She drops her bags and I get up and immediately feel ratty in my army jacket and my threadbare jeans. Luna is beautiful. Her hair looks so silky and she’s wearing black pants and a gauzy white blouse, a long silver necklace around her pale throat. She looks like she walked right off the TV. But she’s grinning and grabbing my hand to hold it between hers.
“I’m Luna!” She says, before Mason can get a word in.
“I’m Alice,” I say. “Very good to meet you.”
“It’s wonderful to meet you,” she says, squeezing my hand. “It’s wonderful to meet the woman who saved me and Micah. You know you did, right?”
“Oh...I-”
“You did,” she says firmly. “And you saved yourself. And I’m so glad you’re here, Alice. I feel like we have a lot to talk about. I know you must be tired, I just wanted to stop by and meet you. Bring you some things you might need.”
She looks at me and I feel as if some kind of understanding passes between us. “Thank you,” I whisper, because I don’t know what else to say. I feel myself choking up and my cheeks burn. “I...thank you.”
“It’s okay, sweetie,” Luna says quietly, patting my hand. “You busy right now? Or can I show you the things I picked up for ya?”
“Sure, um...shall we go up to my room?”
The thing is, I was worried about having enough clothes. I’d just assumed I would keep wearing the clothes off my back or Mason being Mason would lend me some of his. Luna says she went off of Micah’s description of me and guessed my size and goes on and on about how she can return anything that doesn’t fit and how we should go shopping sometime and nobody should be shy about spending Tremblay money. It’s as if she can talk without stopping if she likes. I don’t think I could take Luna’s speed and volume of conversation all the time. I’m already getting used to Mason’s general air of peacefulness. But in the moment, I really appreciate it. It’s as if she’s doing all the work to make us friends, knowing I might not be in the right place to do my share of it.
She urges me to try on a pair of jeans and I strip, changing in front of her because modesty was never much of an issue at Hardwidge. But I see her eye the scars here and there on my body that were too deep to ever heal over completely from fights with other shifters or times when Jason or one of his friends thought it would be fun to get rough with me and make Alice fight for the food she’d just hunted. I see her eyes get sad.
“Someday...I’d like to talk to you about Hardwidge,” she says. “But not today.”
I only nod at that and murmur, “Not today.”
Luna shows me fancy soaps she bought me and shampoos and a mesh sponge thingy for the shower that seems completely unnecessary but fun to use. I feel like a princess in one of my stories, but she acts as if it’s all simply what you do for a guest.
“Okay,” she finally says. “I think I’ll get out of your hair now. But thanks for letting me visit, honey.”
Before she leaves, Mason tries to insist she stay for dinner but Luna waves him off, and says Micah’s expecting her. When she leaves I feel like I really have made a new friend.
“Hey,” Mason says, once she’s gone. He looks me up and down and nods. I’m wearing a pair of jeans Luna bought me. They’re just a little bit baggy on me, but they’re so comfortable I wouldn’t want different ones. She bought me a bunch of different shirts and I have on a simple white v-neck t-shirt and a gray cardigan that feels like wearing a little blanket, it’s so comfortable. “You look nice.”
I am absolutely certain that by the standards of this world, I am not wearing anything fancy, but Mason is looking at me like the prince in a story seeing the maiden show up in a ball gown.
“Thanks,” I say, ducking my head.
“How about some dinner?”
Dinner is so good that I would have doubted Mason had made the food himself, if I hadn’t seen him cooking in his kitchen like it was no big deal. Mason insists he’s not that amazing a cook or anything and I know I haven’t exactly been exposed to much in the way of great food, but I eat almost embarrassingly fast. There are flavours I haven’t even tasted before.
“Garlic,” Mason says, laughing. “I guess you didn’t eat out much at Hardwidge?”
“Sometimes we’d walk down into town,” I say quickly. “But it wasn’t anything fancy. I was happy to get candy at the gas station or we’d go to McDonald’s. I mean we were really only supposed to eat what we could catch while shifted.”
