by Matt Tims
Why had he left Hayden in the first place? Like most teens, he was hit by a desire of needing to grow up after college. Hayden reminded him of his youth, except he wasn’t a child anymore. He was a man. He was a man who’d gone out and built his own nest after graduating, but that had all fallen apart last week.
He decided to ignore the countless number of voicemails and texts from Cindy apologizing. This wasn’t something that he could look past. Their trust had been broken. Sure, people make mistakes and no one is perfect, but Cindy had done more than that. She looked him dead in the eyes and lied. She accused him of cheating when she knew exactly what she’d done just hours earlier. That was the person he’d placed his complete faith in. He’d given everything to the one girl who decided to throw away seven years for a one-night stand.
He could work out of his apartment; and fortunately, he was in decent shape financially. Cindy could keep the house as far as he was concerned. He was never going back to his old life—even if just for a quick stop. Would he stay in Hayden? He wasn’t sure. But wherever he decided to start building his new nest, it wouldn’t be anywhere near the woman he used to love. He needed to start over.
–
Right…right…right. Turn right!
Claire kept driving.
On my God! How many times are we going to do this!?
She took a left and looped around her old neighborhood for the fifth time. She couldn’t turn right. Turning right would send her into a tailspin of memories. Turning right meant driving on Tamper Lane. Turning right would put her seconds away from the house she’d spent the first eighteen years of her life in.
Claire, you need to do this. We’re going to turn right after this stop sign. Maybe Mom doesn’t even live there anymore. It’s been five years since you even checked to see if she’s alive, after all! Just turn right, make the drive down that potholed covered street, and pull into your old driveway. You want to move on with your life, don’t you? You’re never going to be able to do that until you overcome your childhood!
Simply being in her old neighborhood covered her arms in goosebumps. Everything looked so similar. For every one house that was freshly painted with a new addition added onto it, ten hadn’t changed even in the slightest. They were the same colors, they had the same basketball hoops in the driveways, and they gave her that same eerie feeling. Every day may as well have been Halloween in Hayden. Every day had a spooky vibe. Every day she spent in this town, felt like one day too many.
We’re gonna do this. Please, Claire, turn right.
Panic instantly set in after she took a deep breath and turned right. She could recognize their neighbor’s mailbox already. Nothing had changed! The snail’s pace at which her car crawled down the asphalt surface showed just how terrified she was to arrive at her destination.
Oh my God…
There it was: home. The same white paint was chipping off and in desperate need of a new coat, the bushes were still out of control and overgrown to the point where they blocked the downstairs windows, and the upstairs bathroom window had a wooden board over it instead of being replaced. Seventeen years later and everything was the same! She pulled into the empty driveway and shifted her car into park.
You can do this.
She slowly exited her car and began to ascend the beaten, worn-out driveway. The white screen door still possessed that familiar spot of red paint from when her little cousin thought it would be funny to draw a heart. Dad hadn’t found it as humorous as her cousin had.
Her shaky finger reached out and pressed the doorbell.
Nothing happened. There wasn’t a sound.
She opened the screen door and moved her hand to the wooden front door behind it.
Knock… Knock… Knock…
…
Knock… Knock… Knock…
…
Knock! Knock! Knock!
…
Knock!!! Knock!!! Knock!!!
…
Nothing. No answer. So, what now? Was this it? No explanation for her shitty childhood? No apology? No way for her to move on and forget her past?
She knew what would happen. She would find a guy—whether it be in Hayden or somewhere else. The relationship would start okay, but it would eventually turn out the same as all the previous ones had. She would become a punching bag; but deep down, maybe she wanted it that way? Perhaps a lifetime of abuse was all she had in store.
She turned and headed back to her car with a dejected step in her stride.
“What?”
Claire abruptly stopped in her tracks. That voice. It was—
“What do you want?” that rough, cold voice asked again.
She turned and saw her mother. Her former blonde hair was now completely gray, her skin was saggy and loose, and her stomach had doubled in size. Her voice hadn’t changed at all, however. It was exactly the same as from her childhood.
“Are you deaf?” Amy asked.
“Mom…” Claire said quietly.
Amy walked back into the house, leaving the door open behind her.
She could do this. Her feet cautiously trailed along her mother’s path, until she found herself standing next to a sofa, distracted by the blaring television that was the only source of light in the dim and musky room. The house was full of garbage, dirty dishes, and cats—lots and lots of cats.
“Mom…you remember me, right?”
Amy’s eyes never strayed from the sitcom rerun she was watching. “Yeah.”
“Mom, it’s been seventeen years,” Claire pointed out.
Amy didn’t answer.
Claire needed to get straight to the point. She didn’t come here to shoot the shit. “I wanted to talk.”
This unexpected visit seemed like more of an annoyance to Amy than anything. “About what?”
Claire moved a large pile of papers and garbage off the sofa, and placed them on the floor before taking a seat. “About Dad.”
Her mother’s eyes sharply peered in her direction, but her voice was even more chilly and distant. “What about him?”
