over to hold her hand beneath the table. She squeezed his strong fingers, a thrill of joy rushing through her whole being.
There would still be hard times, she knew. Life was never easy for long. But she had never been so sure of God’s goodness, of His love, and that whatever trials she faced, she would have her faith, her family, and her beloved to see her through.
The End.
GLOSSARY
Allus schtruvvlich—all askew
Ach my, hesslich.—Oh my, that’s too bad.
Botschaft—Amish newspaper
Dichly—bandana (plural is dichlin)
Fettadale—front part of the white head covering
Grosfeelich—proud, high-minded
Hesslich—way too
Maud—A single Amish woman hired by Amish couples to help around the house, often when they have just had a new baby.
Müde binn ich—prayer said at bedtime
nāva dale—neighboring district
nāva-hucka—best man
Net so govverich—Don’t be unladylike.
Ordnung—Literally, “ordinary,” or “discipline.” The Amish community’s agreed-upon rules for living, based on their understanding of the Bible, particularly the New Testament. The ordnung varies some from community to community, often reflecting the leaders’ preferences and the local traditions and historical practices.
Rumschpringa—The period when teenagers begin dating. Literally, “running around.” A time of relative freedom for adolescents, beginning at about age sixteen. The period ends when a youth is baptized and joins the church, after which the youth can marry.
Schmear kase—cheese spread
Schpeck—fat
Schtrale—a fine-toothed comb
Schrina truck—a construction vehicle
Unfadient gelt—unearned money
Verboten—forbidden
Visa tay—meadow tea
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
LINDA BYLER WAS RAISED IN AN AMISH FAMILY AND IS AN ACTIVE MEMBER OF the Amish church today. Growing up, Linda loved to read and write. In fact, she still does. Linda is well known within the Amish community as a columnist for a weekly Amish newspaper. She writes all her novels by hand in notebooks.
Linda is the author of several series of novels, all set among the Amish communities of North America: Lizzie Searches for Love, Sadie’s Montana, Lancaster Burning, Hester’s Hunt for Home, the Dakota Series, and the Buggy Spoke Series for younger readers. She also wrote The Healing and A Second Chance, as well as several Christmas romances set among the Amish: Mary’s Christmas Goodbye, The Christmas Visitor, The Little Amish Matchmaker, Becky Meets Her Match, A Dog for Christmas, A Horse for Elsie, and The More the Merrier. Linda has coauthored Lizzie’s Amish Cookbook: Favorite Recipes from Three Generations of Amish Cooks!
OTHER BOOKS BY LINDA BYLER
LIZZIE SEARCHES FOR LOVE SERIES
SADIE’S MONTANA SERIES
LANCASTER BURNING SERIES
HESTER’S HUNT FOR HOME SERIES
THE DAKOTA SERIES
CHRISTMAS NOVELLAS
NEW RELEASES