“Wow…” Mason’s eyes get big. “I have so much to show you.”
When I go to bed that night, the two of us sort of awkwardly go our separate way on the landing, it feels like a kind of test for me. I haven’t slept well in the hospital when Mason wasn’t sitting beside me, at least while I fell asleep. The last thing I want to do is rely on Mason to sleep. He can’t just sit in a chair every night. It wouldn’t be fair to him at all. I don’t know if he’s worried about that or has thought of it, but I sure have.
I have a whole bathroom to myself which feels like a crazy luxury, and I take my time getting ready for bed because that’s a luxury too. I wash my face with a fluffy white washcloth, I brush my teeth for ages, and I even try some lotion from a pretty bottle Luna left me on the sink. It feels wonderful on my skin.
When I curl up under the big, fluffy comforter and the cool sheets on the bed, I think that hospital bed was nothing in comparison. This is like sleeping on a cloud. I don’t even have time to worry about nightmares before I’m out like a light.
I can’t shift and I’m trapped. Except I’m not trapped in the cave this time, I’m trapped back in that clapboard one room shack I grew up in when I wasn’t sleeping outside in the woods, shifted because you’re supposed to be shifted as often as possible. I’m not tied up but the door won’t budge and I’m stuck in human form. If I could just shift, I think, I could knock the door down. I’m stronger as a wolf, always stronger as a wolf. Instead I’m stuck pacing and it’s thundering outside, the rain pouring down. I usually like rain but this storm is frightening.
“ALI!” That’s Jason. He’s screaming outside. “ALICE, WE’RE COMING FOR YOU!”
He’s coming and I can’t stop him. The door won’t budge to let me out. The dinky generator that powers a bunch of the shacks goes out and the room is cloaked in darkness. I curl up in the corner and bow my head. If I make myself small enough, maybe he won’t find me and take me away to the cave. I wanted to escape Hardwidge, but it’s too late now. It’s too late, it’s too late…
“Alice!” I can hear Mason Tremblay calling me and I shake and thrash. I have to get out of here. I have to find Mason and get away from here. “Alice, sweetheart, it’s okay. Shh. Alice…” His voice is soft in my ear and I can feel myself coming back to reality. I’m in that cloud bed and I’m soaked with sweat but that sweet voice is whispering in my ear that I’m okay, it’s okay…
Mason is stroking my hair. Mason is holding my sweaty hand and telling me it’s okay. I fight my way back to waking, opening my eyes to see him kneeling at the side of my bed, looking as worried as if I were in mortal danger.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” I murmur. “I woke you up, I’m sorry.
It’s dim in the room but I can see Mason smile. “No, no, sweetheart. That’s alright. It’s not your fault. Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I just…” I sniff and wipe my eyes. “I was back at Hardwidge and I couldn’t get away and… It seemed so real.”
“Do you want me to…” Mason bites his lip, looking around the room. “Do you want me to come up there? Like hang out with you? I mean would that be helpful?”
“You could...sleep in here. If you want. Or I mean...” I’m pretty sure that’s what he’s offering but I want to make sure and Mason nods now.
“If you want me to…?”’
“Please, Mason.” I feel myself blush a little but Mason just gets to his feet and comes around the other side to get under the covers next to me. He’s just wearing a t-shirt and boxer briefs and it feel
s intimate to see him like that as he climbs into my bed. For a minute he just lies there as if he’s not sure what he should be doing and I bite my lip, shutting my eyes, so I don’t have to look at him when I ask. “Mason...will you hold me?”
Mason rolls on his side and I turn my head to face him. We’re so close in the quiet of the room. If I moved just a little, I would be kissing him. “Of course I will, sweetheart,” he whispers.
Something is shifting between us. I feel it when I turn over and take his hand so that it wraps around me and we both move so that he’s pressed up against me, spooning me under the covers. I don’t know what it means and I don’t feel like I should count on anything, but when I close my eyes, I think that I’ve never felt so safe as in Mason Tremblay’s arms.
