“Mason…” Alice is smiling at me. I think she’s said my name a couple times.
“Oh. Sorry. Spaced out.”
“I just asked if you liked school.” She says, taking another bite of her sandwich. She made lunch this time. She said she wanted to do more cooking if she could learn. So we’re starting with sandwiches.
“Oh! Yeah, I did,” I say, leaning on my hand. “I think I liked it more than my brothers. Xander and Micah anyway. Aaron was a pretty good student. But I was the one who always had my nose in a book.” I sigh and think of Alice running with us for the full moon. How nice it would be. Actually, there’s one coming up just the next night. Xander’s texted me the reminders. It might be a good time to have Alice over. “Hey… I have my family dinner tomorrow tonight? For the full moon? Do you think you’d like to come?”
I don’t have to be good at reading people to see the way Alice hunches her shoulders. “Oh...I don’t think… I mean that’s for your family really. They don’t even know me.”
“You saved Micah’s life,” I say, narrowing my eyes. “You’ll be family to them forever. And you know Luna. She’d be there.”
“I don’t think so,” she says tightly. She hops from her seat to clear her dishes and I sigh, getting up to follow her.
“I won’t make you-”
“Oh gee, thanks.”
“But I’m curious why not?”
Alice shoots me an incredulous look as if I must be an idiot. Which I might be. I’m just not exactly sure why at the moment. But usually, at least lately, Alice is open about what she’s feeling. I’m not sure how to get her to open up if she’s not inclined to.
“I...don’t want to,” she says lightly. She goes about doing the dishes and I watch her as if she’ll somehow reveal her answer as she’s scrubbing plates and glasses. Of course, nothing is revealed. She keeps glancing back at me though, waiting for me to drop it, I think.
I’ve been handling Alice with kid gloves for a while now because I think she needed it. But maybe I shouldn’t anymore.
“Why not?” I cross my arms, raising my eyebrows.
“Well, for one thing,” Alice says huffily, “I can’t shift.”
“I know that,” I murmur. “It’s not like I forgot. But you don’t have to actually go on the run. Michelle doesn’t shift-”
“Michelle isn’t a shifter! Or I mean...she never could shift. It’s different.” Alice gapes at me, shaking her head. “I should be able to and I can’t. It’s not something to like...celebrate. At Hardwidge I would’ve been a total pariah-”
“You’re not at Hardwidge-”
“I know that-”
“Do you?” I say, my voice going up a little high. “I thought you did.”
“I know, I’m not at Hardwidge,” she says firmly. “But it’s still...I don’t want anyone to ask me why I can’t shift or telling me what I should be doing to try like I know they’d be well meaning but I just… And they’re all rich and fancy-”
“Luna’s from Hardwidge?”
“But she got out a long time ago,” Alice says, scoffing. “It’s so different! She has a fancy job and everything now. She’s had a totally different life for a really long time and I just came from there and you guys found me all...ya know, pathetic like a stray dog in that cave, I just can’t-”
“You’re not a stray dog-”
“I know I’m not a stray dog!”
“Then come have dinner with us-”
“NO!” Alice shouts. She drops the dishes she’s washing and stomps off up the stairs to her room. She’s not crying or anything so that’s good...I guess? She’s just pissed.
I’m a little pissed to. I feel like her reaction was ridiculous. I can see her being insecure about having dinner with my family and I know the whole Tremblay thing can be intimidating but it’s not as if I don’t know that, having grown up with them. I just feel as if she should listen to me, seeing as how I know my family better than she does. I know they’d welcome her, even if she doubts it. I’m not totally sure how they’ll react once I tell them that I’m sure Alice is my mate, but it’s not like when Aaron was courting Michelle. It’s not even like when Micah was courting Luna and there was some hubbub about her being a “lone wolf.” Everyone knows Alice is a shifter and where she comes from and even if they had a problem with her being Hardwidge, it wouldn’t be anything to do with “breaking rules.” Though I do expect a little pushback on the grounds that Alice has been through something terrible and that it might be too soon for something like this and too fast and maybe other arguments too that already give me a headache when I think of them. But those can be reasoned with. Nobody’s going to be calling over alphas and elders for a discussion.
That evening, things are weird. Neither of us apologizes. I can sense that she’s waiting for me to apologize and I’m waiting for her to apologize. But I feel a little stubborn about things. I’m often the first one to apologize when I have a disagreement with someone. I feel as if I should be the bigger person. But this time, I’m sure I’m right and she’s just scared and won’t admit and won’t let me help her like she should.
I stew about it all evening. I’m not used to stewing. It tastes bitter in my mouth.
Alice is stewing too and then she says she wants to go to the woods to meditate and try and shift.
“Be careful,” I tell her as she slips on a hoodie. “It’s getting dark.”
“I know,” she says, rolling her eyes. She slams the door a little on her way out.
“Well, excuse me,” I mutter at my laptop. “Excuse me for telling you to be careful. What a dick I am.”
