Oh my God!
I sat down and could feel my heart pounding rapidly, still reeling from the realization that I was in Cedric’s family home. It pained me so much to think about him and now I wouldn’t be able to escape it.
I felt almost as if I were an imposter, even though I had every right to be here. This was my job now and I wasn’t going to let Cedric or Karyn Keller or anyone screw it up. It wasn’t Callie’s fault I had a delusional crush on her brother.
“Allison…can I make you some tea while we go over Callie’s routine? I already have some water boiled.”
Again, this place was like heaven.
I did not get the impression that Bettina had any clue that I was the same person her son inquired about for the job information and figured Cedric never used my name.
“Yes, I’d love some,” I smiled. Tea sounded good and maybe it would calm my nerves. For some reason, I was not as freaked out as I might have figured I’d be in this situation. Cedric’s mother actually seemed like a really nice lady with a very reassuring tone.
As she prepared the tea, I looked around curiously. The kitchen, as did the rest of the house, seemed to have a cozy country feel, with lots of reds and greens with floral curtains and plaid seat pillows. It was homey but small, so I assumed it was just Callie and her mother who lived here.
“May I use your bathroom?” I decided I really had to go and figured since she was preparing the tea, this would be my window.
“Sure, dear, it’s back down the hall, last door on the left. Before you go, would you like black or green tea?”
“Green will be perfect. Thanks so much,” I said as I got up and walked down the hallway.
Before I opened the bathroom door, I noticed some family pictures on the living room wall diagonally across from the bathroom. I scurried over to the framed picture collage hoping she wouldn’t notice since I heard her clanking things back in the kitchen.
There he was.
If this wasn’t confirmation that I was in Cedric’s mother’s house, I don’t know what was.
The picture I focused in on appeared to be a photo of a younger Cedric on what looked like his high school graduation day. The same beautiful eyes were framed by even longer, shaggier hair. Cedric was flanked by his mother, father and whom I assumed was his brother. He had the biggest most beautiful smile and looked so happy. I immediately felt sad, remembering that during our car ride he mentioned that his father had passed away a few years earlier. Cedric was tall like his father and had his blue eyes. But his facial features and smile resembled his mother overall.
I didn’t want to take too much time staring at the picture, in case Bettina wondered what the hell I was so interested in her family for, so I entered the bathroom.
I splashed a small amount of water on my face to help calm me down from the surprise of this situation and quickly peed. I washed my hands and walked back out and down the hall.
Bettina had placed my tea in front of my seat in a beautiful ornate yellow ceramic mug and had her legs crossed sitting in the chair relaxed across from me and began to speak.
“Ok, Allison, so basically you met my daughter. You can see that she likes to be in her own world most of the time. What I hope when someone comes to work with Callie, is that they help to structure her time to make the most of it. I don’t want her just sitting there rocking back and forth, looking at online videos, like she does when she is alone. It’s really hard to break her out of her shell. I want you to try and play with her… try to get her to speak…I know it’s not easy getting her attention…the autism assures that. But you can read to her or try to get her to sound out the words, things like that. A group of her favorite books are in a large basket in her room. She can read many sight words but she just can’t always comprehend complex themes. So, she may not answer you if you ask what generally happened in the book, but might answer a simple question like ‘what are the characters doing in the picture?’
I nodded silently, as she continued.
“I’ll also have you sit with her and make sure she eats appropriately and puts away and washes her dishes. She also does some light chores likes recycling and swiffering the floors. She works at the library sorting books, accompanied by her other staffer on Mondays and Wednesdays, but you don’t need to worry about that since you are here Tuesdays and Thursdays. What questions do you have at this point?” Bettina looked at my quizzically.
I had so many questions.
“How much detail can she relay about what she wants?” I asked.
“A bit. Simple requests are her strength in terms of communication. She can say ‘I want’ and then list the item or even describe it somewhat. For example, ‘I want red sweater cat’ might mean I want the red sweater that has the black cat on it. Eye contact is a problem though. She doesn’t like to look at people.”
Bettina sipped her tea and then reached out for my hand, which startled me and continued. “You’ll get used to her, get a feel for what she likes. I can tell you will be great with her.”
Smiling, I said, “Thanks for the vote of confidence. What should I do with her for starters today?”
“Why don’t you just sit in her room with her for a while. Let her get used to your being there. Then, in about an hour, I can show you what her dinner routine is like.”
“Sounds good.”
I followed Bettina into Callie’s room and she quickly backed out and shut the door. I think she was intentionally separating herself so that I didn’t feel pressure from her watching me. I appreciated it because I was extremely intimidated by this situation, which left me feeling clueless.
I sat on the bed next to Callie, on a pretty Pottery Barn floral quilt. She continued to look at You Tube, but this time she was focused on a video that played television station identification music backwards. It looked to be vintage music from the cable station Nickelodeon. She would keep rewinding it to the same point in the middle playing the same three-second chime over and over again. I was fascinated that she actually found this entertaining and that she never once acknowledged that I was sitting next to her. She could have cared less that I was there, if she even realized it.
