by E. L. Todd
How could she do this?
I marched up the stairs and to my door.
“What are you doing?” Slade asked.
I stormed into my apartment and practically sprinted into my room.
“Whoa…what happened?” Mitchell said.
Slade came in behind me then walked into my bedroom. “What are you doing?”
I grabbed a bag and stuffed it with whatever clothes I could find. “What does it look like I’m doing?” I snapped. “I’m going back to New York to give her a piece of my mind.” I turned to him and gripped my skull. “She can’t break my heart like this and get away with it. No, it doesn’t work like that.” I was screaming at Slade even though he did nothing wrong. “She’s not getting away with it.” I zipped up my bag and stormed past him.
Slade wordlessly followed me.
“What the hell is going on?” Mitchell stood up.
“Cayson will be back in a few days,” Slade explained.
“We’ve got rotations tomorrow.” Mitchell crossed his arms over his chest.
“I’m not going!” I walked out the front door then slammed it so hard it broke the door handle.
“Eh, I’ll replace that.” Slade came after me.
I headed to the airport, my heart pounding and my insides burning.
112
Conrad
I was sitting on my couch drinking a beer when someone knocked on my door. I turned off the TV then looked through the peephole.
Beatrice was on the other side, wearing a red scarf with a black pea coat. My heart rate accelerated every time I saw her. Excitement flushed through me, and I opened the door quickly. “Hey.”
“Hi.” She gave me a warm smile. “Sorry to barge in…”
“Don’t worry about it. You’re welcome to come over whenever you want.”
“Thanks.” She stepped inside then I closed the door behind her. “I hope I wasn’t interrupting anything.”
“Just drinking and watching TV.”
“Sounds productive,” she teased.
“Hey, men will be men, right?”
“So, if you came over and I was sipping tea and knitting, you would say women will be women?”
“Actually, I would ask when you had your seventy-fifth birthday. Knitting and drinking tea?”
She laughed. “I guess I’ve always been an old soul.”
“Wait, you actually knit?”
She felt her scarf with her fingers. “Yep.”
“Wow, that’s cool.”
“Really?” she asked.
“Really.” I sat on the couch. “So, what brings you here? Want to watch a movie?”
She sat beside me then got uncomfortable. She fidgeted in place, her hands constantly moving. “Actually, I wanted to ask you something…”
“Okay.” I patiently waited for her to speak. In the deep recesses of my heart, I hoped she wanted to ask me out on a date, or something more intimate than what we normally did. After talking to Theo, I couldn’t help but wonder if there was a chance for something more.
“Deana is having a Valentine’s Day party, and she’s making me go. It’s a singles thing where you show up and play games to find your most suitable partner…”
Where was this going?
“I was hoping you’d go with me—as my date.”
My heart jumped to life, but I tried to contain it. I didn’t want to get my hopes up then crash and burn. “Because…?”
“I just want to be left alone. If people think you’re my boyfriend, they won’t bother me.”
“I can act like your boyfriend.” I said it a little too willingly.
“Thanks.” She crossed her legs and stopped fidgeting with her hands.
“Were you planning on staying?”
“If I’m welcome.”
“You’re always welcome,” I said. “Want to watch a movie?”
“Sure.”
“We already watched all of Star Wars, but we can find something else.”
“How about a Disney movie?” she asked.
“The Lion King?”
“That’s my favorite,” she said with wide eyes.
“What do you know? Mine too.” I popped the movie in, and we sat on the couch and watched it. She grabbed herself a water then returned to the couch. But this time, she moved to the seat directly next to me.
Theo’s words kept playing in my mind. Friends didn’t hold hands, but we did. Did that mean something? Did I mean something to her? I wished I could just ask her. It would give my racing mind a break.
Halfway through the movie, she scooted closer to me then rested her head on my shoulder. Her arm hooked through mine then she placed her hand on my palm.
I liked her affection and feeling her lean on me like a crutch. I liked watching movies with her and spending time with her. She’d quickly become my best friend, the person I spent most of my time with. Theo was great, and Silke was always decent company, but Beatrice filled a void none of them could, not even Roland.
What was happening? What was I feeling? What did this mean?
I was still insanely attracted to her and thought she was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen, but I didn’t think of her sexually anymore. Now when I looked at her, I noticed the shape of her upper lip. I noticed the way her hair shone in the sun. I paid attention to what she said and how she said it. I looked into her eyes and memorized the way they sparkled in the moonlight. I noticed everything about her, down to her smell.
Why did this feel different than it did a few months ago? Was it me? Or was it her? I feared I would never know.
I arrived at her door wearing slacks and a collared shirt. I wore a red tie to acknowledge the holiday. I hoped she would appreciate it.
She opened the door wearing a fitted black dress with sky-high heels. Her hair was pulled back into an elaborate updo, and the makeup on her face highlighted her features. She dazzled me the moment I laid eyes on her.
I’d seen her dress up before, but it was nothing like it was now. She looked like a supermodel about to take the runway.
“Conrad?”
I was snapped out of my thoughts. “Uh, sorry?”