We’re having an actual fight, I realize. It’s only just hitting me that this is the first time we’ve had a real fight. It feels so strange. I’ve been tiptoeing around her so carefully and she was so fragile in the beginning. That’s only just started to change. Perhaps we’re on the just starting to know what the other person is really like. Which excites me because I only like Alice more every day. But this part feels odd and...I hate it. And I don’t want to apologize either.
When she comes back from the woods, she sighs and leaves her hoodie on the hook by the door and takes off her shoes.
“Any updates?” I ask.
“Wouldn’t I have said so right away?” She says, rolling her eyes.
I huff at that and still, nobody apologizes. I don’t like this fight at all, I decide.
We’re both a little stubborn, I guess. Alice surfs around online on the back-up laptop at dinner and I scroll Twitter on my phone. Usually we’d be talking. Tonight we’re apparently icing each other out.
The kicker is when I go to her room to sleep in her bed like usual and she sends me away.
“I can sleep by myself,” she says, rolling away from me to face the wall.
“What if you have a nightmare?”
“If I need you, I’ll come find you.”
Somehow this hurts most of all. Sleeping with Alice has become such a fixture. Being sent away from her bed, even from sleeping next to her, feels particularly hurtful. It’s the worst kind of rejection.
The morning isn’t much better. Although Alice does give me an opening. I’m in such a bad mood this time though that I don’t even take it.
“Do you have anything you’d like to say to me” She says, as we’re eating breakfast that morning. She’s made it this time. Her bacon’s a little burnt in my opinion but I guess it’s possible I think that because I’m angry.
“Can’t think of anything,” I grumble.
Alice huffs and shakes her head at that as if astonished. I throw up my hands, feeling more than a little indignant and she glares at me before clearing her plate away. If nothing else, I’m a little bit impressed by how much we can say to each other at this point without actually speaking.
That night I head off to the estate, leaving Alice at home, and feeling annoyed. I don’t see a way around this disagreement except that I’m right and Alice is being childish. That�
�s it, I decide, muttering to myself on the short drive over. She’s being completely childish and I should tell her so and explain why she’s completely wrong. It was stupid to play her game of refusing to resolve things. I should resolve things...at least if she refuses to.
At the estate, everyone is immediately aware of my sour mood as we have cocktails in the parlor before dinner.
Micah seems to notice first and his eyebrows shoot up. “Whoa, what’s put a bee in your bonnet? You look like you gotta storm-cloud over your head.”
“Do you have any other metaphors?” I say, knowing I’m just grousing now. “Maybe I have my panties in a twist too?”
I plop down on the chaise by the side table with mom’s little glass music box, opening the lid and listening to the first bar of “Fur Elise” before shutting it again. I know I’m pouting a little.
Micah just laughs at me. “Trouble in paradise?”
“Paradise,” I say, scoffing.
“Well, from what I’m hearing, you and Alice are getting along very well.” Micah winks at me and I only shake my head. “No?”
“We had a fight,” I say. “Actually it was because I wanted her to come to dinner tonight. Apparently that was a bad idea. She totally overreacted, frankly.”
“Who overreacted?” Luna says, suddenly appearing at Micah’s side. She leans against his shoulder, smiling cheerily.
“Alice overreacted. I asked her to come tonight and she practically blew up.”
“Ooh.” Luna looks taken aback. “That doesn’t sound like her. From what I know so far anyway.”
“It’s not,” I say, as I take a sip of my Old Fashioned. “She’s all insecure. She thinks this place is intimidating-”
“It is!” Luna says.
“Okay, yes I know that but everyone would be welcoming really. She saved Micah’s life-”
“Even that’s overwhelming,” Luna says. “The Tremblays are a lot sometimes. You guys are just used to it.”
“She can’t shift either, since the cave,” I say, sighing. “She has a big hang-up about it, I guess.”
“Well, that makes sense coming from Hardwidge.”
“I understand that but-”
“No, you don’t,” Luna says with a snort.
“Luna, I do understand,” I say calmly. “I’ve been very understanding. But I think right now she just needs a little push. She didn’t have to bite my head off. She literally just shouted ‘no’ in my face.”
“That’s great!” Luna says.
“How is that great?” I drain the rest of my Old Fashioned and resist having a second. I’d rather be faintly buzzed but not drunk just about now.
“She’s asserting herself,” Luna says. “That’s very good. I know she wouldn’t have when I first met her. I mean, I might be wrong but I think I see what happened here. You’ve gotten just a little bit used to being the one to guide Alice around this scary new life and you’ve gotten a little too used to thinking you know what’s best and now she’s not all meek and fragile anymore and you’re freaked out.”
“I’m not freaked out,” I say darkly, although my ears are burning because I think she might just have a point. Maybe. Almost. “And I want her to be strong and assert herself and say no when she wants to say no-”
“Just not to you?”
“Not when I’m right,” I mutter.
“You invited her to come to dinner and she said no,” Luna says slowly. “Nobody’s right or wrong, she just chose not to come. Stop thinking she needs a push. She can push herself.”
I don’t really answer that so much as emit a confused garble but Luna laughs and I roll my neck, agitated.
“You know,” Micah pipes up, “I can tell how gone you are for this girl because this is so unlike you. You’d have seen all this yourself but you’re all goofed up and lovesick. Love messes with your head, man. Trust me.”