“Did you know…did…did you know the way he treated me?” Claire asked, memories from her childhood stifling her words.
Amy let out a deep huff. “That’s just how he was.”
“Mom…he would…he would touch me.”
Amy’s eyes moved back to the TV. “What do you want me to do about it?”
“Why didn’t you ever say anything?” Claire inquired. “Why didn’t you ever say anything to Dad?”
“You were a grown woman,” her mother responded harshly.
“I was fifteen!” Claire shouted. “I was a kid!”
“Is that what you came here for?” Amy asked, now glaring at her daughter. “To blame me? To accuse me of something? What’s done is done!”
Her mother was right. What’s done was done. There wouldn’t be any closure. Nothing she said could change the past twenty years. Her childhood was shit, her adulthood was shit, and the rest of her life would be shit as well. It was just meant to be this way.
–
“Hey, Mike!”
Mike quickly stood up and gave his longtime friend a big hug. “Shawn!”
It’d been seventeen years since they’d seen each other in person, but the two former classmates had stayed in touched occasionally via Facebook. It just made sense to tell his one-time best friend that he was back in town; and just like old times, Shawn was always ready to hang out.
“Seventeen years,” Shawn smiled as he took a seat at the coffee shop table. “Jesus Christ.”
“I know, right?” Mike laughed. “So, how’s it going?”
“Good,” Shawn told him. “The wife’s expecting again, so number four is on the way. Hey, let me know if you ever want a kid. It turns out that I have the world’s most potent dick.”
That one got a laugh out of Mike. “I still can’t believe that you have kids. I never would’ve imagined anything like that back when we were young.”
“I
know,” Shawn agreed. “I would’ve been fine with two, but Diana always wanted a big family. I’m happy she pushed for more, to be completely honest. I can’t imagine live without all of ‘em.”
“Good for you, man,” Mike told his buddy. “I’m glad everything worked out for ya.”
Shawn reached his finger out and pointed at his friend. “You look the same!”
“I don’t know about that…”
“I’m serious,” Shawn laughed before moving his hand down to his large beer belly. “I’m bald with a big gut, and then you show up all thin with a full head of hair? Are you trying to rub my nose in it?”
“I don’t have much to rub your nose in these days…” Mike said with a sigh.
“So, what happened?” Shawn inquired. “Your message wasn’t too specific, but I’m not an idiot. You don’t just show up after seventeen years asking to meet over nothing.”
Mike took a deep breath and admitted, “Last week…I caught my wife…fuckin’ around.”
“Oh shit, man…” Shawn groaned.
Mike looked down and shook his head. “It’s a long story. She made a new friend and this girl wasn’t exactly the best influence on her. They started partying and whatever. Shit happened. I can sleep well at night knowing I wasn’t the reason she did it.”
His best friend from high school continued to listen.
“And…I don’t know,” Mike said, looking up. “Something in my head just kept telling me to come back—back to Hayden. I don’t know why.”
“Because it’s home,” said Shawn.
“But it hasn’t been in forever,” Mike voiced.
“Remember how all everyone talked about was how they couldn’t wait to leave this place when we were younger?” Shawn asked.
Mike nodded.
“And I’m sure we said shit like that too,” Shawn went on. “I watched everyone I know leave after I graduated high school. Whether it was to go to college, or to take a job somewhere, or whatever: they just left. Everyone wanted out. So, when I got a job offer from the town, I really sat down and thought about it. And one night it suddenly clicked for me. I love it here.”
Mike asked, “You do?”
“I do,” Shawn confirmed with a smile. “When people complain that it’s quiet, I see peacefulness. When people bitch that it’s boring, I see safety. When people say there’s nothing to do, I look around at all this beauty and laugh. I know I’ll never have a summer house on a lake somewhere. I’m not going to own a boat, or have a big 401k, or be able to travel the world; but I leave my job every day at four o’clock, I drive home without having to deal with traffic, pull into my driveway ten minutes later, get a big kiss from my wife when I walk through the door, and spend the rest of the day with my three incredible kids. My weekends are free, we don’t stress out about money because we live below our means, and we just love being around one another. No big city, or buildings, or anything could possibly make me happier than my family. You see some guys working crazy hours so they can buy all kinds of shit, and they never even see their wife and kids. What kind of life is that?”
“You never regret leaving?” Mike questioned. “Not even for a second?”
Shawn instantly shook his head. “Not for a single second.”
“I don’t know…” Mike sighed faintly. “I mean, you spend so much time in a relationship with someone—thinking you know them—and then you realize you don’t. Is moving back here the same thing? Am I going to wake up ten years from now and realize the place I thought I knew; in fact, is completely different?”
“I can’t answer that for you,” Shawn told him. “You’ll never know unless you try, right? I can definitely put a word in if you’re looking for a job. I’ll tell my boss the truth. That you’re a great guy and a hard worker.”