“I said you look nice.”
“Oh.” I look nice? Ha. “You look…beautiful.” I was careful with my words around her, afraid I might scare her away if I told her how attracted I was to her. I could go on for three days straight about how gorgeous she was. She was humble and secretive. She didn’t like to be in the spotlight. Her beauty seemed to be a curse, not a gift.
“Thank you.” Her cheeks blushed slightly.
I walked her to my truck then got her inside before we drove to the house. “You know, you can just say no.”
“Sorry?” she asked.
“When Deana drags you to stuff like this, you can just say no. You aren’t obligated to come.”
“I know…but it’s important to her.”
She was selfless when it came to the people she cared about. It was something I’d noticed a long time ago. “Well, let’s try to have a good time.”
“Okay.” She smiled then got out of the car.
Once we walked inside, romantic music was overhead, and Valentine’s Day decorations were everywhere. People mingled in the crowd and helped themselves to drinks. Everyone was dressed nicely for the occasion.
“You look gorgeous,” Deana said. She spotted me. “Good, you brought him too. Excellent.” She walked away and then spoke to a few more people.
“So, what do we do?” I asked.
She shrugged. “I think we grab a name tag.”
We walked over and examined them. You were supposed to write down your favorite hobby as a conversation starter.
She sighed then scribbled her answer.
I knew what it was without even looking. I wrote down mine then pressed it onto my shirt.
She did the same.
Deana came out of nowhere then grabbed my arm. “Perfect. You come over here.” She brought me face-to-face with
a blonde. When I read her name tag, it said she liked to play basketball. We had a common interest.
I looked back at Beatrice and saw her forced into a quiet conversation with a tall man with blue eyes. Knowing I would be separated from Beatrice, I turned back to the woman and engaged her in conversation.
She turned out to be pretty cool, loving to play basketball like I did. She played in high school but quit in college. She was pretty and had a nice body, but she didn’t do anything for me. Beatrice was the most gorgeous woman in this room—hands down.
When I was talking to a different girl, Beatrice caught my eye from across the room. Some guy was talking her ear off, and she didn’t look entertained. She kept eyeing me, silently asking me to come to her rescue.
“Please excuse me.” I left the girl then headed to her side.
Beatrice looked relieved once I was near. Her eyes flashed with green light, and her body became less stiff.
When I reached her, I didn’t touch her. I just made my presence known to her admirer.
Beatrice wanted more. She grabbed my hand and forced it around her waist.
I’d never touched her that way before, and it felt odd that it felt so right. Her slim waist was easy to get around, and her hip was perfect for my hand to rest on. Our height difference was obvious, but I liked being so much taller than her. I especially liked knowing she wanted me to act like her boyfriend, to claim her when a guy was being too aggressive.
The guy stopped in mid-sentence when he caught our affection. “Uh, I’ll catch you later…” He walked away, his shoulders slumped and his sadness evident.
Beatrice breathed a sigh of relief but didn’t pull away from me.
I felt special being the one she ran to. Every guy here wanted her, but I was the only one who got any of her time. She trusted me. “If you hate it that much, why do you come?”
She looked up at me with bright eyes and full lips. “It’s important to Deana.”
“That you be hit on when you don’t want to be?” I asked incredulously.
“She needs as many people as she can at these things, and she’s always pestering me about loosening up.”
“If I were you, I would just tell her no. End of story.”
“Really?” she asked.
“You obviously hate being the center of attention. Your beauty is a curse, not a gift.”
She gave me a look I’d never seen before. Her eyes searched my face, and she seemed thoughtful. She didn’t move away from me, but she didn’t speak. Her mind was racing, her thoughts unknown. “I’m glad someone finally understands.”
“I noticed it a long time ago.” I kept my hand on her hip, loving to pretend she was mine.
“The only guys I attract are the ones who are looking for a beautiful woman, and it’s usually because they only want something…physical. No one takes the time to see what’s underneath or get to know me. I hate it.”
My eyes fell in sadness at her words. Silence hung in the air while I studied her beautiful face. When I’d first seen her, all I could think about was taking her on my sheets. I didn’t care what her interests or hobbies were.
I was such a dick.
“What’s wrong?” she whispered.
I pushed the thought away. “Nothing. Would you like a drink?”
“Just a water, please.”
I turned my back on her and walked away, wanting a moment alone. She was such a nice person who was beautiful and wonderful. If I’d just taken a moment to look past her appearance, I would have seen something more beautiful underneath.
I was grateful I’d settled on her friendship months ago and didn’t try to get anything more from her. Her friendship was more than she gave any other person on this earth, and I felt special. I felt the need to apologize to her even though she had no idea what my original intentions were.
After I took a deep breath, I came back to her. “Here you go.”
“Thank you.” She took a long drink and released a sigh.
I drank my scotch, wanting to take the edge off.
“Why aren’t you mingling?” Deana snapped.
Beatrice opened her mouth to respond, but Deana had already walked away.
I chuckled. “She’s…interesting.”