I take a deep breath, considering all this and trying not to dismiss it out of hand.
I’m being stubborn.
Of course, I’m being stubborn but Micah’s right, it isn’t exactly like me except that it is sometimes. I’m good at reading people and figuring out their motivations and needs but I suppose it’s possible it occasionally makes me arrogant and a little too sure of myself.
Was I really doing that with Alice?
All this makes me realize, that I am sometimes more like my brothers than I think I am. Because Xander can be very stubborn and I tend to imagine myself as nearly the opposite of Xander.
“I think I screwed up,” I mutter to myself. “Although...I wish she’d told me I was doing all that. I don’t know. Maybe I’m being ridiculous.”
“Sounds like you were both a little wrong,” Luna says, patting me on the shoulder. “Don’t sweat it too much. But I really do think it’s good she was comfortable enough to assert herself like that.”
“Me too,” I say thoughtfully. “She wants to go to school, you know? And she wants to get a job.” I smile to myself just thinking about it. “She’s ambitious, I guess. I love that about her.”
“That’s great!” Luna says. I’ll help anyway I can.”
“Well, if you know anyone looking for part-time workers,” I say, setting my glass down. “We haven’t really discussed what kind of work she’s looking for-”
“You know, I think the bookstore is hiring,” Micah says. “Next to that ice cream place we like? Isn’t Alice a bit of a bookworm?”
“Yes, very!” I say, lighting up. “I was thinking something with books would be perfect for her. I’ll take her down there when I get a chance. Assuming she speaks to me again, that is.”
“Hey, don’t be dramatic, bro,” Micah says, cuffing me on the arm. “That’s Xander’s job. Or Aaron’s depending on the day. You’ll make up. I’m sure of it. Just talk to her.”
I feel a little better after getting advice from Micah and Luna. Usually I’m the one giving advice. But it’s nice to hear some wisdom from my brother and his mate.
That evening at dinner, I relax into the routine of the night. Mom and dad ask politely about Alice and extend their best wishes and go and on about how grateful they are. I can tell mom wishes Alice had come over too. I’m sure she’s dying to meet her son’s saviour. And that pleases me. She’s holding herself back though and I think they’ve both gotten a sense that something is going on between me and the Hardwidge girl and they’re not completely sure exactly what. I get the sense that this has been a hot topic of conversation at the estate as of late.
I should nip it in the bud. Which means making kind of a little speech or at least a statement and I hate doing that at dinner when everyone looks at you like you’re putting on a show. I’ve never been one for public speaking and even among my own family members at the dinner table, that’s what this feels like. I hang back for a while, trying to ease myself in. I eat Beef Wellington and a wedge salad and the horseradish potatoes and it’s only when we’re having espresso and tiramisu that I finally sum up the will to speak.
I think I’m a little nervous too because my wolf is riled up. In fact, it occurs to me that the moon has probably been messing with me as much as my love for Alice. I’m not used to being so sensitive to it, I guess.
“I have something I should probably tell all of you,” I say, at only slightly louder register than I normally speak.
Everyone looks at me and I feel suddenly as if I’ve fallen into one of those anxiety nightmares where you’re naked and in high school.
“Yes, darling?” My mother says.
“What is it, Mason?” My father says.
Luna and Micah look at me encouragingly and I clear my throat. “As you all know, I’ve had Alice staying at my house. And...that is, we’ve become very close. Closer than I expected.” I shift around in my seat. My mouth feels dry. It’s all absurd. I move a ridiculous amount of money around the world every day, I don’t know why I should be so nervous about telling my family I have a girlfriend. “The thing is, it’s become very clear to
me that Alice is my mate. Happily, it’s become clear to her to... “
My mother says, “Oh!” She even claps her hands. She looks nothing but delighted.
My father is more reserved but he says, “I think that’s very good, son. I know I haven’t met this Alice yet but I have to think a woman who saved Micah and Luna from certain death is certainly worth the Tremblay name.”
Michelle and Aaron congratulate me but I can’t help but glance at Xander. I can’t quite read his expression. I’m just sort of assuming he’s going to say it’s too fast or that Alice’s brother is a problem or something.
Xander raises his glass and says, “Congratulations, Mason. That’s wonderful.”
“Really?” I blurt out.
“Of course.”
Xander is sitting across from me looking nothing but genial, as if he doesn’t almost always have at least a little bit of a problem with nearly everything all the time. Or at least it’s always seemed that way.
“I thought you’d be…” I chuckle to myself. “I thought you’d have something to say about it.”
Everyone is watching this but it doesn’t seem to matter now. Xander looks confused. He tilts his head and looks at me like I’m being ridiculous. “Mason… You’re my right hand guy. You always have been. You’re wise and you are smart about people and smart about the decisions you make. I’ve relied on your advice since I was what...ten? I have nothing but faith in you. If this wasn’t right, I know you wouldn’t do it. You’re not impulsive or reckless.” Xander sighs and smiles at me and then to cut the gravity of the moment just a little he tosses Micah a nod and says, “Not like Micah here.”
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