“Is this okay?” Mason whispers.
Where to begin to answer that? All I can think to say is, “This is wonderful.”
Chapter Nine: Mason
In the morning, I wake up with my arms full of Alice and an embarrassing problem on my hands. It’s not as if it was deliberate, but I have a hard-on like I haven’t had in a while. It’s almost painful how erect I am, pressed up against her. I feel angry at myself even if it was just a physical reaction to the dreams I had as I slept with my arms wrapped around her. I dreamed of us making love, her naked beneath me. I dreamed of her flushed and happy with pleasure because of me. Now I’m horrified. I can’t imagine how uncomfortable she would be if she woke up to this.
As quietly as possible, I edge away from her. If nothing else, apparently my presence in her bed helps her sleep heavily. She only murmurs and shifts around under the covers. I allow myself one last look at her pretty face, softened and relaxed by sleep and hopefully pleasant dreams, and I pad out of the room, wincing at the erection tenting up my underwear.
I hide in my room and lock my door, flopping back on my bed. I feel like a horny teenager as I shut my eyes and palm my swollen groin. This isn’t exactly shocking. Alice is an attractive woman. I’d have to be blind not to see it. I also feel a kind of connection to her. If I didn’t know better, I would think Alice is my mate, I feel it so strongly. There’s nothing inherently wrong with that, I suppose, except that she’s been through so much and has so much living to do. I would never want her to feel pressured to be with me on any level, fates be damned. She needs a friend. She needs somebody to help her find her way without wanting anything from her.
As gentlemanly as I suppose all that is, I’m still human. I still imagine last night going very differently. I imagine Alice stripping her shirt off and taking my hand to place it on her breast, whispering that I should kiss her. I stroke myself as I imagine how careful and loving I would be with that woman. I would show her pleasure but I would be tender. I would make love to her with my tongue until she was coming apart at the seams and then I would sew her back together, kissing my way up her body and waiting for her to beg me to enter her. It’s when I imagine her legs wrapped around me and her pretty mouth agape as I slide into her that I come, stroking myself furiously and biting the back of my hand.
I can keep these feelings contained. I must.
Somehow, I thought I would need to do more to entertain Alice or keep her busy. I kept reminding myself to show her how the DVD player works and how the cable box works. I kept thinking I should explain to her about Netflix and that she might be interested in watching things.
But the girl can’t stop reading.
It’s fine with me. I make omelettes for breakfast like I usually would. Except that I went on a grocery store trip before picking her up from the hospital and I give her about a million options for fillings for her omelette. I give her so many options, she looks like she’s afraid she’ll answer incorrectly.
“Do you want me to make you something you might like and then we’ll see what happens?” I say this time, chuckling.
“Yes,” she says, sighing in relief. “Thank you.”
So I make Alice an omelette with a lot of cheese and vegetables. This time she insists the omelette is now the “best meal she’s ever had.” I really need to take her out to a nice restaurant at some point. I’d love to see how her eyes would get large and her lashes would flutter at the taste of a good cocktail. I wonder if she likes shrimp…
Last night when I was holding her in her bed, it took me a while to fall asleep. I kept thinking of all the things I wanted to show Alice.
“Don’t you have to go to work somewhere?” Alice says. I gave her a cup of coffee and she keeps sipping it and scowling at the cup as if she’s not sure how she feels about it yet. It’s adorable.
“Oh, I work from home,” I say, shrugging. “All I do all day is move money around for people. Lot of talking on the phone and reading stocks and working with banks online and things like that. But you should still feel free to do whatever you like around the house. There are the books of course, and you can watch TV or use the home gym or go on a walk… Don’t let me crowd you.”
She looks pleased. She does seem to like having me around. She always has since the beginning and it warms me.
“Or you could shift and go on a run, of course,” I say offhandedly.
“I haven’t been able to shift,” Alice says, frowning.
I wince. I knew that. She mentioned it at the hospital once. I wish I hadn’t pointed it out. “I’m sorry. I forgot about that.”