“I love her to death, but she’s…annoying sometimes. She’s so focused on finding Mr. Right that she hosts these ridiculous parties.”
“It seems like a lot of girls are looking for Mr. Right.”
She shrugged. “I’m not sure why.”
What did that mean? She never wanted to find someone to settle down with? I guess it wouldn’t be surprising. I finished my scotch and left it aside.
“Conrad, right?” A blonde came up to me. She had crystal-blue eyes, and she was tall, almost as tall as I was.
“Yeah…” Did I know her from somewhere?
“Casey. We met a few weeks ago at a bar.”
Still wasn’t ringing a bell. “Oh yeah. How are you?”
“Good. You?”
“Great.”
She flashed me a smile. “I’m so glad I ran into you. Would you like to dance?”
A few couples were moving across the dance floor to the romantic music playing overhead. When I glanced at Beatrice, her face was averted. She seemed particularly interested in her drink. I wasn’t sure what Beatrice and I were, but I had a feeling she wouldn’t appreciate me dancing with anyone but her. If I had any chance with her, I shouldn’t ruin it. “Actually, I already promised my next dance to this beautiful woman.” I put my arm around Beatrice’s waist and pulled her close to me.
“Oh, I’m so sorry.” Casey stepped away. “My mistake.”
“It’s okay,” I said.
She walked away and headed to the bar.
I looked at Beatrice, my arm still around her. “Would you like to dance?”
“You can hang out with her if you want. You don’t have to stay with me.”
“But I want to stay with you.”
“Really?” she asked hesitantly.
“Yeah.” I put her drink down then pulled her to the dance floor with me. I drew her closer and anchored my hand around her waist. I held her hand in mine and moved slowly.
“I don’t dance much…”
“I’ll lead.” I stared into her beautiful face, seeing her eyes reflect the dim lighting of the room.
She loosened up slightly, her face close to my chest.
“Thanks for bringing me to this,” I said.
“I should be thanking you.”
I smiled. “I feel like a bug repellent.”
“Well, it works. I know guys are intimidated by your size and your money.”
“My size?” I asked.
“Yeah, you aren’t exactly skinny.”
I was pleased she mentioned my appearance. I knew she was attracted to me, but sometimes I wondered if she was immune to my charms. When she saw me shirtless, she liked what she saw. But I didn’t know how much. “I’m glad you noticed.”
Not having a response, she looked away.
I stared into her face while I danced with her, willing her to meet my gaze. She kept it averted, like she was afraid of the intimacy. Feeling a surge of courage, I pressed my forehead against hers. She took a deep breath but didn’t react in any other way. She didn’t pull away either. Desperate for her, I pulled her closer to me and relished the moment. I’d never danced with a girl like this before. I never held them close like I was afraid they might slip away. Her waist was so petite in my hands, and her signature smell came into my nose. I wanted to hit the pause button on life just to savor the moment. She used to be so sketchy around me, not trusting a single word I said. But now she did.
And I never wanted to ruin that.
I walked her to her door then stopped at the threshold.
She fished for her keys then pulled them out of her purse. “Thanks for coming with me.”
“Anytime.” I wanted her to invite me inside. I didn’t want the night to end. I felt a chan
ge between us, and I was curious to see how far it would go.
“Well, goodnight.”
My heart fell. “Goodnight.”
She stayed rooted to the spot and waited for me to walk away.
I’d never hugged her before. All we’d done was hold hands and dance together. For some reason, I had the urge to hold her in my arms. I felt like I’d earned that right after being patient with her for months. I held on to my courage then moved in.
She didn’t pull away, but she watched me intently.
My arms moved around her waist, and I pulled her into my chest. I kept my face averted from hers so she knew I wasn’t trying to kiss her. She let me draw her in, and her face rested against my frame.
She was so tiny I could wrap a single arm completely around her. The other moved up her back, and my hand rested on her hair. I didn’t say anything, just holding her and forming a steel cage around her.
Beatrice slowly moved her arms around my waist and kept her face close to me. “I can hear your heartbeat.”
“I can feel yours.” I rested my chin on her head and stayed still. The fact that she didn’t move away meant a lot to me. The fact that she let me touch her at all was surprising. I held her for several minutes, and she never moved away. A quiet sigh escaped her lips, and I knew she was comfortable.
I looked down at her, wanting to see her reaction to me.
She looked up, her face close to mine.
We both froze. I felt the blood pound in my ears. My heart kicked into overdrive. My breathing suddenly sped up. Staring at her red lips made me feel weak. I wanted to kiss her, to press my warm mouth against hers. But I was scared. Was she ready for that? Did she want that? Would I ruin what we had if I tried?
She made the decision for me. She pulled away and turned toward her door. “I’ll see you later…”
“Yeah.” I stayed on her threshold, feeling empty.
“Good night.” She closed the door.
I turned around and sighed, my head swelling with confusion. What were we? We didn’t act like friends. But we didn’t act like lovers either. I wished I could just ask her, but I had a feeling that wouldn’t accomplish anything. I headed home, feeling more confused than I ever had.