“I appreciate that, but I can work from my place for now,” Mike said. “That’s one thing I’m happy about. What I’m not happy about is being fuckin’ thirty-five and single. It would be hard enough in a big city, let alone a tiny little town where everyone is married at twenty.”
“Hey, you remember Rebecca Ricci?”
Mike’s face lit up. “Rebecca Ricci! Holy shit! She still lives here?”
Shawn nodded with a smirk.
Rebecca Ricci had been the “it girl” since middle school. The blonde was gorgeous and rich, and when she showed up at the start of ninth grade with a D-cup; well, she became high school royalty.
“How she’s doing now?” Mike asked.
“Remember what she looked like in high school?”
Mike couldn’t hide his grin. Did he remember what Rebecca Ricci looked like in a high school? Of course, he did! Maybe this was a sign that moving back here was the right decision? What if Rebecca was single?
“Well, you could fit about three of those Rebecca’s in current day Rebecca,” Shawn revealed, laughing.
“Oh, no…” Mike groaned.
“I have a buddy who works down at the station, and they get plenty of calls from the neighbors,” said Shawn. “Apparently, she married a real piece of shit and there are always domestic issues going on, and Rebecca turns into a real bitch when the cops show up.”
“So, what’s this?” Mike questioned. “An update on the ladies of the town?”
“I’m letting you know what’s out there…” Shawn teased. “I’m just kidding! Keep your head up, dude. You’ll bounce back.”
“I hope so. I—”
Something caught Mike’s eye, causing him to cut himself off. Actually, it was someone. He was fixated on the blonde heading toward the counter in a pair of blue jeans and an older-looking red sweatshirt. From his current angle, all he could see was the back of her head, but he swore he knew that face—even if he’d only gotten a glance at it.
“Mike?”
Mike looked back across the table. “Do you see her?”
Shawn wasn’t following. “Who?”
The blonde,” Mike clarified. “Red sweatshirt.”
Shawn shifted his attention to the counter. “Yeah, I see her.”
“Does she look familiar?” Mike asked, struggling to put a name to her face.
“From the back of her head?” Shawn laughed.
“I swear I know her from somewhere.” Mike said. When he turned back to get another look, the mystery woman peered over to the side, exposing her face to him. “Oh my God…”
“What?”
“Dude, that’s Claire!” Mike announced.
Shawn took another look for himself. “Who?”
“Claire!” Mike repeated excitedly. “From high school!”
Shawn squinted his eyes, slightly confused. “Field hockey Claire?”
Mike nodded.
“No, it’s not.”
“Yes, it is!” Mike argued.
“Claire had black hair,” Shawn pointed out. “She was one of those goth girls, wasn’t she?”
“She dyed her hair in eleventh grade,” Mike said. “She was blonde in tenth grade though. She still lives here?”
“Not that I’m aware of,” Shawn told him. “I mean, I’ve never seen her around before.”
Mike took a deep breath and admitted, “I loved that girl.”
“Yeah, right…”
“I’m serious,” Mike said. “I was in love with her.”
Shawn rolled his eyes. “I bet…”
“I’m not joking, dude!” Mike said, raising his voice. “Like, I was so in love with her.”
“Well, how’d I never hear about it?” questioned Shawn. “We were best friends!”
“I never told anyone,” Mike revealed, taking a quick peek at the counter before turning back to Shawn. “I used to dream about marrying her.”
Shawn let out a loud laugh which had certainly grown in strength over the years. That probably had something to do with his big belly now. “We all did that shit. I used to fantasize about growing old with girls if they would smile at me back in high school. That’s how all boys are.”
“No
t like this,” Mike said. “She flirted with me for like two straight months, but I never made a move. I was so terrified that she would reject me. Even when I was happily married, I would still think back to those moments. There was just always something about her.”
“Well, she’s standing there now—or at least you claim she is.”
“She’s gotta be married,” Mike groaned, observing his former crush from a distance. “A girl like that can’t be single.”
“There’s only one way to find out,” Shawn smirked.
Mike took the deepest breath of his life. It was time to atone for a twenty year mistake. It was time to finally talk to Claire.
He slithered out of his seat and nervously approached the blonde who had her back turned to him as she waited in line.
“Excuse me.”
She didn’t respond.
“Um…Claire?” he tried again.
She turned to face him. “Yes.”
Mike’s stomach dropped. It was her. It was her, and she didn’t have any recollection of him at all.
Twenty Years Ago.
Today’s the day… Today’s the day… Today’s the day…
Mike’s locker was on the third floor, and his last class of the day took place on the first floor, so it was a simple route to his locker once the bell rang. He would walk up the stairs and straight to the third floor, but he’d been taking the more scenic route over the past few weeks. The view was just too good to pass up on.
Once the bell rang, he would head for the stairs, climb them until he reached the second floor, and then get off. He would then deal with the crowded hallway before re-entering the stairs on the other end of the second floor, take them up to the third floor, and eventually find his locker. Why did he go out of his way like this? Well, there was a simple answer to that question. His dream girl’s locker just so happened to be on the second floor.