I decided to just sit next to her for a while and not say anything. Maybe she would eventually look at me or ask me for something. I looked around her room at the various pictures hanging on the wall, some butterflies, some drawings of stick people in crayon, some marker scribbled right on the wall.
There was one cluster of photos that particularly stunned me.
There on a bulletin board above her headboard was a collage of the CNN anchor Anderson Cooper. Yes, the Silver Fox. Apparently, Callie had the hots for him or something. It was such a strange contrast to the Dora the Explorer dolls and grade school board books that lay strewn on the floor. There were pictures of Anderson Cooper posing with other celebrities, headshots of him and an autographed picture.
I then decided to try something. I suddenly grabbed the iPad from Callie. She finally looked at me…like I was pointing a gun at her.
I quickly typed into the You Tube search bar: Anderson Cooper. Hundreds of search results displayed on the screen and I selected one that said Anderson Cooper Cracks Up During Newscast.
I pressed play.
Callie spotted Anderson right away and yanked the iPad from my hands.
Upon the first sight of Anderson losing control and laughing hysterically in the clip, Callie started jumping up and down on the bed frantically, with a look of utter excitement. She began to smile and then…a volcanic eruption of laughter came out of her.
I stopped the video, barely containing my own laughter at her response. And she looked at me.
“Callie, what do you want?” I asked holding the device.
“Anderson,” she said looking at the iPad.
“Ask better,” I said.
“I want Anderson,” she replied, her eyes still glued to the screen.
“Good!” I said and played the video again.
Each time the video played, Callie’s reaction was bigger than the last. And each time, I asked more of her before playing it again.
“Callie, what do you want?” I asked.
“I want Anderson,” she said.
I pointed to the still of the video. “Callie, this is Anderson Cooper. What do you want?” I asked.
“I want Anderson Cooper,” she said.
I played the video again and paused it mid-way. Callie, frantically curled her fingers and rocked back and forth, obviously wanting the video to continue. I had paused the image on Anderson’s smiling face.
“Callie, what is Anderson doing?” I asked.
“Smiling,” she said.
“Who is smiling?” I asked.
“Anderson Cooper is smiling,” she said with a grin.
“Good girl.” I resumed the video.
When the video stopped, Callie looked at the screen and said, “I want Anderson Cooper smiling.”
I held the iPad and wouldn’t budge.
“I want Anderson Cooper smiling!” Callie laughed staring away from me.
I held back and did nothing.
Then, what I had hoped for happened. She looked at me.
I immediately played the video to reward her for the eye contact to send her a message that looking at me would be a requirement for getting what she wanted. When the video stopped, she looked at me again immediately and said: “I want Anderson Cooper smiling.”
I played the video and stopped it mid-way, turning to her.
“Callie, my name is Allison. Ask me for the video.”
“Allison, I want Anderson Cooper smiling,” she said looking at the iPad.
I waited.
Waited some more.
She looked at me.
“Allison, I want Anderson Cooper smiling,” she said with eye contact.
I played the video. When the video ended this time, she looked at me without my having to say anything.
“Hi Callie,” I said.
“Hi Allison.” She smiled.
“It’s nice to finally meet you, Callie.”
***
Almost three weeks into my new position working with Callie, she had become more and more aware of my presence. When I would enter the house, she would look at me unprompted and say, “Hi Allison.”
We developed a good routine each shift. At the start of each afternoon, we would play some of her favorite videos, but she would need to request everything with eye contact and answer any questions I asked her before I let her continue watching. Then, we’d move into the rest of the house and I would assist her with various chores, like sweeping the floor, folding laundry and taking out the recyclables.
After the chores, we would go back to her room and work on some reading and trying to get her to read aloud. Last, we would head to the dinner table and I would sit with Callie while she ate and made sure she fed herself properly and cleaned up.
Bettina insisted that I join them for dinner on the nights I worked, so I, too, would get fed, which worked out great, since by the time I got back to my apartment it was quite late. Bettina was a great cook and every night was a different Italian dish: things like lasagna, gnocchi or eggplant Parmesan. Thank goodness it was only two nights a week or I would need a new wardrobe.
Some nights if dinner was early enough, I would help Callie bathe and dry her hair before bed. I would marvel at the fact that someone with the mind of a child had the body of grown woman, voluptuous in all the right places. It saddened me, because I also realized that this would be a curse for a girl who could so easily be taken advantage of. No wonder Bettina only allowed women to work with Callie and never considered putting her in a group home, since many were male dominated.
Bettina told me that when I wasn’t there, Callie would ask for me. That made me so happy to hear. I could tell she liked being with me, too, because I was getting more and more eye contact, smiles and sometimes she would hold my hand when we sat together. It warmed my heart.
***
Get your dancing shoes ready, dearest Gemini, because celebration is in the stars. You will be jubilant in the very near future and you are going to party. A good time will be had by all.