“Not your fault,” she mumbles, stirring her coffee. “I even tried in the hospital. Dumb idea, I know. I wasn’t thinking straight. Good thing I didn’t. But… I don’t know. Maybe I’ll try later.”
“Whenever you’re um...comfortable,” I say. “Hey… You know, stress can do that to us. I’ve heard of it before. Enough fear and anxiety and anyone has trouble shifting. Doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you or that you’re not a good shifter.”
Alice seems to accept that. I hope so anyway. But I don’t see her try to shift and she never goes outside. She does read though. I certainly don’t have any complaints about it. But I find myself curious. I try to focus on work. I have an office I never use next to the home gym behind the deck and I move my work there and go at it for a couple of hours until I feel restless and get up to make myself some more coffee.
I end up making myself an espresso and curious as to what Alice has been so quietly doing, I stroll into the living room. She’s curled up in a corner of the couch, and there are two big stacks of books on the table. Offhand I can see that there are all different sorts of books; some of them from the shelf in her room, some from what I gave her when she was still in the hospital, a few from my small library, and a couple of her own. At the moment, she’s reading a book about space, with a frown of concentration on her face. She must feel my attention on her because she looks up suddenly, smiling shyly.
“Sorry, I was just curious what you were up to,” I say, scratching my head.
She’s been able to enjoy a couple nice showers since she’s been here. I can tell she’s been using the stuff Luna gave her. Her hair looks so silky now. Not that she looks entirely different or anything. She was attractive before. But now she looks both cleaned up and relaxed and she’s well fed and rested. There’s a healthy glow about her. The fact that it’s making my heart swell when she looks at me and the gleam of the sun hits her hair just so is a different kind of problem, but I don’t want to think about that.
“I have so many options now,” she says, chuckling. “So I thought I’d start reading all of these and see what um…”
“Strikes your fancy?” I say.
“Yes!” She says. “That.”
What ends up striking her fancy most is an epic looking fantasy novel that I bought her. I’d gone to the bookstore and bought a stack of books to stock up her shelf with. I’d tried to get a bunch of different genres, figuring her options had been limited before. She seems pleased by that.
We eat lunch together and she tells me about the book. There’s a coven of witches and a young wizard and kingdom with fox people… Her e
yes light up when she talks about it. She looks particularly beautiful when she’s excited about something. I find myself grinning from ear to ear without meaning to.
“What?” She says then, blushing a little. “What are you smiling at?”
“I like seeing you happy,” I say, mostly at my sandwich. But when I raise my eyes, I see that she has a different kind of smile on her face that I haven’t seen before. She's smiling with her eyes now.
The next time I amble into the living room to see what Alice is doing, she’s looking at some postcards. I remember them from her backpack. She’s looking at them sadly, but it seems like a personal thing so I decide not to ask. If she wants to tell me, she’ll tell me.
The day passes serenely. She insists on helping me with dinner and I realize something is definitely happening between us because there’s a kind of tension as we move around each other in the kitchen. When I turn around and find myself face to face with her, our mouths just inches apart, I watch her eyes go a little wide and her gaze flicks up and down my body so quick I almost miss it. I find myself itching to kiss her and can’t help feeling a little guilty about it. She’s just been through so much. Still, I find myself wanting to make little exceptions. Like if she initiates it...I think I’d be too weak to say no to her. The thought of it makes my face hot and I have to pour myself some wine to relax a little bit. The girl is bringing my wolf out, even if she doesn’t mean to.
As we eat dinner, she talks about her book and I start talking about books I’ve read. For somebody who must be mainly self-taught she seems to know more than I would imagine. I wonder if she has a good head for absorbing knowledge. I feel as if her mind is hungry for it.
For some reason, we seem to have a little routine of meeting on the landing before we part to go to bed. Except that I feel I have to make an offer so that she doesn’t end up screaming in the middle of the night again.
“I could sleep with you again,” I say in a rush and wince. “I mean sleep, not…”
Mason's Mate Page 7