One Thursday evening, just a few days before Christmas, Bettina asked if I would be willing to stay a bit later since she was having some friends over for a pre-holiday dinner party. She wanted Callie to be occupied and someone to keep an eye on her. She offered to pay me extra, but I insisted that she pay me in the form of the delicious holiday treats she had spent most of the day baking and that I would surely nosh on at the dinner party.
I helped Callie get into her plaid party dress and then we set the table together. Having advanced warning about the dinner party, I decided to wear a red sweater dress today.
Together, we placed a red and green table cloth over the oval table in the small dining room and followed that with my showing Callie the order of the place settings.
I felt nervous about not knowing exactly who was coming over. The guests were expected to arrive at 7:30. Of course, it dawned on me that it could be Cedric walking in that door, but he hasn’t shown here yet and I really didn’t feel comfortable asking Bettina who she was expecting, although she did mention that it would be ‘some friends’. Or maybe I didn’t really want to know if he was coming. I would find out soon enough.
I realized that Cedric probably didn’t know I was working here, since his mother never mentioned anything to me about her son acknowledging that he knew me. She never asked me if I was the same person her son had inquired about the job information for, so I knew she had no clue I had ever met Cedric.
I was doing a good job letting go of the whole Cedric fiasco, aside from the fact that being in his mother’s house twice a week assured that I couldn’t exactly forget about him altogether.
Not to mention the fact that Callie looked so much like her brother.
I decided that I needed to be strong and prepared for whatever walked through that door, even if it were Cedric and his girlfriend. Oh God, I really hoped that didn’t happen.
But Bettina needed me here for Callie and that’s all that should matter.
At 7:25, the doorbell rang as Callie and I sat in the living room reading.
My eyes nervously followed Bettina as she opened the door and let in a couple who appeared to be in their sixties, hugging and kissing them.
“Allison, this is my dear friend Maria and her husband Kurt,” Bettina said.
I got up from the couch and shook their hands.
“Allison is Callie’s new therapist. She is going to join us for dinner tonight.” Bettina smiled.
“It’s great to meet you,” I said, holding out my hand to greet them and then quickly returned to my seat next to Callie on the couch.
White Christmas played softly from a cd player.
Bettina brought her friends into the dining room, as I continued to wonder who would be arriving next. There were two additional place settings. My heart started to pound as I thought about the fact that it could very well be Cedric and Karyn. That would be so incredibly awkward.
The doorbell rang. My heart pounded faster.
Bettina clicked her heels as she rushed from the dining room to the front door, which was off of the living room.
“So glad you could make it!” Bettina shouted.
I couldn’t see who was coming in because they were lingering and it sounded like they were wiping snow off their boots.
Relief consumed me as I saw an older man who also looked to be in his late sixties or early seventies walk in the door.
“Allison, this is my friend Bruno…Bruno, meet Allison, Callie’s newest therapist.”
Bruno walked toward me and startled me when he grabbed my face. “Hello, sweet, Allison. My goodness if I were fifty years younger.” He winked.
“That is very sweet. Great to meet you,” I said and sat back down.
Bettina grabbed the bottle of wine that Bruno carried in and they
both disappeared into the dining room.
“Allison, why don’t you join us with Callie in here?” Bettina shouted from the other room.
This Christmas now played on the stereo as Callie and I entered the dining room.
Callie went straight for the chips. When I spotted her licking the salt off them and sticking them back in the bowl, I immediately stopped her.
“Allison, can I get you some wine?” Bettina asked as she opened a bottle of red.
“Oh, no, thanks. I am on the job.” I’ll help myself to some soda later, Bettina.”
The guests picked at the appetizers that sat on a buffet table at the corner of the room. I counted the place settings again and thought to myself: Bettina, Callie, Me, Bruno, Maria, Kurt…and one more.
I would likely not be able to relax until the last person arrived, so that I could be sure it wasn’t Cedric.
A half hour passed, as I sat with Callie while she ate a plate of appetizers that I gathered for her to deter her from attacking the chips.
Bettina began setting some food that had come out of the kitchen on the table: a roast surrounded by potatoes and carrots, French style green beans, salad, a rice casserole and a chicken fettuccini alfredo dish.
Then, I jumped as the doorbell rang.
My heart started pounding furiously again.
“Allison, would you mind answering the door for me? I think that’s my son,” Bettina shouted from the kitchen.
Oh God.
Oh God.
Oh God.
Without having time to think or prepare, I got up from the chair, took a deep breath and slowly walked to the door and opened it.
CHAPTER 12
CEDRIC
Peggy-Rose Kim was an aspiring news reporter, a few years out of Columbia University’s journalism school. Her father was the general manager at one of the stations I consulted for in Chicago. Peggy-Rose lived in Boston now and as a favor, I agreed to a coaching session after hours at the agency, where I would meet her, look at her resume reel and critique it.
When she walked into the office, I was immediately drawn to her exotic look. Her mother was Korean and her father was Caucasian. But she used her mother’s maiden name—Kim—on her resume.
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